50 Best Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile Quotes

- What?
- This cannot be happening.
- We have a crocodile, and now
- David Copperfield, living in our attic.
- This is definitely not okay.
- And can you please stop drawing him?
- It's weird.

- Hey, are you okay?
- I came as soon as it opened.
- Lyle.
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey, no hands through the bars.
- Thank you.
- You, get back.

- Okay, okay. See, the thing is
- I've never dumpster dived before, so...
- Okay.
- Okay.
- What...?
- Ugh.
- So gross.

- Mr. Primm, for you.
- Oh, good, it's the man of the hour.
- You're a member of the neighborhood?
- Time to earn your spot.
- Okay, great.
Man: Get the money.
- Show business.

- There he goes.
- Mom, I'm fine.
- I know you're fine.
- I'm gonna make sure you stay that way.
- Come on.

- Hey, hey.
- Magical magic.
- Let me out of here.
- This won't take long. I promise.
- No, you can't go in there.
- You can't go in there.
- Come back here. Come back here.

- j thought there was a spotlight we could share j j take a look at us now j
- I won't pretend this isn't something of a blow, my old friend.
- One or two loans will now require a radical renegotiation, you know?
- But nothing I can't smooth over with a little valenti charm.

- You're just gonna have to trust me now.
- Lyle, you have to sing.
- It's okay.
- We'll, uh, do it together.

- Thank you. Thank you very much.
- Hey, play us one of your songs.
Josh: Yeah, play something.
- That would be amazing. Please?
Hector P. Valenti: Hm...

[Whooping] All-league champion!
- I'm back, I'm back!
- I still got it.
- Twenty years. State champs, '99.
Mr. Primm: Come on, one more round.
- Stay down.

- Just give him a little time, okay?
- He's gonna be okay.

- j it can stay this way j j at least until the morning light j
- J at the top of the world j j the top of the world j j the top of the world tonight j
- Whoo-hoo!

- Okay, let's go.
- J la-ia-la-la-la j”
- J la-ia-la-la-la j” j la-ia-la-la-la j” come on, Lyle.
- I know you don't talk, but you can sing.

- j you're sitting safe and starry-eyed j j there is treasure you can find j j in something someone left behind j j at the top of the world tonight j j it can stay this way j j at least until the morning light j

- It's been a very long and difficult trip.
- I'd hate to put my back out in a moment of...
- Oh, my.
- Oh, Lyle.
- Look at the size of you.
- Lyle.

- Did you see that?
[Man 2] Dude, that was crazy.
Josh: Wait.
[Man 1] Hey, watch where you're going!
[Man 2] Hey!

- Loretta.
- Go ahead. That milk's for you.
- Hey.
Lyle: J hey, remember me j
- J hey, remember me j
- J you'll always remember me j

- I used you, and I abandoned you.
- And it's my fault you're here.
- But, please, come back with me.
- Come back to where you belong.
- Back to...
- Back to Josh.

Mr. Primm: Where you going?
- Taking the trash out.
- Okay.
- Be careful.
- Be careful.

- And I'll be back after 3, okay?
- An actual pet.
- Hey, Josh, let's go.
- Taking a shortcut.
Mrs. Primm: What?
- Wait.

- My mom died when I was 2.
- My dad says I got her nose.
- I can do this really, like, crazy thing with my knuckles where if I, like, go like that,
- I can, like, crack them all.
- Do you have knuckles?
- What is that?

- Lyle.
- I was, uh, just checking the boiler.
- Because it's cold, right?
- Ow! Ow.
- Where'd you get that at?
- Lyle, why would you do that?

- -j take a look at us now j
- -j take a look at us now j
- -j take a look at us now j
- -j take a look at us now j
- -j take a look at us now j
- -j take a look at us now j j yeah, yeah j j yeah j j take a look at us now j

- I'll see you at home. I love you.
- I can't believe I just did that.
- Everyone. Yeah, that's nice.
- Can we sit down, though, please?
- Hey, guys, let's not throw stuff.
- Can we just settle down?
- Just a little bit, okay?

