Top 500 Quotes From Jane Rizzoli
Jane: [Picks up her phone] Hey Frost, what's up?
Barry: Got something, although bear paws might take the rest of his life pulling it up
Maura: You know, some research indicates that a wide hand with stubby fingers correlate with high intelligence
Vince: See that, smart ass?
Barista: Green tea with honey and a redeye, three extra shots
Maura: Thank you. You're drinking four shots of espresso?
Jane: Yeah, 'cause these stupid cups don't hold five
Maura: I'm taking an impression of his burn
Jane: I hope it's a better negative-negative this time
Maura: Let's not anticipate results, but I think it might be
Jane: I see something. Looks like snakes on a stick. Are those wings?
Maura: I think it could be the Rod of Asclepius, which often gets confused with the Caduceus
Jane: Who would get confused?
Maura: Well, the Caduceus is two snakes entwined around the magic wand of Hermes, topped by wings
Jane: Right, who doesn't know that?
Maura: You'd be surprised!
Vince: Hey, did you see the zombie Santa Claus?
Jane: Santa is not a zombie
Vince: Well, he never seems to age
Jane: That's because he's filled with the magic of Christmas, Korsak!
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh my god! Is that what you call a breakfast?
Detective: No, not without coffee
Dr. Maura Isles: May I please see the package. Do you know what is in here?
Detective: Yummy goodness?
Dr. Maura Isles: Calcium carbonate! Does that sound yummy? It comes from rocks! Oh, sodium stearate. That's used in soap! And do you know where you can find titanium dioxide?
Dr. Maura Isles: Right there?
Susie: Latex paint
Dr. Maura Isles: Do industrial chemicals sound like a good to be putting in your body?
Detective: Not anymore
Maura: I love the body farm! Isn't it amazing?
Jane: Yeah, in a "Walking Dead" sort of way. Who things of with something like this?
Maura: Well, the BCU just wanted a natural setting in order to study the decomposition of the dead bodies. I just wish it was here when I was at school
Vince: Why is she so chipper this morning?
Jane: What, are you kidding? This is like Disneyland to her
Vince: [laughs] Yeah, plenty of dead bodies to play with and none of the long lines
[Jane is secretly reading a file hidden in a magazine]
Detective: What are you doing ma?
Angela: Just wondering what's grabbed your attention
Detective: Ehhh...
[reads the magazine's cover]
Detective: I was just reading this fascinating article: Ten Ways to Please my Man and make him happy as a clam
[looks away and spots a candle]
Detective: with a candle
[sheepishly turns back to Angela]
Angela: [Spots the same candle] Oh, that's a new one
Detective: It's fascinating stuff!
Angela: Hmm, the candle or the clam?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Guess what we just found at Walter Park's house
Jane: Not Walter Park?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Nope
Jane: I don't know
Vince: Well, I flew you to LA to find out!
Jane: Oh, it wasn't for the breakfast burritos? 'Cause so far, that's all I like about this place, no offense
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Burritos for breakfast? This is so unfair
Jane: [while inspecting the apartment of a possible suspect] What'd you say if we tear this place apart?
Vince: I thought you'd never ask!
Maura: [At the crime scene] Anyway, it appears as though our victim has been decapitated
Vince: No disrespect, Doc, but that head is still on that neck
Maura: An orthopedic decapitation. An Atlanto-Occipitale dislocation
Vince: Well, what do you know?
Jane: Can that happen in some weird sex game?
Maura: Can't say
Jane: [Begging] Maura, just one little guess. A small surmise
Maura: [Reluctant] It appears as though he received a high-energy strike from a very large, blunt object, something flexible, and without rough edges
Jane: [to Korsak] Did you find any balloon animals?
Vince: Not even a balloon
Jane: Was he staring at my boobs?
Maura: 47% of men look at women's breast during conversation
Jane: Every time?
Maura: It's unclear
[last lines]
Detective: [instructing Maura in the art of throwing peanuts at one's sibling] Yeah, aim at the head. Face. Yes. Nice. Very nice!
Jane: That stuff is so bad for you. We've got the non-fat cream in the break room.
Vince: I need something with fat in it today.
Maura: The impalement appears to be the only injury. You know, she may have fallen, but I can't be sure until...
Jane: Until you perform the autopsy
Maura: Very funny! But true
Detective: Maura, it's a weapon. It doesn't have to match your purse
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane, accessories always have to match
Detective: Morning
Detective: What are you doing here?
Detective: I have had hundreds of homicides and grievings that go with it. I can deal with this
Detective: Really? Because you had coffee in your pencil holder
Detective: It is not a pencil holder, Maura was messing with me
Jane: You know what? You go sit in his chair and tell him you're not leaving until he gives you the list
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: You got it
Nina: And I'll go wait in my chair for the list to show up
Jane: I will wait here in my chair for the list to show up
Vince: This is my chair and I'll defend it to the death
Maura: I have a hunch
Jane: Oh Maura, here we go. Maura, I told you never to hunch! You're not made for hunching
Dr. Maura Isles: There's the lake.
Detective: Nothing gets past you.
Angela: So this is a cause for celebration.
Jane: Why, 'cause we solved the case, but we didn't get the credit?
Angela: No, because you didn't get fired, and Maura's pretty sure she's not dating a serial killer!
Dr. Maura Isles: [urgent whispering] I have to pee!
Detective: You better be telling the truth.
Dr. Maura Isles: All mammals have to pee.
Dr. Maura Isles: [Jane has to hit a dummy as hard as possible] Ready Susie?
Susie: Norm is ready, Detective Rizzoli
Detective: Norm?
Susie: He's my uncle
Detective: My apologies Norm
Susie: Well, he... left my aunt for a barista
Detective: Screw Norm!
Detective: How much you know about Cape Verdeans?
Detective: You mean, do I have any special insight because I'm black?
Detective: [scoffing] Yeah. The gangbangers I've arrested are usually somewhat suspicious of white, female cops.
Lt. Joey Grant: I gotta leave for D.C. Soon. Just wanted to come by and see you before I left. Say bye, if that's okay.
Detective: What's in D.C.?
Lt. Joey Grant: Big job I wasn't expecting.
Detective: What, did they appoint you to the Supreme Court or something?
Lt. Joey Grant: [half-smiling] No, not that big.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Who has to tell the Senator?
Detective: That's above our pay grade
Jane: [Whispers to Maura] Does he look a little too real to you?
[to audience]
Jane: Excuse us, for a second please
Maura: He looks real, because he is real
Angela: You're starting to look like Grandma with those bags under your eyes
Jane: I'm too tired to be insulted. And tonight, I sleep for a week
Maura: I think the record for sleep deprivation is about 19 days
Jane: Hold up! This is something that you don't know the exact factoid on?
Angela: Wow, maybe the both of you are sleep deprived
Jane: Well, the Guiness Book of World Records no longer keeps statistics on this subject for fear that those competing for the title, would suffer ill effects
Jane: Sometimes I think you're actually a robot
Maura: I do know how to do a robot
Dr. Maura Isles: Very intriguing culture.
Detective: Descendants from the Portuguese explorers and slaves from the Cape Verdean Islands.
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm impressed!
Detective: I can Google, too. And that Father Coku, or whatever, is a phony. Did you check out that poncho he was wearing?
Dr. Maura Isles: A grand boubou.
Detective: I said I know.
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh you knew? What that robe was called?
Detective: A boubou?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well it's popular with the Christians in West Africa. Though the Swahili and East Africans and Bantu speakers in Central Africa also...
Detective: Like their boubous?
Maura: It's a subtle smell, but I can smell it.
Jane: You could smell a fart in New Hampshire, Maura.
Detective: Oh my God. You're flirting over a dead body.
Dr. Maura Isles: When else am I going to do it?
Detective: A piece of a toothpick?
Detective: Big splinter
Dr. Maura Isles: I am prepared to say it's a sliver of wood
Detective: Yeah Korsac! How could you possible think that sliver was a splinter?
[Jane and Maura are looking at another diorama of Susie]
Dr. Maura Isles: At least I am to scale
Jane: You are so, so not to scale! Look at those things at your chest!
Dr. Maura Isles: Those 'things' are perfect in both form and balance. Look at you, you are all legs!
Jane: Well, I am exactly to scale as Susie doesn't guess
Dr. Maura Isles: She does now!
Jane: [to Kent as he is staring to Maura] Okay, do you always stare at her like that? 'Cause that's just creepy!
Kent: I could stare to you instead, if you like
Detective: Do the autopsy, you'll feel better.
Dr. Maura Isles: Come on, Jane. Maybe we should stop the race.
Detective: Maura, we stop this race, we send a message to thousands of people that we give in to fear. We don't give in to fear!
Dr. Maura Isles: Okay, I understand, I... If we do, then we just end up dying a little bit every day.
[pause]
Dr. Maura Isles: Which, metabolically speaking, we do anyway.
Detective: Maura! Really?
Jane: Tell me our poor, dead Samaritan managed to scratch the clown
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm not sure I've got any skin cells yet, but there is a beige powdery substance on his index finger
Jane: We need the killer's skin, Maura
Dr. Maura Isles: He had a pre-existing condition
Jane: Wait, no... don't stop! We could get lucky and get the killer's DNA!
Dr. Maura Isles: Hold your horses. Homer said that to Antilochus to get him to stop him driving his chariot like a maniac
Jane: Aha, I'd always wondered
Jane: [Yawns] Hhh
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Starting the day off tired?
Jane: No
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: You're yawning because you skipped breakfast
Angela: You didn't eat breakfast?
Jane: No, I'm yawning because you're boring
Maura: You know, studies show that yawning actually increases boredom
Jane: Anything?
Kent: The tarry substance that made the smudges at the crime scene, that was from bleeding asphalt
Jane: Please tell me you have something more than that, because there is about 35,000 miles of road in Massachusetts
Kent: 35,590 to be precise. But who's counting. Yeah, I did found something else
Mo: Your ride needs work.
Jane: It's my mother's.
Mo: Damn, momma's got some gangsta.
Jane: [Preparing for her run] You went without me!
Lt. Col. Charles 'Casey' Jones: [Returning from his run] You wouldn't get up
Jane: Because it was nighttime
Lt. Col. Charles 'Casey' Jones: It was 04:30
Jane: Yeah, in Boston we call that nighttime
Detective: [to Maura] You got her to do yoga?
Detective: [sarcastically] No, it was my idea. I love yoga.
Maura: We had to leave before Ardha Chandrasana. I feel very unbalanced.
Jane: Frankie? Make 65 copies of that
[hands him a photo]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Okay... why?
Barry: Yeah, why?
Jane: 'Cause we haven't had a break in this case and it's time we got creative
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I just... I failed my shooting test! Again!
Detective: You know what? You keep screwing around, you're gonna regret it!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: That's the thing. I really tried this time. It's Alexandra, she was standing so close to me I couldn't focus. All I could think about was coming up with the perfect line to ask her out
Detective: How about: "the only thing I love more than a woman in uniform is a woman out of uniform". That's always a winner
Susie: I can't say
Jane: Well, take a guess
Susie: I am a scientist
Jane: So is Maura! She does it
Susie: I am not Dr. Isles
Jane: I know that, but she's not here, so throw out a theory, stretch your wings, grow, stick out and shine
Susie: That's a mixed metaphor!
Jane: Okay, see, there you go, that's very Maura
Jane: Did you get Frankie's bullet out?
Maura: Yes, and your mother hates me.
Jane: No, she loves your guest house... and you too.
Maura: She hardly said one word to me.
Jane: Well, enjoy the silence for a while. She'll be fine... unless Patrick puts a hit out on her.
[Maura frowns]
Jane: Too soon?
Maura: You have a tell too.
Jane: Then what is my tell?
Maura: Your jokes get a little edge when something is bothering you.
Maura: [Walks in, to Korsak] That's a very tidy desk, Sergeant
Jane: I hate it!
Maura: But you're leaving too
Jane: Yeah, but look at my desk
Jane: [notices Frost's robot] I'm so sick of goodbyes! Will you please distract me with science?
Katrin: [Opens her front door, Jane walks in] You can't walk into my place
Jane: I just did
Katrin: I have rights!
Jane: Call the cops!
[last lines]
Dr. Maura Isles: I think that's really... that's really sweet.
Detective: Oh. Oh gross. Okay, give me the wine.
Dr. Maura Isles: What?
Maura: [Jane still in her va-voom dress] Question: where do you keep your gun?
Jane: Oh, don't ask!
Maura: Well, I can't lie
Jane: Yes you can! That's the beauty of the new you!
Maura: [hesitates] I can try
Jane: I have confidence in you
Dr. Maura Isles: [examining Jane's sandwich] What is that white substance?
Detective: Fluff.
Dr. Maura Isles: Light, downy particles of cotton?
Detective: [pauses] It's marshmallow.
[Maura raises her eyebrows, intrigued]
Detective: And the brown substance is called peanut butter. It's ground up heavy, oily particles of peanuts. What, they didn't have that in your fancy boarding school?
Dr. Maura Isles: [eating] Oh, it's really good!
Jane: [Seeing a large arsenal in front of Maura] Wow! Okay, if I scramble all these, how long do you think it would take you to put them back together?
Maura: Well, I wouldn't bother, because the ones without evidentiary value are destine for the crusher
Detective: Uh, Makes me want to give up on going to malls
Dr. Maura Isles: You don't go to malls
Detective: Mission accomplished
Dr. Maura Isles: [Monitoring an injured agent] I was afraid of that
Detective: What?
Dr. Maura Isles: Tension pneumorthorax
Detective: What? He's having trouble breathing! Do something!
Dr. Maura Isles: I am a pathologist, I am not a surgeon, Jane. I could make it worse
Detective: [Runs off, grabs a medical encyclopedia] What was it again? Say it again
Dr. Maura Isles: Tension pneumorthorax. What you're doing?
Detective: [Starts reading] Tension pneumorthorax results in death if not treated immediately. God!
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane, I'm just guessing, okay? I... I would need to confirm it
Detective: You don't have time to confirm it! Your guess is better than most doctors!
Dr. Maura Isles: I could be wrong!
Detective: [Still reading] Aggressively manage with needle decompression to chest
Dr. Maura Isles: I've never done it
Detective: Maura, jeez, get a needle, do it! Do it now!
Dr. Maura Isles: [Reluctant] All right
Jane: Susie, I was just coming to talk to you
Susie: Oh, ehm, I am not there, I am here, to show you how I shine
Jane: Okay, great
[they walk into a room]
Jane: What's that?
Susie: It's my theory
Jane: Your theory is in a box?
Susie: It's a diorama
[turns the opening of the box towards Jane]
Jane: Oh, D-I-E
Susie: Yes!
Jane: For dead people
Susie: Well, not all of them are dead, but it's a representation of how it got to be
Jane: It's amazing!
Jane: Huh. How was she killed?
Maura: There are ligature marks.
Jane: So, she was strangled.
Maura: Well, I didn't say that.
Jane: I did.
Jane: [Arriving at the crime scene] Well, what do we got?
Detective: Not exactly the convivial greeting I was expecting.
Maura: Well, a very good morning to you, Sergeant Korsak
Jane: Yes, it is a good morning. Not so much for him.
Detective: Yeah, good point.
Detective: Hmm. Hello! Tall, shiny and handsome
Dr. Maura Isles: And he doesn't leave the toilet seat up. Jane Rizolli, I would like you to meet Bio-Orbitron MS-8000
Detective: This thing costs more than I make in a year, don't it?
Dr. Maura Isles: Costs more than everyone makes in a year
Vince: Job takes a toll!
Jane: But I wouldn't change a thing. I love being a cop
Vince: Find a job you love, you never work a day in your life
Jane: And they pay us!
Vince: Can you believe it?
Detective: Where's Maura?
Detective: Stuck in traffic
Detective: She shouldn't wear high heels to a crime scene
Dr. Maura Isles: [Arrives at crime scene] Why not? These are very comfortable
Detective: Yeah. Bet you can run in them too
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, I don't think that's a good idea
Dr. Maura Isles: Unzip me.
Detective: Wh - Why?
Dr. Maura Isles: Because you can't go like that. We're trade clothes. Come on.
