Top 150 Quotes From Mark Wahlberg

Victor: I can't leave a cat here, it'll shit all over my floor
Victor: [on bringing his cat] What? Mr. Whiskers? I take him everywhere.

Charlie: Steve, what the hell are you doing?
Steve: [pointing a gun at them] Made a few plans of my own.
John: There's nowhere you can go where we won't find you, Steve. You know that.
Steve: I think that's probably right, John.

Daniel: In the end after reviewing our past performance, we could come to only one conclusion. We're so much better when we wing it.

Left: [observing the front gate to Steve's house. He sees guard dogs] Shit.
[Speaks into his wire]
Left: This dude got dogs. I don't do dogs... I had a real bad experience, man.
Charlie: [from their Netcom Cable van] What happened?
Left: [speaking slowly to reiterate his point, irritated] I had. A bad. Experience. Damn it. "I'm" deaf!

Evan: What kind of success rate is this guy working with, anyway?
Artisan: Confidence is... high.
Evan: Yeah, and so are you, obviously.

Charlie: We set?
Lyle: Yeah. I've enhanced the viewing matrix to track both the Cartesian coordinates and three altitude angles to give the exact position and orientation of our baby.
Left: We're in Italy. Speak English.

Dirk: What can you expect when you're on top? You know? It's like Napoleon. When he was the king, you know, people were just constantly trying to conquer him, you know, in the Roman Empire. So, it's history repeating itself all over again.

Reed: Want to hear a poem I wrote? "I love you, you love me. Going down the sugar tree. We'll go down the sugar tree, and see lots of bees: playing, playing. But the bees won't sting, because you love me." That's it.
Dirk: That's fuckin' great man! Did you write that?
Reed: Yeah. I write songs too.

Samantha: [Alternate scene] Can either of you tell me what happened in World War I?
John: Yeah. I mean, the whole world was fighting.
Ted: It's a lot of anger. A lot of anger.
Samantha: Any specifics?
John: A lot of people died.
Ted: Too many, if you ask me.
Samantha: Where did it take place?
John: All over the world.
Ted: Thus, World War I.
John: And that was the first one.
Ted: Of many.
Samantha: You guys need to get fucking educated!

Mrs. Fernandez: Things that matter are hard.
Pete: Now I know where Brenda gets her inspiring speech thing.

John: I feel so optimistic. How do you feel?
Charlie: [shrugging] I'm fine.
John: Fine? You know what "fine" stands for, don't you?
Charlie: Yeah, unfortunately.
John: Freaked out...
Charlie: Insecure...
John: Neurotic...
Charlie: And Emotional.
John: You see those columns behind you?
Charlie: [looks behind him and sees the pillars] What about them?
John: That's where they used to string up thieves who felt fine.
Charlie: After you.

Lyle: [looking at his name on their new ID's] James Hymen? Come one, just once give me a cool name!
Left: A hundred and forty pounds? Try one sixty five!
Handsome: Try lifting some weights!
[as everyone is leaving Lyle still notices his bike is still laying on the ground]
Lyle: Hey, Charlie?
Charlie: Handsome? Think you can help him with his bike?
Left: Yeah, help Knievel set up for his next jump!

Allen: [Steps on gas pedal] America!
Terry: [Car crashes into the crime scene] Did you yell 'America' when you hit the accelerator?
Allen: Nope. No, no. I've never actually put my foot all the way down to the ground with the accelerator like that. It got me slightly aroused.

Dignam: [during Costigan's interview] Your fuckin' family's dug into the Southie projects like ticks. Three-decker men at best. You, however, grew up on the North Shore, huh? Well, la-di-fuckin'-da. You were kind of a double kid, I bet, right? Huh? One kid with your old man, one kid with your mother. You're upper-middle class during the weeks, then you're droppin' your "R"s and you're hangin' in the big, bad Southie projects with your daddy, the fuckin' donkey on the weekends. I got that right?
Dignam: [Billy does not answer] Yup. You have different accents? You did, didn't you? You little fuckin' snake. You were like different people.
Billy: You a psychiatrist?
Dignam: Well, if I was I'd ask you why you're a Statie making 30 grand a year. And I think if I was Sigmund fuckin' Freud I wouldn't get an answer. So tell me, what's a lace-curtain motherfucker like you doing in the Staties?
Billy: Families are always rising or falling in America, am I right?
Oliver: Who said that?
Billy: Hawthorne.
Dignam: [Dignam makes a farting sound] What's the matter, smartass, you don't know any fuckin' Shakespeare?

Bob: I don't think you understand. These boys killed my dog.

[from trailer]
Paul: We go through with this, nobody gets hurt right?
Daniel: No, man! We snatch him, we grab him, signs a few signature, we give him a protein shake! He dunnit even know what happened! I watched a lot of movies Paul, I know what I'm doing!

Judge: And how do you plead on the count of aggravated assault of a police officer?
Spenser: Guilty.
Judge: Before I sentence you, is there anything further that you would like to add?
Spenser: Yes. The son of a bitch deserved it.

[a library full of semen samples falls over John, spilling everything]
John: Oh, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!
Ted: We are so sorry!
Female: Well I guess it's alright - those are the rejected sickle cell samples.
Ted: Did you hear that, Johnny? You're covered in rejected black guy sperm. You look like a Kardashian.

Samantha: Alright, I've got 'Dred Scott v. Sandford', 'Plessy v. Ferguson', and 'Brown v. The Board of Education'.
John: I got 'Kramer vs. Kramer', 'Alien vs. Predator', and 'Freddy vs. Jason'.
Ted: I got, uh, 'Earnest Goes to Camp', 'Earnest Goes to Jail', and 'The Importance of Being Earnest' which was very disappointing.

Nathan: [on the ship] Can't put a price on that.
Victor: Yes you can, four or five billion dollars.
Nathan: [as the boat starts to sink] Not to worry, we can get a diving crew...
Victor: [cuts him off] No we can't, it's now property of the Philippines goverment.

