Top 50 Quotes From Vivian Banks

Vivian: Philip, when Will gets here, please be nice otherwise, you're going to be bunking with Mr. Couch.
Philip: Woman, please do you think that you can manipulate me with sex?
Vivian: Does James Brown have a perm?

Gina: The dancer?
Vivian: No the obstetrician

Vivian: Kayla, don't be so angry with Will. l told him that l didn't think you two should spend so much time together.
Kayla: You did what? You're not my legal guardian. How would you feel if someone interfered with your life? Just face it, Professor. You fit in here. l don't.
William: l think l should go.
Kayla: Will, l want you to stay.
Vivian: Look, l didn't always fit in. Let me tell you both...
Kayla: Let me tell you something. l got four older sisters, all of them mamas before they were 18. None of them finished high school. Everybody's waiting for Kayla. l'm the last chance for the whole damn family and you have no idea what that feels like.
Vivian: I know what that feels like. l know what it feels like to clean hotel rooms during the day and go to school at night to get the high school diploma l didn't get.
William: You dropped out of high school?
Vivian: lt's not something l'm proud of, but l did it. My whole family was counting on me too, but l couldn't handle the pressure, so I ran off with some guy and quit school. By the time l realized l'd made a mistake, it was too late. l was left with no education and nothing l was qualified to do. lt took me years to get back. lf you wonder why l seem to fit so well here it's because l worked damn hard to get here and l know l deserve it. Your problem is that you don't know you deserve it. Will knows it and l know it, but unless you know it, there is nothing more l can say.

Phillip: [about Will] Did you see the way he was dressed?
Vivian: What's wrong with it?
Phillip: You hear that language?
Vivian: We used slang when we were kids! Do you remember our first date? You took one look at me and said, "That is a *bad* dress!" You could've just said it was a good dress.
Phillip: I could have, if I liked it. Actually, it *was* a *bad* dress!

William: Hey, Aunt Viv! UncIe Phil. Whoa, you got that mad Iook in your eyes. Let me guess. You grabbed Geoffrey's underwear by mistake, am I right?
Philip: Will, why didn't you give that check to charity Iike I toId you to?
William: What you taIking about? I did.
Philip: Don't stand there and lie to me.
William: I'm not Iying.
Philip: I just got back from the club and I've never been so humiliated. I thought we had an agreement that that money was going to go where it was most needed. Now, you march upstairs and get me that check.
William: Well, I can't. The money's gone.
Vivian: Will, how couId you have spent $1,000 aIready?
Ramon: Wow, Will, you must be loaded! You spent $1,000 and had another $1,000 to give to me for basketball camp? I gotta raise your shoeshine rate.

Vivian: Did you enjoy the trip?
Will: Oh, yo, the plane ride was stupid! I was looking for first class...
Phillip: Excuse me?
Will: No, I was sayin' the plane was dope! So, I was looking for...
Phillip: Excuse me?
Will: No. Stupid, dope. Oh. No, that doesn't mean what you... um, how would he say it? Oh, the flight was really neat, yeah.

Vivian: [to Hilary] Why is Trevor living in the pool house?
William: Yes, Hilary, why is Trevor living in the pool house?

Vivian: Carlton, take out the garbage.
Carlton: I did it last week. It's the Terminator's turn.

William: [to Aunt Viv about Kayla] Yeah. This is great. l've been here all these months chasing chicken-headed girls around and l finally find a girl that l really like and you are telling me l gotta leave her alone?
Vivian: l know Kayla's special, but if you care that much about her, you have to be responsible. Do what's best for her.
William: Maybe being with me is best for her. l make her happy. You know she wasn't fitting in at that place.
Vivian: l know you wanna make her happy, but this is about her life. This might be the difference between Dr. Kayla Samuels who runs the hospital or just Kayla who cleans it.