Detective: Are you crazy. That dress wouldn't... Cover my... Booty.
Detective: There is no way in hell I am taking this off, all right? I'm already running twenty-six miles with a camel toe.
Detective: Well, looks like karma finally caught up to him.
Dr. Maura Isles: Sanskrit word. A cycle of cause and effect. I think it originated in the Sramana tradition.
Detective: Do you have to do that?
Dr. Maura Isles: Do what?
Detective: That. That word thing you do.
Dr. Maura Isles: Etymology?
Detective: You can't stop, can you?
Jorge: You're like a race car. Finely tuned. Beautiful.
[whispering, leaning in for a kiss]
Jorge: Fast.
Detective: Not that fast.
Dr. Maura Isles: These people are not the enemy.
Detective: Yeah, neither was Columbus. Tell that to the Native Americans he killed with smallpox.
Dr. Maura Isles: The Fairfields helped build this city.
Detective: My grandfather was an ironworker. He helped build this city.
Dr. Maura Isles: It occurred to me today, that we need to talk about our last wishes
Detective: No we don't
Dr. Maura Isles: I want to be buried at sea
Detective: No, I hate boats. And I have to go to city hall and get all kinds of permits and... no, just pick something more landlocked.
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane, I want to return to the primordial soup that spawned us all. Bring nothing fancy, just a small group of friends and family and a cello
Detective: We're on a boat Maura! And a cello is officially fancy
Dr. Maura Isles: It will be only one and it should play Bach's Suite G in major. And then everyone can toast me with a nice bottle of champagne before you throw me overboard. So, what do you want?
Detective: I want to die one day before you, so I don't have to go out on a boat
Detective: [Talking about Maura's mom visiting] If your mom is in the guesthouse, where are you staying?
Angela: With you, of course.
Detective: Fine, but just you know I don't serve coq au vin. I serve... cocoa puffs.
Jane: Have I just been transported to some parallel univers? When did you two start a bromance?
Tommy: Oh, we go way back.
Rondo: Yeah, we met at the café last week.
Detective: But why book a romantic getaway with a mistress you're planning to kill?
Detective: To make it look like you're not planning to kill her
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane, I was a weird kid
Detective: Were you killing small animals?
Dr. Maura Isles: [laughs] No, but I did dissect a lot of frogs
Detective: No, that's different
Dr. Maura Isles: Maybe we can sit down and have a cup of coffee? Real coffee. I can make us all some breakfast.
Detective: I'll take the coffee
[and pours the coffee in some sort container]
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, eh...
Detective: Thanks; See you later
[walks away]
Angela: Wasn't that your vase?
Dr. Maura Isles: Yup
Detective: I'm always sad I missed the Irish crime wars.
Jane: Nobody bumps my lock, Maura.
Jane: Maura, that's your second cup of coffee!
Maura: Third! I was up late last night
Angela: Working or dating?
Maura: Working, on a poem, for my writing class
Jane: [skeptical] Hmm, that sounds like fun
Maura: Well, it isn't. I'm really struggling with this assignment
Jane: Well, just keep it simple. You know: "There once was a man from Nantucket..."
Detective: Was she dead before she was tossed?
Dr. Maura Isles: That would be guessing
Detective: I won't tell
[last lines]
Detective: [back at the spa with Maura, who is playfully flicking clay] You stop. Stop it, or they're going to charge us for the robes again.
Detective: Did you ever like the same guy as your best friend?
Dr. Maura Isles: No.
Detective: Did you ever have a best friend?
Dr. Maura Isles: No.
Detective: You'd tell me if you were a cyborg, right?
Dr. Maura Isles: [thinking] No, I don't think I would.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Get this: when he lost a squash match, he peed in his opponent's locker.
Maura: He urinated in it?
Jane: That is what "peed" means, yes.
Jane: [Just assigned Kent to a task who keeps babbling about it] We work in silence
Kent: Okey-dokey, we work in silence
Jane: That's not silence
Detective: Tasha?
Tasha: Hi
Detective: This is Dr. Maura Isles. You spoke to her on the phone
Tasha: Hello.
[Maura nods to Tasha]
Tasha: What's that thing?
Detective: That? That is a hug-me-tight Teddy bear, you know, in case you are lonely
Tasha: I'm not really a hugger and that's not really a bear
Dr. Maura Isles: I didn't want to say anything, but she's right. It's a Panda, Ailuropoda Melanoleuca
Tasha: Which literally translates to black and white cat foot, not bear foot, more close related to raccoons than to bears
Dr. Maura Isles: Yeah, I'm afraid not, a recent international science study of DNA concluded that pandas are actually more closely related to spectacle bears from South-Africa than raccoons
Tasha: Maybe, but their skull and dental structures don't resembles bears, their feet don't have heel pads and they don't hibernate, so if they are bears, then they are all alone on their own little bear island
Detective: So we're agreed: it's part panda, part bear, part raccoon, part cat
Tasha: I'm not agreeing to that!
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane, that's ridiculous!
Detective: Yes, it is absolutely ridiculous that a stuffed animal can be genetically incorrect!
Vince: [Looking at the pile of money in the store] It's a gold rush
Jane: It's a... green rush. And with that much green, there's always gonna be someone willing to steal it
Dr. Maura Isles: You really should have a total cholesterol test
Detective: I should have a lot of things. I should have 6 months in my rainy days fund, I should have... have eight hours of sleep, I should also have a best friend who doesn't nag me
Maura: And I don't excel at doing nothing
Jane: This is true
Jane: That's what all this is about, you buying all this stuff. It's about Hope, isn't it?
Maura: I don't know what you're talking about.
Jane: Oh yes you do. Whenever you get into a crisis, you get into a first name basis with the UPS man.
Angela: Frankie needs a wife.
Detective: Why? He has you!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [At home, picking up their ringing phones] Rizzoli
Maura: Isles
Jane: That doesn't sound right. That's messed up
Detective: Hey.
[offering Maura a bar of chocolate]
Detective: Got 24-carot gold flakes in it.
Dr. Maura Isles: Are you making fun of me?
Jane: Chief of police seems to think that I'm not camera-friendly. Or just friendly at all
Maura: You are plenty friendly
Jane: Thank you
Maura: Most of the time
Jane: Okay
Detective: Keep your voice down, alright, not everybody knows, you know!
Angela: Well, maybe they should, so they stop sending you to very dangerous situations that could get you killed!
Detective: That's kind in the job description, ma!
Angela: [to Jane] You broke more bones that your brothers combined. How do you do this to yourself?
Jane: It's not broken!
Detective: You don't think it's icky that my boss is sleeping with my mother?
Dr. Maura Isles: No, but I can see why you do. You're never old enough to hear the details of your mother's sex life
Maura: How do I explain my presence if lieutenant Cavanaugh comes in?
Jane: Tell him you have menstrual cramps.
Maura: That doesn't make any sense.
Vince: Oh, yes, it does. He won't ask any questions once he hears those words.
Detective: Why, you don't like plastic champagne glasses?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, you should use flutes, so you don't want the carbon oxide to escape
Detective: It's sparkling cider, Maura!
Barry: I did mock trial. Always wanted to be the bad guy, but they made me the prosecutor
Maura: That's very impressive
[everyone wonders]
Maura: it's highly competitive
[everyone gazes]
Maura: I never made the team
Jane: That's not possible
Maura: The advisor said that I was wordy
Jane: [Cynical] You?
Detective: Hey, you know, maybe ghosts are real! Maybe I could pick the winning lottery numbers today. Maybe I am losing my mind
Dr. Maura Isles: I could do a brain scan tonight if you like
Detective: [cynical] Thank you, that's... that's very helpful
Jane: How long were you two together?
Linda: Not long, I broke it off. Mark wasn't my kind a guy
Vince: I... I got to say: I'm surprised he was your kind of guy, even for a little while
Linda: It's tough for me to meet men
Jane: You're surrounded by men!
Linda: So are you! Does that make it easier?
Nina: 26, 27, no 28
Jane: What's up?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Uh, you're not gonna believe this!
Nina: 29
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No way
Nina: 30
Jane: What's going on?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Nina unlocks Stuarts phone and it's weird: there's no email, no calendar programs, no apps but there is a lot of texts
Nina: 31
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Now that's just greedy
Jane: 31 what?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Women!
Jane: What?
Nina: Not just women. Girlfriends! 32
Jane: Stuart Crane had 32 girlfriends?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Stuart wasn't just reading Don Juan. The guy was Don Juan
[last lines]
Detective: [to Giovanni] We'll let you know.
Jane: [Enters the lab] What's going on?
Maura: You're just in time
Jane: [Looking at what Maura and Kent have prepared] Okay, let me guess: you built a time machine and we're going back to 1975 and solve the crime
Kent: You know Jane, it's your sarcasm I'm gonna miss most of all. But actually you're not far from wrong
Maura: We're performing a vacuum metal deposition test on the dress
Jane: [suddenly seeing something on Maura's kitchen floor] God, what is that?
Maura: Shhh. You'll scare him.
Jane: He's alive?
Maura: His name is Bass. Geochelone sulcata. African spurred tortoise. I've had him since he was like this big. Partial to British strawberries.
[She crouches down, offering the large tortoise a fresh berry]
Jane: Bass? What, after an old boyfriend?
Maura: William M. Bass. The forensic anthropologist who founded the famous body farm.
Jane: Right, yeah, that, that Bass.
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm fidgeting. Fidgeting... I never fidget
Detective: Welcome to the human race
Jane: Hey? Think you ever would've run out crazy medical terms to say to me?
Maura: Would you let the door hit you in the face as you entered?
Jane: [Thinks about this] Of course not!
[Walks out of the lab and pretends to hit the door]
Jane: Auw!
Jane: Now, I've been the crappy best man ever
Vince: There have been three before you, and you, Jane Rizzoli, are by far... the best... looking
[they both chuckle]
Jane: [Enters lab] DO YOU HAVE AN OFFICIAL CAUSE OF DEATH?
Maura: Why are you yelling?
Jane: BECAUSE YOU PUT FRUIT IN YOUR EARS
Maura: The orange peel is gone and my sinuses are cleared
Jane: CONGRATULATIONS! Really? Seriously? That crazyness worked?
Maura: Like a wonder drug
Detective: [checking her phone] It's Maura. You wanna come to the autopsy?
Special: [mildly] That sounds lovely. Can that be our first date?
Detective: [laughing] Yeah, that's actually an offer I've never had before.
Maura: I just knew that you would not approve of my field trip.
Jane: I do no approve and not just because I'm a cop, because I'm your friend. What you did could've been dangerous.
Maura: I took your mother.
Jane: Which is dangerous in its own right.
Dr. Maura Isles: She showed addition signs of potential stress, including bruxism
Detective: I know what that is, because I ground my teeth for at least three hours last night
Detective: Oh I like Byron, when anesthetized. Your turtle has a better bedside manner.
Tommy: Listen, since we're all hugging here, can I hug Maura too?
Maura: You bet
Jane: Hands where I can see them!
Maura: [Reading a file] Jane, Joey Williams didn't die of kidney failure
Jane: You sure?
Maura: Well, I'd prefer to do an autopsy
Jane: I prefer to be in Hawaii!
Jane: A woman was using your ID, and we found her body.
Celia: Oh my god! Oh, my wallet was stolen last week.
Rick: Your wallet was stolen?
Celia: Shh, you will wake the baby!
Jane: Any idea where?
Celia: No, I don't know. It could've been at the mall or when I was going to get coffee.
Rick: Go to the mall and get lattes when I'm busting my ass to support you?
Jane: Shhh, you'll wake the baby.
Barry: But you didn't report it?
Rick: You're driving around without a license with our insurance rates?
Barry: Shut up or I will arrest you for baby wakeage!
Kent: [Lifts melon above his head] Now this is the amount of force that'd be required to sustain the victim's injuries
Jane: [after Kent smashed the melon] Fruit-homicide
Kent: Fruiticide
Jane: Where did the wife's family get all her money?
Vince: Her family invented clothespin
Jane: You're messing with me
Vince: What? You think these things invented themselves?
Detective: [Looking at the body that Maura investigates] She was sexually assaulted
Maura: Reddish-brown stains at the inner thighs and external genitalia
Detective: I hear an echo!
Detective: Looks like Westcourt's car was at the hotel the night of the murder
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, that's a good alibi right?
Detective: For his car!
Jane: [At the crime scene] We found another guy
Maura: I'll check on him
Jane: No. no, he's still alive, ambulance is on its way. He had the phone and... he had this
Maura: [Reads the card Jane handed her] Edward's the other guy?
Jane: Who's Edward?
Maura: My ex-husband
Dr. Maura Isles: Doesn't narrow it. He can be anywhere from mile 20 to mile 25.5
Detective: 25 point 5?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, based on my calculations...
Detective: Please tell me later!
Jane: So,
[he]
Jane: killed him?
Maura: I can't say that
Jane: Did you ever play clue? Two people in the room, one person's dead, the other person's covered in blood. Who's the murderer?
Maura: Well, I think it's the person that left his fingerprints on the murder weapon
[last lines]
Dr. Maura Isles: Would a check be okay, or would you feel safer with cash?
Detective: Cash. Cash is good.
Dr. Maura Isles: Fine.
[last lines]
Detective: [screaming] No!
Dr. Maura Isles: So, John Doe, 20s, he's in good health
Detective: Except for the ice-pick sticking out of his ear
Detective: How sure are you about this?
Dr. Maura Isles: On a scale of one to Alpha Centauri?
Detective: If you have to
Dr. Maura Isles: About a block from Alpha Centauri
Detective: That is very sure
Boris: How're you doing?
Jane: Now I know what a prisoner feels like
Boris: Yeah, time goes slow when there is nothing to do
[last lines]
Jane: [jokingly, to Maura] These are my going out clothes.
[to Joe Friday]
Jane: Come on! Keep going, go on.
Jane: [Enters lab] How're you doing?
Maura: Well...
Kent: Careful! Dietary restrictions has her a little grumpy!
Maura: [Irritated] I am not grumpy! I'm simply focused
Jane: Why don't you just go home, Maura?
Maura: Because it's a work day and I have work to do
Barry: Why do we sneak in when we already have a search warrant?
Detective: 'Cause it's more fun this way
Jane: You know what? Just if he sends flower, comes by or something, will you please let me know?
Maura: You want me to snoop?
Jane: No, I would like for you to use your impeccable attention to detail
Dr. Maura Isles: A lot of women work as strippers to get them through college. Which is not so strange considering to the cost of higher education
Detective: Maura!
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, I am not advocating their life style, although I do envy anyone who do work where 5-inch heels are required
Detective: Maura, Focus!
Dr. Maura Isles: Right, yes.
Angela: [Cooking] So, the secret to this is to go slow. This ragout needs love, patience, and commitment
Jane: I wanna eat it. I don't want to settle down and have kids with it!
Angela: Well, yeah, you should be so lucky to find a man as good as my ragout
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh. How long have you been eating these?
[picks up Korsak's box of crackers]
Detective: Couple weeks. Part of my whole new health regime.
Dr. Maura Isles: [laughs] It's not a heart attack, Sergeant.
Detective: What?
Detective: [in unison with Frost] What?
Dr. Maura Isles: It's gas. And given the fiber content, I imagine quite a lot.
Detective: [laughs] He's been makin' enough to float the Hindenburg.
Angela: I won't embarass you!
Detective: Thirty years of experience says otherwise.
Vince: Nice jacket
Jane: It was all Maura's idea
Maura: I never mentioned fringe
Vince: Victim is at the bottom of the hill
Maura: Thank you, sergeant
[and walks away]
Vince: You're messing with her?
Jane: [giggles] Yeah! I am making a point and it's always so much more fun to amuse myself while I do it
Jane: Why are you so interested in Hoyt?
Special: That's need to know.
Jane: Seriously? You fed guys actually say that?
[last lines]
Dr. Maura Isles: [trying beer for the first time] That's delicious!
Detective: Right? Wait 'til you try a spuckie.
Dr. Maura Isles: I don't know what that is, but it sounds really...
Vince: You see all the reporters at the front door?
