Top 50 Quotes From Geoffrey Butler

Philip: I got it! I finally killed that sucker!
Geoffrey: Oh, what a horrible death!

Hilary: Geoffrey, what do you know about wine?
Geoffrey: I know no-one does it better than you, Miss Hilary.

Phillip: Geoffrey, bring me my tools.
Geoffrey: Do you mean your knife and fork, sir?

Will: [when Will first arrives at the Banks' house] Hey, Uncle Phil!
[hugs Geoffrey]
Geoffrey: I am not your Uncle Philip.

Philip: We got to get that car back.
William: Uncle Phil, you can't go down there by yourself. You can't handle those dudes. They got guys in there that make you look like Webster.
Geoffrey: lf there are hooligans there, l should accompany you. ln the early '80s, l was sparring butler for Mr. Chuck Norris.

Geoffrey: I found that any game can be made interesting if you put some money on it.

Geoffrey: [to Uncle Phil] Can I get you anything, sir? Another aspirin? Perhaps a gun?

Geoffrey: Madam, Sir. This family is a close to me as my own. My gift to you is a set of hand towels. I'm British, I'm no good at this mushy stuff.

William: Carlton, this is the saddest sight I've ever seen. Other than your girlfriend in biker shorts.
Carlton: When did you see my girlfriend in biker shorts?
Geoffrey: Last Thursday at the tennis courts. Magnificent server.

Geoffrey: It's called inside information and it's quite illegal.
Carlton: So is that French nanny you're dating.
Geoffrey: ...Enough said.

Philip: [to Vivian] And boarding school's not so bad, is it, Geoffrey? Geoffrey went to boarding school. Tell her, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Madam, I went to boarding school and then I went to therapy.

Geoffrey: [to Uncle Phil] Would you like a Swedish meatball, sir?
Philip: Don't mind if I do.
[goes to get one]
Geoffrey: Only one, sir. The rest are for Master William and his friends, poolside.
Philip: What? I can't believe that he would deliberately disobey me!
Geoffrey: I wouldn't call it disobedience, sir. It's more like outright defiance.
[Uncle Phil storms outside; Geoffrey moves his hands like a puppeteer]
Geoffrey: That's it! Dance, puppets, dance!

Geoffrey: Ashley, how does a Mercedes sound?
Ashley: Vroom, vroom.
Geoffrey: Great! I'll get you two.
Hilary: Vroom, vroom, vroom!
Geoffrey: Nice try.

Geoffrey: Aren't you dressed a little early for your date?
Will: I ain't going on a date. I'm going on a phone call.
Geoffrey: That's what I call safe sex.

Philip: Pinch me, Geoffrey.
Geoffrey: Not on what you are paying me Sir. But, for thirty-five thousand, I'll slap you silly.

Hilary: I sold my first painting at the art gallery. I think I'm going to get a raise soon.
Geoffrey: That's marvelous, Miss Hilary.
[glares at Philip]
Geoffrey: You must let me know what that feels like.

Geoffrey: [to Will and Carlton] Ahh, my financial advisors have arrived. Moron! Fat head!
Carlton: I didn't know the Dodgers were playing.
Geoffrey: They're not.

Geoffrey: I'm too ashamed to talk about it, it's better if I show you...
[puts in tape]
Will: [Will jumps up, excited] You did a porno movie?
Hilary: Eww...

Philip: Where'd you last put the insecticide?
Geoffrey: In your soup.

Philip: [picks up some food on his plate, while on a diet after a heart attack] What the heck is this?
Geoffrey: [hesitates] Chicken, sir. Oh! You probably don't recognize it without a thick coating of batter and gravy!
[walks away]
Philip: [drops the chicken piece] I can't do this. I can't give up my favorite foods cold turkey... Oh my God. Turkey. With... pillowy mounds of mashed potatoes.
[Will and Geoffrey the Butler exchange looks]
Philip: Butter-drenched dressing. Tiny onions! Swimming in a sea of cream sauce. Oh!

Carlton: [Carlton puts on toupee on Philip's head] So, Dad, what do you think?
Phillip: I look like Little Richard: Attorney at Law.
Geoffrey: Dinner is served.
[sees Philip with the toupee on]
Geoffrey: A-Wop-Bop-Aloobop-A-Wop-Bam-Boom.

Geoffrey: [after Uncle Phil makes him an offer for a small raise] Thank you, sir, and with my newfound wealth, I shall be able to treat myself to a *Happy Meal*!

Girl: Geoffrey? But you said your name was Will!
Geoffrey: I said I was Will-ing!

[after thinking he's won the lottery]
Geoffrey: In case you haven't figured it out... I quit! I QUIT! I QUIT! I QUIT! I QUIT! I QUIT! I QUIT! I QUIT!

Geoffrey: Of all the rooms to burn in your uncle's home...
[amused]
Geoffrey: the kitchen! Are you mad, boy?

Geoffrey: [referring on what to call Will] What would you prefer?
Will: Check this. His Royal Freshness. That's dope!

Vivian: Philip, Will's been gone for seven hours now. What if something's happened to him?
Philip: Don't try to cheer me up, Vivian.
Vivian: Philip, I'm serious. Do something.
Philip: What do you want me to do? I've got Geoffrey out scouring the city.
Geoffrey: [walks in the house] I'm terribly sorry, sir, I've looked everywhere. There isn't an ice cream sandwich left in this town.

Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, please, I'm still exhausted from last night.
Hilary: Last night? Please. All I asked you to do was a little yard work.
Geoffrey: I don't believe blacktopping your tennis court falls into that category.
Hilary: You are so lazy.

Philip: This will take care of that cricket.
Geoffrey: Sir, that's air freshner.
Philip: Well, it's all we have. It might work.
Geoffrey: Yes, perhaps the scent of sea breeze will recall some painful memories for him and then he'll commit suicide.

Carlton: Geoffrey, could you get us some breakfast?
Geoffrey: I'm not allowed to serve you anymore. Mr. Banks' orders.
William: G, listen, how upset was Uncle Phil last night?
Geoffrey: Well, he did something I've never seen him do in all the years I've been here.
William: What, a sit-up?
Geoffrey: It's a bit more serious than that, I'm afraid. You know the cherry cheesecake, candied yams barbecued ribs left over from yesterday?
Carlton: Yeah?
William: [Geoffrey opens up the fridge] Oh, my goodness, it's still there!

Geoffrey: I'm proud to announce Miss Michelle Michaels!
William: [to Michelle] Are you stalking me?

[Geoffrey is teaching Hilary how to make toast]
Hilary: OK, so let me get this straight, once the bread is in the slots, you just push down on the lever thing?
Geoffrey: Yes.
Ashley: Hilary, can...
Hilary: Not now, Ashley, I'm learning how to cook.

Geoffrey: Unhand me, you ruffian.

Vivian: [stressed out from being pregnant] I can't do this anymore.
Will: Look, me neither! I mean, getting woke up in the middle of the night by a naked man running around the house!
Geoffrey: I'm sorry! I thought you were all asleep!
Will: Not you, G...
Geoffrey: Oh, never mind!
Vivian: Look, now, everybody calm down. False alarms happen all the time.
Will: But Uncle Phil was *naked* Aunt Viv!
Phillip: [annoyed] Shut up, Will!

Ramon: [to Geoffrey] Oh, by the way, G, she toId me to teII you hello.
Geoffrey: Really?
Ramon: No, I just wanted to watch the EarI Grey run through your veins.
Geoffrey: When we have chiIdren Iike that in EngIand, we encourage them to emigrate.

Carlton: The silverware wasn't in the basement, but I found Geoffrey's new uniform crammed behind the hot water heater.
Geoffrey: The scoundrels must have ditched it in the haste to escape!

[Will turns off Geoffrey's stereo playing the O'Jays song "Money"]
Geoffrey: You can keep the tape. I'm buying the O'Jays!

William: I thought you said it was illegal.
Geoffrey: It is. God, how I love life on the edge!

William: [about Geoffrey's new work uniform] Is that G or Phillip Michael Thomas?
Geoffrey: I take it you're referring to this charming uniform your aunt insisted I wear. It is my only humble opinion, but that woman must be stopped.

Carlton: Now what do we do when we get caught?
Geoffrey: Laugh.

Ashley: [the Banks enter the kitchen] What's that smell?
Hattie: [pops up behind the counter] Watch your step, the floor is wet.
Philip: Mama! What're you doing?
Hattie: Giving the floor a good scrub.
Vivian: Well Hattie, you seem to be back to your old self. But that's Geoffrey's job.
Hattie: No it ain't.
Geoffrey: [enters the kitchen wearing a hat and carrying a rake] Alright, ma'am, I started the compost pile.
Philip: [glares at him for letting Hatti scrub the floor] Geoffrey...
Geoffrey: Sorry, sir, but she threatened me with a whooping.

[Geoffrey gazing at Karen getting the courage to ask her out]
Geoffrey: Would you... like to...
William: [walks into the backyard singing] Talk about sex baby!

Geoffrey: [after Hilary, Carlton and Ashley fight over the car radio station, Geoffrey takes the the knob, twists it off and throws it out of the window] It was either the knob or one of *you*!

Philip: That bug isn't going to get the best of me. Now I know how Captain Ahab felt when he was chasing Moby Dick.
Geoffrey: Between the two of you, the cricket is the whale?

Geoffrey: [to Phil] You know, sir, whenever I'm feeling blue, I think of the poem my dear mum used to recite to me as a lad: "The master lives a life of ease, while we live life upon our knees/Waste not your tears, and save your breath, for soon he'll die a violent death."

Geoffrey: [to Aunt Viv] Madam, I have some distressing news. Your heirloom silverware is missing and someone's stolen my new uniform.
Vivian: What?
Philip: It's probably just misplaced. Let's split up and search for it.
Geoffrey: Don't trouble yourselves. I'll just go back to wearing my old uniform.

Geoffrey: I've worked my entire life.
Hilary: You have? Why?

Geoffrey: Isn't that romantic? He's quoting Elmer Fudd.

Geoffrey: WeII, I had a hand in raising you, Miss Hilary and if I do say so myseIf, Geoffrey don't raise no fools. Now if you Iove this job as much as I think you do, go out there, pick up a tray and enter that room as if you were the Queen of England.
Hilary: But she's so dowdy. Can I be Princess Caroline instead?

Geoffrey: 'Come through the jaws of Death.' Silence you ungrateful children. When you're ready to be quiet and listen, I shall return.