Vivian: [sings] Follow the drinking gourd, follow the drinking gourd for the old man's waiting to carry me to freedom.
[Vivian stops singing]
Vivian: Now, what do you suppose the purpose of that song was?
William: [raises his hand] Let me handle this one.
[Will stands and faces the class]
William: For those of you unfamiliar with the spirituals, allow me to explain. The slaves used to sing them to keep their spirits up and their minds on God in the face of all the oppression that they suffered.
Vivian: That was very well put, Mr. Smith, but you're wrong.
William: I beg your pardon?
Vivian: That song was written to be used as a secret code of the Underground Railroad.
[Will sits down]
Kellogg: Secret code? What do you mean?
Vivian: Well, first of all, can anyone tell me what the Underground Railroad was?
William: [raises his hand again] Now, this one l know.
[Will stands]
William: The Underground Railroad was a group of people that led the slaves to freedom.
Vivian: And when was it established?
William: During slavery.
Vivian: That covers about 250 years, Mr. Smith. Care to narrow it down a bit?
William: What do you mean, right now?
Vivian: Sit down, Mr. Smith.
[Will sits down]
Vivian: lt was established during the 1840s. Harriet Tubman, an ex-slave, was one of the leaders. These gospel songs were actually secret messages sent to tell the runaway slaves how to get to freedom. For example, ''the drinking gourd'' referred to the Big Dipper. When the slaves sang "Follow the Drinking Gourd" that signaled to the runaway slaves to run towards the Big Dipper. Along the route, they would meet with the abolitionist and escape to freedom.
William: Well, that's what I meant.

Vivian: Philip, if you died tomorrow, what would you want me to do?
Philip: Jump in with me and bring the kids.
Vivian: Oh, you don't really mean that.
Philip: You're right. Leave the kids.

Will: Aunt Viv, I got the cake you wanted for the family reunion.
Vivian: Good!
Will: And guess what's in here?
[holds up a small case wallet]
Carlton: It's round, it's rubber and you'll never use it!

Philip: [while reading off the family's credit card bills] CarIton, $90 for a pair of socks? That's ridicuIous.
Vivian: It certainIy is. Honey, that's $9.00
Philip: Ashley, how couId you manage to charge $80 worth of trinkets on our account at the drug store?
Vivian: That's 80 cents. Sweetie, do you think you need to get your eyes checked?
Philip: Don't be ridicuIous, Vivian.
Vivian: This has been going on for months. If you move the TV any cIoser to the bed, I'll be sIeeping with Jay Leno.

Carlton: Let's start by serving our guest of honour. Mr Fellows, care for some yams?
Ned: I'd love some. Interesting. I've never had them before with this thick black crust.
Hilary: It's cajun style.
William: Hilary burned them.
Vivian: Oh, they're just burned on top, once you get underneath it... they're totally charred. How did you do that?
Ashley: Mom, give Hilary a break. You should give her some credit just for putting out the fire.

Philip: [looks at an envelope] Oh, my gosh!
Vivian: What is it? A boy or a girl?
Philip: This isn't a sonogram. It's a bill for $25,000 dollars. This baby's costing me a fortune.
William: Congratulations, you're having a Hilary.

Vivian: Will is going to attend Bel-Air Academy with Carlton.
Henry: Ah, good for you, Will. I use to fence in Bel-Air.
Will: Really? How much do you think we can get for that stereo?

Vivian: So, Ed, uh, Hattie tells us that you grew up on a farm.
Ed: That's right, a horse farm.
Philip: Hmm, my daddy had a horse.
Carlton: Um, uh, Mr. Downer, what breed did you raise?
Ed: Appaloosas. They have the most beautiful spotted coats.
Philip: My dad had a spotted coat, then he had it cleaned.
Ashley: Did you have any other animals on your farm?
Ed: Oh, of course. We had chickens, cows, and a great old dog named Brownie.
Philip: My dad loved brownies. He once ate a whole pan full.
William: [to Carlton] That explains a lot.
Hilary: So what happened to your farm?
Ed: My son's there. I passed it on to him, like my dad got it from his parents.
Philip: My dad had parents. We called them Grandmom and Grandpop.
Hattie: Uh, Zeke, honey, it smells like my dessert is ready. Would you go check on it for me, please?
Ed: Mmm. Smells like sweet potato pie.
Philip: My dad liked...
Vivian: SWEET POTATO PIE!