Jane: Yeah. I saw them. They didn't see me though, I took the back entrance
Vince: "Wedding Bells Ring, Shooter Flees, BPD Fails"
Jane: Your poetry sucks
Vince: [Shows newspaper] It's the headline of one of those stories
Jane: Well, you can't do an autopsy, 'cause you're Frankie's friend
Maura: Right
Jane: And I can't watch the autposy, because I am Frankie's sister
Maura: That is, in theory, true!
Dr. Maura Isles: Morning!
Jane: [making out] Mm, mmm
Dr. Maura Isles: Everybody decent in there?
Jane: Yes, perfect timing. We were hoping to have an orgy but then we realized we were one person short
Detective: You didn't think I had the right to know?
Detective: I think I have the right to my privacy!
Detective: When did you become so secretive?
Detective: When did you become so nosy?
Detective: Have you *met* my mother?
Jane: [Phone buzzes, she reads it] Come on, Maura. My visitor is here.
Maura: Come on where?
Jane: To your office. It's an emergency.
Maura: What kind of emergency?
Jane: [Annoyed] The kind where you don't ask me any questions and trust me!
Maura: [Whispers to Korsak] I don't like that type of emergency.
Dr. Maura Isles: Shall we?
Detective: Not so fast, professor! Why are you trying to get out of teaching this class?
Dr. Maura Isles: I told you: because of my love and devotion for you about all.
Detective: No, didn't sell it! What's up?
Dr. Maura Isles: The department head, he told me that he is so excited about my syllabus that he wants it to be a course of credit.
Detective: Okay, how is that bad news?
Dr. Maura Isles: I'll have to give grades! Yet I don't want that burden on my shoulders. I'm still scared over that A-minus biochemistry incident in 1996! I cannot imagine just crushing the spirit of young body minds like that!
Detective: I applied to BCU.
Dr. Maura Isles: It's very hard to get into.
Detective: I got in.
Dr. Maura Isles: Why didn't you go?
Detective: Wanted to be a cop.
Dr. Maura Isles: What's the real reason?
Detective: My father would have spent everything to send me there. I couldn't do that to him.
Jane: [enters the lab] You rang?
Maura: Yes. There's something very interesting about the big fish that was found in Mark's live well when he died
[picks up a dissection plate]
Jane: Is that the fish that kept swimming toward me? The cute one?
Maura: Yes!
Jane: You killed him! 'cause you were jealous!
Maura: Well, he was sick. That's why he kept swimming around repetitively and banging into the glass
Jane: Sick of love!
Maura: Uh! Well, I cured him!
Detective: You spoke to Frankie?
Detective: He's still goin' through all twelve dumpsters with every division detective we could spring loose.
Detective: Then why aren't you there? Oh, I know. Ooh, I hate eyeball fluid. Ooh, I'm afraid a' garbage.
Detective: Why aren't you there? I know. Might mess up that nice sport coat from 1989.
Vince: [reading a threatening text] "You home wrecking asshole! I'll cut off your..." OOOH!
Jane: That's some colorful language
Nina: Definitely not medical advisable
Jane: I need to know what was in the syringe that killed her, Maura
Maura: And I can't tell you. You know how this works
Jane: How is it that we can put a Rover on Mars, but the damn crime lab can't find the toxin unless we tell them what to look for
Maura: NASA lost control of that Rover. And science is hard, you know, they can't test for everything. I need to narrow it down
Jillian: This is incredible! How did you figure this out? Are you some sort of bibliophile?
Detective: No, it... it wasn't me; it was our resident everything-ophile, Dr. Maura Isles.
Dr. Maura Isles: I don't know everything
Detective: What's the capital of Chili? She knows
[Couple of scenes later, when Jane walks out of the elevator and just before the elevator door closes on Maura]
Dr. Maura Isles: And it's Santiago
Detective: Brilliant!
Dr. Maura Isles: Chickenpox?
Detective: No
Dr. Maura Isles: Chlamydia?
Detective: Really?
Dr. Maura Isles: I'll take that as a no. Deep vein Thrombosis?
Detective: No
Dr. Maura Isles: How about depression?
Detective: Only since you started asking me all these questions.
Dr. Maura Isles: Let me remind you that if you'd gone to your regular OB, we would not have to fill out new patient forms
Detective: Do you make this stuff up because you know we can't check it?
Maura: Yes.
[pause]
Maura: No. I'm not that fanciful.
[last lines]
Detective: [singsong] Doctor Isles guessed, Doctor Isles guessed.
Dr. Maura Isles: Did not.
[firmly]
Dr. Maura Isles: I did not.
Detective: Did too.
Dr. Maura Isles: [after they traded clothes and shoes] Oh. You look sexy.
Detective: You look... like you're wearing my clothes.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: How's it going?
Detective: Hey. This case is going down faster than the Titanic!
Maura: [Investigating the victim] Pink froth around her lips and nose.
Jane: You have a tell when your head is not in the game.
Maura: I don't know what you mean.
Jane: Pink froth? Not cytoplastics, hematoma, liquidity at a cellular level?
Maura: No!
Jane: [Enters the lab] You're still wearing my boots. You know I want them back
Maura: Now? They're so comfortable
Jane: Fine. You keep them
Maura: Really?
Jane: Yes, as long as you promise to wear them with all your yellow outfits
Maura: I will change out of them as soon as I get a minute
Maura: [about to break in] Where did you get that card?
Jane: I borrowed it!
Maura: This is making me very itchy!
Jane: I'll get you some Benadryl! All right, come on!
Detective: Hi ma
Angela: Hi, how come you're dressed up like... a flight attendant?
Detective: Librarian!
Detective: Well, this is a first
Detective: I've seen it once
Detective: Is there anything that you haven't seen once before?
Detective: You cutting me slack
Vince: Division detectives didn't know what to make of it.
Maura: It's the entire right fossa triangularis and the scapha!
Jane: You hear that, Korsak? It's a whole fossil triangle in a scaffold.
Detective: How many times has he called?
Dr. Maura Isles: By my count: a lot; 27 to be exact.
Detective: If he hasn't already sent a governors-aid over here to shut you down, he will do so, very soon. So you're almost done?
Dr. Maura Isles: Eh, yes, I am moving as fast as I can, while still following protocol. I have ruled out seizures due to heart attack, epilepsy, stroke, meningitis, encephalitis or toxoplasmosis. There is one other possibility.
Detective: And instead testing for that you are buying a gold fish?
Dr. Maura Isles: No I'm setting up a variation of the pyrogallol test.
Susie: [Taking the cake as the celebration is interrupted] Okay, I'll just, eh, take this to the fridge
[looking at Jane]
Susie: not the morgue fridge
Detective: If that goes anywhere near a person with a toe tag, I'll know it
Susie: I understand
Detective: I'm watching you Chang!
[Leaves the autopsy room]
Susie: The morgue fridge is the only thing big enough to fit this cake in
Angela: Dead man tell no tales
Detective: Sure. Sit here and drink your excrement tea.
Jane: [leading everyone in the room in a jog in place session] Okay, c'mon guys, like 20 more seconds.
Vince: I think I've gained 2 pounds on this program. You think I'm building muscle mass?
Barry: Well, I'm sure it's not the donuts I saw in your desk drawer.
Jane: Oh, I saw you eating a contraband donut this morning.
Barry: You wellness snitch!
Detective: You've been following him for the past 2 weeks. Who hired you?
Jerry: I don't give up my client. Confidentiality issues
Detective: You know that privilege doesn't extend to PIs, if you'd like to add obstruction...
Jerry: Blyer's wife!
Jane: [Maura is working on the computer when it beeps] Is that a good beep or a bad beep?
Detective: [Enters autopsy room] Ah, this is the coolest...
[notices the onlookers]
Detective: place in the building
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, the autopsy is on a separate system. Can't let the bodies deteriorate from the heat
Detective: [Whispers to Maura] Why do you have an audience?
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, well, they just wanted to observe an autopsy
Detective: Orozco from media relations and Anders from the carriage unit?
Susie: Oh, hi detective Rizzoli
Dr. Maura Isles: [to all] Welcome. You're just in time to hear the autopsy report
Detective: They are using you for your cool air
Dr. Maura Isles: [Whispers back] I know, but I'll take any opportunity to get people interested in science!
Jane: [Picking up Maura from fencing] Do you have something to change into?
Maura: [Wearing fencing clothes] Well, what's wrong with this? I've worn sporty outfit to the crime scene before
Jane: It's a full body thong! Modern day chastity belt? Where you're gone put that?
[Hands over Maura's phone]
Jane: I don't want to know!
Detective: [Maura has stopped talking to Jane] You'll make up.
Detective: Yeah, that's what they said about the Beatles.
Maura: [Maura and Jane arriving at the crime scene] Do you know the hole in the middle provides for even cooking, but also allow people to thread a string through it for easy handling and transportation?
Jane: No
Maura: They even gave it to women in childbirth as gifts in 17th century Poland
Jane: [to Korsak] Who knew that there was that much bagel trivia to last a 30 minute car ride
Dr. Maura Isles: I didn't actually tell your mother. She somehow knew and then I confirmed it. I don't really even know how it happened. I am so sorry!
Detective: She use a Latin thing on you?
Dr. Maura Isles: Et non dico mendacium quaestiones
Detective: Yeah, that's it. And that she'd tell her about her psychic grandmother and then take your hand and say that she could tell if you were lying by running her fingers across your palm?
Dr. Maura Isles: But it felt so real and honest
Detective: Her grandmother died when she was 5
Dr. Maura Isles: I am such so an idiot!
Detective: Tommy, we're all so proud of you. You're on your way bringing back Rizzoli & sons
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Yeah, little brother. You're finally getting it together
Tommy: Hey, I told you guys not to worry. I'm a late bloomer
Detective: Well, we all wish you and Lydia a long and happy life and thank you for finally giving Ma what she wants!
Angela: Yeah! At least one of my kids are gonna get married
Jane: [Arriving at the crime scene] You don't have to use my mother's crazy home remedies just to be nice
Maura: [Having orange peel in her ear] What's a lazy-bone melody?
Jane: Never mind
Vince: Who's been eating an Italian fruit smoothie?
Jane: [Points to Maura] It's my mother's orange-garlic-sinus-remedy
Vince: She has a cure for everything
Dr. Maura Isles: [Looking at Jane's boots] Oh. Those boots are fashion homicide.
Detective: [Seeing Maura taking off her heels] No. No! Those shoes are foot homicide.
Detective: The murder is near Franklin Park
Giovanni: You got a murder in the Franklin Park Zoo?
Detective: Why? You have family there?
Detective: Oh, don't tell me that you're finally letting emotion run that big brain.
Dr. Maura Isles: I don't know who I am anymore. I just...
Detective: Come on. You're the same ridiculously smart, amazing, goofy person that you were before. I mean knowing that he is the source of the sperm doesn't change that.
Dr. Maura Isles: Well don't be so sure. Technically you did just say that my father's a killer.
Detective: Mm mm mm. I said the sperm donor was a killer.
Dr. Maura Isles: [hands Jane an invitation] I want you to be my guest
Detective: Won't I embarrass you?
Dr. Maura Isles: Probably. But haven't I embarrassed you?
Detective: No... more than half a dozen times.
[reads the invitation]
Detective: "Cocktail dress requir..." Can't I just go like this?
Dr. Maura Isles: If you're going to embarrass me, at least do it in the proper clothes!
Detective: How does it go so wrong between two people who love each other so much?
Detective: You're asking a guy who has married three times?
Vince: That would be a good theory, but I just met with Larry, Jr. and his lawyer, and I might have implied that our case is air tight and that Larry, Jr. is two steps away from death row.
Jane: Massachusetts doesn't have the death penalty.
Vince: My point was made. Larry admitted he lied about his alibi to protect his marriage.
Jane: He was with another woman.
Vince: He was being intimate with two other women. And one man. At the same time. And unfortunately, there's video, for our eyes only. Did I say 'ours'? I meant yours.
[tosses the thumb drive to Frankie]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Oh, come on guys, don't do this to me.
Jane: It's a chain of command thing, Bud. I'm sorry; our hands are tied.
[Frankie looks at Korsak, who shakes his head. Frankie sighs dejectedly and walks away with the thumb drive]
Maura: You slept with Rafael?
Jane: We didn't sleep, Maura
Maura: Oh, nothing to be ashamed about. Rafael is very attractive, you're very attractive. Rafael wasn't your boss, was he?
Jane: Can you please stop calling him Rafael. And, no, he wasn't
Maura: Rafael is his name
Jane: In a harlequin romance. At work, here, it's Martinez
Maura: Okay, so other than in the biblical sense, how do you know Lieutenant Martinez?
Detective: [Enters Maura's home] Morning
Dr. Maura Isles: Good morning! Coffee?
Detective: Yeah, I'd love some, but we have a dead girl in Kenmore Square!
Dr. Maura Isles: We do? Oh, my phone must have been off!
Detective: [looks around] Hi Jack!
Jack: [from above] Morning Jane!
Detective: He knows he can come down here, right?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, he can't actually, until he finds his pants! I've looked everywhere!
Detective: Nice, and on a school night no less!
Vince: Maybe he is really a zombie
Jane: Well, then we would have no case, because you can't kill a zombie. They're already dead
[Jane calls Frankie]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Hey
Detective: About Korsak's case...
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: How about: hello, how are you?
Detective: Hello! And about Korsak's case...
Detective: Okay, but as my best friend and a doctor, would you do me one favor?
Dr. Maura Isles: Anything
Detective: Put me in a medically induced coma
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm going to the market
Detective: Just one little coma, is that really too much to ask?
Dr. Maura Isles: You have better luck asking me to give you oxycontin
Detective: Augh! Well, can I have some of those then?
Detective: Really?
Maura: That bad?
Detective: I thought you said you couldn't lie?
Maura: What do you mean? I can't!
Detective: You did!
Maura: Only one time when I said I'd finished my homework and I hadn't and I immediately went vasovagal... fainted
Detective: Jorge is in medicine...?
Maura: Technically, yes, he is
Detective: What's his specialty? Lactation?
Jane: Just so you know... the fringe is always here for you.
Vince: Uh oh! What did you do?
Jane: What? I thought it looked cool. Maura said a big boot is the new black.
Maura: Well, I think she tore her ligament.
Jane: Stop saying that!
Vince: How did you do it?
Jane: Wrestling bulls
[Korsak does not buy this]
Jane: . No, I was chasing a bad guy
[Korsak still doesn't believe it]
Jane: . I tripped while jogging.
Vince: I'll tell anybody who asks you were sword fighting.
Nina: Which is strange
Detective: Strange is good. Strange is our friend in a murder investigation
Maura: Maybe it would help if you lean into the discomfort
Jane: In the same way you lean into your stilettos?
Maura: Yes, except for the leaning you're about to do, doesn't make your butt look great
Jane: It doesn't make anything look great
Detective: Maura. You're staring at Chuck's biceps. Stop it.
Dr. Maura Isles: I am! Females are wired to be attracted to the strongest, most dominant male. It's natural selection at work.
Detective: You're making me uncomfortable. Stop.
Dr. Maura Isles: What? I'm just appreciating his sternocleidomastoid.
[to the cop lifting weights]
Dr. Maura Isles: Excuse me. You have beautifully developed musculature.
[to Jane]
Dr. Maura Isles: What, am I embarrassing you?
Detective: Oh no, not at all. Why don't you tell him he's got a nice ass, too.
Dr. Maura Isles: [to the weight-lifting cop] And a wonderfully proportioned gluteus maximus.
Detective: [shaking her head] I am never working out with you again.
Detective: Hey, what is "Le Beau Truc"?
Dr. Maura Isles: Five-star French restaurant. Brilliant nouveau take on escargot.
Detective: [Talking about her outfit] Is this okay?
Dr. Maura Isles: Are you out of your mind?
Detective: What? I'm meeting Jesse Wade. He wants to do the interview there.
Dr. Maura Isles: At Le Beau Truc?
Detective: Yeah
Dr. Maura Isles: Le booty call.
Maura: The injuries are consistent with a non-biological, phallus-shaped object
Detective: [whispers] You mean a dildo?
