300 Best Sarah Jessica Parker Quotes

Carrie: Honey, if it hurts so much, why are we going shopping?
Samantha: I have a broken toe, not a broken spirit.

Carrie: I like my money where I can see it - hanging in my closet.

[last lines]
Carrie: [voiceover] And there, in the same city where they met as girls, four New York women entered the next phase of their lives dressed head to toe in love. And that's the one label that never goes out of style.

[after Carrie had sex with Kurt and she left him 'hanging']
Carrie: [voiceover narration] After I began to get dressed, I'd realized that I'd done it. I'd just had sex like a man. I left feeling powerful, potent, and incredibly alive. I felt like I owned this city. - Nothing and no one could get in my way.

Carrie: I have a bit of an art question. As you know, Alexander...
Aleksandr: Aleksandr.
Carrie: Oh.
Aleksandr: Aleksandr.
Carrie: Alexander.
Aleksandr: Say "Alek".
Carrie: Alek.
Aleksandr: Aleksandr.
Carrie: Alexander.
Aleksandr: Call me Bob.

Carrie: You can stay here with your boxes of shit and your shoe-eating dog, and knock yourself out putting on the rogaine and the speedstick!

Miranda: [the man Miranda had just met at the gym asked her out] No, it's too quick. I think maybe that kick in his head scrambled his brains.
Carrie: No, too quick is sleeping with him on the first date. That's too quick.
Miranda: You both got excited, and you went for it. Stop blaming yourself.
Carrie: No, I don't blame myself. I blame the dress. The dress!

Carrie: [voice over narration] Last night, after Michael took Charlotte to the Philharmonic, they went back to his place and began the classic dating ritual... the blow job tug of war.

Carrie: [voice over narration] I began to realize that being beautiful is like having a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park: completely unfair and usually bestowed upon those who deserve it least.

Miranda: [on finding out she is pregnant] WHY didn't I use a condom?
Carrie: You didn't use a condom?
Miranda: He has one ball, and I have a lazy ovary! In what twisted world does that create a baby? It's like the Special Olympics of conception!

Carrie: [voice over narration] Was Miranda right? Were we enemies? Is there a secret cold war between marrieds and singles?

Charlotte: Is it so much to ask that you not wear your dress up around your see-you-next-Tuesday?
Samantha: My what?
Charlotte: See... you... next
Carrie: Tuesday? Oh my god, was that a Schoolhouse Rock I missed?

Winifred: Sisters, All Hallow's Eve has become a night of frolic, where children wear costumes and run amok!
Sarah: Amok!
[dances around]
Sarah: Amok, amok, amok, amok, amok.
[Winifred punches Sarah in the stomach]
Sarah: Ugh!

Miranda: When did you stop calling her the idiot stick figure with no soul?
Carrie: Three weeks ago when I saw them at Cafe M. He was smiling and holding her hand and I finally got it. They're happy slash we're over.

Carrie: [while trolling for men with Charlotte] You have slept with eight men and we're still on appetizers.

[first lines]
Carrie: [voiceover narration] Once upon a time an English journalist came to New York. Elizabeth was attractive and bright, and right away she hooked up with one of the city's typically eligible bachelors.

Miranda: [at a bar, drinking Cosmopolitans] Why did we ever stop drinking these?
Carrie: Because everyone else started!

Barbara,: Listen I have some not great news.
Carrie: [voice over narration] I'm back with Mr. Big!
Barbara,: The head guys didn't go for Little Cathy. But fuck 'em, they wouldn't know a good book if it bit 'em in the ass.
Carrie: Yeah, fuck 'em.
Barbara,: I still love the project, and at the risk of sounding like a groupie, I'd really like it if we could become friends.
Carrie: Friends?
[voice over narration]
Carrie: Two hours and four chardoney's later, I was sleeping with the enemy.

Carrie: [voice over narration] True, we had never discussed exclusivity. But while for me, the idea of seeing another man would be trying to fit another outfit into an already over-stuffed suitcase, Big was happily dating another woman like it was the most natural thing in the world. Is it that men have an innate aversion to monogamy, or is it more than that? I wondered. In a city like New York, with its infinite possibilities, has monogamy become to much to expect?

Carrie: I am someone who is looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.