[last lines]
Dirk: [practicing his lines in the mirror] I've been around this block twice now. Looking for something. A clue. I've been looking for clues and something led me back here. Yeah. So here I am. It could have been me, the one who was at Ringo's place when the shit went down. Hey. I know how it is. I've been there. We've all done bad things. We've all had those guilty feelings in our heart. I'm going to take your brain out of your head and wash it and scrub it and make it clean. I don't know. But I'm going to have to settle this. First we're going to check the hole and see what we can find. We're going to get nice and wet, and you're going to spread your legs. Oh, that's good. So you know me. You know my reputation. Thirteen inches of tough load, I don't treat you gently. That's right. I'm Brock Landers. So I'm going to be nice. So I'm going to be nice. So I'm going to be nice, I'm going to ask you one more time. Where the fuck is Ringo?
Dirk: [he stands, unzips his pants and pulls out his penis] I am a star. I'm a star, I'm a star, I'm a star. I am a big, bright, shining star. That's right.
[he rezips his pants]

Ted: What's your middle name?
Samantha: Leslie.
Ted: Oh, my God! You're Sam L. Jackson!
John: That's great! I mean, just like Sam L. Jackson.
Samantha: Who is that?
Ted: You ever seen any movie ever? He's the black guy.

Evan: [narrating] Did you ever have a dream so real it felt like a memory? You ever catch yourself in the mirror and it's a surprise? Like you expected to see someone else's face staring back at you.

[Doyle is in a warehouse full of sex toys]
Paul: [to Lugo over a walkie-talkie] Didn't you say your friend kept athletic supplies in his warehouse?
Daniel: Do we have to have this conversation now? Over. What's the issue?
Paul: I'm looking at a lot of homo-stuff right now, Patriot One.
[looks at a male blow-up doll]
Paul: A *lot*.

Terry: What is this?
Allen: It's my car; it's a Prius.
Terry: I feel like we're literally driving around in a vagina.

Sarah: [checking his bandages] Something I need to tell you. Ralphie's dead.
Bob: Who's Ralphie?
Sarah: Well, they said you shot your dog 'cause you knew you weren't coming back.

Comic: The new Superman is... Jonah Hill.
John: FUCK!

Lazio: [during a conference briefing about Costello and his crew] without asking too many questions do you have anyone in with Costello presently?
Dignam: Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself.

Daniel: I have no sympathy for people who squander their gifts. It's sickening. It's worse than sickening. It's unpatriotic.

Terry: You feel that, Allen? Huh? That tingling in your balls? Big metal butterflies fluttering around your stomach?
Allen: Are you sure you don't have testicular cancer?
Terry: I got something to get you going.
[plays a hardcore song on the car stereo]
Terry: Let's go do some damage!
Allen: Nope.
[switches it to a lyrical song]
Terry: What the hell is that?
Allen: LRB. Little River Band.
Terry: This music makes me feel like I'm going shopping for a training bra.

Pete: When I'm pissed, do you know what I like to do?
[Pete takes a sledgehammer and hits the wall, then gives it to Lizzy]
Lizzy: Really?

Oliver: [meeting privately under a bridge next to a river] Okay, kid. Let's do this. Come on, spread 'em.
[Queenan begins searching Costigan]
Dignam: Hey, what do you think you can pop somebody and there's a special card to play? That guy, Jimmy Bags whose jaw you broke happens to work undercover for the Boston Police Department.
Billy: I'm going fucking nuts, man. I can't be someone else every fuckin' day. It's been a year of this. I've had enough of this shit!
Dignam: Calm down, alright? Most people in the world do it every day. What's the big deal?
Billy: Well, I'm not them, alright? I'm not fucking them, okay?
Dignam: Exactly. You're nobody. You signed the papers, remember? Now we're the only two people on the face of this earth that even know you're a cop. How about we just erase your file, huh? How 'bout that? How about we erase your file and then bang, you're just another soldier for Costello open to arrest for I don't know how many felonies. Huh? What do you say we do that, Captain?
Billy: How about I fucking kill you, huh? How about I fucking kill you!
Oliver: That was a joke. Come on!
Dignam: That wasn't a joke. Just because you play a tough guy, doesn't mean you are one you lace-curtain, Irish fucking pussy!
[Costigan punches Dignam]
Oliver: Hey, hey! Stop it! Break it up! Stop it!
Billy: [to Dignam] Fuck you, motherfucker!
Oliver: Goddamn it, stop it! That's an order!
[fighting stops]
Oliver: For chrissake, be smart. If anybody's watching us now, how are we not supposed to arrest you? Come on, get in the car. Both of you, get in the car!

[Lyle isn't answering Charlie's calls]
Handsome: He only answers to "The Napster" now, Charlie
Charlie: Oh, no. I am not calling you The Napster.
Lyle: Why not? You call him Left Ear.
Left: Well, I am.
Lyle: And him Handsome Rob.
Charlie: Well, that's because he is Handsome Rob!
Lyle: Well you can call me The Napster.

Jack: Do these characters have a name?
Dirk: The guy's name is Brock Landers.
Reed: And his partner is Chest Rockwell.
Jack: Those are some great names.

[Pete and Ellie mistakenly confront Charlie thinking he is Jacob]
Ellie: It's that kid Jacob! Hey, I saw the picture you sent to her, Jacob.
Pete: You're lucky I don't end your life right now, carrot top!
Ellie: We're going to call your mom!
Pete: You're going down today!
Ellie: So what do you think of that, Jacob?
Charlie: [sobbing] My name is not Jacob!
Ellie: What?
Charlie: It's Charlie!

[Ted and John roam around the forest to pick up firewood when John notices a marijuana leaf]
John: What the hell?
[John sniffs the leaf]
John: Holy shit! Hey, Ted! You know what this is? It's Super Lemon Haze.
[Ted turns around and is amazed by what he sees while he walks towards John]
John: It's a really rare strain. It's a cross between Lemon Skunk and Super Silver Haze. It's totally potent. I mean, I've only had it once in my life and it was one of the best highs I ever had. What the hell is a leaf of that stuff doing outin the middle of a...
[Ted grabs John's head and has him look to the right. John gets up and is astonished by the sight of marijuana crops in front of him]
John: Dear God! Dear God in heaven!
Ted: So beautiful!
[sobs]
Ted: It's so beautiful!
Samantha: No words. No words. They should've sent a poet.
Ted: They're moving in herds. They do move in herds.

Bob: You know what it takes to make a shot at that range? Everything comes into play that far - humidity, elevation, temperature, wind, spindrift. There's a 6 to 10-second flight time so you have to shoot at where the target's going to be. Even the Coriolis effect, the spin of the Earth, comes into play. President'll be wearing body armor, that means a headshot at over a mile. You believe there's a shooter involved capable of making this shot?
Colonel: Yes.
Bob: Well, then you got a real problem. You need to find the shooter.