- Perfect. I know they're up to something.
- No one's ever putting anything nasty in mummy's tummy ever again.
- Are they, mumsykins?
- That's how we spell "no, no, no."
- I'm just gonna...
Mrs. Primm: Mmm!

- Where are they? Here they are.
- You have a nine, and you have a two.

Mr. Grumps: [kissing Loretta numerous times while comforting her] No one's ever putting anything nasty in mummy's tummy.
[singsong]
Mr. Grumps: No, no. N-O. That's how we spell no, no, no.

- Watch your step there.
- Easy.
[Officer] You're clear.

- Let's see.
- You like noodles?
- Ugh!
[Laughing] Oh, my god.

- Feathenneights, you're up.
- And wrestle.
- Look for the single leg.
[Boy] Come on.

- Josh, tonight is our big night.
Josh: The night for what?
- The preview for potential investors in our new show.
- Evangelyne will get us there just in time.
- Who's evangelyne?
- Hector?

- "This is my crocodile.
- Please, take good care of him.
- Cordially yours, Hector p. Valenti."
- "Lyle."

Josh: Hey, how'd it go?
- Uh, the stage can be a cruel mistress.
- I thought Lyle had changed, but he hasn't.
- He froze.
- Stage fright.
- He still won't sing for an audience.

- What was that?
[Electronic voice] That is an ambulance.
- What was that?
- That was a car tire.
- What was that?
- I have no idea what that was.

Hector P. Valenti: [Lyle licks him affectionately during the reunion] I missed you too!

- What is happening?
- What is going on?
- Wait, is that a real crocodile?
[Man on radio] Do you have him?
- Got him, sir. Copy.

- What? You love these things.
- You used to bake with cherries.
- You made us put them on our wedding cake.
- I know I did, but that was before I found out what's in them.
- They're full of hydrogenated palm oil, and sugar, and corn syrup.
- We wanna set a good example for Josh.
- We should throw them out.
- Outside in the garbage.

[Man over pa] This is 86th street station.
[Man 1] Excuse me.
[Woman] Watch it.
[Man 2] Wrong side, kid.
[Man 3] Excuse me.
[Man 4] Move, move.

Hector P. Valenti: Who wants to be safe? We are here to live, and living is a dangerous business.

- Don't forget to sign up for wrestling.
- Okay.
- We gotta go.
- Josh, there's time for breakfast.
- No, it's an 11-minute ride on the subway from east 86th to west farms square, plus a four-minute walk at this end and a seven-minute walk at the other.
- Assuming everything goes right.
- Keep up, morn. All the way down to the end.
- Then we just cross this little Avenue.

- Where's Josh?
- He's not in his room. I looked everywhere.
- What's he doing in Times Square?
Josh: Hey, hey.
- I'm on the steps.
- Yeah, I need your help. Where is it?
- I'm at the backstage door.

- Go, take Lyle. I've got this.
[Laughs] Ah, sorry, not this one.
- Uh... [speaks in foreign language]
- Give me a minute. Give me a minute.
- Prepare to have your flabber truly gasted.
- No, we have no one to drive it.

- Dad, it's okay.
- It is not okay.
- There's a crocodile in the house.
- That's what I thought too, but he's not a normal crocodile.
- What are you talking about? [Screams]
- Everybody, get out of here!

- I'll go on the road for a bit, and make some cash.
- Oh!
- Here, take this.
- It's got every song you'll ever need.
- The best companion there is.
- Okay.

- Creditors.
- Park rangers.
- No, no, this is not a life.
- We have to show people what Lyle can do.
- That they don't have to be scared of him.
- We gotta show them...

- I hate you.
- I hate them so much.

- Lyle, sing.
- Sing, Lyle.
- Please.
- J won't you take a look at us j j take a look at us j j take a look at us j

- My dad had to do free dental work for the mayor just to get my pet rattlesnake allowed in our building.
- I, uh, saw you on sweep.
- I mean, like, not...
- I didn't... it was...
- You're kind of a weirdo, aren't you?

- Josh?
Josh: This way.
- Hey.
- What's up?
- Don't worry. I got this.

- My reptilian friend, welcome home.
- We're family now.
- Come.