Max: You've messed with the great and powerful Max! Now you must suffer the consequences! I'm going to summon the burning rain of death!
Winifred: [murmuring together] The burning rain of death?
Max: [lights lighter]
Winifred: Look, he makes fire in his hand.
Max: [raises lighter to sprinkler, and the spreads out his arms wide]
Winifred: It's the burning rain of death! Come, you fools!
[pulls them off to the side]

Carrie: [voice over narration] I felt like a fool. I had gone so far out on a limb with my feelings that I didn't realise I was standing out there alone. When life gets this confusing, sometimes there's only one thing to do, attend a fabulous party.

Miranda: If men like Nick are dating models, what chance do ordinary women have? I mean, do you have to be a supermodel to get a date in New York?
Carrie: [voice over narration] Modelizers are a particular breed. They're a step beyond womanizers, who will sleep with just about anything in a skirt. Modelizers are obsessed, not with women, but with models, who in most cities are safely confined to billboards and magazines, but in Manhattan, actually run wild on the streets, turning the city into a virtual Model Country Safari where men can pet the creatures in their natural habitat. As if we didn't have enough problems!

Nick: My friends think I'm shallow. Sometimes I think they're right. Other times I think, "Hey, I'm fucking a model".
Carrie: [voice over narration] I couldn't believe it. The man had slept with half the perfume ads in September's 'Vogue'.

Carrie: Miranda was a huge fan of the Yankees. I was a huge fan of being anywhere you could smoke and drink at two in the afternoon without judgment.

Charlotte: Big is in town?
Carrie: Yeah, he's having a little heart thing done.
Miranda: What, is he on the wait list to get one?
Carrie: No, and you're going to feel incredibly bad in a minute: he's here because he's having heart surgery.
Miranda: Okay, I'm officially a monster, please continue.

Carrie: She's shiny Hair Style Section Vera Wang and I'm the sex column they run next to ads for penile implants.

[last lines]
Mr. Big: Although there are so many god damn gorgeous women out there in this city.
Carrie: What an amazing observation.
Mr. Big: But the thing is this, after a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh. Know what I mean? Okay, see ya.
Carrie: [voice over narration] I take that back... Beauty is fleeting, but a rent-controlled apartment overlooking the park is forever.

Carrie: [voice over narration] That afternoon was a first for Samantha. She successfully screwed a guy in under two minutes. The more Miranda analysed, the worse her nightmares got.
Miranda: So the four of us get in a cab, only they won't let me sit in the back with them. They make me ride up front with the drive who happens to be the original Chris from 'The Partridge Family'.

[first lines]
Carrie: [voice over narration] Once upon a time in a magical land called Manhattan a young woman fell in love. Charlotte and Jack locked eyes at a black tie benefit for Epstein/Barr. She chased him through every disease in New York. They've been officially dating since retinus pigmentosis. Jack was perfect for her. Architect, philanthropist, and the sex was amazing. Late one night, Jack popped the inevitable question.
Jack: So... what are you fantasies?
Charlotte: Oh, God. I'd love to own my own gallery, and maybe a little cottage in Maine.
Jack: Well, actually I meant more like uh, screwing in an airplane bathroom kind of fantasies.
Charlotte: Oh? Um...
Carrie: [voice over narration] The closest Charlotte had ever come to getting screwed on a plane was the time she lost all her luggage in a flight from Palm Beach.

Samantha: Money is power, sex is power, therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.
Carrie: Once again, Samantha managed to up-sex me.

Carrie: They say nothing lasts forever; dreams change, trends come and go, but friendships never go out of style.

Carrie: What are you doing golfing?
Mr. Big: Oh, I'm just in it for the Scotch afterwards.

Shrink: So what do you think your dream meant?
Miranda: I'm in a sandbox with Charlotte, Sam, and Carrie, and none of them will play with me. Please, it's obvious.
Carrie: [voice over narration] Across town, Miranda was dealing with her own nightmare.
Miranda: Look, I know it's juvenile, but it bothers me. I'm attractive, I'm smart, right? Plenty of people should want me for a threesome.

Carrie: What's that smell?
Miranda: Sorry. I've learned to control the sound now but not the activity.
Carrie: Well that's just mean. Damn. How are people going to know to scatter without a warning?
Miranda: Although maybe it's not that I've controlled the noise as much as my ass is so big that the sound is now muffled. Look at my fingers. They're like sausages. I can't even get my ring off. I'm telling you, the fat ass, the farting, it's ridiculous. I am unfuckable. And I have never been so horny in my entire life.
Miranda: [Farts while trying to pull her ring off] I pulled my own finger. I'm a walking whoopee cushion.

