50 Best Javier Bardem Quotes

Captain: I have heard stores of a mighty Spanish captain who sunk and killed thousands of men...
Captain: No no no no! Men, no! Pirates!

Felix: Do you believe in Santa Claus?
Max: No.
Felix: Nor do I. Nor do I, but my children do. They are still small. But do you know who they like even better than Santa Claus? His helper, Pedro el Negro. Black Peter. There's an old Mexican tale that tells of how Santa Claus got so very busy looking out for the good children that he had to hire some help to look out for the bad children. So he hired Pedro. And Santa Claus gave him a list with all the names of all the bad children. And Pedro would come every night to check them out. And the people, the little kids that were misbehaving, that were not saying their prayers, Pedro would leave a little toy donkey on their window. A little burro. And he would come back, and if the children were still misbehaving, Pedro would take them away, and nobody would ever see them again. Now, if I am being Santa Claus, and you are Pedro, how do you think jolly Santa Claus would feel if one day Pedro came into his office and said, 'I lost the list.' How fucking furious do you think he will get?
Max: I think... I think you should tell the guy standing behind me to put his gun away.
Felix: What?
Max: I said, I think you should tell him to put the gun down before I rip it out of his hand and beat his bitch-ass to death with it.

Anton: What's the most you ever lost on a coin toss?
Gas: Sir?
Anton: The most. You ever lost. On a coin toss.
Gas: I don't know. I couldn't say.
[Chigurh flips a quarter from the change on the counter and covers it with his hand]
Anton: Call it.
Gas: Call it?
Anton: Yes.
Gas: For what?
Anton: Just call it.
Gas: Well, we need to know what we're calling it for here.
Anton: You need to call it. I can't call it for you. It wouldn't be fair.
Gas: I didn't put nothin' up.
Anton: Yes, you did. You've been putting it up your whole life, you just didn't know it. You know what date is on this coin?
Gas: No.
Anton: 1958. It's been traveling twenty-two years to get here. And now it's here. And it's either heads or tails. And you have to say. Call it.
Gas: Look, I need to know what I stand to win.
Anton: Everything.
Gas: How's that?
Anton: You stand to win everything. Call it.
Gas: Alright. Heads then.
[Chigurh removes his hand, revealing the coin is indeed heads]
Anton: Well done.
[the gas station proprietor nervously takes the quarter with the small pile of change he's apparently won while Chigurh starts out]
Anton: Don't put it in your pocket, sir. Don't put it in your pocket. It's your lucky quarter.
Gas: Where do you want me to put it?
Anton: Anywhere not in your pocket. Where it'll get mixed in with the others and become just a coin. Which it is.
[Chigurh leaves and the gas station proprietor stares at him as he walks out]

Juan: Judy Nash says you are having an unhappy life.
Vicky: Well, she's talking about herself.
Juan: Maybe you will understand more about your own feelings once we've made love.
Vicky: Yeah or less.

Anton: Would you hold still, please, sir?

Juan: When I saw you across the room at the art gallery, I noticed you have - beautiful lips. Very full, very sexual.
Cristina: Thank you.

Carla: You don't have to do this.
Anton: [smiles] People always say the same thing.
Carla: What do they say?
Anton: They say, "You don't have to do this."
Carla: You don't.
Anton: Okay.
[Chigurh flips a coin and covers it with his hand]
Anton: This is the best I can do. Call it.
Carla: I knowed you was crazy when I saw you sitting there. I knowed exactly what was in store for me.
Anton: Call it.
Carla: No. I ain't gonna call it.
Anton: Call it.
Carla: The coin don't have no say. It's just you.
Anton: Well, I got here the same way the coin did.

Vicky: Oh, God, look, I wouldn't call our reluctance to leap at your sexual offer being over-analytical. If you would care to join us for some recognized form of social interaction, like a drink, then we'd be fine, but otherwise, I think you should try, you know, offering to some other table.
Juan: Mm-hm. What offended you about the offer? Surely not that I find you both beautiful and desirable.
Vicky: Offended me, no. It's very amusing, galling, to be honest,

Vicky: So, uh, tell me why, why won't your father publish his poems?
Juan: Well, because, ungh, he hates the world and that's his way of getting back at them, to create beautiful works and then to deny them to the public, which I think it's...
Vicky: My god.
Juan: Hmmm.
Vicky: Oh, what makes him so angry toward the human race?
Juan: Because after thousands of years of civilization they still haven't learned to love.