Maura: Yes, I believe that is the popular term for it. But did you know a 28,000 stone phallus was recently found in a German cave? The Ice Age men were using it for knapping flints
Detective: Well, Ice Age women were using it for making sparks too!
Maura: [Arriving at the crime scene] Your jacket is so wrinkled!
Jane: Quit it!
Maura: You could have ironed it
Jane: You have bags under your eyes
Maura: I don't have bags under my eyes
[but starts checking it anyway]
Maura: Do I?
Jane: Gotcha!
Detective: Bye, bye alibi
Detective: Later, later perpetrator!
Detective: [Referring to Maura's adoptive father] Want me to shoot him?
Dr. Maura Isles: I do. I really do.
Detective: Okay.
Dr. Maura Isles: But, instead maybe I'll talk to him first.
Detective: Fine. But, let me know if you change your mind.
Dr. Maura Isles: We'll see how the talk goes.
[pause]
Dr. Maura Isles: Otherwise, you are very good at shooting my relatives.
Detective: [Maura's phone rings, she doesn't react, Jane looks at it] Ooh, oh, A.I.! Artificial Intelligence. You're getting a call from the future.
Dr. Maura Isles: It's actually from the past. It's my father, Arthur
Jane: [On a stakeout] You know, you're not supposed to use your personal car for work?
Vince: It's new and I like it and would you rather be sitting in a police car?
Jane: Nope.
Dr. Maura Isles: You are deceptively complex. I do not understand you.
Detective: Well, you would if I was a dead body.
Dr. Maura Isles: Do you think so?
Maura: Do you have a dress in a drawer?
Jane: Maybe. Where's yours?
Maura: Evidence locker
Dr. Maura Isles: The cute boy with the erection is being discharged from the hospital. He sent me these orchids.
Detective: Good. I wish him and his wang a speedy recovery.
[first lines]
Angela: [upon seeing a dress Jane is trying on] Oh! That's beautiful.
Detective: [laughing] Yeah, if you're a farmer's wife. Ma, come on, my birthday was last month, it's fine.
Maura: I wonder why Benjamin Franklin agreed to be first Postmaster General
U.S. Postal Inspector CJ Prescott: Are you kidding? He got to "frank" all his letters, for one thing
Jane: Frank?
U.S. Postal Inspector CJ Prescott: Send them for free, no stamps needed. Although technically stamps did not exist back then, so...
Maura: Well, prior to 1847 dates, rates and the letter's origin were all hand written. Yeah, I'm a bit of a philatelist myself
Jane: A philatelist? Sounds dirty
Maura: It means I collect stamps
Jane: No. No way to make that dirty
Vince: Who wants to face off against the killer hockey mom?
Jane: Been there, done that
[Korsak frowns]
Jane: I had to live through my mother's hockey-mom years
Vince: Your mom is too nice to be one of those mothers
Jane: O yeah? Ask her about the time that she stormed out onto the ice in the middle of Frankie's game and hit the ref with her purse
Barry: [laughs] What'd Frankie do?
Jane: Tried to change his last name
Detective: [catches Korsak gawking] I'm guessing she's in the waitress protection program, and you're watching her because...
Detective: Okay, whoever said that you feel great after a workout never went for a run in the middle of a heat wave
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, perspiration evaporates from the skin, it extracts the heat by vaporization in order to change into a gaseous state, resulting in a cooling effect
Detective: So, I need to run faster and sweat more to cool off?
Jane: Well do you have that last page?
Maura: We certainly do thanks to Sergeant Korsak.
Vince: No, no, thanks to you, Dr. Isles.
Maura: Oh, please, Sergeant, I couldn't have done it without your help.
Jane: Okay, we'll throw you both a parade later. What does it say?
Maura: The defense won't be able to dispute the chain of custody
Jane: It's a hail Mary, but it might be enough to put in front of a judge
Maura: "Hail Mary" is such a odd phrase. You know, when it was coined in 1975...
Jane: Maura, Jane, go, court, now, thanksbye!
Detective: So our victims were either transported from the 90s. OR they work for Hilary Clinton. Or our killer is a scrunchie freak.
Kent: Look, I hope you don't mind if I say, but you look awful
Jane: Thanks
Kent: No, really! You look like... I mean, when was the last time you slept?
Jane: Yeah, I don't know, like a day or two
Kent: Maybe you should nap. NASA pilots who slept for 45 minutes increased their alertness by 54%
Jane: Is that a fact?
Kent: Yeah
Jane: [Starts walking away] Well, you can take that fact and shove it up your...
Maura: Come on, Jane, Jorge's a catch.
Detective: If you don't want him, can I have him?
Detective: Jorge? Yeah, he's all yours. Maybe if I get fat, he'll stop calling.
Maura: I just think if you allow him to see all sides of you, then he'll stop calling.
[Jane turns and stares at Maura]
Maura: You know what, I just heard what that sounded like, and that is, what I meant to say was that human beings have good and bad traits, you know, and you have, you know, some characteristics that are a little not as, um, wow, fudge clusters!
Barry: But that about the autopsy?
Lieutenant: The governor assigned that Dr. Vladmir Papov to the case.
Jane: Papov can't find his own ass unless you put his hand on it!
Lieutenant: I know.
Jane: [enters lab] You rang? Ish!
Maura: I have a surprise for you
Jane: [looking at an oddly shaped white sheet on a table] Oh no, Dr. Frankenstein, you shouldn't have!
Jane: [Out drinking coffee with Korsak] This is like 90% foam! What's yours?
Jane: [Frankie sneaks up from behind and starts hugging her] What are you doing?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: The FBI called me for a background check
Jane: [Frankie lets go] ! was gonna tell you
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: It's okay, I understand. You wanted to wait until everything was final. But, you know, I realized that after you leave, I'm not gonna be able to come in here and hug you whenever I want
Jane: You never come in here and hug me whenever you want
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Till now
Jane: [Frankie starts hugging again] What? Oh God, No!
Detective: We don't give into fear!
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, I understand it. If we do, then we just end up dying a little bit every day, which metabolically speaking, we do anyway
Detective: Maura! Really?
Jane: [Stirring a pan for diner] I don't like quinoa, too grainy
Maura: It's not a grain, it's a chenopod
Jane: Well, I don't like chenopads
Maura: [Smilingly] Chenopod! Quinoa is closely related to beets, spinach and tumbleweed
Jane: Tumbleweed? Yeah, put that on the top of my do-not-serve list too!
Jane: You're incredible.
Maura: You'd do the same for one of your brothers.
Jane: Maybe, but they'd have to be really, really nice. I'd definitely do it for you, though.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Walks into autopsy] You didn't get the bullet out yet?
Jane: Yeah, Maura, come on. The body has been here at least 30 seconds.
[Maura smiles]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [sighs] Oh, sorry.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Do you know how many private security agencies work for the NSA?
Detective: About two thousand
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I bet you don't know this: there are half a million non-government workers without top secret security clearance
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Do you know how many government agencies there are conducting intelligence activities?
Detective: Sixteen
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: We got the: CIA, DIA. NSA, NGA, NRO, Afisra, Inscom, MCIA, ONI, OICI, INR, CGI, FBI, DEA, ONSI, INR and TFI
Detective: That is very impressive. Now breathe!
Detective: Latin card and a metaphor plant? He could be your soul mate. Or your clone!
Dr. Maura Isles: The truth is I have been doing a field study on dating for over 10 years and I can no longer ignore the results: there is no Mr. Right out there for me!
Detective: Maura, come on! Right, you can't look at relationships like they are scientific experiments
Dr. Maura Isles: The guy with who I had the most amazing sexual chemistry with: a face licker!
Detective: Yeah.
Dr. Maura Isles: And the next guy who I had feelings for ended up dead and I was framed for his murder.
Detective: To be fair: getting murdered was not his fault! For all we know he... he could have been a wonderful boyfriend
Dr. Maura Isles: And then the guy who said that he wanted my body, he meant it literally, because he was a serial killer who made sculptures out of dead women bodies!
Detective: Yes that was unfortunate. But would a serial killer send you a romantic metaphor plant?
Dr. Maura Isles: I am not sure. The nerium oleander has two meanings: it's rare and beautiful and also deadly!
Detective: Really? You would think a guy would brush up his botany before sending you a tree with mixed messages.
Dr. Maura Isles: You are looking for something with a sharp tip, although the wound is not precise laterally
Detective: So a knife with a pointing tip and dull sides
Dr. Maura Isles: I did not say a knife
Detective: We are looking for, eh, an SPT
[Frost & Korsak look puzzled]
Detective: A sharp pointy thing
Dr. Maura Isles: I am comfortable with that, yes
Jane: [Maura is picking a lock] Just when I thought I'd seen everything
Maura: Figured out how to do it when I was nine. My parents didn't want me watching TV, so they locked it up
Jane: Are you sure we're talking about Ma? 'cause that is shockingly rational advice
Maura: What? Your mother can be very rational
Jane: We're talking about the same person who thinks she started the Led Zeppelin riot in 1975
Maura: [giggles] Well, we can't proof she didn't
Detective: Because you have absolutely no poker face
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes, I do!
Detective: Have you every beaten me at cards?
Dr. Maura Isles: No
[first lines]
Jane: [making a basket against Frankie] Oh! Finally!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: You're still down by ten.
Jane: I will beat you someday.
Detective: [after coming home to Angela testing out old paint on her apartment wall] This reminds me of the time that I asked for a bunk bed and you surprised me with a pink canopy.
Angela: I thought you loved that bed!
Detective: I asked for a bunk bed because I wanted to build a fort, Ma, and I didn't wanna hurt your feelings. Ugh. I wish you knew I hate pink!
Angela: [referring to a paint sample on Jane's wall] It's begonia!
Detective: Then I hate begonia, too.
Maura: There are plenty of other options. I think you should come with me and we'll make a day out of it
Jane: Hmm, hmm,
[cynical]
Jane: I can't wait
Maura: Oh, I think I just found the perfect treatment for you
Jane: I bet you 5 bucks you're wrong
Maura: Vino-rejuvenation, using the free radicals and antioxidants found in grapevines. And each treatment comes with wine
Jane: How much wine?
[picks up phone]
Jane: Rizzoli
Maura: Your very own bottle!
[picks up phone]
Maura: Isles
Jane: [whispers to Maura, covering the phone] Do you get the wine before the treatment?
Maura: [whispers back] Yeah
Jane: You win!
Dr. Maura Isles: I just wish I knew what was causing that pain.
Detective: Again, I'm going with a 40 caliber bullet.
Dr. Maura Isles: The murder weapon is a cylindrical, heavy, hard object.
Detective: [watching crime lab techs working on baseball bats across the hall] Gee, what could it be? Think it's a pipe?
Dr. Maura Isles: Pipe is too thin.
Detective: What about a majorette's baton?
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm glad that you find my scientific approach amusing.
Maura: Okay, you have a birthday coming up. Wouldn't it be nice to just get something you really want?
Jane: I really want a cause of death
Detective: What about DNA substance from the sexual assault?
Maura: No semen, but I did collect some deerskin fibers.
Detective: So we're looking for Bambi.
Jane: [Looking at the victims photos] Well, they're all gorgeous, that's for sure
Nina: Think that's what got them killed?
Jane: [sighs] I don't know
Detective: Find anything?
Dr. Maura Isles: Cause of death: massive cerebral hemorrhage caused by an ice pick penetrating the brain
Detective: Yeah, I figured the ice pick had somewhat to do with it. I meant find anything that helps us know who he is
Detective: We should just talk to my mom together. You know, like a financial intervention
Dr. Maura Isles: Look, why don't I just handle it, because you and your mother just argue when you talk about money
Detective: Mother and I argue when we talk about the weather
Detective: Yo, Dr. Death. J-Lo needs a cause of death, not a seminar on gangsta nicknames.
Frank Rizzoli Sr.: Everybody makes mistakes, Jane.
Detective: Running a priest down in a crosswalk on your third DUI conviction is not a mistake.
Angela: Father Crowley has forgiven him. Why can't you?
Detective: You're throwing him a party in a bar, Mom. Are you crazy?
Detective: Why are you doing the autopsy on a Sunday? Did they cancel all the kundalini-pulao-riku-yoga classes?
Dr. Maura Isles: Kundalini is sacred energy work, pulao is a savory rice dish and I'm pretty sure that you made up that last word
Jane: I got nothing
Vince: Then you're way ahead of me
Detective: The Caped Crusader has a Nemesis
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes
Detective: Or Nemisi
Dr. Maura Isles: That isn't the plural of Nemesis
Detective: Doesn't matter, he's not a real superhero!
Angela: I'm taking a class, eh, at night, eh, a cooking class
Jane: Oh what kind of cooking?
Angela: French
Maura: My favorite, pot-au-feu, choucroute, steak frite
Angela: I know, I love it
Jane: You love it? You love French food?
Angela: Uhm hmm
Jane: What other kind of French food do you love?
Angela: Well, I like it all! French onion soup and French fries and French toast
Jane: Okay, I'll make a deal with you: I'll go to this spa whatever it's called, if you go to a Patriots game with me
Maura: [laughs] That hardly seems like a fair trade-off
Jane: I know, but I'm willing to suffer through a massage, because I am a giver
Maura: [Looking at the victim] He is very talented! I mean, this laceration on his cheek is a work of art. He even discolored the subcutaneous tissue to account for maggot infestation
Jane: Yay?
Maura: Well, we have to admire how real it looks. I mean, this takes dedication
Jane: There's a world record for the number of snail on a person's face. That takes dedication too, but it doesn't mean I have to admire it
Maura: How many snails was it?
Jane: That's not the point, Maura! 43
Maura: [Reading through the medical files] I wondered how she fractured it
Jane: She was a runner, maybe she fell
Maura: No, I don't think so. She told the treating doctor that she didn't remember falling. He ordered a lumbar puncture. Aha, her hypocretin levels were low
Jane: [No clue] Aha! Why are we saying "aha"?
Maura: Well, it correlates with the HLA-gene tests I ordered
Jane: [Still no clue] Aha
Maura: Judge Harper fell because she blacked out. She suffered from narcolepsy
Detective: I am never getting married. Or having children.
Dr. Maura Isles: You think that'll protect you?
Detective: No.
Jane: I'm just saying that Kent Drake is not the name of a real person!
Maura: I have seen his file and his picture. We had a videoconference interview
Jane: Tall? Dark? Handsome? Suit, slightly too large for his body? Because his superhero suiut is underneath it
Maura: He is not a superhero, he is a military-school graduate
Jane: Superhero
Maura: Glasgow Medical School. Just finished a tour to Afghanistan
Jane: Marvel Superhero!
Maura: Well, is that a good thing or a bad thing?
Jane: If you have to ask...
Maura: [Entering the crime scene] The sway bar bushing on my sidecar needs to be looked at. Maybe I should bring it here
Jane: I'd wait till they get new mechanics
Maura: These are spiral fractures. The twisting pattern is caused by pressure being exerted by a moving object
Jane: Like someone was stepping on his fingers?
Maura: That would account for the pattern. In fact I believe it's likely that the damage was done by a rubber soled hiking boot
Jane: Dr. Isles! Are you actually speculating about how this damage was inflicted?
Maura: I don't need to speculate. I have science
Jane: He is either the smartest criminal or the luckiest
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Or he didn't do it
Detective: [after chasing down their killer] I told you to stay put.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No, you told me to stay in the car.
Detective: Nice move, little brother.
Detective: Is it still cool in your world?
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes, and crowded! I can barely start a Rokitansky without 50 sweaty people watching over me
Detective: Well, they're so much better up close
Dr. Maura Isles: You think so?
Detective: Maybe, if if I knew what a Rokifransky was
Jane: Wow, you cook too! Where did get the eggs and all the vegetables?
Colonel: Farmer's Market.
Jane: Really? You're like a 17th-century wife.
Colonel: [laughs] Is that good or bad?
Jane: Oh, well, fantastic! I've always wanted a wife.
Colonel: What do you want to do today? Watch me churn butter or beat the dust from the rugs?
Maura: Would that be so bad becoming a little like your mother?
Detective: I mean, nuclear war is worse, but it's close.