Miranda: Guess what? The guest book person is also the put the gifts in the van person. Does anybody wanna help me or should I just go stand out in the street and wait for somebody else not to see me so I can end it?
Carrie: I'll help you, what street do you wanna stand in?

Miranda: Are you alright? I can't believe he took your shoes.
Carrie: I know! I probably got trichinosis.
Miranda: You only get that from pork.
Carrie: Oh, well I'm sure I stepped on a piece of it somewhere.

Stanford: How could you!
Carrie: I didn't. We just talked.
Stanford: Oh, I knew he was gay.

Sarah: Dead man's toe! Dead man's toe! Dead! Dead! Dead!

Carrie: We were having one of those great first dates that you can only have when its not an actual date.

Carrie: I'm engaged.
Samantha: Fuck you!

[Charlotte has just told the girls about a magazine article she read which said that a woman only gets two "great loves" in her lifetime]
Charlotte: So far I've only had one great love - Trey.
[to Miranda]
Charlotte: How many great loves have you had?
Miranda: Zero.
Carrie: Really? What about Steve?
Miranda: Steve's a friend, not a core-shaker.
Samantha: Well, I'm done with great love. I'm back to great lovers.
Miranda: [to Carrie] You?
Carrie: I refuse to define love in those limited terms
Miranda: [laughing] I had to!
Charlotte: Oh, come on Carrie! Aidan and Big!
[Charlotte pauses as she realizes what she just said. Carrie looks up at her]
Carrie: One, two. And according to you, I'm done!
Charlotte: No, no, it was a stupid article. It was at the dentist!
Carrie: No, no, no, no, too late now. You said it, it's over for me. "Here lies Carrie. She had two loves and lots o' shoes."

[on trapeze-flying]
Charlotte: I could never! I have the most terrible fear of heights.
Carrie: Well, I do not. You've seen my shoes.

Mr. Big: I've been looking all over for you - here you are, holding a tongue.
Carrie: Well, your message said you weren't coming.
Mr. Big: I thought I said I'd try to make it for an hour.
Carrie: Well, yeah, but then you said that...
Mr. Big: What? What did I say?
Carrie: Never mind, never mind. You're here, you have an hour. Let's have a drink.
Mr. Big: Well, I was outside trying to get in for thirty minutes, and inside looking for you for twenty minutes, so that leaves me with just enough time to tell you that, I'm out of time. You have fun.
Carrie: [narrating voice over] Men in their forties are like The New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle. Tricky, complicated, and you're never really sure you've got the right answer.

Charlotte: This is gay porn.
Miranda: What was your first clue?
Charlotte: You said we were watching an independent film. I brought biscotti.
Carrie: Relax. I've watched it already, and I'm telling you this really funny.
Samantha: See, that's the way to do it. No "I love you.", just good old fashioned fucking.

Carrie: [voice over narration] She realised that this was her moment. If she was going to take the plunge, it was now or never. Unfortunately it was Jack who plunged first. Apparently someone else's fire was a little stronger than Charlotte's. She was not the guest star in this fantasy. Meanwhile, at a bar downtown...

[last lines]
Carrie: [narrating voice over] They say a picture is worth a thousand words... But in this case... I was speechless.

Miranda: Baptism is a very odd tradition. It's all about cleansing this little baby of its sins, when clearly babies come into the world with a clean slate and we're the ones who fuck 'em up.
Carrie: So you're a pessimist, right?
Miranda: Have we met?

Samantha: Until he says "I love you", you're a free agent.
Carrie: What is this? The Rules According to Samantha?
Samantha: See? I'm more old-fashioned than you think.

[after someone bumped Carrie and she dropped her purse, all its contents falling out. Mr Big helps her get her stuff]
Carrie: [voiceover narration] Number one, he's very handsome. Number two, he's not wearing a wedding ring. Number three, he knows I carry a personal supply of ultra-textured Trojans with a reservoir tip.

Carrie: [last lines]
Carrie: [voice over] If Louis was right, and you only get one great love, New York may just be mine. And I can't have nobody talking shit about my boyfriend. A short while later, I had a thought...
[out loud]
Carrie: Taxi!
[voice over]
Carrie: Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were, to become who you will be.

Carrie: [voice over narration] I believe there is a curse put on the head of anybody who tries to fix up their friends.