Cristina: I am here to go to bed with you. You're right. So, you're pretty much home free, unless you - blow it.
Juan: Blow it?
Cristina: Yeah.
Juan: *Blow* it - you mean ruin the moment?
Cristina: Yeah.
Juan: How would I do that?
Cristina: I don't know. It could be anything from some inane comment to wearing the wrong kind of shorts. Although, some how, by looking at you, I think you're wearing the right kind of shorts.

Raoul: Do you see what comes of all this running around, Mr. Bond? All this jumping and fighting, it's exhausting! Relax. You need to relax... Ah well, mother's calling. I will give her a good-bye kiss for you.

Juan: We never had a chance to say a proper goodbye.
Vicky: Oh, well, you could have called me.
Juan: I - yeah - I debated it. But, I didn't think there was much point.
Vicky: Yeah, but, you never phoned. Not to say - anything. I mean, "thank you, it was fun." You don't make love to someone and then never call them unless you were greatly disappointed.
Juan: Quite the opposite. But, you have plans to marry and I thought it best to stop anything before it lead to a bad situation for everyone.
Vicky: Yeah, well, I'm only saying that we made love and you seemed to drop off the face of the earth. I mean, I realize these things don't mean much to you.
Juan: To pursue matters would have only caused you anxiety and for me a disappointment.

Captain: We are free!
- Now, now.
- It's time to hunt a pirate.
- Pirate's life.

Anton: [indicating bag of cashews] How much?
Gas: Sixty-nine cent.
Anton: This. And the gas.
Gas: Y'all gettin' any rain up your way?
Anton: What way would that be?
Gas: I seen you was from Dallas.
Anton: What business is it of yours where I'm from, friendo?
Gas: I didn't mean nothin' by it.
Anton: Didn't mean nothin'.
Gas: I was just passin' the time. If you don't wanna accept that I don't know what else to do for you. Will there be something else?
Anton: I don't know. Will there?
Gas: Is somethin' wrong?
Anton: With what?
Gas: With anything?
Anton: Is that what you're asking me? Is there something wrong with anything?
Gas: Will there be anything else?
Anton: You already asked me that.
Gas: Well... I need to see about closin'.
Anton: See about closing.
Gas: Yessir.
Anton: What time do you close?
Gas: Now. We close now.
Anton: Now is not a time. What time do you close?

Cristina: I can't guarantee the love-making, because I happen to be very moody.
Juan: Let's not negotiate like a contract. I came over here with no subterfuge and presented my best offer.

James: [dodging an explosion] Was that for me?
Raoul: [laughing] No, but that is.
[a subway train crashes after Bond]

Juan: Why not? Life is short. Life is dull. Life is full of pain. And this is a chance for something special.

Raoul: [Silva goes to the desk, accessing Bond's debriefing results from his computer] Medical evaluation: fail. Physical evaluation: fail. Psychological evaluation, alcohol and substance addiction indicated. Ooh! Pathological rejection of authority based on unresolved childhood trauma.
[glances to Bond then back to the computer]
Raoul: Subject is not approved for field duty and immediate suspension for service advised.
[rises from the desk, going to Bond]
Raoul: What is this if not betrayal? She sent you off to me, knowing you're not ready, knowing you're likely die. Mommy was very bad.

- oh, perfect timing.
- You could be on my team.
- Hey.
- Oh, uh, I'm okay.
- I'm exhausted.
- I'll go upstairs and take a shower.
- Hector thinks the hot water might be out.
Hector P. Valenti: My bad.
Mrs. Primm: Okay, right hand, red.

Raoul: If you wanted, you could pick your own secret missions. As I do. Name it, name it. Destabilize a multinational by manipulating stocks. Bip. Easy. Interrupt transmissions from a spy satellite over Kabul... done. Hmm. Rig an election in Uganda. All to the highest bidder.
James: Or a gas explosion in London.
Raoul: Mm-hm. Just point and click.
James: Well, everybody needs a hobby.
Raoul: So what's yours?
James: Resurrection.

Anton: I'm looking for Llewelyn Moss.
Desert: Did you go up to his trailer?
Anton: Yes, I did.
Desert: Well, I'd say he's at work. Do you want to leave a message?
Anton: Where does he work?
Desert: I can't say.
Anton: Where does he work?
Desert: Sir, I ain't at liberty to give out no information about our residents.
Anton: Where does he work?
Desert: Did you not hear me? We can't give out no information.

