The Best Susie Chang Quotes

Susie: I can't say
Jane: Well, take a guess
Susie: I am a scientist
Jane: So is Maura! She does it
Susie: I am not Dr. Isles
Jane: I know that, but she's not here, so throw out a theory, stretch your wings, grow, stick out and shine
Susie: That's a mixed metaphor!
Jane: Okay, see, there you go, that's very Maura

Susie: Do you have Scotch?
Angela: No.
Susie: I don't drink Scotch. Double espresso, whole milk today.

Dr. Maura Isles: Susie, we have a new case. Danni Mitchell, she's a 25 year old woman who was found dead in her apartment
Susie: Either I am being punk'd or you're losing it!
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, I never punk and I can assure you I am in full control of my faculties.
Susie: And I can assure you that Danni Mitchell is a case we started last week
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, we're gonna start this case again this week

Detective: [At autopsy] Susie, is anybody there?
Susie: [On the lookout] No, Dr. Isles
Dr. Maura Isles: All right. This is a dental mold of Natalie's teeth
Detective: Hmm, making a dental mold is a federal offence
Susie: What?
Dr. Maura Isles: Susie, I told you! I will take full responsibility for obstructing justice

Jane: Well, can you at least talk about what it is the two of you are doing here?
Dr. Maura Isles: Susie is pursuing an interesting line of inquiry, a forensic examination of the victims
Jane: Victims? What, what victims?
[Susie points to the watermelons]
Jane: Those are not victims, those are watermelons!
Susie: I am conducting a fruitopsy
Dr. Maura Isles: That's funny!
Jane: Hilarious, I'll check in later. I am going to get a susdictionary!

Susie: [Maura has to turn in her clothes] I'm so sorry, Dr. Isles.
Maura: You're just doing your job, Susie.
Jane: We're gonna need your underwear too.
Maura: You know, I have processed hundreds of suspects, but I never truly understood how humiliating this is.

Dr. Maura Isles: [Jane has to hit a dummy as hard as possible] Ready Susie?
Susie: Norm is ready, Detective Rizzoli
Detective: Norm?
Susie: He's my uncle
Detective: My apologies Norm
Susie: Well, he... left my aunt for a barista
Detective: Screw Norm!

Susie: Dr. Isles is the first president elect in the field of forensic pathology
Detective: Yes, and the first whose patients are all dead

Susie: Dr. Isles? Your sister's upstairs.
Maura: My sister?
Susie: That's what she said.
Jane: You do have a sister, Maura.
Maura: Oh, right.

Jane: Maura would be very proud of you.
Susie: She's my hero... so are you, but she's an MD.

Dr. Maura Isles: Well, privacy is an illusion, Susie
Susie: What do you mean?
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, your telephone and internet records are all in file with the NSA
Susie: Are... are you sure?
Dr. Maura Isles: Mine too! Well, satellites, drones, security cameras, license plate cameras, fast past lanes. Yes, privacy is a thing of the past

Maura: No break in the fibula or tibia.
Jane: So, I'm fine.
Maura: [Seeing Suzie walk in] Oh look! Senior criminalist Chang went to the store and bought you a new shoe.
Susie: Size 9, right?
Jane: No! No way!
Maura: Yes! Yes way! Suzie, can you please hold down detective Rizzoi, so I can put the protective boot on her?
Susie: [very reluctant] Eh, Oh... Okay.
Jane: Give me that! I will do it myself.
[Grabs the shoe and starts putting it on]
Jane: No! It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!
Maura: All right, distract yourself.
Jane: Okay. Um, you think the army reads all the email that I send Casey?
Maura: Well, of course. The defensive advance research project agency has algorithms that analyze everything.
Jane: Well, that's just wrong.
Maura: Why? What kind of emails are you writing?
Jane: Mushy stuff.
Maura: Well, I think the government is looking for traitors and terrorists, not to make fun of you or your mushy emails to your boyfriend.
Jane: He's not my boyfriend; he's my long distance lover.
Maura: Six thousand five hundred miles, that's... that's a lot of distance.

Jane: Susie, I was just coming to talk to you
Susie: Oh, ehm, I am not there, I am here, to show you how I shine
Jane: Okay, great
[they walk into a room]
Jane: What's that?
Susie: It's my theory
Jane: Your theory is in a box?
Susie: It's a diorama
[turns the opening of the box towards Jane]
Jane: Oh, D-I-E
Susie: Yes!
Jane: For dead people
Susie: Well, not all of them are dead, but it's a representation of how it got to be
Jane: It's amazing!

Susie: [Taking the cake as the celebration is interrupted] Okay, I'll just, eh, take this to the fridge
[looking at Jane]
Susie: not the morgue fridge
Detective: If that goes anywhere near a person with a toe tag, I'll know it
Susie: I understand
Detective: I'm watching you Chang!
[Leaves the autopsy room]
Susie: The morgue fridge is the only thing big enough to fit this cake in
Angela: Dead man tell no tales

Dr. Maura Isles: Actual cause of death was poisoning. No needle marks, so it's likely he ingested it.
Detective: Any idea what it was?
Dr. Maura Isles: It's from the phenethylamene family. But, I've never seen this exact combination.
Susie: We'll know soon though.
Dr. Maura Isles: [Barely able to contain her excitement] Yes, we will.
Detective: Is the... fen... Ethel Merman fairy gonna tell you?
Dr. Maura Isles: I'm afraid not. But, it is the perfect test run for our bio orbotron MS8000 mass spectrometer.
[Smiling big]
Dr. Maura Isles: It's being delivered today.
Susie: [At Jane's thoroughly confused look] It is the most advanced chemical analyzer in the world.
Dr. Maura Isles: Ultra high resolutions.
Susie: Recombinant glycol protein characterizations.
Detective: [Feigning excitement] Oh my gosh! Remember when you girls got that new DNA splicer and you talked about it for weeks?
Dr. Maura Isles,12387: [Extremely happy and excited] Yes!
Detective: This is even more boring than that!

Dr. Maura Isles: Oh my god! Is that what you call a breakfast?
Detective: No, not without coffee
Dr. Maura Isles: May I please see the package. Do you know what is in here?
Detective: Yummy goodness?
Dr. Maura Isles: Calcium carbonate! Does that sound yummy? It comes from rocks! Oh, sodium stearate. That's used in soap! And do you know where you can find titanium dioxide?
Dr. Maura Isles: Right there?
Susie: Latex paint
Dr. Maura Isles: Do industrial chemicals sound like a good to be putting in your body?
Detective: Not anymore

Detective: [Enters autopsy room] Ah, this is the coolest...
[notices the onlookers]
Detective: place in the building
Dr. Maura Isles: Well, the autopsy is on a separate system. Can't let the bodies deteriorate from the heat
Detective: [Whispers to Maura] Why do you have an audience?
Dr. Maura Isles: Oh, well, they just wanted to observe an autopsy
Detective: Orozco from media relations and Anders from the carriage unit?
Susie: Oh, hi detective Rizzoli
Dr. Maura Isles: [to all] Welcome. You're just in time to hear the autopsy report
Detective: They are using you for your cool air
Dr. Maura Isles: [Whispers back] I know, but I'll take any opportunity to get people interested in science!

Susie: It's hot, I won't poke the bear! Metaphorical speaking
Detective: Thank you, Maura jr.