John: [to Tom Brady] You're not a cheater. I mean, I think your balls are perfect.

Samantha: [almost hits 3 Star Wars fans who were on their way to Comic-Con with her car]
Obi: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
Stormtrooper: Whoa! Whoa!
Samantha: Jesus! Watch where you're going!
Stormtrooper: It's a crosswalk, jackass! We have the right way!
John: Yeah.
Ted: Whoa!
John: Whoa! Hey, what the hell you doing walking around, dressed like Star Wars?
Obi: It's Comic-Con you idiot. We're going to the Javits Center.
John: Well you're the idiots, because you three guys would never be walking together!
Ted: Yeah, you're HIS boss, and you two guys are enemies!
Samantha: Yeah, bite me Captain Kirk!
John: Hey hey, whoa now come on, no, that's Star Trek!
Ted: No, that's two different franchises
John: Yeah, sorry guys, she doesn't know.
Stormtrooper: Nah, it's okay. Sorry you have to deal with that. Let's go.
[Star Wars fans continue their walk to Comic-Con but then the guy in the Darth Vader outfit tries to use the force on them]
Obi: No, hey come on, it's not worth it man. It's not worth it.

Daniel: I don't just want everything you have... I want you not to have it!

Terry: You keep hiding from shit in the world, and eventually the world comes to your front door.

[first lines]
Daniel: [groaning and grunting out his situps] I'm hot! I'm big!
Daniel: [sees a squad of police cars] Fuck!

James: I think there is no defense against someone willing to die. Someone capable of cultivating our trust by offering us the one thing that we want, and the one thing that we need, that's the real weapon of mass destruction. A killer who looks like a hero.

Amber: [having sex, filming a porno] Oh, John. You're a wonderful actor.
Dirk: It's okay to come?
Amber: Are you ready to come?
Dirk: Yeah.
Amber: Come in me.
Dirk: What?
Amber: I'm fixed. I want you to come in me.
Dirk: Okay.
[moans and climaxes]

James: You've got a big ego.
Li: It's not ego.
James: It's everybody's downfall, my friend. Ego is not your amigo.

Sorina: You look so sad, what's the matter?
Adrian: I just kidnapped a man.
Sorina: You did what?
Daniel: No, no, no, he's kidding. He's getting married tomorrow and he doesn't want a bachelor party.
Sorina: Hey! You know what? My shift is almost over. So... Why don't you meet me at the toilets in 5 minutes? And you can bring my baby Daniel, too.
Adrian: For what?
Daniel: This is your party man, you should have some fun.
Sorina: [They have a threesome in the bathroom] Bang me harder! Come on! Fuck! Fuck!
Adrian: I think she should kidnap a man too!

Ellerby: [during a conference briefing about Costello and his crew] Staff Sergeant Dignam is our liaison to the the undercover department, his undercover work is extensive. He's here to give us his report. Sergeant Dignam.
Dignam: Ok. My people are out there. They're like fuckin' indians. You're not gonna see 'em you're not gonna hear about 'em except from me or Captain Queenan. You will not ever know the identity of undercover people. Unfortunately, this shithole has more fuckin' leaks than the Iraqi Navy.
Ellerby: Fuck yourself.
Dignam: I'm tired from fuckin' your wife.
Ellerby: How's your mother?
Dignam: Good, she's tired from fuckin' my father.

[Unrated version only]
Ted: Attention, everyone. May I have your attention, please? Johnny and I have prepared something very special for you here. Let's have it, fellas.
Ted: When you hear the sound of thunder don't you get too scared.
John: Just grab your thunder buddy and say these magic words.
Ted: Oh, fuck you, thunder! You can suck my dick!
John: Oh, fuck you, thunder! You can suck my dick!
Ted: You can't get me, thunder 'cause you're just God's farts. Yeah!
John: You can't get me, thunder 'cause you're just God's farts. Yeah!

[last lines]
James: The great game continues. Today was yours... see you tomorrow.

Bob: You know, I got a plan, but I need your help.
Sarah: Ok. I'll do it.
Bob: I haven't even told you what it is yet.
Sarah: I know.

Hawk: [knocking out two drug couriers and realizing there's a third in the van] Oh, shit.
Spenser: You forgot one in the back.
Hawk: I forgot one in the back?
Spenser: Well, it's the driver's responsibility to check the back.
Hawk: Who makes these rules?

Dirk: [standing in the kitchen at work with Jack] So, you want five or ten?
Jack: What?
Dirk: Well, if you just wanna see me jack off, it's ten. But if you just wanna look at it, it's only five.

Nathan: [on the helicopter full of relics] Rescued? Don't you mean looted?
Victor: [shrugs] Well if I didn't take them, someone else would've.

Ted: Right. You see the thing is, we don't wanna take any chances, because the stakes are so significant.
John: We can't rush into anything. We got to make sure we're making the right decision.
Ted: We really appreciate your time, but what we're probably gonna do is...
[Samantha takes a hit from bong]
Ted: Just take a seat and get to work.
John: Trust you completely.
Ted: We really feel you got a lot to offer.
Samantha: Sorry you don't mind the pot, do you? I get migraines.
John: Oh, absolutely. Me too.
Ted: That's fine. I'm gonna get a huge migraine in the parking lot in about 20 minuets.

Dignam: [during a conference briefing about Costello and his crew] My theory on Feds is that they're like mushrooms, feed 'em shit and keep 'em in the dark. You girls have a good day.

[Ted smokes some marijuana using Sam's penis-shaped bong. John pulls out his smartphone and takes a picture]
Ted: Oh, what the fuck? What are you doing?
John: [texting] Hashtag: My amazing summer.
Ted: God dammit, what the hell is wrong with you?
John: Oh, I fucking owe you, you bastard.
Ted: What do you mean? I was just messing around.
John: Oh, shut up and suck that dick.
Ted: Oh, fuck you.

Pedro: Yo, you think that'll keep him out of Heaven?
Mickey: What are you, kidding me? Jesus Christ himself would of laughed at that, it was hillarious.