Angela: Here
[hands over an ice bag]
Angela: It won't be attractive if your nose swells up. You may never know who you might run into
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Ma!
Angela: What?
Jane: 'Cause I meet so many great guys at work. Too bad they're all dead
Jane: Well, can you at least talk about what it is the two of you are doing here?
Dr. Maura Isles: Susie is pursuing an interesting line of inquiry, a forensic examination of the victims
Jane: Victims? What, what victims?
[Susie points to the watermelons]
Jane: Those are not victims, those are watermelons!
Susie: I am conducting a fruitopsy
Dr. Maura Isles: That's funny!
Jane: Hilarious, I'll check in later. I am going to get a susdictionary!
Jane: Please tell me: when did Boston joined the 3rd world?
Maura: Slater was a terrible typist with bad grammar. Look at this: he uses 'who' instead of 'whom', 'which' instead of 'that'.
Jane: Well no wonder somebody killed him.
Angela: Can you help me get the Buick back? You're a Police Officer!
Detective: I'm a Homicide Detective! Are you planning on killing the car dealer?
Angela: I might.
Jane: Hey, did you get the DNA back on that hair? Because I think that we've got our man upstairs
Maura: Well, I'm not so sure that you have your man, because the DNA says that your man is a woman
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, I was just going to call you. I got a surprise here.
Detective: Oh, I like surprises!
Dr. Maura Isles: That's a good one! Do you want to talk about it?
Detective: We're talking about it!
Dr. Maura Isles: We are?
Detective: Maura, we don't have the time for this. I need you to focus!
Detective: Is it a suspicious death? What does your gut say?
Dr. Maura Isles: I don't listen to my intestines.
Detective: Maura.
Maura: I'm done. I'm done, and actually, I'm a little insulted.
Jane: What'd I do?
Maura: That girl rejected my kidney!
Jane: The nerve!
Maura: I know, right? It's a very nice kidney.
Jane: I'm sure it is. You should keep it. In *your* body.
Detective: [Maura is examining a dead body] Is the same knife that killed Helen?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, it appears that the apex of the incise wounds is indeed rough and uneven which would be consistent with what Helen suffered.
Detective: [to Rizzoli] Indeed is close to yes, right?
Detective: Yes adjacent.
Jane: There's a lot of blood
Maura: The victim sustained severe cranial trauma, resulting in massive hemorrhaging
Jane: That's another way to put it
[last lines]
Detective: You want a peanut? They're really good.
Constance: Thank you.
Detective: [joking] Have someone come by and shell them for you.
Jane: How are you liking working with the living, by the way?
Maura: You know, it's incredible! I assisted with a cesarean
Jane: Just couldn't resists cutting something open, huh?
Jane: C'mon. Do the autopsy, okay? It'll make you feel better.
Detective: It must be very complicated to be you.
Maura: You have no idea.
[Jane and Angela are playing gin, Maura walks in]
Dr. Maura Isles: How are you feeling today?
Detective: Good, I have beaten my mother 30 consecutive times, so I am pretty good!
Angela: Yeah, she cheating, I just don't know how!
Barry: She doesn't have a Facebook page
Vince: Even I have a Facebook page
Barry: With 3 friends
Detective: I'll be your friend
Barry: You already are
Detective: [catching up] What, are you going to tell me I filled out nicely?
Lt. Joey Grant: And risk charges? Maybe...
Dr. Maura Isles: [to the waitress bringing the plates] Thank you
Detective: [Looking at the food] Thought you said you ordered something good?
Dr. Maura Isles: This is good
Detective: It's kale! It's that thing on the salad bar that nobody used to eat, but now it's the cool food
Dr. Maura Isles: Are you abstaining from coffee tomorrow?
Detective: No, I'm abstaining from kale!
Dr. Maura Isles: No, you have a family history of cholesterol. You need to take that test
Detective: You're very nosy
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm very concerned
Detective: Hey, I've got an idea: bother BT!
Dr. Maura Isles: We haven't progressed to the point where we exchanging genetic DNA family histories yet
Detective: You've exchanged any DNA yet?
Dr. Maura Isles: We've been too busy
Dr. Maura Isles: Mmm, branzino. With a Mugnier reduction.
Detective: Oh, ugh, it's looking at me, like I personally put the hook in. How am I supposed to eat that?
Dr. Maura Isles: Use your fish knife. It's next to the melon spoon.
Jane: Well, someone is lying!
Vince: Carla?
Jane: No, everybody else
Detective: I think we've found the body that goes to that ear.
Dr. Maura Isles: Well I'm not prepared to say conclusively until I've tested tissue samples.
Detective: Maura he's got one ear!
Frank Rizzoli Sr.: I want you to forgive me, Jane. Please. You're my number one daughter
Detective: I'm your only daughter, Pop
Maura: Caffeine bad.
Detective: Death worse.
Detective: No. Stay away from Giovanni.
Dr. Maura Isles: No?
[pause]
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, this is a dibs thing!
Detective: A dibs thing? Really? Okay. Tell me what you have in common with him. Alright. He's a blue-collar Boston-Italian auto mechanic.
Dr. Maura Isles: Well so are you! Well, except for being an auto mechanic, and we're best friends.
Detective: Yes, but I'm interesting. And you don't wanna sleep with me.
[Maura gives her a look]
Detective: Do you?
Dr. Maura Isles: No. No! But that's my point. That's all I wanna do with Giovanni!
Detective: [to Maura as she answers the door in the middle of the night] Why do you always look like you're about to do a photoshoot?
Maura: [Noticing Jane typing on her computer] Are you looking through my personal files?
Jane: [sighs] Well, if you don't want anyone looking, don't label them personal!
Detective: Is she alive?
Detective: Yup
Dr. Maura Isles: Then I'll take a look at the actual victim
Jane: What's with the notebook?
Delores: Oh, I have been writing license plate numbers ever since we had that string of break-ins back in the 90's. I write down the number of anyone who doesn't belong
Jane: You wrote down my license plate
Delores: I don't know you
Dr. Maura Isles: [Maura speaks in Creole to the mother of the victim] Exorcisms are very powerful.
Detective: Is that what she said?
Dr. Maura Isles: No.
Detective: Is that what you said?
Dr. Maura Isles: No.
Detective: Maura.
Jane: [Theorizing what could have happened] That doesn't make any sense. It's not a professional hit. A pro wouldn't use a shotgun. It's not a robbery, nothing is taken
Maura: Could be random
Jane: I hate random
Detective: Late is a million times better than never
Maura: Her last glucose level reading was over 400
Detective: Is that good or bad?
Maura: It's extremely high
Detective: Is that good or bad?
Maura: Bad
[Maura grabs the coffee from Jane]
Detective: I will kill you
Dr. Maura Isles: Caffeine is bad
Detective: Death worse!
[Maura starts drinking Jane's coffee]
Dr. Maura Isles: Hmm, this is good! Did you use Sulawesi?
Detective: I hate you
Jane: What you're doing?
Maura: Biting on a pencil
Jane: Yes, I can see that, but why?
Maura: It activates the muscles used for smiling
Jane: Well, those muscles are a little out of shape
Maura: I'm gonna ignore you in attempt to improve my mood
Jane: So, biting pencils work?
Maura: Well, holding your teeth in this position engages the zygomaticus major and risorius muscle
Jane: I can't understand you
Maura: Some studies show that you can trick your brain to thinking you're happy when moving certain muscles
Jane: Oh
Maura: It's petty, small minded. It should be enough that I saved someone's life
Maura: I keep hearing this phrase: "no worries".
Jane: What's wrong with it?
Maura: I can't pin down the meaning. Is it social pleasantry like "you're welcome"?
Jane: It's more like a blanket position, you know, like "no nukes". Agh, I'll tell you what I can't do? I can't live in a state where the flip-flop is the state shoe! And what's with the drumming? Everywhere! All I hear this drumming
Maura: Well, probably because of the drum circles
Detective: I am so tired, my taste buds are asleep. What are we eating?
Dr. Maura Isles: A gluten-free almond cookie
Detective: Uh, so it is supposed to taste like cardboard
Detective: Hey, did you get my text?
Dr. Maura Isles: You said you were coming down
Detective: Yeah, and then I said: "scratch that, I need you to come upstairs and talk to Teen Wolf"
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh
[picks up her phone and starts reading]
Detective: Well, after that it's just variations of "where the hell are you?"
Dr. Maura Isles: These emoticons don't deserve to be used in such disturbing ways
Detective: Gets the point across, doesn't it?
Angela: All right, what's going on? I need to know
Jane: Ehm, I'm gonna be an instructor at the FBI
Maura: The FBI!
Angela: The FBI?
Jane: Yeah!
Angela: In Washington DC?
Jane: Yes! I'm leaving the force. I thought that you would be thrilled
Maura: I mean, I just never considered that you being safe would mean moving 500 miles away
Maura: 343... nautical... miles. It's seven hours and seven minutes via route 15.
Angela: Well, that's still really far for a cup of coffee
Detective: Oh, that's why. All judges took off early for the holiday weekend
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, I'd like to be a judge someday
Detective: I'd like to run off and join the circus
Vince: Hey, are you free tomorrow night?
Jane: Yes! Anything to get me out of Frankie's apartment
Vince: Are you at each other's throats?
Jane: Yes, he's just like, you know "Don't drink my beer", "Put your pizza box away". He is bossier than Ma
Vince: Well, it is his apartment
Jane: Oh, that's nice! Take his side! What's tomorrow night?
Vince: You want to meet Kiki?
Jane: Well, it's about time
[last lines]
Detective: Now can we get a beer?
Jane: [Doing paperwork] Yes! Done! Every follow-up report. What's my price?
Barry: 2 days off to hang with your boyfriend.
Jane: Hm, first days I have taken in a year. BPD owes me a 116.
Vince: That's nothing, they owe me 243.
Barry: Why are you two competing over who takes the fewest vacation days?
Jane: Because we're studs.
Barry: So what do you and Casey have planned?
Jane: Well, he only has 72 hours off, so "nothing".
Detective: [grumbling] I can't believe I let you talk me into wearing this. I don't think this thing's been washed since 1776.
Dr. Maura Isles: You're just not used to the linsey-woolsey fabric. I told you to wear the silk polonaise.
Detective: Oh yeah, the whale bones diggin' into my boobs woulda been much more comfortable.
Detective: The wig's kinda scratchy, but we totally blend in.
Detective: [looking around at all the white faces] Yeah. Totally.
Jane: [Answers a question Jane asked him a couple of minutes ago] Five
Jane: Sorry?
Agent: I've been shot five times
Jane: You've been shot five times?
Agent: Five times. How about you?
Jane: I've only been shot twice
Agent: What? Twice is good, twice is sexy
Jane: No, one doesn't really count, 'cause I shot myself... I... I shot myself on purpose
Agent: What?
Jane: Yeah, well, it's... it's a long story
Angela: I didn't think you talked to anyone like that but me.
Detective: Is that Mom-speak for Thank you?
Detective: He doesn't have a job and has two Lexuses
[Maura frowns]
Detective: or two Lexi
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Olives and ketchup? You're not really going to eat that, are you?
Jane: Well, it's moldy cheese or this.
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm going to the gym and even though you're rude, you're coming with me
Detective: No, thank you. I am too tired to work out
Dr. Maura Isles: Then let's go to the Dirty Robber, I'll even have a beer with you
Detective: No, I am working out on my couch: five stages of junk food
Jane: I still think it's amazing they can suck out an organ through a straw
Maura: It's called a laparoscope and they do not use it to "suck out" your kidney. "Minimal invasive", my ass!
Jane: You'll feel so much better when you're in shape, okay? Come on
Maura: You're saying I'm fat and out of shape?
Dr. Maura Isles: Did the old lady kill her?
Detective: Uhm, that's doubtful
Dr. Maura Isles: Doubtful! So, she might?
Detective: No
Dr. Maura Isles: Then why did you say: doubtful?
Detective: I wanted you to know what uncertainty felt like
Dr. Maura Isles: He introduced himself as Mr. Selsi. It's Isles, my adoptive name, spelled backward.
Detective: I know, you keep saying that.
Dr. Maura Isles: He was toying with me from the start, while he was staring at his murdered son.
Detective: Come on. He came to say a final goodbye to Colin, and he knew that you wanted a DNA sample, so he gave you some of his blood. That's a guy with balls!
Dr. Maura Isles: Come on, you're defending a stone cold killer.
Detective: No I'm n
[pause]
Detective: yes I am. Uh, and, I'm gonna stop now. Look, I think that whoever killed Colin knew that his murder would draw Patrick out.
[pause]
Detective: I mean, if it makes you feel better, these were all bad guys.
Detective: You called?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Hi Jane, you met Nina?
Detective: No, hi, Jane Rizzoli
Nina: Rizzoli? Like...
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Yup, I'm the reason the department has a nepotism policy
Detective: No, you're the reason the department get rid of vending machines!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Nice!
Jane: [Typing at Maura's computer] Strawbridge, strawberry.
Maura: Are you doing what I think you're doing?
Jane: How did you know I'm looking at porn? No, wait, I logged in as you, so Dr. Isles is looking for porn.
Maura: What? Move over!
Barry: I always thought the greatest feeling in the world was putting away bad guys.
Jane: It's not?
Barry: No, the greatest feeling in the world is freeing an innocent man.
Maura: You were gonna make a deal with a man who killed a police officer's wife and baby?
Jane: Maura, sometimes you got to dance with the devil to get a conviction, especially for two capital murders.
Maura: So, you're gonna seek the death penalty?
AUSA: If you're conflicted, Doctor, I won't ask you to help investigate this.
Maura: I am a physician, Mr. King. I don't wish death on anyone! That doesn't mean I won't help you.
Dr. Maura Isles: You know I think he has clinical lycanthropy, usually brought on by schizophrenia or a psychotic break
Detective: Do I need a tattoo on my forehead that says: "What does that mean, Maura?"
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh! I assumed you were just shocked into silence because his condition is so rare
Detective: No!
Detective: What about personal? Abby said the men in her platoon resented her.
Detective: No way!
Detective: Korsak, with all due respect, there weren't women serving when you were a Marine.
Detective: Hey, I ever treat you any different from Frost, Rizzoli?
Detective: Well, yeah. You never brought me flowers.
Detective: Well, the best lies are usually half truths, so maybe he was a drugs dealer
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Hipster drugs dealer laying low in Sobo
Nina: Isn't that a bubble drink?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No, that's Soba
Detective: No, no, no, the noodles are Soba. Bubble drinks are Boba
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Sobo is what the hipsters are calling South Boston
Detective: It's not a thing!
Vince: Anarchist's wife came by.
Jane: Which anarchist? Robot Rebellion?
Vince: No, Diamonds are Forever.
Jane: Ah, how is she?
Vince: Came to thank us. Says her husband is going to make her those earrings after all.
Jane: Our work here is done.
[Korsak laughs]
Dr. Maura Isles: [Looking at Angela's steaming car engine] I would suspect it's a ring job
Detective: How much?
Dr. Maura Isles: Uh, three, maybe four...
Detective: Hundred?
Dr. Maura Isles: Thousand
Angela: Oh! Oh God, your father is gonna kill me
Detective: Tell him not to do when I'm on call
Professor: I was merely attempting to move this artillery piece out of your way! Commanding Officer General Ezekiel Parker of the Sixteenth Brigade.
Detective: [shaking his hand] I'm Martha Washington. Let me see your driver's license.
Dr. Maura Isles: [about the fact that one of Jane's legs might be longer than the other] You should get that looked at.
Detective: I don't want to get it looked at.
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, it could cause damage to your back over time. Simple enough to lengthen the other leg.
Detective: I don't need to be taller, Maura. Men are already afraid of me enough as it is.
Dr. Maura Isles: And you think it's because you're tall?
Maura: [watching arson clip on her laptop] This is terrible! Oh my god, Jane
Jane: Don't panic
Maura: Too late! I need to see it again
Jane: Wait no, too much screen time is bad for you! Take a break, go cut open a body
Jane: [Just shot someone with a taser] I have never used one of these things before, this is great! I mean: is he all right?
Vince: [Giggles] Yeah, he's all right
Jane: [Looking for a safe word] Walrus! I had a cat named Walrus
Vince: I thought you hated cats?