Samantha: This is ideal No muss, no fuss.
Carrie: Sounds like you're selling toilet bowl cleaner.
Miranda: Does this color turn you on?
Samantha: [voice over narration] You had to hand it to Miranda. She was determined.

Samantha: [to the girls] I think I have monogamy. I caught it from you people.
Carrie: Now it's airborne.

Carrie: [voice over narration] And while Charlotte embraced fidelity, and Samantha flaunted her infidelity... I felt myself caught somewhere in between.

Carrie: What? Now? What about last night, all those concerns?
Big: Fuck it. You'll need material for the sequel.

Carrie: Your girl is lovely Hubbell.
Mr. Big: I don't get it.
Carrie: And you never did.

Mr. Big: Are you sure?
Carrie: Abso-fucking-lutely!

[about Alek's sex appeal]
Carrie: I almost did it with him on a park bench in front of children.
Samantha: What stopped you?
Carrie: Uh, common decency?
Samantha: [flippantly] Oh, that.

Miranda: Oh God, Carrie, is this my baby? I mean, what am I waiting for?
Carrie: Sweetie, do you want to leave?
Miranda: No, I can't have a baby. I could barely find the time to schedule this abortion.

Shelly: [of her salad dressing] Normally I bring my own. You know that fat free ranch stuff. But this, this is restaurant quality.

Miranda: Forget the math, just don't fuck on a first date, you're fine.
Carrie: Third date.
Charlotte: Too soon!
Samantha: Reality check.

Carrie: So why are you in therapy. Seriously?
Seth: I'm really fucked up about women. After I sleep with them, I completely lose interest. What about you? What's your problem?
Carrie: [narrating] I believe in therapy, this moment is called "the breakthrough".
Carrie: I pick the wrong men.

Carrie: [while talking about a possible cover for her book that she didn't like] Well, wait, let me see it again.
Carrie: [they show her the book] No, absolutely not, I would rather die.

Carrie: What makes you think something bad is gonna happen?
Charlotte: Because! Nobody gets everything they want! Look at you, look at Miranda. You're good people and you two both got shafted. I'm so happy and... something bad is going to happen.
Carrie: Sweetie, you shit your pants this year. I think you're done.

Carrie: I put a bird on my head.

Carrie: [voice over narration] In a city of infinite options, sometimes there's no better feeling than knowing you only have one.

Carrie: Well, honey, what have you been eating?
Samantha: Everything except Dante's dick.

Carrie: [voice over narration] That night, she had an eye-opening experience. Charlotte hadn't been that excited since she tried on her JV cheerleading uniform for the first time.

[Carrie and Miranda are fighting because Miranda does not want Carrie to move to Paris with Petrovsky]
Carrie: Just say it! You don't like him!
Miranda: Fine! I don't like him!
Carrie: Then don't *you* go to Paris with him.
[walks away]

Carrie: Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.

Samantha: I'm sorry, but who else can I talk to about this?
Carrie: Might I suggest no one?
Samantha: You're my girlfriends. Help me! Have you ever had this problem?
Miranda: Not really, but then I have to admit it's never exactly been a trip to Baskin Robbins.
Samantha: Well, this guy is very sour, like... asparagus gone bad, or something.
Carrie: [to waitress] Can I cancel my rice pudding? Thanks.
Samantha: Beautiful guy. Great in bed. It's so disappointing. It's like getting a bad bottle of Beaujolais Nouveaux the first day of season.
Miranda: It has a lot to do with nutrition. I once dated a smoker, and it affected how his tasted.
Carrie: They should say that on the side of packs if they want to cut back sales.
Samantha: Maybe there's something he could eat to make it sweeter!
Carrie: Maybe you should write to Martha Stewart.
Miranda: Dear Martha, funky spunk. Help!
Carrie: Dear Funky Spunk, try a hint of mint!
Samantha: It's not just asparagus, it's something else. I know. Clorox!
Miranda: Well, at least it gets your whites whiter.
Samantha: This is serious. I almost gagged.
Carrie: Oh, well that is serious.
Samantha: So what I do?
Miranda: Just don't give him head again!
Samantha: Hmm. I never even thought of that.
Carrie: So what, casual head is back now?
Samantha: It's fine, he's healthy, and I don't swallow.
Carrie: Well, as long as you and the Center for Disease Control are fine with it...
Miranda: You know, if the whole cum situation were reversed, do you think men would get anywhere near the stuff?
Samantha: Well, maybe. If it tasted like beer!
[they all laugh]

Carrie: It wasn't logic, it was love.