Driscoll: I'm sick of your shit, Spenser.
Spenser: [preparing to fight hand-to-hand] Come on.
Driscoll: You think you're special?
Spenser: Let's go.
Driscoll: Oh, you're not a fuckin' choirboy. You're a fuckin' jailbird! Fuck you!
Spenser: [getting hit in the face] Fuckin'... I gave you a chance, brother.
Driscoll: Fuck your chance.
Spenser: [groaning in pain] Fuck! You ain't got what it takes to make it in prison, you know why? 'Cause you're weak.
[getting punched and getting back to his feet]
Spenser: Come on.
Driscoll: Your stupid Serpico morality, it doesn't work in the real world.
Spenser: [getting kicked] Mother...
Driscoll: Come on, baby. Let's go. Yeah, baby.
[kicking him while he's down]
Driscoll: You were always so fuckin' naive! Huh? You thought you could help the victims? You ain't helping shit. Always some endless fuckin' need for sympathy. Oh, please, that's shit! You hear me? You ain't helping no one. There's no justice, Spenser! There's only the strong and the weak. They gonna fuckin' find your body wherever I fuckin' dump it. They gonna put chalk around you, boy. You gonna die. Henry, too. And I'm gonna walk these motherfuckin' streets! Forever.

Charlie: Napster, Gridlock every route except the one we chose. Force that truck to go exactly where we want it to go.
Handsome: Where do we want it to go? We can't have a shoot up without guns. We'd lose.
Charlie: We do it like The Italian Job.

Reed: [shoe shopping] Yeah, those are really cool. Are they lizard?
Dirk: No, they're Italian. I'm gonna fuckin' buy these.

Terry: I'm like a peacock, you gotta let me fly!

Charlie: [on the Coast Starlight] Guys, I want to make a toast. To John Bridger. The most brilliant master planner of all. Father and friend.
Stella: To my Dad.

Billy: [talking in the back seat of a car] When are you gonna take Costello, huh?
[animated]
Billy: I mean, what's wrong with taking him on any one of the
[yelling]
Billy: million fucking felonies that you've seen him do, or I've seen him do? I mean, I mean, he murdered somebody, right? The guy fucking murders somebody, and you don't fucking take him! What are you waiting for, honestly? I mean, do you want him to chop me up and feed me to the poor? Is that what you guys want?
Dignam: [sarcastically while sitting in the front seat] Yeah, well that might stick.
Oliver: [to Dignam] Will you shut up?
[to Billy]
Oliver: We are building a case. It takes time. You know that.
Billy: Somethings wrong. I'm telling you, something's wrong.
Oliver: Yeah, maybe.

Michael: You killed all three?
Bob: There were four.

Jack: [Jack has invited Grandma Lynn to stay with them for awhile. He brings two suitcases in from her taxi] Is this all there is?
Grandma: Don't be ridiculous; that's just my makeup.

Spenser: [Hawk grabs the shotgun] No, no, no. No, you don't get the cool gun.
Hawk: Aw. Hawk is the name of a motherfucker with a shotgun. Spenser does your taxes.
Spenser: That was good. I'll give you that one.

Charlie: [trailer only] You ready to create the biggest traffic jam in the history of Los Angeles?
Lyle: I'm so ready.

[Sullivan tries to enter Queenan's office, but Dignam blocks his way]
Colin: Problem?
Dignam: Yeah, I got a problem. I run rat fucks like you, okay? I don't like 'em.
Colin: The day you wouldn't take a promotion, let me know. And if you'd taken care of this, I wouldn't even be here.
Dignam: Fuck yourself, you piece of shit.
Colin: And I'm gonna need the identity of your undercovers.
Dignam: Blow me, all right? But not literally, though. Unfortunately, there's no promotion involved for you.
[Dignam leaves]
Colin: Fucking prick.

Pete: We might have a little bit of knack for this.
Sharon: I beg to differ.

Samantha: Hi, have any of you guys seen a talking teddy bear, he...
Comic: [interrupts] Shh! They're about to announce the new Superman.
Film: The new Superman is... Jonah Hill!
John: Fuck!

Mr. Rate: The world ain't what it seems, is it, gunny?
Bob: No, Sir.
Mr. Rate: You keep that in mind.

[from trailer]
Paul: You said no violence!
Daniel: And I meant it when I said it, I swear to God...
Paul: I can NOT kill!
Daniel: Duly noted! Look, I promise when this is over, we'll all go camping, OK?
Paul: OK...

Dirk: You're not the boss of me, Jack. You're not the king of Dirk. I'm the boss of me. I'm the king of me. I'm Dirk Diggler. I'm the star. It's my big dick and I say when we roll.

Allen: Hey, I didn't know you can dance.
Terry: We used to do those dance moves to make fun of guys when we were kids to show them how queer they were, okay.
Allen: You learned to dance like that sarcastically?
Terry: Yeah, I guess.

Ted: What the fuck!
John: Holy shit, dude! What's the matter? What happened? What's going on?
Ted: There's so much porn!
John: What the hell are you doing, looking at my private shit?
Ted: What are you talking about, "private shit"? Johnny, it was wide open! There are literally thousands of files here!
John: Well, I've been meaning to clear some of that up!
Ted: Jesus Chri-Look at the organization here! "Clockwise Rimjob"? "Counterclockwise Rimjob"?
John: Yeah, well, sometimes, we like seeing the tongue go the other way!
Ted: You sick bastard! Look at this! "Chicks With Dicks"!
John: Oh my God! Oh my God, I have a disease! Allright? I need help!
Ted: There are no chicks with dicks, Johnny! Only guys with tits!

Terry: Your farts aren't manly.
Allen: Are you serious?
Terry: They sound like a baby blowing out birthday candles.

[just before they start filming Dirk's first movie]
Dirk: Does he want me to keep going until I cum?
Amber: Yeah. You just cum when you're ready.
Dirk: Where should I do it?
Amber: Where do you want?
Dirk: Wherever you tell me.
Amber: Well, cum on my tits, if you can, okay? Just pull it out and do it on my stomach and my tits, if you can.

Spenser: You know what, bad guy? I'm gonna serve some justice today. I'm gonna make a citizen's arrest. You're under arrest. You save the bad guy talk for the boys in whatever federal prison you go to. You can tell 'em I said hello.

Daniel: Life's gonna give me another set. I know it will.

Bob: I'm going to do all those Whip-It!s and pass out. Good luck, okay?

[from trailer]
Daniel: [to a little boy] Don't eyeball me! I've seen your mother driving up and down these streets looking at me! I'll be your stepfather in about a week!