Vivian: [when Will is going to be on a game show] Who's gonna be your partner?
William: Kellogg Liberbaum. He's gonna call me on the car phone at 8:00 that is if Uncle Phil doesn't try to fix it.
Philip: That's it! The next person to mention the phone gets a boot in their behind!
Jazz: [walks in] Mr. Banks, your phone is broken.
[scene goes to Jazz getting thrown out of the house by Uncle Phil]
Jazz: Aaahhh!

Vivian: [about Ice Tray and Hilary] l'm glad they had fun together.
William: Me, too. lt's just a shame he had to leave before he had a chance to ruin her life.
Vivian: l'm sorry l said that, it's just that...
William: But you meant it. lt was cool as long as Tray was some clown to come out here and bring me some cheesesteaks and cheer me up.
Vivian: Hold on.
William: The second you found out Hilary liked him, you wanted him out. That's something l'd expect from Uncle Phil, not from you, Aunt Viv.
Vivian: Hilary is my daughter, Will.
William: And Tray is my best friend. We grew up together. We're from the same neighborhood. We're the same person. lf Tray's not good enough for this family, then maybe l'm not.
Vivian: You are not the same person.
William: l know who l am.
Vivian: No, you listen to me. l can see why you like lce Tray. He's a lot of fun. Everything's a joke to him: school, work, people. He doesn't care about anything.
William: He always managed to care about me.
Vivian: l'm glad he's a good friend, but that doesn't change who he is. l'm sorry, but a young man his age should be able to do something else besides fight and jump fences.
William: You weren't there.
Vivian: l know, but still...
William: When l was in 7th grade, trying to bring books home from school, the kids would jump me, so Tray started walking me home. lf he hadn't been there to throw those punches and help me jump fences, then maybe l wouldn't be here.
Vivian: While he was busy protecting your books, where the hell were his?
William: What's that got to do with anything?
Vivian: l'm glad he cared so much about you, but why doesn't he care as much about himself?
William: Because nobody was there for Tray. lf he hadn't been there to cover my back, maybe l wouldn't care about myself either.
Vivian: And that would be an awful waste.

Philip: [after the baby is born] Hello, little Nicholas Andrew Banks.
Vivian: Honey, I thought we agreed to call him Philip.
Hilary: Ugh, that's a stupid name.

Vivian: I'll go with you.
William: You will?
Philip: You will?
Carlton: You will?

Vivian: Has anyone seen my old brown bag?
Aunt: Excuse me, you used to call me "Diva."

Will: [Vivian is doing her breathing exercises] Good, Aunt Vivian. Good, Aunt Vivian. Here, beg for a Scooby Snack.
Vivian: Cut it out. I'm trying to practice my breathing for Lamaze class.
Will: I don't know, Aunt Viv. Seem to me all that heavy breathing is what got you in this mess in the first place.
Vivian: Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Vivian: Carlton, being a teenage parent is very hard and you have already proved yourself irresponsible by getting yourself into this mess. How are you gonna raise him, feed him, educate him?
Carlton: Wait. You guys aren't gonna take care of us?
Vivian: Hold me back, Phillip!
[lunges toward Carlton]
William: Stand back, y'all! I got a banana and if either of you take one more step, I'll fill both of ya with potassium.

Philip: [to Will] You gave the money to Ramon?
William: Well, you know, it's just a Ioan, till his sneaker endorsement comes through, you know, around 2010.
Philip: Will, that was very commendabIe, but that's not what that money was raised for.
William: Come on, UncIe Phil. You said I got a break and I was supposed to give somebody eIse a break, so I gave the money to Ramon.
Vivian: He's right, Phillip. You did say that.

Aunt: Vivian, last night I followed Lester. He drove up to this cute little house with this cute little picket fence and this cute little homewrecker opened the door.
Vivian: I would've been reaching for my cute little crowbar.
Aunt: I couldn't find it.

Ashley: I bet you never did all this stuff when you had me. You probably smoked cigarettes and took up horseback riding until the day you had me.
Vivian: Ashley, we took the same precautions with you that we did with Hilary and Carlton.
William: Oh, bungee jumping.