Miranda: Whatever happened to aging gracefully?
Carrie: It got old.

[listens to a message from Big on her answering machine]
Carrie: Oh, something came up. He's not gonna meet me. Here, will you listen to this and tell me if you can figure out whether he's not meeting me as a date, or not meeting me as a friend?
[Miranda takes the phone]
Miranda: Alright.
Carrie: [narrating voiceover] Sometimes, you need a second opinion; with doctors, real estate... men!
[to Miranda]
Carrie: Well?
Miranda: I have no idea. And I finished first in my litigation class.

Master's: Okay that's it, party's over! Get out of my house!
Master: Now, pudding face.
Master's: Shove it, Satan!
Sarah: Ooh. Thou mustn't speak to Master in such a manner.
Master: They call me Master.
Master's: Wait 'til you see what I'm gonna call you. Now, tart-face, take your Clark bars and get out of my house!
Winifred: Make us!
[the witches gather around her]
Master: Honeybunch.
Master's: Ralph, sic 'em!
[the witches runs out of the house in fear]

Carrie: Wait a minute. Are we talking tukhis lingus?

Carrie: You're Heidi Klum!

Carrie: Sure I knew it was wrong, seeing an emotionally unavailable man I had sworn off months earlier. But the guilt worked like an aphrodisiac. I had never felt sexier or more alive in my entire life.

Samantha: I fucked a guy once because his family had a pool. He was pretty much of a nerd, but I'd go over there and get all coca-buttered up. His mom loved me. She was always serving me Kool-Aid and chips.
Carrie: Kool-Aid?
Samantha: Yeah, Kool-Aid. I was 13. And honey, you should have seen my tan.

Carrie: How does this happen? How do they get the message that the ass is now on the menu?

Charlotte: Jack wants us to do a threesome.
Miranda: Of course he does. Every guy does.
Samantha: Threesomes are huge right now. They're the blow job of the nineties.
Charlotte: What was the blow job of the eighties?
Samantha: Anal sex.
Carrie: Any sex, period.
Miranda: Don't let him pressure you into it. It's just this guy's cheap ploy to watch you be a lesbian for a night.
Samantha: Don't knock it till you tried it.

Samantha: [hands Carrie her iPhone, which Carrie returns somewhat disgusted]
Carrie: I don't know how to work this!

[last lines]
Carrie: So you and me... Then maybe this is for real?
Mr. Big: Could be...

Carrie: That's another reason I love New York. Just like that, it can go from bad to cute.

Carrie: I have a huge favor to ask: I want you to know my friends better.
Mr. Big: I know your friends just fine. Charlotte is the brunette, Miranda is the redhead, and Samantha is trouble.

Carrie: I'm drunk. I'm drunk at *Vogue*!

Sean: [ice skating] You know it might be easier to balance without the cigarette.
Carrie: Cigarettes are the only thing that keep me balanced.

Carrie: Yes, the honeymoon to a romantic Mexican resort that I prepaid on my credit card to surprise the man who jilted me.

Carrie: [on the phone] I can't believe it's been so long. I've been meaning to call you, I've just been...
Miranda: Fucking your brains out?
Carrie: Yeah, well, that's the least of it.

Miranda: I don't understand, why do you have to have chemo?
Samantha: Because he's an asshole!
Carrie: Apparently there could be something microscopic...
Samantha: Like his dick!
Carrie: I'm sorry, do you have cancer or Tourette's?

Mr. Big: So what have you been doing lately?
Carrie: You mean besides going out every night?
Mr. Big: Yeah. I mean, what do you do for work?
Carrie: Well, this is my work. I'm sort of a sexual anthropologist.
Mr. Big: You mean like a hooker?
Carrie: No. I umm... I write a column called 'Sex and the City.' Right now I'm researching an article about women who have sex like men. You know, they have sex and then afterwards they feel nothing.
Mr. Big: But you're not like that?
Carrie: Well, aren't you?
Mr. Big: Not a drop. Not even a half of a drop.
Carrie: Wow! What's wrong with you?
Mr. Big: I get it... You've never been in love.
Carrie: Oh, yeah?
Mr. Big: Yeah.