Jane: Walrus is why
Barry: [At the crime scene] How'd you know that?
Maura: Well, I saw every episode
Barry: Me too. What'd you think of chef Holden's sous-vide duck?
Maura: Oh, that technique was controversial. You know, I've made the grilled watermelon with the charred beet and fennel
Barry: You're making me hungry
Jane: Can you two foodies stop salivating, please?
Jane: Yeah, what it his story?
Angela: He is very bright. He, eh, dropped out to pursue his passion for farming
Jane: In Boston? What's he farm?
Angela: [Starts running away] Hydroponic marihuana, mostly. Gotta go
Jane: Maura would be very proud of you.
Susie: She's my hero... so are you, but she's an MD.
Maura: From an academic perspective, Dr. Carlson is a highly respected forensic anthropologist
Jane: From people's perspective, he's a dick!
Detective: Damnit! I am late for dinner! My mom is gonna kill me.
Detective: You were firebombed, Jane. It's a good excuse.
Detective: You don't know my mother. Will you call her and tell her I'm on my way?
Angela: [Arguing about going undercover] Isn't being a cop enough? Now you have to be a cop that puts herself with a bunch of criminals?
Jane: Korsak and Maura would never...
Angela: I know that! And you'll probably be fine. Then you'll come home, and we'll... we'll all pretend it's normal to think about what you'd look like in a casket! I bet you'd look great!
[Leaves the room, angry]
Jane: [Uncertain] Ma?
Detective: Really? Statistics now?
Dr. Maura Isles: There's comfort in numbers
Detective: Maybe I should be a lesbian.
Maura: Aww, well wishes can come true. Frost and Korsak wanted to fill out your dating profile. I typed!
Detective: You what?
Maura: If it wasn't for me, you'd be butch.
Maura: [about Frankie's motorcycle] Did it cut out suddenly?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Yeah, how did you know?
Maura: Electrical. Unless, what kind of a sound did it make? Was it cough or a wheeze?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Like, eh,
[makes strange noises]
Maura: But did it also sputter? Like
[stranger noises]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No, it was more like
[even more stranger noises]
Maura: [Making all kinds of strange sounds to each other]
Jane: Hi! Hello! You two, please get a room! Preferable a sound proof one
Maura: Carburetor
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Oh
Maura: Get it over to my house, I'll help you fix it
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: That'd be great, thanks
Detective: Oh, yeah, he's fantastic. I want to kill myself. What's the best way?
Dr. Maura Isles: Uh, atlanto-occipital disarticulation is very fast
Detective: No idea what that is. What else you've got?
[Jane has reluctantly been forced to bring Angela to a crime scene]
Detective: Stay in the car.
Angela: I won't embarrass you.
Detective: Thirty years of experience says otherwise.
Detective: I. Will. Kill. You.
[last lines]
Detective: Well have fun in Washington.
[kisses Grant on the cheek]
Detective: And I'll miss you.
[gives him one more peck on the cheek, and exits into her building]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Jane is moving in with Frankie in his apartment] Janie, we can make this work, we just have to lay down some ground rules
Detective: Ground rules?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Yeah. For instance, see that drawer?
Detective: Yeah
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Don't open it
Detective: Okay
[Frankie turns around, Jane opens it]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Ah! See? That was a test! You failed! Now you will never know the location of my secret drawer
Detective: Can I use your computer?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Of course
Detective: Good, I'm gonna stay at a hotel
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: No, no, no, stop, stop. Look, we can do this. We just have a few more rules, right?
Detective: [sighs] Okay
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Dishes in the sink, rinse! If you finish my cereal, replace it. And please don't dry your brassiere in my shower
Detective: Okay, please don't ever say the word "brassiere", Francis
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Don't call me that
Detective: Fine, Franklin
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: That's not even my name
[Knocking]
Detective: Well, can I open the door or is there a rule against that too?
[Frankie allows, Jane opens door]
Dr. Maura Isles: Hey
Detective: Hey, glad you are here, you can help me find Frankie's porn drawer
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: It's a secret drawer
Detective: That means it's weird porn
[Maura and Frankie start hughing]
Detective: Don't touch her brassier
Dr. Maura Isles: Why would he touch my brassiere?
Detective: He has a thing
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I don't have a thing
Lieutenant: What the hell happened to me?
Maura: It appears you experienced a vasovagal episode.
Lieutenant: I went outside to get some air...
Angela: You live in Dorchester.
Lieutenant: I got lightheaded is all.
Jane: Is that how your pants fell off?
Angela: [whispering] Jane! Don't embarrass him.
Jane: [whispering back] Him? I've never been so embarrassed in my life!
Maura: Well, your dizziness could've been caused by sexual arousal and a sudden rush of blood to your genitals.
Jane: [dry heaving] Oh my go...
Angela: [quickly] Okay, we weren't making love. We were just making out.
Angela: I'm gonna have a vasovagal episode if you don't stop. Please, I beg you!
Dr. Maura Isles: Take off your shirt.
Detective: Now I know you've suffered a head injury.
Dr. Maura Isles: To bind the wound.
Detective: [Enters smelly bathroom] Ugh, heat waves and dead bodies do not mix!
Maura: I'm not seeing him.
Jane: Yet.
Maura: Somebody should. Don't you think?
Jane: Yap.
Maura: Should we draw straws?
Jane: Couldn't we just show him our tits and let him decide?
Maura: I just feel so foolish. I allowed the flattery to cloud my reason
Jane: So, you're human, like the rest of us
Dr. Maura Isles: Did you know that all United States currency is printed on the cotton-linen blend paper made by Crane&Co, which they have been supplying since 1879?
Detective: Yes. You know what else is a fun fact? Something that helps me catch the killer!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I hope so, because if this is random, it'll be like looking for a needle in a haystack! What are you gonna tell Paul?
Detective: That we're knee deep in a very big haystack
Special: Uh, did you eat dinner?
Jane: I can't remember.
Special: Well, are you hungry? For food?
Maura: Look at these two bottles of the secret sauce
Jane: That one's darker
Maura: Yes. Now taste them
Jane: Taste them? No! We're in the crime lab, it's not very appetizing. Maur...
Maura: [Grabs Jane's hand] Just taste it!
Jane: [Tastes the first one] It's good
Maura: Mm, hmm, now try this one
Jane: [Tastes the second one] They're the same
Maura: If you're not a super taster, it does
Jane: I think, I've just been insulted
Dr. Maura Isles: You're running this morning! Come on
Detective: Uh, uh, your're too late, I already showered
Dr. Maura Isles: [Sniffs Jane] Last night or this morning?
Maura: So, do you want the bad news or... the bad news?
Jane: Hmm, you pick
Jane: Hey, uhm, can I have the honey walnut shrimp?
Vince: [Hands over box] Eh yeah
Jane: Thanks. There's no shrimp!
Vince: There's a lot of honey, a lot of walnuts
Dr. Maura Isles: Where's your matching outfit?
[Jane lifts her sweater to show the t-shirt]
Dr. Maura Isles: Yeah, we're running for charity: Professionals for Underprivileged Kids of Excellence. We're a team
Detective: Team PUKE?
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes, that... that is an unfortunate acronym
Detective: Can you lie about that?
Dr. Maura Isles: No, I don't lie
Detective: Well, it's not a lie
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes it is. I know when it is. I start to hyperventilate
Detective: Okay, it's a white lie
Dr. Maura Isles: It's still a lie
Detective: You've never lied to a guy and tell him he was good when he wasn't?
Dr. Maura Isles: No
Detective: Like this shirt with this jacket?
Dr. Maura Isles: Not really, no
Dr. Maura Isles: [Talking to hairbrush] Five sigma is fun, but forensics solves crimes. Ah. Five sigma is fun, but forensics solves crimes! Chin up.
Detective: [Walks in] I cannot believe what my mother... what you're doing?
Dr. Maura Isles: [starts brushing, while hiding notes] 89, 90, 91... just ehm, I am doing my usual 100 brushes a day! What does it look like I am doing?
Detective: It looks like you're singing into your hairbrush practicing for your summer camp talent show.
Dr. Maura Isles: It's absurd! The camps I went to never had talent shows!
Detective: What's that
[picks up notes]
Detective: ? Thrombotic... thrombocytopenic. These are the worst lyrics ever!
Susie: [Maura has to turn in her clothes] I'm so sorry, Dr. Isles.
Maura: You're just doing your job, Susie.
Jane: We're gonna need your underwear too.
Maura: You know, I have processed hundreds of suspects, but I never truly understood how humiliating this is.
Jane: [in a row boat, Jane is doing the rowing] Did you know that because of all the pollution the bass are changing sexes, with the male carrying the eggs?
Jane: [not very surprised] Well, it's about time!
Jane: You did not know that!
Maura: Yes, I did. I read it in a science journal. You?
Jane: Remember that book Skeet gave me? Interesting
Maura: Skeet?
Jane: The book!
Georgette: Is all this really necessary?
Jane: Pretty necessary when there's a murder.
Georgette: It wasn't a murder.
Vince: I'd say it's at least a *piece* of a murder.
Jane: I was so worried about trying to avoid a hernia... of the entire body
Maura: That's not what a hernia is
Jane: Yes, I know that!
Jane: She was about to get tenure and he wasn't.
Maura: Well, that will put a strain on a marriage of academics. Sayre's law: politics of a university are so tense because the stakes are so low.
Angela: [Shopping for a dress for Jane] Oh, we're not leaving until we found something that we both like!
Detective: Did you bring food and water?
Detective: [Looking at drawings] Whoa, check this out. Our victim was an artist. Look like they're done by a computer
Dr. Maura Isles: No, they're by hand. This may be evidence of a very high IQ
Detective: How much more evidence would you need?
Dr. Maura Isles: Extensive use of polyhedra
[Korsak, Frost and Jane look puzzled]
Dr. Maura Isles: Geometric signs in thrae dimensions with flat faces and straight edges
Vince: Yeah, sure. I like that stuff
Jane: [Shows picture] You know her?
Rhonda: Don't remember
Vince: Her name is Lianne Sampson. You were in Framingham together
Rhonda: Yeah, and so were like 2,000 other people. You wanna show me their pictures too?
Barry: It's Gia Lemond.
Jane: What? The famous pop singer?
Maura: She can't be that famous. I've never heard of her.
[Frost and Jane share a look]
Jane: [Arrives at the crime scene] This spoils my experience of nature
Maura: You hate nature
Jane: Well, I would like it a lot more if there were fewer dead people in it
Jane: What's going on here?
[reads tag on equipment]
Jane: Maximum depth 180 feet? What are you, James Cameron? Maura, At least he's certified.
Maura: I haven't had time to take the course.
Jane: So you'll do that before or after
[plays with hiking shoes]
Jane: your outback lady walk?
Jane: I've never seen you like this. You're swooning!
Maura: To swoon is to faint from emotion.
Jane: I know, but I don't have a word for singing in a sexy voice into your hairbrush.
Jane: [Maura has just been checked in the hospital] If you don't take it easy, I'm gonna have you arrested
Maura: [Chuckles] On what charges?
Jane: Failure to listen to me, clinical stubborn. I don't know, I'll think of something
Jane: Ma, you look like a Russian nesting doll! What is up?
Detective: Have you been drinking?
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes water! Two liters a day is recommended by the Mayo clinic
Barry: Good luck. You don't have to say a word if you just show those knees.
Jane: Judge is a woman.
Dr. Maura Isles: [next to the victim] Researchers at the University of Pittsburgh have proven that optimistic people live longer
Detective: So, she was a pessimist?
Maura: I brought breakfast
Jane: Okay
Maura: A delicious quinoa, zucchini and chia-seed quiche
Jane: I'd rather eat the bag
Maura: [Chuckles] The quiche is for me and I got you a glazed twist
Jane: Really? Okay, well, you keep bringing doughnuts and you can pop by anytime
Maura: There's a wet, tacky substance on her palm. Appears to be paint
Jane: Looks institutional beige
Maura: I'd describe it as more of a taupe or a sand color, perhaps even a muted coral with a hint of abalone shell. Am I being wordy?
Jane: A little!
Angela: [to Frankie] Well, at least you get to go undercover as a biker instead of a prostitute
Jane: It wasn't my idea!
Jane: Convulsions. So if it was a seizure, are we looking at natural causes?
Maura: Ah, convulsions are a neurological response to many stimuli: physiological, pharmacological, idiopathic
Jane: So, maybe?
[Jane is preparing to go back to work]
Detective: Are you ready ma?
Angela: I feel the same as I did on your first day of school: sending you out into a world where I can't be there to take care of you!
Detective: And I was fine that day and I'll be fine today
Angela: No! You came home missing a front tooth, fighting with that Murphy boy!
Detective: Well, he started it! Besides the tooth was loose anyway
Angela: Oh, you could always take care of yourself, Jane. Go ahead, go knock them dead
Detective: I am a homicide detective ma, they're already dead!
Detective: Don't be a smart ass!
Vince: [At crime scene, Jane walks in with her dress, Korsak uses exact same words as Maura] Hey, sophisticated with just a touch of va-voom!
Jane: She texted you?
Vince: Yeah, we're just trying to be supportive
Jane: Well, let's just try to be detectives
Jane: So you're just sitting here?
Maura: The furthest I've gone is the ladies room
Jane: That's very unstubborn of you
Maura: Thank you
Jane: You're welcome. You still have a headache?
Maura: I'm drinking Chinese skullcap tea
Jane: Can you just answer a direct question?
Maura: I'm dealing with it
Jane: [In the lab] What he weight? Around 250?
Maura: Close! 117.196 kilograms
[Jane frowns at her]
Maura: 258 pounds, 6 ounces
Jane: Thank you
Detective: [while reading a book] And there is no evidence yet of any extramarital philandering.
Jane: Give it to me!
Detective: But it's a gift from Kiki.
Jane: [Takes the book] And you can have it back when you're promoted to Lieutenant. Right now I need you to speak like a real cop.
Maura: Jane! Stop worrying about us! It's unhealthy
Jane: Is it as unhealthy as being kidnapped? Or killed?
Detective: What about the weapon? Can you determine it's the same for both murders?
Dr. Maura Isles: You know I can't answer that question now, sergeant!
Detective: We know, but it never gets old asking!
Angela: Janie, I love you, but you are so nosey!
Maura: Hmm, true!
[Jane frowns to Maura]
Maura: Sorry, I was thinking out loud
Jane: Not helping!
Detective: Did you play sports?
Dr. Maura Isles: [proudly] Ballet. And fencing.
Detective: Those aren't sports.
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes they are! What did you play?
Detective: Field Hockey. I was an Attacker.
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm sure you were very aggressive.
Detective: [confused then amused] Attacker is a position.
[smiling]
Dr. Maura Isles: You should change.
Detective: Alright, I'll change in the car.
Dr. Maura Isles: Then I'm driving.
Detective: Aw, come on, I hate it when you drive.
Dr. Maura Isles: I hate it more when you undress and drive.
Maura: He was helping me with an uncomfortable sensation
Jane: We're on speaker, Maura
Commander: It's all right. If you're talking about coffeepot-gate and your brother playing twister with the medical examiner, everybody knows
Maura: I had pruritis!
Jane: Yes, that's Dr. Isles way of saying she had an itch
Dr. Maura Isles: Wauw! Wauw! That is... wauw! You see what I mean?
Detective: I am still grasping. What do the bubbles mean?
Dr. Maura Isles: Eh, well first of in a kinetic and spectro electronic chemistry...
Detective: No!
Dr. Maura Isles: Ehm, the mechanism of redox reaction...
Detective: No squared!
Dr. Maura Isles: The release of gas bubbles indicate that there was air in Chelsea's heart.
Detective: [Enters lab] What's up?
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, you got your clothes back
Detective: Yeah, I mean the scrubs were comfortable, but every time I got in an elevator someone wanted to tell me about their rash or their headache
Dr. Maura Isles: And what would you say?
Detective: Drink some water, get some sleep
Dr. Maura Isles: You're an excellent doctor
Detective: Thank you
Detective: Oh my AC sucks! It was so hot last night, I didn't get any sleep. You have central air-condition, right?