Vivian: [to the policemen] l don't know how you got that bogus confession out of them, but those two boys haven't stolen a thing from anyone. This is the biggest amateur operation l have seen since "Mayberry R.F.D."
Policeman: [to Uncle Phil] Could you ask your wife to calm down?
Vivian: Calm yourself, Barney Fife.

Will: I'm sorry, Aunt Viv.
Vivian: You're sorry? Will, how many times are we going to hear 'I'm sorry'? When are you going to start acting responsible and take accountability for your actions?
Will: [pause] I'm sorry, Aunt Viv.

Woman at Ladies' Club: [after Carlton really gets into a strip dance for a frenzied crowd] TAKE IT OFF!
Vivian: PUT IT ON! Carlton Banks, you put your clothes on this minute!
Carlton: Mommy!

Vivian: [when Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv are in Geoffrey's room] He's not here, Phillip. Let's go.
Philip: Vivian, do you really want Hilary to find out she was conceived during a Sly Stone concert?
[they search the room. Uncle Phil sits on the bed and everyone under it cries out]
Philip: All right. Everybody out.
[everyone gets out from under the bed]
Vivian: What are you doing here?
William: What are YOU doing here? And I hope those concert tickets weren't front row.
Hilary: Is that why you always play "Hot Fun in the Summertime" on my birthday?
Carlton: And where was I conceived?
William: Probably at a white sale.

Vivian: Will, don't play inside - you might break something. Or something might break you.

Vivian: Hilary, you are not to have men in the pool house.
Carlton: I hate to tell tales out of school, but Trevor keeps a makeup case there.
Hilary: That's a lie!
Carlton: Is not!
Hilary: Stand on a chair and say that to my face!

Vivian: Sonya, would you like anything.
Sonya: Oh, I'm stuffed darling, I couldnt eat a thing. Except for that chocolate cake over there, can I have a teensy, weensy piece please.
[Vivian hands her a tiny piece]
Sonya: Oh, I said a little piece, not a crumb.

Will: [Hilary is showing a very skimpy bottom-only bathing suit she just bought for Arnold Schwarzenegger's pool party] Oh darn, now Arnold will have to return his.
Vivian: I kind of like it.
Philip: I do, too. That's a good-looking hat.
Vivian: It's Hilary's new bathing suit.
Philip: When fish ride bicycles.

Vivian: Uhhhh I can't feel it yet Philip.
Philip: Um move over to the right baby
William: Gee I'm coming downstairs I hope no one is getting busy

Vivian: Will, why don't you introduce lce Tray to your family?
William: l'm sorry.
[to Ice Tray]
William: This is my little cousin Ashley.
Ashley: Hi.
William: This is my bodyguard, Geoffrey.
[making a windmill motion towards Philip upon introduction]
William: All of this is my Uncle Phil. Remember we used to say that Daffy Duck must have a little brother somewhere? Meet my cousin Carlton.

Philip: [sees Vivian's outfit] You're going to vacuum in that?
Vivian: No, Philip, I'm going to dance.

Vivian: Phillip, HiIary wants to take us to the club for brunch.
Philip: After what Will did Iast night, they're aII going to be gossiping about us. Why put ourseIves through that?
Vivian: They won't be gossiping. Will gave the check back. Besides, peopIe at our cIub aren't Iike that. I mean, no one cared about Mrs. SiIverberg's divorce.
Philip: I heard she's been seeing the goIf pro.
Vivian: I heard her husband caught them in the utiIity cIoset.
Hilary: But did you know that both of them were wearing nothing but cIeats?
Ashley: It was the tennis pro in the steam room, but the cIeats part is right.
[everyone looks at her]
Ashley: Kids talk.

Vivian: [After Will proposes a Black History class] That's not a bad idea
Will: It's not?
Philip: It's not?
Carlton: [offscreen] It's not?

Jazz: Mr. Banks, I'm willing to take Hillary off your hands.
Will: Jazz, would you prefer a Muslim or a Viking burial?
Jazz: I mean, she ain't gettin' any younger. I'll put a roof over her head, and might be willing to look into a marriage license if she performs on the "test drive".
Vivian: Philip, get him.