Carrie: [voice over narration] What was happening to me? I used to get a secret rush on men who hit on me during their fifteen minutes of fame. In this case, it merely felt exhausting.

Carrie: If by "going," you mean being taken against my will and kidnapped, then yes I'm going. So, enjoy me now, ladies, because this weekend I am Patty Hearst in a mud puddy. I'm a hick town hostage.

Carrie: Man may have discovered fire, but women discovered how to play with it.

Carrie: When Charles Dickens wrote: "it was the best of times, it was the worst of times" - I believe he must have been having an affair with his married ex-boyfriend.

Carrie: So maybe it won't look like you thought it would in high school, but it's important to remember that love is possible. Anything is possible. This is New York.

Carrie: You string me along for two years and you marry some 25 year old girl after five months.

Miranda: After years of odd men, God is throwing me a bone.
Carrie: And possibly a boner as well.

Charlotte: I proposed to myself.
Carrie: What?
Charlotte: Yes. I suggested he have a tomato salad, then I suggested we get married.
Carrie: Wait. What exactly did he say?
Charlotte: All righty.
Carrie: All righty? He said all righty? Now I'm thinking the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, it's that you proposed to a guy that says "all righty".
Charlotte: Oh, Carrie, stop.
Carrie: All righty.

Charlotte: I didn't grow up in a naked house.
Carrie: Well I didn't either.
Charlotte: [laughing about a naked woman in the locker room] I bet she grew up in a naked house.
Carrie: She might still live in a naked house.

Jared: The best part about being a published author, besides the universal validation, is the knowledge that I am pumping my ideas into the mainstream.
Carrie: I thought it was that you could behave like an utter ass hole and people would find it amusing.
Jared: I love you, you know that? I'm like, fucking in love with you.
[Carrie laughs]
Jared: Will you go home with me?

Carrie: [narrating voice over] I couldn't understand a word she was saying, but I felt I had in my possession all the Italian I'd ever need to know. Dolce, Dolce, Dolce. While at home, all the English I seemed to encounter was bills, bills, bills. I envied Amalita. Her life was a blur of rich men, designer clothes and glamorous resorts. She didn't actually work for a living, yet possessed a dazzling sexual power that she exploited to her full advantage, which presented a certain conundrum.
[to the camera]
Carrie: Where's the line between professional girlfriend and just plain professional?

Carrie: It's like the riddle of the Sphinx: why are there so many great unmarried women, and no great unmarried men?

Mr. Big: I started reading your column after we met.
Carrie: You did?
Mr. Big: Yeah, cute.
Carrie: "Cute."
Mr. Big: Well... Yeah, cute. What are you writing about this week?
Carrie: Well, I'm working on a story about men who date models. Any thoughts?
Mr. Big: Only that they're very lucky.

Carrie: [to David & Lisa] I'm beginning to think I may not be the marrying kind.

[Before Carrie goes on her first official date with Mr. Big, she's showing the girls what she's wearing]
Samantha: Hey honey, it's fabulous. Bravo!
Miranda: It's tits on toast, baby. But you make it work.
Charlotte: Well, let's just say it. It's the "naked dress". I mean, you're obviously gonna have sex with him tonight.
Carrie: Come on, it's our first date!
Miranda: She's not gonna have sex. She's just gonna look like sex.
Carrie: That's right. I'm just the trailer.
Samantha: Please. If it happens, it happens. Bottoms up!
Charlotte: Wait a second! I thought you were serious about this guy, you can't sleep with him on the first date.
Samantha: Oh, God!
Miranda: Here she goes again with 'The Rules.'
Samantha: The women who wrote that book, they wrote it because they couldn't get laid. So they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.

Charlotte: Sex can still be great without an orgasm.
Samantha: That is such a crock of shit.
Carrie: She has a point.

Carrie: [to Big] You and I are so over we need a new word for it.

Carrie: Women come to New York for the two L's: Labels and Love.

Samantha: Well it's about fuckin' time. Get over here and do me.
Carrie: Is that your standard greeting now?
Samantha: Oh sorry I thought it was Richard.

[last lines]
Carrie: [voice over narration] As I walked away I had a thought, maybe all men are a drug. Sometimes they bring you down, and sometimes, like now, they get you so high. Damn! It would have been so cool if I hadn't looked back.

