The Best Judy Geller Quotes

Judy: [tasting Monica's cooking] Oh! What's that curry taste?
Monica: Curry.
Judy: Mm!

Monica: We're really excited about our wedding plans; I guess pretty soon we'll be making a great withdrawal from the Monica's wedding fund.
Chandler: [laughs awkwardly]
Monica: What?
Judy: You tell her, Jack - I can't do it.
Monica: What happened? You still have the Monica wedding fund, don't you?
Jack: Yes, we have it. Only now we call it the beach house.

Judy: Alright Joey, if wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead.
[Phoebe makes a sad face]
Judy: Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you were in an important relationship is beyond me.
Jack: And we kinda figured about the porch swing.
Judy: Ross, drugs? Divorced? Again?
Jack: What happened, son?
Ross: I-I uh, I got tricked into all those things!

[in Monica's flashback]
Judy: Here, Monica, you can finish off these pies. There was no room in the fridge.
Monica: No. No thank you.
Jack: Well, Judy, you did it. She's finally full.

Judy: Well... everyone seems to like your dish.
Monica: And you?
Judy: I thought it was... quite tasty.
Monica: So if everyone liked it, and you liked it, that would make this a success, which would make you...
Judy: A bitch?
Monica: Well, I was going for "wrong", but we can use your word.

Judy: [Judy is pressuring Ross to marry Rachel] This isn't just some girl you picked up in a bar and... humped. A child should have a family.
Dr. Ross Geller: Mom, you know what? I can't deal with this right now. I'm sorry...
Judy: Just think about it. If you don't, I'll talk more about humping.

Monica: And Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired? He didn't steal your playboys. Ross did!
Ross: Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing. Monica did!
Monica: Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year!
Ross: Monica and Chandler are living together!
Monica: Ross married Rachel in Vegas and got divorced... again!
Phoebe: I love Jacques Cousteau!
Rachel: I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle!
Joey: I wanna go!
Judy: That's a lot of information to get in thirty seconds!

- Jack. How do I turn this off?
Jack: Press the button.
Judy: Which one? Which button? Jack!
Jack: The button! The button!
- I can't believe you did that.
- Yeah, well...

Ross: [upon seeing his parents sitting by the window at the coffee house] Mom? Dad? What-what... what you guys doing here?
Jack: Well, you kids talk about this place so much, we thought we'd see what all the fuss is about.
Judy: [smiling] I certainly see what the girls like coming here.
Ross: Why?
Judy: The sexy blonde behind the counter. S
[he waves at Gunther, who awkwardly waves back]
Ross: [shocked] Gunther?
Jack: Your mother just added him to her list.
Ross: What? Your-your list?
Judy: Yeah, the list that-of people we're allowed to sleep...
Ross: Yes! No-no! I know, I know what the list is!
Jack: Come on, sit down. Have a cup of Joe.
Ross: No, Dad , I-I can't. I'm sorry. Look, if you see Chandler, could you just tell him I'm looking for him.
Jack: And if you see Rita Moreno, let her know I'm looking for her.
[Jack winks at Ross. Ross points at him and winks back before he exits]

Judy: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress.
Nora: As I recall, when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.
Charles: But that was after the wedding. It's not bad luck then.
Nora: Honey, it isn't good luck.

Rachel: You guys, it was bananas, cream and beef. I just cannot believe that you ate that so that I wouldn't feel bad.
Monica: Actually, I didn't eat mine. It's still in the bathroom.
Joey: No, it isn't. I ate that.
Judy: Oh, we left ours in Monica's bedroom.
Joey: Nope, got it, and got yours, too!

[Jack and Judy walk Monica down the aisle]
Judy: I wish your grandmother had lived to see this.
Monica: Mom, she's right there.
Judy: Not that old crone. My mother.

Monica: Mrs. Bing? These are my parents Judy and Jack Geller.
Judy: It's lovely to meet you.
Jack: So, are you his mother or his father?

Judy: Chandler! You've been Ross' best friend all this years, stuck by and during the drug problems
[Ross walks away, upset]
Judy: And now you've taken on Monica as well. Well, I don't know what to say. You're a wonderful human being.
Chandler: [Surprised and glad] Thank you!
Jack: No, thank you. And Monica and Ross, I don't know what I'm gonna do about the two of you.
[Ross and Monica are embarassed]
Chandler: I'll talk to them.

Monica: I can't believe - there is no money for my wedding?
Judy: We might still have some money, if your father hadn't thought it was a good idea to sell *ice* over the internet.
Jack: It seemed like such a simple idea.
Judy: Stupid, Jack. The word is stupid.

- Let's turn it off.
- No, no, no!
- Well, I'm not gonna watch.
- Come on, kid. Let's go!
Judy: My! Are you handsome!
Jack: Let's show them!
- Just a sec, dad.
- Okay, be cool. Just be cool.

Judy: I think he's stoned again.
Chandler,8062: What?
Ross: Dude, I need to talk to ya a sec.
[Chandler and Ross go into Rachels former bedroom]
Ross: Okay, I think I know why my parents don't like you.
Chandler: Yeah?
Ross: Okay, we were in college. Spring break. Sophomore year. I got high and my parents came in and smellt it so I said you had smoked it and jumped out the window.
Chandler: What?
Ross: Oh come on man. How was I supposed to know we'd end up being friends after college? Let alone you living with my sister?
Chandler: What about that whole friends forever stuff?
Ross: I don't know I was all high.
Monica: [Monica enters] Mom and Dad just sent me in here to find out if you were trying to get Ross stoned.
Chandler: Ross smoked pot in college and he blamed it on me.
Monica: Ross! I can't believe you'd do that.
Chandler: The reason we haven't told them we're together is cause they hate me. So will you fix this please?
Ross: Fine, I'll tell them it wasn't Chandler who was smoking the pot. Who should I say it was?
Monica: You! Doesn't matter its not like you still do it.
Ross: Okay, who should I say "tricked me" into doing it.
Monica: No one. You go out there and you tell them exactly what happened.
Ross: Really?
Monica: Yes.
Chandler: Anything else I should know?
Ross: No. Wait ya. Uh, you melted a bunch of my Dad's records.
Ross: [fake chuckle] Why?
Ross: Evidently you weren't good at handling your 'high.'

Judy: [Telling Rachel the "Willy" story with Ross present] I understand separation is hard. One time I was about to leave Ross to go to the beauty parlor and he got so upset he took off his clothes tucked his "willy" in between his legs and cried out "mommy I'm a girl take me with you".
Ross: [Feeling embarrassed to Rachel and sarcastically to Judy] Somehow it became easily to be apart from you.

Judy: [about Rachel] Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar.
Monica: What's that supposed to mean?
Judy: Nothing. It's an expression.
Monica: No, it's not.
Jack: Don't listen to your mother. You're independent and you always have been. Even when you were a kid, and you were chubby and you had no friends, you were just fine! And your'd read alone in your room, and your puzzles...
[later]
Jack: There are people, like Ross, who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where they are. I'm telling you, these are the people who never get cancer. They're happy with what they have, they're basically content, like... cows.