Juan: We were both sure that... our relation was perfect, but there was something missing. You know? Like, love requires such a perfect balance. It's... like the human body. It may turn that you have all the vitamins and minerals, but if... there is minus a single, tiny ingredient... missing, like, like, like, like, ooh, like salt, for example... one dies.
Cristina: Salt?

Stilgar: Hmm...
- The boy is young.
- He can learn our ways.
- He may have sanctuary.
- But the woman is untrained...
- And too old to learn.

Captain: He took everything from me... and filled me with rage.
- And pain.
- And here is where the tale ends.
- Not yet, Capitán. There!
- Found as promised.

Cristina: [Looking at a sculpture of Jesus] Are you very religious?
Juan: No, no, no, no, I'm not. The trick is to enjoy life, accepting it has no meaning whatsoever.
Cristina: No meaning? You don't think that authentic love gives life meaning?
Juan: Yes, but love is so transient. Isn't it? I was in love with a most incredible woman... and then in the end...
Vicky: Yes?
Juan: She put a knife into me.
Cristina: My God, that's terrible!
Vicky: Well, maybe you did something to deserve it.

- Why didn't you say you were a weirding woman?
- And a fighter?
- Conversation ran short.
Stilgar: Peace, woman.
- Peace.
- Ijudged hastily.

Max: I picked up a tail.
Felix: Federal?
Max: I don't know. You tell me. That's why I tossed the list, the work-ups, all of that shit. To protect, in part, your Hermes, Facconable ass.

Q: Oh, no. Can someone tell me how he got into our system?
Raoul: [program from his computer] Not such a clever boy.
Q: Oh, shit. Oh, shit, shit, shit. He hacked us.

Raoul: Just look at you, barely held together by your pills and your drink.
James: Don't forget my pathetic love of country.

[Salazar is going to kill barbossa because Jack escaped him]
Captain: You promised me Jack's blood!
Captain: But Jack is trapped! He can never escape the island...
Captain: It's still land!

Captain: One ship was trying to escape through the smoke. And there, in the crow's nest, there was this young pirate boy. He stood there, looking like a little bird... And from that day he earned himself a name that would haunt me for the rest of my days... Jack the Sparrow.

Captain: My name is Captain Barbarossa. And I stand before you, with cordial intent.
Captain: Cordial intent... do you hear that? This pirate wishes to be cordial. So let me show you what my cordiality is, hombre. Every time I tap my sword, one of your men will die. So I suggest you speak quickly.
[taps his sword]
Captain: Olé!
[Barbossa's crew start dropping like flies]
Captain: Might want to go a bit faster, Capitan.

Max: The fat man, the penthouse guy, the jazz man. That leaves two.
Felix: Can you finish?
Max: In six years, when have I not?

Juan: We are meant for each other and not meant for each other. It's a contradiction.

Julio: What do you hear of Maria Elena?
Juan: Eh, Maria Elena. Maria Elena's still living with the architect in Madrid.
Julio: That woman was the best. I still have erotic dreams about her, at my age.
Juan: She also loved you very much, Papa.

Maria: Do you think she'll be enough for you?
Juan: Well, she's - she's quite intelligent and she is a free thinker like you.
Maria: Like me?
Juan: Yes.
Maria: You're still searching for me in every woman.

Juan: American?
Cristina: I'm Cristina, and this is my friend Vicky.
Juan: What color are your eyes?
Cristina: Uh, they're blue.
Juan: Well, I'd like to invite you both to come with me to Oviedo.
Vicky: To come where?
Juan: To Oviedo. For the weekend. We leave in one hour.
Cristina: What- Where is Oviedo?
Juan: A very short flight.
Vicky: By plane?
Juan: Mmm-hmm.
Cristina: What's in Oviedo?
Juan: I go to see a sculpture, that is very inspiring to me. A very beautiful sculpture. You will love it.
Vicky: Oh, right. you're asking us to fly to Oviedo and back.
Juan: Mmmm. No, we'll spend the weekend. I mean, I'll show you around the city, and we'll eat well. We'll drink good wine. We'll make love.
Vicky: Yeah, who exactly is going to make love?
Juan: Hopefully, the three of us.