Carrie: Alright, so officially he's late.
Charlotte: Who?
Miranda: Mr. Big, who else?
Charlotte: Carrie, that's great! Is it a date?
Carrie: No, he called it a "thing". He said, meet me... meet me for a drink "thing". He never used the "D" word.
Charlotte: Well, "thing" is good. I mean, "thing" comes before date.

Carrie: [waiting with Mr. Winkle, the puppet dog, for her book reading to start] This book tour's tough.
Carrie: [Mr. Winkle continues to nod and pant. Carrie gives him a good look] That's a cute top.

Carrie: My Zen teacher also said the only way to true happiness is to live in the moment and not be worried about the future.

Carrie: Charlotte Poughkeepsied in her pants.

Bill: Nice car, used to have one myself.
Shelly: Thanks. So, what's going on in there? Is it just a lot of battered women dancing around or what?
Bill: Yeah, sort of. Not really my scene.
Shelly: Me neither.
Bill: So, are you here with anybody?
Shelly: Not really.
Bill: How old are you?

Samantha: I masturbated to my priest... Friar Fuck!
Carrie: Okay, I think we're going to have to get Charlotte a crash helmet.
Charlotte: You have a priest?

Carrie: It's a slippery slope. First you're going once a week, and then it's three times a week, and then the next thing you know, you're starting every sentence with, "My shrink says".
Miranda: My shrink says thats a very common fear.

[first lines]
Carrie: [voice over narration] One of the best things about living in a city like New York is leaving it. My friend, Patience and her husband invited me out to the Hamptons for the weekend. Patience and Peter were the perfect married couple. They were fun, smart, and they looked like they fell out of a J. Crew catalogue. If their house wasn't right on the beach, I would've hated them.

[Talking about oral sex]
Charlotte: The truth is, I hate doing it.
Samantha: Honey, you can't be serious!
Miranda: Are you telling us you never perform this act?
Carrie: She'll juggle, she'll spin plates, but she won't give head.
Charlotte: I don't like putting it in my mouth! I have a very sensitive gag reflex and it makes me want to puke!
Miranda: That's one way to say no.
Charlotte: It's not like I haven't tried. I practiced on a banana, I pretended it was a Popsicle, but... I just don't like it.
Miranda: Personally, I'm loving it, up to the point where the guy wants me to swallow.
Carrie: Well that's just, that's really a judgment call.
Samantha: Some men just take it so personally if you don't.
Miranda: Some guys don't give you a choice!
Carrie: Well that's just bad behavior.
Charlotte: Are you honestly telling me you like it?
Carrie: Well, it's not my favorite thing on the menu, but you know, I'll order it from time to time, and, with the right guy, it can be nice.
Miranda: Oral sex is like God's gift to women. - You can get off without worrying about getting pregnant.
Samantha: Plus the sense of power is such a turn-on, maybe you're on your knees, but you got him by the balls.
Charlotte: You see, that is the reason that I don't want to go down this road.
Carrie: Well sweetheart, if you're gonna get all choked up about it...
[Carrie and Miranda exchange looks about the pun]
Carrie: , just don't do it, don't do it!
Miranda: But if you don't go down on him, how can you expect him to go down on you?
Charlotte: I don't.
Miranda: Oh, well, forget it! I only give head to get head!
Samantha: Me, too.

Carrie: I'm not even sure bisexuality exists. I think it's just a layover on the way to Gaytown.
Miranda: Isn't that right next to Ricky Martinville?

Aidan: I don't want to be paranoid here, but you took Pete for a walk, and we both know you are not big on the dog-walking thing. And I smell something. Are you cheating? I can smell the smoke on you.
Carrie: Oh.

[voice-over, about Charlotte's secret tryst with a Jewish artist]
Carrie: It was so sexy, so forbidden: Daddy's little Episcopalian princess in the arms of one of God's chosen People.

Carrie: Lets go down to the hotel for dinner tonight, I need to get myself out of my Mexi-coma.
Samantha: Aww, you made a little joke. Good for you!

Carrie: It's after twelve. You're late.
Mr. Big: Not really, I'm on London time.
Carrie: London is five hours ahead.
Mr. Big: In that case, I'm really fucking late.

Carrie: Have you met Liz? She works in TV.
Guy: Get outta here! I love TV!

Carrie: Hi, I'd like a cheeseburger, please, a large fries and a Cosmopolitan.

Miranda: [Carrie told Miranda that she farted while in bed with Big] You farted. You're human.
Carrie: I don't want him to know that.

