Top 50 Quotes From Beau Is Afraid

Mona: We don't talk about you any more!

Eye: [Gouging Eyes]

Giant: [Waves hello]

Mona: Do you want to know the Truth, now?

Elaine: I really felt that. God, that was so hot. You just busted through that bag.

Toni: I'm not asking you to leave, I'm asking you to fucking drink this fucking paint with me!

Cheapo: Don't curse me, my friend! I'm not the one.

Beau: [Floating in Cold, Dark Empty Space]

Graffiti: Hail Satan, Shoot Dope, Kill children, Fuck the Pope.

Mona: That was your Father!

[Beau has what appears to be an ankle monitor strapped around his foot]
Beau: What is this?
Roger: That's my little assistant health monitor.

Roger: Your testicles are extremely engorged.

UPS: She has no Head or Face.

Mona: That wasn't a dream, it was a memory!

[first lines]
Beau: I accidentally drank mouthwash Friday night. You can't get stomach cancer that way?
Therapist: Not from one time.
Beau: I drank a mouthful a couple of weeks ago too.
Therapist: I'm sure it's fine.

Toni: [Popping pills like sweets]

Mona: [over the phone] Are you at the airport?
Beau: I'm on my way, I just -- it's not safe, is it? What do you think I should do?
Mona: [over the phone] I'm sure you'll do the right thing, sweetheart.

Elaine: It hasn't affected your virility, you're crazy hard right now.

Beau: [as Toni begins drinking paint] No! Please, Toni no! Stop, please! You're gonna be sick! Stop! Stop!
Toni: [with a mouth full of paint] Fuck you!

Ceiling: [For it was he] Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me!

Toni: Have it your way, you Goddamn Pussy Faggot.

Teen: Are you a virgin?
[pause]
Teen: Well, it doesn't matter. I am too. I mean, who gives a shit?
Teen: I have to; it's very dangerous for me. It's genetic. My father died.

[last lines]
Beau: Mommy, please! Please, help me, please! Please, oh God, please! Help! Help me! Somebody help me, please! Help! Help! Help me, please! Help, please! Please, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna...

Beau: [Eats a frozen meal from a company his mother owns]

Mona: You've been going around your whole life asking "If I do this, will I avoid this?" As if you don't have the Mechanism!

Mona: I'm sure you'll do the Right Thing.
Beau: What is the Right Thing?

Beau: [Pukes on a Laptop]
Toni: LIKE, WHAT THE FUCK?

Therapist: [Happy about Nothing]

Beau: I really thought I was gonna die, my whole life.

Mona: You think a mother could even help but see through her son's blatant *lies and *falsehoods and endless schemes? You think this is any different from the time you gave me the exact same CD for my birthday that you gave me the year before, and which you also gave your fucking high school counselor? Or when you bought me that kitchen set the very week after I *publicly swore off cooking? Even when you were a baby, you rejected me and refused to breastfeed while every other smug cunt on the street had happy, docile babies sucking their tits dry!

Beau: [Staggering away from his Mother's house, in the dead of night, with his face fixed in a crazed rictus. As well he might]

Angel: Yes, push forward. Pray that you learn valor and be given luck. You will walk many miles. Dozens will become hundreds. Hundreds will become thousands. You will pass through countless villages. But finally, one village will speak to you. Some deep, essential part of you will recognize it, and you will say "This village is mine." You will learn a trade. And eventually, earn a living. You will know the pleasure of tasting fruit and bread and wine that is yours because you have earned it. You will find a plot of land and build a house with your own hands. You will cultivate the land. You will live off it. You will come to make new friends. One day, you will meet a woman. The story of your meeting will change, according to who tells it; that you were lost, that she helped you find your way, or that she was off course and you guided her home. She will see your fears and your pain and your dreams and your potential. And you will see hers. In finding your other half, the gifts of your life will multiply. Sometimes, she will look like a man to you. She will become pregnant because you have sex with her. You will have children, three sons. You will teach them what you know and you will tell them you love them every day. They will grow into handsome boys, blessed with courage and kindness and ambition. You will share your feelings of pride with your therapist. He will archive them. One day, a historic storm will sweep through your village and destroy your home. You will be carried away by a great flood. You and your family will be separated. And you will be deposited in a strange country. You will look for your family for days, then weeks, then months. So many months that you will come to lose count, but you will not find them. You will try to find work to support your continuing search but no one will speak your language. You will be treated like a criminal. Eventually, you will come upon a village wracked by an inexplicable plague. As you pass through, a man deranged by tragedy will identify you as the beast who burned down his home and replaced his children's feet with their hands. You will try to argue your innocence, but this will only make you sound more guilty. You will wonder yourself whether you are guilty. You will flee. Mad with vengeance, they will send an attack dog to pursue you. It will tear through the world to find you. You won't know this, but you will sense it. And you will keep a detailed record of these impressions in a log, and over time this log will become many logs. Your adventures will continue for years and years. You will learn to distinguish birds by their call and you will know every tree and plant by its name. Abandoning all comforts, you will condition your mind to new ways of seeing. You will experience great highs and profound lows, and you will look for your family until your life shrinks and fades into the dream of a ghost. You will come to wonder if they ever existed. Finally, when you are old and frail, you will collapse in exhaustion.

Young: He died on our wedding night. The same night you were conceived. He died the very instant you were conceived.
Boy: How?
Young: By finishing. Into me. He had a heart murmur, just like you.
Boy: Did it hurt?
Young: I'm sure it was excruciating. It was the first time we made love. The first time either of us made love with anyone. Your grandpa and your great-grandpa died the same way. But he thought he might be different. I'm just as guilty. I urged him on. I wanted a normal life. I wanted a child. He died on top of me. Inside. I think about it and I want to rip my ears off. But then... but then that same trauma, which changed me so utterly, also resulted in the greatest gift of my life. I am so sorry for what your daddy passed down to you. I can't tell you how sorry I am.

Elaine: The Dragon's Lair!

Grace: [hands Beau the TV remote] Why don't you find something to watch? I'll be right back.
Grace: [kisses him on the forehead, then whispers in his ear] Channel 78.

Rabbi: Mona, who was terrified of Squirrels...

Therapist: [Watches Mona being strangled, then disappears]

Grace: There was a stabbing... you were assaulted.
Beau: What?
[cut to a brief scene of Beau getting viciously stabbed in the stomach and multiple times in the hand]
Beau: What?
Grace: [softly and sympathetically] I know!

Mona: You're big enough to hurt Mommy, you're big enough for this!

Grace: Jeeves, rip him apart!

Cop: Freeze!
Beau: I'm Frozen!

UPS: Look, I never would have gone inside if-- if uh... the dogs on the street hadn't been going nuts and I hadn't had smelled that smell and the door hadn't been half opened, that's the only reason I went inside.

Minstrel: When troubles come they come not single spies but in battalions.

Mona: You let things happen to you. Do you think that makes you innocent?

Sign: [Therapist's Office] To refrain from evil and from strong drink and to be always steadfast in virtue, this is the good luck. Buddha.

Beau: Excuse me, sir, m-my bag and my key w-were just here...
Superintendent: [grinning] You're fucked, pal.

Roger: Oh, and I'm giving Jeeves his medicine, so if you hear him screaming, he's just asleep.

Monster: [Left alone to recover from severe wounds]

Graffiti: [Unspeakably Obscene Cartoon] Don't mind if I do!

Beau's: HE WAS AFRAID!