Little: [while shooting a scene, Dirk ejaculated inside Amber] We missed the cum shot. He came inside her. Maybe we could go to stock footage, or...
Jack: Are you crazy? It won't match!
Dirk: Jack? I can do it again if you need a closeup.

Daniel: I put up with stuff that they don't have names for in civil society.

Bob: I'll get better, then I'm going to burn their playhouse down.

Allen: [while Hoitz is holding him at gunpoint] You won't shoot me.
Terry: I shot Jeter!
Allen: That was an accident!
Terry: Was it? Now move.

Anatole: [last words, in Russian] You're making a mistake.
James: [In Russian] I've made a lot of those.

Terry: We're gonna do 'good cop, bad cop'. Okay? It's the oldest game in the book for a reason - it works. I come strong, then you come in. You got it?
Allen: Yeah.
Terry: I come strong, then you come in.
Allen: Right. Got it.
Terry: [to Ershon] Now you listen to me, you piece of shit! It's just you and me, and I'm gonna rip you apart! How did you cover your losses up? Huh? What drug cartel are you working with now?
David: Okay, I'll talk to you,
[pointing at Allen]
David: you're reasonable!
Terry: [shaking him] No-no, look at me!
Allen: Yeah? You wanna talk to me?
[pushes Terry away and storms on Ershon]
Terry: Allen, what are you doing?
Allen: [yells at Ershon] I'm gonna make you eat a plate of human shit!
[runs around smashing his office]
Allen: [next scene, Allen and Terry are walking outside] Look, I'm really sorry about that. I just... I saw how aggressive you were being, and I thought 'Wow, I gotta go even bigger than that since we're doing 'Bad cop, bad cop'.
Terry: What? No, I said 'Good cop, bad cop'. I'm the bad cop, you're the good cop.
Allen: Okay, then there it is. That's it. I thought you said 'Bad cop, bad cop'.

Steve: [in a restaurant] You blew the best thing you had going for you. You blew the element of surprise.
Charlie: [punching him] Surprised?

Oliver: [during Costigan's interview] We have a question: Do you want to be a cop, or do you want to appear to be a cop? It's an honest question. A lot of guys just want to appear to be cops. Gun, badge, pretend they're on TV.
Dignam: Yeah, a lot of people just wanna slam a nigger's head through a plate-glass window.
Billy: I'm all set without your own personal job application. Alright, Sergeant?
Dignam: What the fuck did you say to me, trainee?
Billy: [to Queenan] With all due respect, sir, what do you want from me?
Dignam: Hey asshole, he can't help you! I know what you are, okay? I know what you are and I know what you are not. I'm the best friend you have on the face of this earth, and I'm gonna help you understand something, you punk. You're no fuckin' cop!

Martin: Look at these two jamokes, would ya? One shot Jeter and the other shot an office.
[Fosse guffaws]
Fosse: Have some decorum, we're at a funeral. Shhh.
Fosse: You wanna dance Brolio? Huh? I will rock your body with big nasty hooks, you'll be pissin' blood outta your ass.
Allen: That's horrible.
Terry: Why don't you step back, man. You touch him, I swear to god I'm gonna beat the shit out of you with Allen's head.
Allen: He's not gonna do that, that's hyperbole, but that's a weird example.

Ellie: Whose idea was it to go and talk to the teenagers? We could've had a toddler who doesn't have opinions and thong underwear.
Pete: What?
Ellie: You pushed us into some next-level shit!

Bob: Welcome to Tennessee, patron state of shootin' stuff.

Evan: I must've really screwed up in my last incarnation.
Nora: Why would you say that?
Evan: Have you seen where I live in this life?

Dignam: [observing an exchange of microprocessors for money between Costello and Chinese triad members] This is unbelievable. Who put the fuckin' cameras in this place?
Police: Who the fuck are you?
Dignam: I'm the guy who does his job. You must be the other guy.

Samantha: [Unrated version] I love New York.
John: Yeah, there's no bullshit with these people.
Ted: Yeah, you always know who you're dealing with in New York.
[Out the car window, to a group]
Ted: Hello, Jews!
[the groups says hello back]

Evan: What do I know that you need so bad?

[as they are dangling from under the road way, after Left Ear's gotten all the explosives in place, and is about to insert the detonater]
Left: Just give me a minute.
Charlie: [impatiently] NOW?
Left: I'm about to insert this detonator tube, and if the brass touches the sides, we'll both be the last people we ever see.
Charlie: [suddenly looking very nervous] Take all the time you need.
Left: [after a long pause] Hey, Charlie?
Charlie: What?
Left: [pause] I love you, man.
Charlie: I love you too.

James: Certain operations require a level of violence not palatable to most people, and certain operations require a higher level of deniability.

[timing the getaway to Union Station]
Handsome: It's either bad traffic, peak traffic, slit-your-wrist traffic... you know, five people died from smoking in between traffic lights today.
Left: You know, they do have the Metrorail, Rob, you could always use that.
Handsome: Yeah, that'd be ideal for carrying a ton of gold now, wouldn't it, genius?
Charlie: What's your guesstimate?
Handsome: The last twenty times I done this journey, you've got an average of thirty two minutes and a top time of fifty, but if we had green lights all the way, we could do it in fourteen minutes.
Stella: [poking fun] What? Couldn't get through traffic?

[from trailer]
Paul: You can't just kidnap a guy and take his things! That is so illegal!
Daniel: Victor Kershaw is a criminal prick, who deserves bad stuff to happen to him!

Bob: In the end, the law'll never catch and hold them. In a year or two, they'll be back in business. New names, new messenger boys, same old story and I'll be dead. It's gonna be some hard, hairy work, Pork. There's gonna be more shootin' and more people are going to die. Now, I didn't start it, but be sure as hell I mean to see it through. So, you get it straight. You in or you out?

Allen: Hey, Terry, I did it! I did my first desk pop!
[Fosse and Martin roar with laughter]
Allen: It's a real thing, right?
Terry: A desk pop?
Allen: Yeah.
Terry: No, that's not real!
Allen: They were so convincing in their argument, they swung me.

[Lyle wants to be called "The Napster"]
Handsome: Come on, Charlie. They were at the same college at the same time.
Charlie: Why are you encouraging this?