Vivian: Do you know what my sister just said? You are not gonna believe this. She said our kids are spoiled.
Philip: [sarcastically] Oh, news flash.
Vivian: You mean you agree with her?
Philip: Vivian, I'm the one who says they should be doing more work around the house. You're the one who is too easy on them.
Vivian: Oh, really? Does this sound familiar?
[imitates Hilary]
Vivian: Daddy, I need $300 dollars.

Vivian: Will, You're only 17. You don't have a rep yet.

Vivian: I'm going to Berkley to give my lecture.
William: Oh ya are? When you coming back?
Vivian: Tomorrow night. Now while I'm gone, I want you to do everything your Uncle Philip says.
William: [looks at uncle Phil, who has a demonic look to him] Yo Aunt Viv, wait, don't leave. Aunt Viv, don't leave me here with him! Aunt Viv, he's gonna eat me, don't leave me here with him!

Vivian: [stressed out from being pregnant] I can't do this anymore.
Will: Look, me neither! I mean, getting woke up in the middle of the night by a naked man running around the house!
Geoffrey: I'm sorry! I thought you were all asleep!
Will: Not you, G...
Geoffrey: Oh, never mind!
Vivian: Look, now, everybody calm down. False alarms happen all the time.
Will: But Uncle Phil was *naked* Aunt Viv!
Phillip: [annoyed] Shut up, Will!

Philip: This is a delicious meal, Geoffrey. You've outdone yourself.
Geoffrey: You're too kind, sir. Moron! Fat head!
Vivian: Geoffrey, must you listen to the Dodgers game during dinner?
Geoffrey: I'm terribly sorry, madam, but it's the bottom of the 9th, bases are loaded. However, I shall maintain my professionalism. Bunt, you pasty-faced sod!
Vivian: Geoffrey, start buffing the silverware.
Geoffrey: What the hell is your problem? You got bricks up your butt, you clown? Right away, madam.

Vivian: [to Will] Honey, listen to me. l just read Kayla's Shakespeare exam. lt's way below her usual work. l'm gonna have to give her a ''D'' and that kills me.
William: A ''D''? Come on.
Vivian: She's real smart, but she still has to do the work which she hasn't been doing lately.
William: That's just one bad grade. lt ain't the end the world.
Vivian: When your grades slip, we ground you and we make sure you get back on track. lf Kayla slips, she loses her scholarship and she doesn't get another chance.

Will: [about the house] Yo, this is better than Love Boat! This boy gonna be maxing and relaxing.
Vivian: Will, we promised your mother you were here to work hard, straighten out, and learn some good old fashion American values.
Hilary: [walks in] Daddy, I need $300. Hilary, your cousin Will is here.
Vivian: Hilary, your cousin Will is here.
Hilary: [to Will] Hi, Will.
[turns to Uncle Phil]
Hilary: Daddy, I need $300.
Phillip: That's a lot of money,
Hilary: I need a new hat.
Phillip: For what?
Will: Probably her head.
Hilary: Ok, I'm going on this Save The Ozone Layer Celebrity Bus next Saturday. We're going to take the bus all over town to protest air pollution, and then we're going to motor to the beach and have a big bonfire.
[Will raises his hand to try and talk]
Hilary: What?
Will: I'm not an expert or anything but don't you think that driving a big old bus around town and then having a bonfire sort of adding to the pollution problem?

Vivian: [walking downstairs] I'm Ready.
Phillip: Ah, finally. What took you so long?
Vivian: Oh I just spent an hour chasing my outfit on the new rotating dressrack.
Phillip: Why didn't you set the variable speed adjustment?
Vivian: Phillip, these gadgets are making my life miserable.
Phillip: Well honey, you're the one who said we should redecorate.
Vivian: Well yeah! I said we should keep up with the Joneses, honey, not the *Jetsons*!
Will: Look before this turns into a argument can we have our tickets so we can go, please?
Phillip: Oh, certainly.
[starts looking in his suit]
Vivian: You lost them did'nt you?
Phillip: No, I did'nt, I know exactly where they are. There in my desk... In my office... Downtown.
Will: Awww!
Vivian: No problem. We'll just hop on my dress rack and swing by.

Vivian: [to Ashley] We want to talk to you about sex.
Ashley: I know where babies come from. I took sex education.
Philip: I thought you took band.