Dr. Maura Isles: Yes, but I don't use it
Detective: Why? Trying to make me feel bad?
Dr. Maura Isles: Because I sleep in the nude
Detective: Note to self: no follow-up questions!
Barry: You look a little... naked.
Jane: Excuse me?
Barry: I can see your knees.
Vince: You want me to write him up for harassment?
Jane: Yes.
Vince: You do look nice though. I always like you in your court outfits.
Jane: You write yourself up too.
[last lines]
Detective: [Maura is smiling at Jane after an awkward conversation with Lieutenant Grant] Oh, shut up.
Angela: I don't think Cailin should've been forced to have dinner with us.
Jane: Why weren't you this evolved when I was eighteen?
Maura: I'm so sorry. I should've offered you some tea.
Jane: And Girl Scout cookies.
Maura: I ate them all.
Jane: Even the Thin Mints?
Maura: I ate those first.
Jane: Damn.
Boris: Tell me about your living arrangements
Jane: I, uh, live with my brother.
[Boris frowns]
Jane: It's temporary
Boris: Well, he'll have to move, till this is over
Jane: Pff, finally some good news
Maura: I'm gonna add that to your checklist
Jane: Okay. I have a checklist?
Maura: Yes! I started a little relocation journal for you
Maura: There is a recent study that shows that the ability to recognize a voice diminishes with time. Almost 70% less in two weeks.
Jane: Well, then we should find whoever did this quickly. Please, no dawdling doctor.
Maura: I don't know the meaning of that word. Well, of course I know the meaning of the word, I just meant that...
Jane: I got it! Yeah.
Jane: Rizzoli!
Jane: Yes sir
Lieutenant: In my office, now!
Jane: [Whispers to Maura] Is it too late to call in sick?
Detective: [On the phone with Murray] Surprise party for who?
Dr. Maura Isles: Whom!
Vince: She couldn't have driven more than, say, 20 miles each way
Jane: So, we look in 20 miles in every direction
Barry: That's a lot of area to cover
Maura: 1,256.6 squire miles. Area...
Maura: equals pi r-squared
Detective: How did you get this idea?
Detective: Frost! I know, I know you don't believe in that sort of things
Detective: This happens many more times, I'll have no choice
Detective: [Maura explains something in the lab, Kent suddenly pops up] Jeez, what the hell?
Kent: Puffer fish actually tastes quite delicious
Detective: What you're doing?
Kent: I was looking for my pen. A little tense, are we?
Detective: A little weird, are we?
Kent: It actually just tastes like chicken. Any more questions?
Detective: So many
Kent: Alright, fine, I'll be getting back to my work then
[leaves the lab]
Detective: I mean, I don't want to paint the netire country with one brush, but that Scottish guy? Weird!
Dr. Maura Isles: That's unimportant
Detective: Okay
Detective: Jesse Wade gave me his phone number. Maybe it's time to make a call.
Detective: [laughing softly] Yeah. A booty call.
Detective: Really?
Maura: [Next to the victim] It appears the cause of death was traumatic limb loss
Jane: [Acting surprised] No!
Maura: We're gonna need more evidence bags
Dr. Maura Isles: It's a shame that they penetrated his temporal lobe. That would have been an excellent brain to study.
Detective: Yeah. Bummer.
Detective: [Referring to the victim] Jeweler to the rich and famous.
Detective: How famous?
Dr. Maura Isles: Rappers. Athletes. Young people with a lot of money and no understanding of understatement.
Detective: [Eating dry toast] Yummy, this tastes just like a ham and cheese omelet! Without the ham, the cheese and the omelet!
Detective: You okay?
Dr. Maura Isles: It's very distracting to work in a wrinkled dress.
Jane: So, where were you this afternoon?
Maura: [Inhales deeply] At the hospital
Jane: And what'd you find out?
Maura: What makes you think I had to find out anything?
Jane: Because when you have something important to say, you always exhale a lot louder than when you don't. I always thought it was a relaxation technique
Maura: Do I really do that?
[Jane sighs deeply to show Maura]
Maura: Oh, I do that!
Jane: You also have the tendency to change the subject when asked a lot of question when it's really bad news
Maura: Everybody does that, don't they?
Jane: Like that
Maura: [Inhales deeply] I have some internal bleeding to my temporal lobe from the fall and it's caused cognitive impairment
Jane: [Opens a locker and sees a picture] You think that little girl is our victim?
Maura: Hm, possible, similar the bone structure.
Jane: Okay, well, we'll go on a limb here. The woman was her, so dangerous to make these wild leaps, is it her baby sitter?
Maura: You are not going to make me say that it is her mother.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Giggles] I think she just did.
Detective: Maura, we all love the fact that you dress like you're about to strut down a Paris runway. It's, it's... interesting.
Detective: It's endearing.
Detective: Sexy.
[Maura, Jane and Frost stare at him]
Dr. Hart: Tell her about the disarticulation of the hyoid horns
Maura: In a strangulation like this, the hyoid bone can shift to a side. Which side depends on the whether the assailant is left- or right handed. This victim's pattern of disarticulation was the same as our victim's
Jane: So, they were killed by the same person?
Maura: That's possible. But it is also possible that the victims were killed by two different, left hand dominant people
Dr. Hart: Of roughly the same weight and physical build
Jane: Because they were killed by the same person
Dr. Hart: I wouldn't speculate
Maura: [to Maura] There are more of you!
Maura: [Jane just looked at her phone] What it is?
Jane: Oh, our only lead is a strip club in Chinatown. Nobody talks in strip clubs
Kent: So that means you're gonna have to go undercover as a stripper?
Maura: [Smiles] We've done worse
Jane: [sighs] I'll get my tassels
Detective: Well, he is shot, right, Maura? He wasn't run through with a spear or something?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, I need to autopsy to confirm the cause of death, but these wounds are consistent with a gunshot, yes
Dr. Maura Isles: You're guessing
Detective: I'm making a conclusion based on years of experience and training
Maura: Oh no, no, no, she's an author with a PhD from Oxford. Wrote a captivating best-selling biography on Dr. Joseph Bell
[Jane is not impressed]
Maura: The Scottish lecturer who was the inspiration for Sherlock Holmes
Jane: If I say: "Wow, I'd really love to read that", can we talk about the case?
Detective: [skeptically examining a sandwich] Is this from the good fridge, or the dead people fridge?
Dr. Maura Isles: Cold air is cold air.
Jane: Wow, it looks like you're having fun
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane, it's a nightmare! Carla is out of control! And wrecked my room. And now they think I am this crazy party person!
Jane: You're not?
Dr. Maura Isles: Jane
Detective: Yeah?
Dr. Maura Isles: If you want to talk about your brother or just avoid the subject, I'm here
Detective: I know
Detective: Too bad it's not a crime to be stupid
Detective: Prisons would be full and streets would be empty
Detective: [laughs] Yeah
Detective: [On the receiver Maura found] Can you give me an idea of its range?
[Maura and BT look blank]
Detective: Please don't tell me you don't like to guess either!
B.T.: Yeah, actually I do hate to guess
Detective: Well, I won't hold it against you, ask her
[Maura reluctantly agrees]
Dr. Maura Isles: When's the last time we had two stranglings in one day?
Detective: Well, cheer up. Maybe tomorrow'll be stabbing day.
Maura: Jane, I'm double parked! Come on! Jane:
Jane: Just... give me a sec
Maura: You know, I've given you 1200 secs. I've been sitting outside waiting for you
Jane: Just chill out
Maura: My in a bad mood! Maybe the flat tire was an omen and you should just stay home today. Have you even showered?
Jane: No, This is what you look like when there's no running water
Maura: Again?
Jane: Yes, again
Maura: I did tell you not to buy it
Jane: When it was an apartment, it was perfect and then I found out it was becoming a condo and then everything started falling apart. You can have it for a cup of coffee
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [after Jane and Maura made fun of his motorcycle outfit] Can you two go and inspect someone else? That's very yellow
Maura: Thank you . You know, you should be very careful around ovulating women. The University of Texas study determined that ovulating women are attracted to biker types in order to fertilize their eggs
Angela: Ha, that explains what happened with, uh, me and your farther
Jane: Whoa, pop rode a motorcycle?
Angela: I'd rather not remember
Jane: Okay, well you said that keeping your farther's secret is the reason that you break out in hives when you tell a lie, right?
Maura: It's a working hypothesis
Jane: Okay, so let's test it out. Lie to me!
Maura: What?
Jane: Yeah. Say something. Anything! But make it big, so it counts. And then we'll see if you break out in hives
Maura: Jane...
Jane: LIE TO ME!
Maura: [hesitates] I really like your new jacket. Fringe has always been one of my favorite
Jane: [Gasps] Ooh! Are you itchy?
Maura: Not yet
Jane: [mobile buzzes, reads text] Okay, I got to go. But, this is good! Keep lying alright?
[starts walking away]
Jane: Keep it up. Maybe it's a breakthrough or something. Oh, hey, that whole fringe jacket thing? I'm not keeping it. I was just messing with you
Maura: [to herself] Jane, I love it when you play pranks on me
[and looks for the hives on her arm]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I know Guardian Chogokin is in your drawer. It's going for five hundred dollars on Ebay. You ripped off my mother.
Detective: He doesn't even have the sword, man. Okay, okay, you know what, if it gets you to shut it, I'll give your mom the three eighty.
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: He wasn't for sale!
Detective: Can you fight over the doll after we've solved this murder?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Action figure.
Detective: Even you would look bad if a bullet had gone through you.
Jane: Well, then it's official: you are married to the prime suspect in our murder investigation
Maura: No, Ed... Edward had nothing to do with this
Jane: Well, now, that's just got to be the wine talking, because you don't make definite statements about cases without proof
Maura: Well, since my husband is a suspect in an ongoing murder investigation, then I must recuse myself, which means that I'm free to guess, presume, and surmise, hypothesize, theorize, even speculate
Jane: Knock yourself out, girlie
Maura: He was struck at least twice. Whatever instrument was used, left an odd pattern in the wound
Jane: Leroy had enough odd crap in his house to keep Craigslist in business for the next two thousand years. Can you narrow it down?
Maura: Hmm, it's interesting. Symmetrical linked hexagons, like a honeycomb
Jane: It would be the first time anybody died from being bashed in the head with a beehive
Maura: It's not a beehive
Jane: I'm putting my money on an electric toothbrush... or... maybe... the knitting machine
Detective: Well, just because it is a professional killer, doesn't mean it's a professional hit. Ned wasn't even supposed to be here
Detective: Professional killer, random target?
Detective: Don't day the R-word! It's bad for morale!
Alexandra: Look, try to use just the two middle fingers. Like that. Alright, slowly, squeeze...
[gunshot]
Alexandra: Good, keep practicing
[walks away]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I will
Detective: [Angry] You failed your shooting test on purpose?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: What? No way
Detective: Well, either that or you're going blind, which from the way you're staring at her ass, I can see that's not the case!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: It's no big deal, okay? I just needed a reason to have a couple of lessons with the new firearms instructor, Alexandra. Did you see her?
Detective: This is sad on so many levels!
Angela: [Wearing a hideous dress] How do I look?
Detective: Oh!
Dr. Maura Isles: Eh, well, that's a very challenging palette for you, Angela, but you seem to be pulling it off
Angela: Damn! Okay, how do I look worse?
Nina: And I have got a bot searching FBI wiretaps looking for the names of local guys who might have done the hit. It's a long shot, but...
Detective: Well, I don't know what a "bot" is, but I appreciate the offer!
Leroy: [In investigation] I don't like it in here! I'm only talking to the nice lady
Jane: [Whispers to Korsak] I got this
[Korsak stands up and leaves]
Jane: It's okay Leroy, I'm here. Why don't you just tell me what happened?
Leroy: Not you! You took my gun! The nice doctor lady!
[while leaving the room, Korsak smiles at Jane]
Dr. Maura Isles: Y'know, female commissioned officers are addressed as Ma'am. It's a sign of respect.
Detective: Sir is a sign of respect. Ma'am is for fat old cat ladies.
Angela: Are you talking about me?
Detective: [annoyed] Do you have a cat?
Angela: [pause] No.
Jane: [Noticing Korsak stares at her shirt] I know!
Vince: Well, it's so bright. I think my pupils are still adjusting
Jane: It's citrine
Frankie: You know, technically I think it's a jewel tone
Jane: You know, technically I think you're Ma's daughter!
Detective: [angry at Warden Price] He called me hysterical.
Detective: I'm surprised his balls aren't in his throat.
Detective: I am warning you! One word gets out about this and I am naming this baby after Constantina.
Angela: You are never to speak her name!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Who is Constantina?
Detective: Her cousin
Angela: Il Diablo.
[beat]
Angela: You wouldn't dare!
Detective: Boy or girl: Constantina Rizzoli! And now I'm going to go to lunch. Have Ma fill you in on ol' cousin Consty...
Maura: You look tired. Jane, are you sure you don't want to lie down, take a little powernap, maybe 20 minutes?
Jane: Uh, I don't have 20 minutes
Maura: I'm serious! Sleep deprivation could cause cognitive dysfunction, memory problems, even hallucinations
Jane: I'm fine. You should tell the octopus in the corner to stop waving at me
[Maura giggles]
Jane: Which means they knew the killer and didn't expect any danger from him or he was really quiet and snug up on them
Vince: Light-footed
Jane: Or he flew
Vince: You thinking a fairy?
Jane: They are the natural enemy of a biker
Maura: [Examining a victim] Well, I think you're spot on with your cause of death, Sergeant, but I'm not so sure I believe your Tinker Bell theory, Detective
Jane: Too small to carry the gun?
Maura: No, there's just no pixie dust on our crime scene
Detective: [Warning Carlo to leave Maura alone] When Maura's father started causing problems, I *shot* him.
Jane: [Orders coffee] Ehm, large brew, no room, please
Maura: Four pump, no water, soy chai with cinnamon and nutmeg
Jane: [after the barista walked away] Was there even any coffee in that? Don't answer!
Detective: How did you rip your pants?
Detective: Oh man! These are new!
Detective: Yeah, new in 1995
Detective: Why don't you just test them now? Oh,. I know, get it all out, rules, policy, bla, bla, bla
Detective: Oh, no! No, no, no! Right now I am so grateful that you're so stubborn you don't care about getting fired
Detective: I could get fired?
Detective: Probably rule 110, section 27: Officers on Medical Leave?
Jane: Now what?
Maura: No idea, I can't think in these boots
Jane: [Angela pouring coffee] No, Ma, I want regular
Maura: But no, you can't have caffeinated beverages this late in the day, Jane
Jane: Okay, Maura says I can't drink it, so can I have an I.V. drip please?
Maura: Oh, and the reason you don't know that is because you've never stayed awake long enough to see one full episode.
Jane: It's called meditating. It's how I focus; you've never respected that.
Maura: The puddle of drool makes it hard.
Maura: The crime lab found seminal fluid mixed with vaginal secretions in the victim's Tyveck suit. It appears to be a month old.
Jane: *In*? So our victim had sex about a month ago and then wore his disposable Tyveck suit again?
Maura: Yes, and they also found vaginal secretions on the spear.
Jane: Okay, that qualifies as the grossest trace evidence ever!
Detective: So, the diamond flakes have anything to do with why he's dead?
Kent: No, it's just a little factoid, plated for your edification
Dr. Maura Isles: Thank you, Kent
Detective: You two should get married and then have children that get their butts kicked on the tetherball court
Detective: Explain to me again why I am not on my couch eating nachos?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, this case has me thinking: there is merry in planning for unforeseen circumstances
Detective: Can't plan for unforeseen circumstances, hence the term unforeseen!
Dr. Maura Isles: I am talking about preparation, not psychic interventions! Of course you can't know what the future holds
Detective: True. Cause I thought my future holds nachos, cheese and jalapenos, for example.
John J. Murray: Satan is using homosexuals to destroy the Kingdom of God
Detective: [to Frost] Be on the lookout for a man wearing a red cape with a tail and pointy ears
Agent: And the classroom is hooked up with a projector for your audio/video needs
Jane: Should I have audio/video needs?