[Anton has just shot the Man who hires Wells in the throat, and is standing over his body]
[to Nervous Accountant]
Anton: Who are you?
Nervous: Me?
Anton: Yes.
Nervous: Nobody... accounting.
Anton: He gave the Mexicans a receiver.
[Anton sighs]
Nervous: He feels... he felt that the more people looking... .
[cut-off by Anton]
Anton: That's foolish. You pick the one right tool.
Nervous: I see. Are you going to shoot me?
Anton: That depends. Do you see me?

Raoul: [Silva unbuttons Bond's shirt and peels back the shirt to expose the scar tissue where Bond removed the bullet] Ooh! See what she's done to you.
James: [suspicious] Well, she never tied me to a chair.
Raoul: Her loss.
[Silva begins caressing Bond's neck]
James: Are you sure this is about M?
Raoul: It's about her... and you, and me. You see, we are the last two rats. We can either eat each other... mmm... or eat everyone else.
[Silva strokes Bond's neck]
Raoul: How you're trying to remember your training now.
[Silva smiles]
Raoul: What's the regulation to cover this?
[Silva strokes both of Bond's upper legs]
Raoul: Well, first time for everything.
[Bond smiles]
Raoul: Yes?
James: What makes you think this is my first time?
Raoul: [sits back] Oh, Mr Bond. All the physical stuff - so dull, so dull.

Hector P. Valenti: Who wants to be safe? We are here to live, and living is a dangerous business.

Captain: Mercy? Mercy?
- There's no mercy.
Lieutenant: Make ready!
Pirate: Please, help us!
Captain: Adiós!
- Fire!

Felix: Now you're here. Why?
Max: I lost my stuff. The list.
Felix: I want you to listen to me real well. Special groups put together the list of dedos.
Max: Dedos?
Felix: Fingers, informants. Signal interceptions with voice-recognition software, surveillance. A very expensive counter-intelligence worked up that list. An important list, wouldn't you say? And you lost it?
Max: Yeah, I'm sorry. Sorry.
Felix: Sorry? 'Sorry' does not put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

Juan: What do you want in life besides a man with the right shorts?
Cristina: I don't know. I know I'm not going to settle till I find what I'm looking for.
Juan: Which is - what?
Cristina: Something - I want someone, something different, something more, some sort of counterintuitive love.
Juan: Meaning?
Cristina: Meaning - I don't know. I don't know what I want. I only know what I don't want.

Captain: [to the only survivor of a ship he attacked] Jack Sparrow...
[holds up a wanted poster of Jack Sparrow]
Captain: Do you know this pirate?
Henry: Only by name.
Captain: For too many years the Triangle has cursed us, condemned us to this Hell on Earth. The key to our escape is Jack Sparrow, and the compass which he holds. No, no. No need to fear, me boy. I always leave one man alive, to tell the tale. Find Sparrow for me and relay a message, from Capitan Salazar.
Henry: Salazar.
Captain: Tell him I'll behold the daylight again. And on that day, death... death comes straight for him. Would you say that to him, please?
Henry: Yes.
Captain: I wish I could tell him myself, but dead men tell no tales.

Hector P. Valenti: [Lyle licks him affectionately during the reunion] I missed you too!

Cristina: How long is she going to stay here?
Juan: Christina, I know - this is not what you had in mind.
Cristina: No.
Juan: But, she has to stay with us.
Cristina: I understand. I understand.
Juan: She has no one else.
Cristina: I understand. It's only for a short time.
Juan: Yes, a few months, at most.
Cristina: She's staying for a few months?

Maria: You're still searching for me in every woman.
Juan: That is not true, Maria Elena. I was in Oviedo some weeks ago with a woman who was the antithesis of you. An American, and something beautiful happened with her. So you're mistaken.
Maria: You'll always seek to duplicate what we had. You know it.

Juan: Maria Elena used to say that only unfulfilled love can be romantic.

Raoul: No remorse. Just as I had imagined.
M: Regret is unprofessional.
Raoul: "Regret is unprofessional?" They kept me for five months in a room with no air. They tortured me and I protected your secrets. I protected you. But they made me suffer and suffer and suffer. You betrayed me. So, I had only one thing left. My cyanide capsule in my back left molar. You remember, right? So, I broke the tooth and bit into the capsule. It... burned all my insides, but I didn't die. Life clung to me like a disease. And then I understood why I had survived. I needed to look in your eyes one last time.

- Thank you. Thank you very much.
- Hey, play us one of your songs.
Josh: Yeah, play something.
- That would be amazing. Please?
Hector P. Valenti: Hm...