Top 30 Quotes From DJ Jazzy Jeff

Will: You know, it might serve them SCU punks right. Messing up the Peacock. I've been cleaning this place up all day.
Jazz: You know, you're getting soft. The Will Smith I know wouldn't get mad. He'd get even.
Will: You know what, Jazz? Tonight, you and I will acquire a vehicle and we're going to acquire the SCU statue.
Jazz: Swipe Mikey the Mustang? Now, why would I steal something I can't sell?
Will: Well, the Jazz I know didn't need a reason to do something stupid.

Jazz: Happy birthday, Mr Banks! Heard you had quite a soirez last night. That's French for shindig.
Phillip: What's French for 'unwelcome guest'?
Jazz: [handing him a gift] Brought this for you.
Jazz: [takes it, touched] They're false teeth.
Jazz: [Philip is slightly offended] They were my grandma's. She don't need them no more.
Jazz: [Philip drops it in disgust and stares up at him] I know that look.
Jazz: [Philip stands up] You're not getting any younger.
Jazz: [Philip grabs him] This isn't good for your back.
Jazz: [to Will] I brought this on myself.
Jazz: [cut to the front of the house and Jazz is thrown out] AAAHHH!
Will: Man, Uncle Phil, you beat your own record by like ten feet!

Eric: Will, I'll see you in court.
Jazz: Court? There's a hoop and ball out back. We can go right now, sucker!

Will: Jazz, you fed me a bad tip, man. I might owe your bookie $500 that I don't have.
Jazz: Tony the Shovel ain't gonna like that. Just ask Flat Nose Gary.

Jazz: I'm starvin'. When do we eat here?
Phillip: *We* eat here later, *you* eat here never.
Jazz: [looking Phillip up and down] Looks like *you* eat here *often*.

Jazz: [to Will] Weren't you just here?
Will: I've been gone all summer. Isn't there something else you'd like to say to me?
Jazz: Now that you mention it, yeah. You dating Whoopi Goldberg?

Jazz: [after Will leaves the Banks' house, he goes to Jazz's apartment] What's up, man?
Will: What's up, J?
Jazz: When did you get back?
Will: I just got back this morning, man.
Jazz: Man, welcome home. Later.
[shuts the door in Will's face]

Jazz: [after seeing Geoffrey leave with Helen] I dunno 'bout West Philly, but in L.A. you don't give stuff like that away.
William: I dunno 'bout L.A., but in West Philly, you mess with some other brother's girlie, you mess around and get yourself killed!
Jazz: Well I dunno 'bout West Philly, but in L.A. we're man enough to take that risk!
William: My brother, you wanna take this outside?

Philip: [when Will and Jazz are watching a movie] I'll be back soon, Vivian. I'm gonna get a snack.
William: Jazz, hide!
Jazz: I thought your uncle was asleep.
William: He must have had that recurring nightmare where he misses a meal.

Vivian: [when Will is going to be on a game show] Who's gonna be your partner?
William: Kellogg Liberbaum. He's gonna call me on the car phone at 8:00 that is if Uncle Phil doesn't try to fix it.
Philip: That's it! The next person to mention the phone gets a boot in their behind!
Jazz: [walks in] Mr. Banks, your phone is broken.
[scene goes to Jazz getting thrown out of the house by Uncle Phil]
Jazz: Aaahhh!

Carlton: You see, what Will is trying to say is, and let me choose my words carefully...
[pause]
Carlton: You guys are stupid!
Will: Look, that is *not* what I'm trying to say!
[to Jazz and Ty]
Will: Look, it's like this, y'all. It's like, with Carlton...
[to Carlton]
Will: Carlton, who is Captain Kangaroo's friend?
Carlton: Mr. Green Jeans...
Will: How many players on a cricket team?
Carlton: Eleven...
Will: Letters not on a phone dial?
Carlton: "Q" and "Z"...
Will: Best Picture, 1936?
Carlton: The Great Ziegfeld...
Will: The third wife of Julius Caesar?
Carlton: Calpurnia...
Will: [turns back to Jazz and Ty] You see?
Tyriq: [after a long pause] Yeah, I see. You think we're stupid!
Jazz: [sarcastically towards Will] Well, I guess I better be going but I guess I'm too *stupid* to find the door!