Ted: I think it's time to play the Beetlejuice card.
John: What?
Ted: I mean, saying his name three times so he appears.
John: Are you fucking crazy? We don't want that guy running around here!
Ted: No, it'll be fine! he'll be on our side! Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetle...
John: Hey, you are messing with powers you do not understand, alright! Cut the shit!

Shep: Where did they get him?
[Ted]
John: [Mutters] Child-World Toy Store.
Shep: I'm sorry I couldn't hear that, could you repeat that please?
John: Child-World Toy Store, you fuckin' heard me!

John: We just broke into Tom Brady's house and tried to jerk him off - you're ready to be a parent.

Charlie: [playing basketball with Handome Rob when his phone rings] Hello?
Stella: I want to see the look on that man's face when his gold is gone. He took my father from me, I'm taking this.
[hangs up]
Charlie: [to Handsome Rob] She's in.

Bob: Sake of argument, somebody other than him?
Mr. Rate: There was a guy in Russia. They locked his ass up. Another'n in France. I know he's dead. There was one guy, but he don't shoot no more. A brutal son of a bitch. Most boys shoot to kill. He'd shoot to wound, wait till his friends come to help, kill them too. Turned one target into four. Men, women, children. Killed them by the hundreds. The other side wanted him. Bad. Finally narrowed his hide down to an abandoned six-story building. They quit the subtle tactics. They called in an artillery strike. Leveled a square block. Brought the building down on his ass. Some say he crawled out of there. Some say he died. Never heard from him no more.
Bob: [recalling the man in the wheelchair, Michael Sandor] Fuck me.
Nick: What?
Bob: I met the son of a bitch.

Alice: I have no ability to communicate with my daughter now.
James: You're never gonna do something normal until you die. That's what this job is.
Alice: I think I've lied to every person that I've ever met.

Terry: No, I don't like you. I think you're a fake cop. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal, it sounds feminine. If you were in the wild, I would attack you, even if you weren't in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you. If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you and then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.
Allen: OK, first off: a lion, swimming in the ocean. Lions don't like water. If you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that make sense. But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot wave, I'm assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a full grown 800 pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends, you lose that battle, you lose that battle 9 times out of 10. And guess what, you've wandered into our school of tuna and we now have a taste of lion. We've talked to ourselves. We've communicated and said 'You know what, lion tastes good, let's go get some more lion'. We've developed a system to establish a beach-head and aggressively hunt you and your family and we will corner your pride, your children, your offspring.
Terry: How you gonna do that?
Allen: We will construct a series of breathing apparatus with kelp. We will be able to trap certain amounts of oxygen. It's not gonna be days at a time. An hour? Hour forty-five? No problem. That will give us enough time to figure out where you live, go back to the sea, get some more oxygen, and stalk you. You just lost at your own game. You're outgunned and out-manned.
[pause]
Allen: Did that go the way you thought it was gonna go? Nope.

Terry: What the hell are you doing?
Francine: I'm dancing, Terry. What the hell are you doing here?
Terry: I love you, Francine. If you were with me, you wouldn't be here in this strip club, shaking it for dollar bills!
Francine: This is a ballet studio, Terry, okay? These poles are horizontal.
Allen: He loves you very much, Francine.
Francine: Who is this guy?
Terry: What are you doing here, Allen?
Allen: It's the code, I'm your partner. I'm here to support a friend and a work colleague.

Louis: You can kill him from that far away?
Bob: Mile and a half the bullet's gonna strike with more energy than a .44 magnum, point blank. Yeah, I think you can kill him.

Allen: [points a gun at Terry] Get in the car.
Terry: Come on, Allen, we both know it's wooden.
Allen: [fires at the lamp] Apartment pop! Now get in the car.
Terry: You're not gonna shoot me.
Allen: Ok, I'll be honest. This is only the second time I've ever fired this.
Terry: So stop pointing it at me!

Dirk: I wanna fuck. It's my fucking big dick. Who wants to fuck?

[Samantha smokes weed on a penis-shaped bong]
John: Please tell me that's not the only bong you brought on this trip.
Ted: Yeah, Sam. This, this puts us in a kind of awkward position here. I mean, we wanna get high too.
John: I don't have any papers or nothing.
Samantha: Is this hilarious? I got it at a bachelorette party.
[giggles]
Samantha: It's so stupid. Here, try it.
John: Uh, no.
Samantha: Why?
John: I don't wanna put a big glass cock in my mouth.
Samantha: Oh, you think this is big?
Ted: [laughing] Johnny, you walked right into that one, pal.

[last lines]
Senator Charles F. Meachum: Are you out of your mind? Are you out of your damn mind? I am a United States Senator!
Bob: Exactly.

Mickey: I'll tell you what, if our school was this nice I would go there more than once a week.

Dirk: I know fucking karate.

[from the trailer only]
Bob: They delivered me on a train, wrapped up like a present.

[about John]
Charlie: Just because he was around me more doesn't mean he wasn't thinking about you all the time.
Stella: [Sniffling] It would be nice if it was true.
Charlie: It is true. He always regretted not having been a good enough father to you, Stella.
Stella: How do you know that?
Charlie: Because he told me.

Oliver: [during Colin's interview] Congratulations on passing the detectives' exam, and welcome to the Special Investigation Unit.
Dignam: Whoop-de-fuckin'-do.

Steve: [in a restaurant] Don't talk about right or wrong with me, man, because I don't give a shit. Okay? You got your cards, I got my cards. We made our play, and I came out on top. Okay? Now, if you want to start the game up again, that's fine with me. What is your play here, really? Come on, what do you? What do you think? You'll try to take out my guards, right? I have five of them that you don't know about. You'll try to have Lyle hack the system? I'll change it again tomorrow morning. What was your final move? I mean. Have Bridger's daughter come in and try to crack my safe? That's very poetic and all, but I just don't see it. I don't think she'll get anywhere near it.
Charlie: Same old Steve huh? Always thinking defensively. That's why you're always number two.

[from trailer]
Samantha: All right, I'm going to ask you these test questions. Are you ready?
Ted: Yup, bring it on.
Samantha: Do you consider yourself to be human?
Ted: Objection!
John: Sustained!
Samantha: You know, the witness can't object.
John: Overruled.
Ted: Sidebar.
John: Guilty!
Ted: Speculation.
John: Hearsay!
Ted: Bailiff.
John: Briefcase.
Ted: Disregard.
John: In my chambers.
Ted: Stop beavering the witness.
John: I rest.
Ted: We could totally be lawyers.