Agent: Totally optional. J. Edgar Hoover didn't have audio/video needs
Jane: Yes, but I heard he had a fabulous dress collection
Agent: We don't make those jokes here!
Jane: I'm sorry
Agent: His high-heel collection was really the thing to see
Detective: [Maura gets something out of the victim's body] What's that?
Dr. Maura Isles: Crime lab confirmed the presence of candle wax
Detective: What?
Dr. Maura Isles: Hold your questions. These dark particles, those are burned feathers
Detective: Okay, let me guess: he was smothered with a burning down pillow while he drank candle wax
Dr. Maura Isles: No!
Jane: [arriving at the crime scene, seeing Korsak and Frankie quarrel] What's up?
Vince: Frankie lost a bet, and I get to pick his punishment. But you're probably talking about the crime scene, don't you?
Dr. Maura Isles: What I say cannot leave this room.
Detective: What you say cannot *fit* in this room.
Dr. Maura Isles: Our medical miracle is here to thank us. Come on.
Detective: Ugh. I'm keeping my distance. I'm afraid of that erection.
Maura: No break in the fibula or tibia.
Jane: So, I'm fine.
Maura: [Seeing Suzie walk in] Oh look! Senior criminalist Chang went to the store and bought you a new shoe.
Susie: Size 9, right?
Jane: No! No way!
Maura: Yes! Yes way! Suzie, can you please hold down detective Rizzoi, so I can put the protective boot on her?
Susie: [very reluctant] Eh, Oh... Okay.
Jane: Give me that! I will do it myself.
[Grabs the shoe and starts putting it on]
Jane: No! It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!
Maura: All right, distract yourself.
Jane: Okay. Um, you think the army reads all the email that I send Casey?
Maura: Well, of course. The defensive advance research project agency has algorithms that analyze everything.
Jane: Well, that's just wrong.
Maura: Why? What kind of emails are you writing?
Jane: Mushy stuff.
Maura: Well, I think the government is looking for traitors and terrorists, not to make fun of you or your mushy emails to your boyfriend.
Jane: He's not my boyfriend; he's my long distance lover.
Maura: Six thousand five hundred miles, that's... that's a lot of distance.
Jane: [At the crime scene] What is a patient doing in here? And frankly, where the hell is here?
Maura: It is so reckless to guess.
Jane: You're in jail! Ask the guards, they're not gonna add more time for guessing.
Detective: [Drinks a cup of coffee] God, when was that made? November?
Maura: [Showing Jane her undercover dress] This is completely appropriate
Detective: Uhm. No, It's perfect, but were exactly am I going to hide the camera and the wire?
[Maura frowns]
Detective: I know! In my thong!
Maura: Oh, well, maybe you can wear a brief
Detective: No!
Jane: [enters lab with a cup] Hey, I... I heard you're half-caff caramel macchiato man
Kent: You didn't spit in it, did you?
Jane: Do I look like someone who would be that immature... please, don't answer that!
Maura: [investigating the victim] Huh
Jane: What is it?
Maura: This blood pooling! Something's not right
Jane: What are you thinking?
Maura: I'm gonna have to investigate further
Vince: Surprise, surprise
Jane: Okay, well, what is the wound consistent with?
Maura: Suicide by hanging
Jane: Really? So, she hung herself and then drove her body over to the body farm and then tucked herself in under some garbage? I don't think that happened
Maura: You failed to mention that agent Davies was in town
Jane: It was just dinner
Maura: And dessert
Jane: Actually two desserts... and breakfast
Jane: We're saying that you killed these two men, because they made you angry or they... cut in line in front of you at Starbucks
Maura: What if you can have an entire townhouse to yourself, no neighbors?
Jane: Well, then I would be rich! And I wouldn't be a detective
Maura: We tested it and found high levels of radioactivity iodine present
Jane: Okay
Maura: An analysis revealed radio-isotope I-29, which is a byproduct of nuclear fission and has no medical purpose like I-123, I-124, I-131...
Jane: Maura!
Jane: What do we have?
Vince: Gunfight, one dead
Jane: Witnesses?
Vince: Sure! Nobody's talking
Dr. Hart: Do you ladies think, that you'll be back again soon?
Jane: When Malibu freezes over
Dr. Hart: Malibu received .3 inches of snow in 2007
Jane: It's not happening!
Maura: [about the unexplainable recovery of the baby] Well, I'm still not gonna say it was a miracle
Jane: That doesn't mean it wasn't
Detective: [at a spa with Maura] I can't believe I let you talk me into this.
Dr. Maura Isles: It's good for you.
Detective: Taking a dirt bath seems sort of, I don't know, unhealthy.
Dr. Maura Isles: It's clay, not dirt. Seventy-five percent American colloid, HPM twenty, and twenty-five percent western bentonite. From Utah.
Detective: Ohh, it's from Utah. Well. Why didn't you say so. Spending eighty bucks to be submerged in Utah dirt is still a waste of money.
Jane: [to Korsak, just after Frankie has come in] Now a good time?
Vince: Sure
[Korsak and Jane stand up from their chairs, Jane puts Frank's name on Korsak's desk]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: [Unsure] Uh, you're sure?
Vince: Yeah!
[Makes way for Frankie, who reluctantly takes his new chair, coughs]
Maura: Congratulations, Frankie... Frank!
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Thank you, Maura
IAD Det. Hitchcock: This is a simple question, detective: How did Frank seem this morning?
Jane: Fine! He was the same asshole that I have dealt with for the past 35 year
Officer: Is Detective Frost in?
Detective: No, he is on vacation
Officer: Oh, when is he coming back?
Detective: He is driving back today, he will be in tomorrow.
Detective: Can I help you with something?
Officer: I doubt it.
Detective: Well, try me.
Officer: Oh, the detective has been helping me organize all my house observations and patrols in a database which I can cross reference with other officers and update from my phone. This whole system is so complicated I am afraid to touch it myself. Any chance you can input these for me?
Detective: Ahh, you might be better if Detective Frost handled that himself.
Susie: It's hot, I won't poke the bear! Metaphorical speaking
Detective: Thank you, Maura jr.
Detective: Let me guess, all the partygoers ran out when he called 911?
Detective: Like the wind
Detective: Kitchen staff?
Detective: What's faster than the wind?
Detective: Kitchen staff with visa problems?
[Korsak gives a thumbs up]
Constance: I sense that, um, there's something you'd like to say to me.
Detective: Yeah, there is. I don't like seeing my best friend hurt.
Constance: You think I hurt her?
Detective: Not staying with her? Canceling dinner? Forgetting to put her on the list of your installation. Yeah, I think that hurts her.
Constance: She's the Chief Medical Examiner. She has her own life. You're both out there working an important case. It's all over the news. I didn't want to be in her way. She must know how proud I am of her. How much I love her.
Detective: Not really the signals you're sending.
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh! I forgot to tell you. He sculpts in the nude.
Detective: I want to hear everything!... after we solve this case.
[Maura was going to help Frankie with his anxiety over the detective's exam, but got called away on a case]
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: It's okay, I didn't want to be a detective anyway.
Dr. Maura Isles: Then why is he taking the exam?
Detective: That's sarcasm.
Dr. Maura Isles: Using irony to convey contempt?
Detective: Are you trying to drive me crazy?
Dr. Maura Isles: [Jane comes rushing into the lab] Oh, I've been thinking about your wardrobe. And I was wrong about starting on ensembles. You're not an ensemble person. You just need a few high quality pieces and we build from there
Detective: I just need a new pair of pants. Is this why you brought me down here?
Dr. Maura Isles: No
Sgt. Major Casey Jones: So how come we never finished what we started?
Detective: Because you didn't give me the time of day until Senior Week.
Sgt. Major Casey Jones: [laughs] I was a jerk.
Detective: Well, you were just too cool for me. And smart.
Sgt. Major Casey Jones: Truth? You were too scary for me.
Detective: Gee thanks.
Sgt. Major Casey Jones: I looked cool, but I was like twelve in boy years. You were a force even then. Smart, beautiful. Didn't care what anybody thought of you.
Maura: [Reminiscing old cases] How many more of these experiences are we gonna have?
Jane: [Phones ring] Well, unless this is my mother demanding more cheese curls on Korsak's retirement party, I'd say: at least one more
[Picks up her phone]
Jane: Rizzoli
Maura: [Picks up her phone] Isles
Dr. Maura Isles: Quite simply, keeping your brain busy aids recovery. Mind. Body.
Detective: Mind. Business.
Dr. Maura Isles: You are my business.
Jane: [On the phone] Spontaneous combusting and I am missing it?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Maura said it's technically not a real thing, but this could be the one time she's wrong, right!
Jane: It's the first time Maura is wrong and I am missing it?
Vince: [Leaving office to make an arrest, looking at Jane's injured foot] You're not going with us!
Jane: Yes I am!
Barry: What are you gonna do if he starts to run?
Jane: Hobble!
Maura: [In autopsy] 5 centimeters at the apex
Jane: Pff, it looks like someone pulled her throat open with claws. What kind of murder weapon does that?
Maura: It snagged the carotid. Notice I said "snagged"
Jane: I noticed. Notice how much I would love to know what the murder weapon is
Maura: The carotid artery was pulled until it tore
Jane: I noticed you said "pulled"
Maura: I did. By a weapon with a curved end
Jane: Okay, we'll put an all points bulletin for Captain Hook
Maura: There is a beige, gummy substance in the wound
Jane: The lost boys gummy bears?
[Maura giggles]
Maura: [sighs] Well, thanks to you I don't have a change of clothes in my car. It's getting detailed
Jane: How many times do you want me to apologize? Here, you can borrow these
[hands over yellow boots, Maua refuses]
Jane: Fine, ruin your $200 Zamboni's
Maura: Zanotti's! These are Guisseppe Zanotti's, they're $550
Jane: 550 bucks? Hope they gave you the rest of the cow. You know, for that they should give you the whole herd!
Carlo: [the family cousin who's made a living by scamming people and just tried to do the same to Maura] See you at Christmas.
Detective: Don't threaten me.
Dr. Maura Isles: You know, you couldn't be happier if I told you that I magically turned all the lettuce in the world into beer
Detective: Make it happen, we'll find out
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: I know Tommy likes Lydia.
Jane: What? He tell you that?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Didn't have to. She likes him too. That's why they act like seventh graders when they're around each other.
Jane: Are you sure that's not a brain problem?
Angela: Jane!
Jane: What?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: What if we got the two of them together, I mean in the same place?
Jane: So what, we're the parent trap now?
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Oh, that's a great idea!
Jane: [Seeing Maura has been beaten in the face] Attention all inmates! Whoever did this to my friend's face, will have to look over her shoulder for the rest of her life! And if it happens again, it will be a very, very short life!
Dr. Maura Isles: How you're feeling?
Detective: Okay. Tired. Bruised
[Gives Maura a present]
Detective: It's the only thing I could afford without taking out a second mortgage
Detective: Where does someone get $2,000,000 in cash? Is there some special teller window for that?
Detective: You're thinking of withdrawing the Rizzoli family fortune?
Detective: In order to get $2,000,000 you must have $2,000,000
Jane: [Looking at the victim's family photo] Damn!
Vince: Yeah. Guess we're rooting for this one not to be a suicide
Maura: Wishing for murder, it's a first
Dr. Maura Isles: Nutrition is more important now than ever. The first trimester is the most critical in terms of developing the organs, the nervous system, the arms, fingers, legs, toes
Detective: It was just a cupcake, not a hostile act!
Detective: Can you tell how long he has been in the ground?
Dr. Maura Isles: I can't be certain until I examined the remains
Detective: Maura, approximately isn't going to hurt you
Dr. Maura Isles: Science is not a guessing game!
Detective: You want me to get another cupcake?
Dr. Maura Isles: A year or more is likely
Detective: You need to amp up the fun
Dr. Maura Isles: Yeah, like great music could do that
Detective: Yeah, get a jukebox
Detective: Got a jukebox in the back. It's busted though. I'm gonna get it fixed.It's got every tune ever done by Tiffany on it
Detective: That explains why it's busted
Detective: The murder weapon has a rectangular edge on it
Maura: I can't confirm that!
Detective: Hey, Frost, we're looking for a 2-by-4
[Frost picks up one with a blood stain]
Detective: Frost we're looking for an idiot
Detective: Is that your way of saying you want to talk to the husband?
Detective: What does that say about relationships that the husband or boyfriend are our first suspect?
Detective: You're getting ready for an "I hate man"-speech?
Detective: I like man! Just not the ones that kill
Detective: I'm female.
Detective: Yes. Yes you are.
Detective: What's the fastest way to push this guy's buttons?
Detective: Let's mix it up. You be good cop. I'll be black cop.
Detective: [snorts] Bold choice.
Jane: Come on Maura, you can do this. Come on
Maura: No, I don't like to be tricked twice in one day
Jane: I said we're having lunch, I didn't say where
Maura: Oh, it was wise of you not to tell me what lunch was, either
Jane: What? You don't like cold, greasy corndogs?
Detective: Yeah. Maybe Tracy can't get pregnant with Hank.
Detective: Yeah, and decides to do in vitro with donor eggs and sperm.
Dr. Maura Isles: No no, she had quite robust reproductive organs.
Detective: [to Frost] Do you find that sexy in a woman? Robust reproductive organs?
Detective: First thing I look for.
Dr. Maura Isles: Definitely a solid, high density object. In common parlance: something hard
Detective: Brilliant deduction
Jane: [Out running, apparently has an ankle problem] Ow, ow, ow, ow!
Maura: Okay, why won't you just let me call for help?
Jane: Because you will call 911, and they will send a fire engine and a surgical team for a sprained ankle. Just... just help me up.
Maura: Okay.
Jane: [Gets up with the Maura's help] Okay, okay, okay, thank you
[screams in pain when she tries to stand on her foot]
Jane: . No, no, no
[and sits down on a car hub]
Jane: . Okay, that's better.
Maura: Give me your keys, and let me drive you to the hospital.
Jane: No, Maura, I'm fine.
Maura: "Fine" is an adverb. It means "pleasing" or "very well". So, you're very well?
Jane: Yeah
[Maura starts poking Jane's ankle]
Jane: . OW! Stop it!
Maura: I just want to examine it.
Jane: Do Not Touch My Ankle!
Maura: You let me look at it, or I speed dial 911.
Jane: I hate you.
Maura: You don't hate me; you hate being vulnerable. Does this hurt?
Jane: Yeah, ow!
Maura: Okay, what about this?
Jane: Just please stop touching it!
Maura: I suspect you have a partial tear in your anterior talofibular ligament.
Jane: Otherwise known as a sprained ankle.
Maura: You have to go see a doctor.
Jane: I just did. Bill my insurance.
Detective: I'm not a hero, Maura. Shooting yourself is not heroic.
Dr. Maura Isles: The people of Boston think it is.
Detective: Eight people died. I don't want a medal for that.
Dr. Maura Isles: Five of them were bad guys, Jane.
Detective: [softly] Whatever.
Maura: The thing is, no autopsy has been performed. And due to the backlog, there isn't one scheduled
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Uh, makes sense, big city
Jane: So is Boston
Frankie Rizzoli Jr.: Yeah, but they don't have Maura: the Backlog Killer!
Maura: Thank you!
Jane: [Entering the lab] How's it coming?
Maura: Good! I mean, not for him, he's dead
Vince: Careful.
Jane: Careful's my middle name.
Vince: I know your middle name, I wish it was "careful".
Angela: Yeah, I am free, I am single, I got new job and it's time I start to live it up a little. Don't worry Jane, I'm making more money now than I ever did. And I got three new credit cards this week!
Detective: Yes, but mom, you do realize that you pay these off with real money, right?
Detective: Why is he being such a douche? He should be down here moving his own prisoner
Dr. Maura Isles: The French claim "douche" originated with them, but it's really an Italian word "doccia". It's a ancient way of conveying water
Detective: I'm using it to convey contempt
[last lines]
Detective: [They are back in yoga class] You better hope this calms me down.
Maura: Well I could always tell him you like him.
Detective: Don't you dare.
[playfully pushes Maura and apologizes to the yoga instructor as they go back and forth]
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