Philip: Jazz, can you give us your account?
Jazz: Can't. They closed my account. They said I was writing bad checks, but my checks were completely legible.

Jazz: [Will and Jazz are talking in the living room when Tyriq walks in] What are you doing here?
Tyriq: Hey, wait a minute, you're the one who sold me that fake Rolex!
Jazz: Well, you're the one who gave me that fake $20!

Jazz: Between you and the humpty dance, I'll have to get a metal plate on my butt.

Trevor: [to Jazz] How dare you. Do you have any idea who I am?
Jazz: A really bad cook?

Phillip: I smell cheap cologne and fried chicken.
Jazz: I resent that.

Jazz: [explaining a shrunken shirt] The directions on the shirt said "Hand Wash". So that's exactly what I did. Before I put the clothes in the washer, I washed my hands.

Jazz: Man, I'm starving. When do we eat here?
Philip: We eat here later. You eat here never.
Jazz: Looks like you eat here often!
[Uncle Phil grabs Jazz's shirt and throws him out of the house]
Jazz: Aah!

Geoffrey: Master William... I applaud your new interest. Poetry is one of my great loves. I won first prize... at the old Devonshire poetry recital of 1963. Master William, you should have been there. The crowd rose to its feet shouting, 'Encore! Encore!'
William: That's very interesting but -
Geoffrey: 'Cannon to the right of them, cannon to the left of them, cannon in front of them, volleyed and thundered'!
Jazz: You need a last line for that?

Jazz: [to Will] Take note. Hilary, your behavior at the club last night was completely unacceptable. Now where I come from, manners count for a lot. I'm sorry I have to say this, but I simply cannot allow this rudeness to continue. Do I make myself clear?
Hilary: Jazz, come here...
[cut to Hilary throwing Jazz out]

Will: Aroomph!
Jazz,188784: Aroomph!
[Carlton tries to join in]
Carlton: Aroomph!
[awkward silence]

Will: Jazz, I thought you said you knew how to play poker!
Jazz: Poker? You mean this isn't Go-Fish?

Jazz: My first time was special, everything it should be, and it was only $35 dollars. Course, things were cheaper back then.
Will: That's very touching, Jazz.

William: You're not still mad at each other about the watch thing?
Tyriq: He sold me a fake Rolex.
Jazz: You paid with a fake twenty.
William: Now first of all
[turns to Tyriq]
William: you should have known it was fake when you saw that the warranty was only for two hours.
[turns to Jazz]
William: And you should have known that the Jackson on a twenty ain't Jermaine.

Jazz: Mr. Banks, I'm willing to take Hillary off your hands.
Will: Jazz, would you prefer a Muslim or a Viking burial?
Jazz: I mean, she ain't gettin' any younger. I'll put a roof over her head, and might be willing to look into a marriage license if she performs on the "test drive".
Vivian: Philip, get him.

Ashley: [to Hilary] Will's friends are not losers
Jazz: [enters] Greetings y'all

Jazz: [commenting on the replacing of Janet Hubert-Whitten with Daphne Reid as Vivian] You know, Mrs. Banks, since you had that baby, there's something different about you.
[Will stares uneasily into the camera]

Jazz: Yeah, my first time was with a girl from the projects. Best 50 bucks I ever spent...

Jazz: Making a baby truly is a blessed event.
Will: Don't you mean "Having a baby"?
Jazz: Trust me on this.

Vivian: No, no you're not bringing a naked woman into my house
Jazz: You misunderstand, she doesn't come naked