Johnny: This... is such shit! This is the worst fucking shit of all the fucked up shit we've ever seen! This is the shittiest, most fucked up shit...
James: I got it. Ok? Relax, calm down. Go take a little nap.
Johnny: Fuck you!

[from trailer]
Daniel: My name is Daniel Lugo, and I believe in fitness. All this began because it was time to push myself harder, otherwise I was looking at another forty years wearing sweatpants to work...

Colonel: I won. You lost. Get used to the idea, son.
Bob: I'm not your son.

Spenser: Wonderland is basically like an abandoned fortress. All right? And there's pretty much only one way in, right here. It's the middle of the day. There's not a lot of places to hide. We're gonna have to get Henry out of the way. But I got a plan. It's a little unconventional. You're gonna have to trust me.

James: [On Noor] He's a killer dressed up as a hero.

Hawk: [Spenser rams through a group of bad guys in the Black Betty big rig] This is your plan?
Spenser: My plan only went as far as the entrance, okay?

Dirty: How you fellas doin'? We about to have us a little screw party in this red Prius over here if you wanna join us.
Allen: Hey, are you Dirty Mike and the Boys?
Dirty: How you know who we are?
Allen: You left a note in that car!
Terry: [shows his badge] Police, shithead.
Dirty: He's a copper, we gotta go. C'mon! Hey, grease it, boys! They're cops!
[He and the Boys run off]
Allen: You turned my beautiful Prius into a nightmare!
Dirty: We are gonna have sex in your car! It will happen again!

[from trailer]
Victor: I'm a self-made man. I've made a lot of money!
Daniel: Why don't you spend some of it on salads?
Victor: You know who invented salads? Poor people!

Cissy: [watching Spenser with his dog Pearl] You know, she doesn't understand a word you're sayin'.
Spenser: She understands everything I say.
Cissy: No. She's just waiting for you to give her a treat.

[Unrated version only, John lists a long list of fictional last names in rapid order for Ted's last name]
John: Skywalker, Solo, Vader, Kenobi, Palpatine, Calrissian, Balboa, Rambo, Griswold, Stepford, Bickle, Gump, Corleone, Wonka, Lebowski, Venkman, Spengler, Stantz, Rizzo, Zuko, Golightly, Higgins, Dolittle, Poppins, Bond, Blofeld, Blutarsky, Soze, O'Hara, Butler, McFly, Plissken, Ventura, Burgundy, Scissorhands, Drebin, Bueller, Lecter, Dumbledore, Sparrow, Doubtfire, Bourne, Von Trapp, Zoolander, Kirk, Spock, McCoy...
Ted: Clubber Lang!
John: FUCKING...
Ted: Hahaha!

Ted: That weed is really good. It reminds me of the strain I smoked last summer called "Here Comes Autism."
John: Yeah, I was just gonna say it's sort of like this other batch we had called..."How Long Has That Van Been There?"
Samantha: No, it's this new strain my dealer gave me called "Help Me Get Home."

[Lyle arrives on his motorcycle. He has trouble on the bike, though]
Charlie: [when meeting Charlie's crew for the first time] That's Lyle. He's my computer genius. You know he's who really invented Napster? At least that's how Lyle tells it. Said Shawn Fanning was his roommate in college and stole his idea.
[We see a flashback of Fanning stealing a Floppy disk from a napping Lyle]
Charlie: I think it's his first time riding that bike, though.
Lyle: Hey.
[Lyle falls over]
Charlie: You okay?
Lyle: Yeah.
[a car drives up behind him]
Charlie: That's Left Ear. Demolition and explosives. When he was ten, he put one too many M-80s in the toilet bowl.
[Cuts to the exterior of a toilet stall. Suddenly the door bursts open from an explosion. The toilet is spraying a fountain of water up]
Kid: Damn, that was cool. How did you do that?
Young: What?
Kid: How did you do that?
Young: WHAT?
Kid: I said, "how did you do that?"
Young: What?
[Flashback to present]
Charlie: Lost the hearing in his right ear. He's been blowing stuff up ever since.
[a car zooms in from behind Charlie and Stella]
Charlie: Handsome Rob. Premier wheel man. Once drove all the way from Los Angeles just so he could set the record for longest freeway chase.
[Cuts to Rob being chased down the freeway by a massive armada of police cars]
Charlie: You know he got 110 love letters sent to his jail cell from women who saw him on the news?
[We see two women hanging a banner on a bridge saying "We heart you, Rob."]

Bob: I'm out, old man. I'm just a peckerwood who lives in the hills with too many guns. You happy?

Bob: Where are we meeting?
Colonel: Somewhere I can see you... coming from a god-damned long way off.

Colonel: I'm looking forward to seeing you in action. Jack says you've got a great big cock.
Eddie: Well, I don't know, I guess so.
Colonel: May I see it?
Eddie: Really?
Colonel: Please!
[stares as Eddie lowers his shorts]
Colonel: Thank you, Eddie!
Eddie: No problem.
[the Colonel continue to stare as Eddie walks away]

Allen: Mr Beaman? Mr Don Beaman?
Don: It's Wesley. I know Ershon and Wesley...
Allen: Look, there's a lot to live for in this life. A lot of great things, like soda pop, big fresh can of soda pop.
Don: They do not care!
Terry: Give me this. I know how to talk to him.
[into bullhorn]
Terry: Listen, we all know you're a scumbag and nobody cares about you. Rotten piece of...
Allen: [snatches it back] That's worse than what I was saying.
[into bullhorn]
Allen: I'm not gonna lie to you, Don. People down here are starting to murmur that you don't have the balls to do it.
Don: I don't care!
Allen: Yeah. I say you can do it. I mean, I don't want you to jump, I'm saying you have the capability. Oh look, he's flying!

Eddie: [Eddie has returned home after auditioning for Jack all night, his mother is up and waiting for him in the living room, drunk] Hi.
Dirk's: Where were you?
Eddie: Nowhere.
Dirk's: Shut up. Where were you?
[puts out her cigarette]
Dirk's: Did you see that little slut girl you see? Cheryl? Cheryl Lynn?
Eddie: Don't say that.
Dirk's: Do you feel like a stud to see trash like that? Is she your girlfriend?
Eddie: No, she's not my girlfriend.
Dirk's: She's a little whore, and a little piece of trash. And I know you're not the only one she sees.
Eddie: Why... why would you say something like that?
Dirk's: I heard things about her, that girl. Don't think I don't know what goes on here, when I'm not here. I wash your sheets, I know she's been here. Or, or are you doing something else in there, with your music and your posters on the wall?
Eddie: What is your problem?
Dirk's: OK, all right, fine. Just go. Go to that little whore Cheryl. Why don't you just go to her. Go to your little girl.
Eddie: Yeah? Well, maybe I will.
[heads to his room]
Dirk's: Yeah?
Eddie: Yeah!
Dirk's: Yeah? Well, what are you going to do?
[she gets up and follows him]
Eddie: I don't know! I'll do somethin'!
Dirk's: You can't do anything! You're a loser! You'll always be a loser! You couldn't even finish high school because you are so stupid! So what are you gonna do?
Eddie: I'm gonna do something! I'll do it! You know what, I'll go somewhere and do something, and maybe run away to where you can't find me!
Dirk's: Oh, go ahead... fuck that little girl!
[Eddie grabs a duffel bag and begins to fill it with his belongings]
Dirk's: Oh, what do you think you're doing?
Eddie: I'm gettin' my stuff!
Dirk's: Oh, you think that's your stuff? That's not your stuff! You didn't pay for it!
[grabs Eddie's face and squeezes it hard]
Dirk's: That is not your stuff because you didn't pay for it, stupid! None of this is yours!

John: You piece of shit. Killing him at Fenway Park wasn't enough for you, huh? Huh, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NOW?
Donny: You don't deserve him, John. You never did. YOU NEVER DID!
John: I've been wanting to do this for a long time.
Ted: Aha! I fucking knew it!

Mickey: Shit happens alright? Shit fucking happens... christ!

Dirk: Are you gonna take your skates off?
Rollergirl: I don't take my skates off. And don't fuckin' come in me.
Dirk: Okay.
Jack: Aim it at her tits.

Bob: Suppose I was looking for man who could make a 2200 yard cold bore shot. Who's alive that could do that?
Mr. Rate: Seems I heard about a shot like that being made not too long ago, said the guy's name was Bob Lee Swagger. Never met the man, so I wouldn't know him.
Bob: Ya, they said that all right.
Mr. Rate: They also said that artificial sweeteners were safe, WMDs were in Iraq, and Anna Nicole married for love.

[drenched in semen]
John: Fuck! I'm blinking it in! Oh my God, it's in my fucking mouth!
Ted: Wait-wait-wait, hang on, I gotta post this on Facebook.
John: NO!
Ted: ..."hashtag GrrrMondays".

Spenser: How did you kill Officer Terrence Graham? Huh? What'd you do? Wrap his hand around the gun, make it look like a suicide? You have your boys hold him still for you? I mean, cops killing cops? When did that ever become okay?
Driscoll: Ah, well... so, what the fuck are you gonna do?
Spenser: You know what I'm gonna do. You're goin' to prison. But first, I'm gonna teach you a little lesson.
Driscoll: Oh, yeah? What's that?
Spenser: Oh, a cop in prison's gotta know how to fight. You take my word for that.
[ejecting the clip from his gun and the bullet from the chamber and tossing it away]
Spenser: Let's go.
Driscoll: Oh, let's.

Skinny: [over the phone] If there's one thing I know, it's never to mess with mother nature, mother in-laws and, mother freaking Ukrainians.
Charlie: Look, I need a favor.

Victor: It's Braddock. We'd better get small. Or, in your case, smaller.
Nathan: Hey! You're only like one inch taller than me, max.
Victor: I think it's a little more than that, kid.

Terry: [Hoitz telling Gamble his duck joke] Little boy on his 13th birthday, it's time to get laid.
Allen: Already feels inappropriate.
Terry: So he goes to the lady at the barn and says, "Miss, I know you usually want money, but I don't have any money. It's my birthday, do you think I could have sex with you for this duck?"
Allen: Was he a farmer? Because that's probably a health code violation to bring a duck into a place of prostitution.
Terry: They weren't going to have sex with duck!
Allen: No, I just mean a health code violation to have the duck brought into a facility like that.
Terry: So anyway, she says "Yes, I'll do it." So he goes in there and gives it to her.
Allen: He gives her what?
Terry: The high hard one, and she loves it! So she goes, "If you do that again, I'll give you your duck back". So he gets laid twice for free!
Allen: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. So the duck is payment for sexual intercourse?
Terry: Yes, he used it as payment and now he's getting paid back the duck. He says, "Oh my God this is the greatest birthday ever!" He does it again. Now he's walking home, right?...
Allen: So she was satisfied with the duck as currency?
[Nods his head]
Allen: Okay.
Terry: So he's walking home, and can't wait to get home to tell his father. So he's walking down the street with the duck, and all of a sudden, 'Vroom!' A truck comes by and runs over his duck! Kills the duck!
Allen: Kills the duck? So the duck is now dead?
Terry: The duck is dead! The kid starts crying, the truck driver stops, he's all upset, he didn't mean-.
Allen: [Interrupts] Of course he's crying, he's a 13 year old boy who just had sex twice and just watched his beloved duck die. So far I don't see how this is ever going to be funny.
Terry: The guy feels so bad about killing the duck so he gives him two dollars.
Allen: And the kid's happy with the two bucks?
Terry: He's ecstatic! He got laid twice and now he's got two dollars on top of it!
Allen: Seems like a duck would be worth a lot more than two dollars.
Terry: Well this was awhile back. So he goes home and his dad says "What happened, what happened? Tell me, tell me!" He goes, "Dad, I got a fuck for the duck, I got a duck for the fuck, and I got two bucks for a fucked up duck!"
Allen: So it's like a limerick.
Terry: You didn't think that was funny?
Allen: I thought it was entertaining at the end, sure. The way all the words were put together, but in terms of content? No.
Allen: [sighs] Get the check.

Lyle: [while in their warehouse] You want all greens? 'Cause, ah, 'cause you got 'em.
[chuckles]
Charlie: What have you got?
Lyle: Welcome to L.A.'s Automated Traffic Surveillance and Control Operations Center. See, they use video feeds from intersections and specifically designed algorithms to predict traffic conditions, and thereby control traffic lights. So all I did was come up with my own... kick ass algorithm to sneak in, and now we own the place.
Charlie: You want to do a dry run?
Lyle: [singsong] I thought you'd never ask.