Carrie: [voice over narration] Meanwhile, uptown, Charlotte wondered when relationships had gotten so complicated. She yearned for the time when dinner was followed by dessert, not lubricant.
Charlotte: I can't, Brian. I want to, but I can't. I mean, actually no, that's not true. I don't want to. Or maybe I do. I don't know what I want. But I'm afraid if I don't, you'll dump me. And if I do, then I'll be the up-the-butt girl. And I don't want to be the up-the-butt girl, because I mean... Men don't marry up-the-butt girl. Whoever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt? No, no, no. I can't. I want children and nice bedding, and I just can't handle this right now.

Carrie: After two advanced yoga classes and a hit of the best Colombian Gold she could find, Samantha was ready to take on Mount Everest.

Carrie: [voice over narration] It was hard to imagine that anyone so beautiful could ever be lonely.

Carrie: The most important thing in life is your family. There are days you love them, and others you don't. But, in the end, they're the people you always come home to. Sometimes it's the family you're born into and sometimes it's the one you make for yourself.

Carrie: [laughing uncontrollably] Wait, Wade, Wait... The Chicken Wings. If they come in and see billions of chicken wings they're gonna know
[more laughing]
Carrie: ...that we were smoking the POT.

Carrie: [voice over narration] Two a.m., and I already had a new man in my life.

Carrie: Aidan, you can't keep punishing me, and I can't keep punishing me. I made a mistake and I am sorry, and I know that you can't forget what happened, but I hope that you can forgive me. You have to forgive me. You have to forgive me. You have to forgive me, Aidan. You have to forgive me. You have to forgive me.

Carrie: [narration at the finale, during the rooftop party] Don't worry - they have a very lovely life...

[Carrie and Charlotte are in the park]
Carrie: The Russian doesn't want to have kids. Had one a long time ago. He's done.
Charlotte: Well, then, "dosvidanya" or however you say it.
Carrie: What? No! For you maybe, but not for me.
Charlotte: Don't you want to have the option?
Carrie: Well, yes. But it's my experience that men like him don't come along that often.
Charlotte: But we're 38! These are the years.
Carrie: Yes, I know, I've heard. I'm running out of time. I don't even have time to eat this cookie.
Charlotte: How is it?
Carrie: It's so good I forgot to have children.

Barbara,: I didn't know you were into children's books.
Carrie: Well, who doesn't love children's books?
Carrie: [in her head] Five minutes of bodice-ripping material out the window. So, I did what any writer would do... I pulled an idea out of my ass.
Carrie: Well, my story's about a little girl... named Cathy. Little Cathy.
Barbara,: And what makes Little Cathy special?
Carrie: Well, um, she has these magic...
[looks at cigarettes in her purse]
Carrie: ...cigarettes.
Barbara,: She has magic cigarettes?
Carrie: Yes, "Little Cathy and Her Magic Cigarettes". And whenever she lights up, she can go anywhere in the whole wide world. Like Arabia or New Jersey! Of course that's going to be worked out.
Barbara,: You want to write a children's book about smoking?
Carrie: Yes, it's a children's book for adults.

Carrie: You've traded Steve-o for TiVo

Miranda: What's the big mystery? It's my clitoris, not the sphinx.
Carrie: I think you just found the title of your autobiography.

Shelly: Gunilla Garson Goldberg, personally inviting me to one of her super-social luncheons!
Morty: Why?

[first lines]
Carrie: [voice over narration] Last night my friend Miranda got invited to a dinner party by a man she hardly knew. She was the date of Nick Waxler, a fairly successful sports agent who'd said she had nice legs.
Nick: Okay, old movies you would have liked to fuck when they were young.
Miranda: Alive or dead?
Nick: It doesn't matter. Veronica Lake, the year she made 'Sullivan's Travels'.

Carrie: So, wait, what happened you couldn't find seats right on the runway?
Samantha: Oh, you can see all the flaws from this angle.

Carrie: "Going-out-of-business sex", what do we think?
Miranda: [immediately] No.
Carrie: All right, Quick Draw, give it a second here.
Miranda: [gives it a literal second] No.

Carrie: The problem is that you two have very different definitions of what constitutes cheating.
Charlotte: I don't tolerate it.
Samantha: And I'm more forgiving and realistic about human nature.
Miranda: That's because you cheat.
Carrie: I just don't think that you can define cheating in absolute terms.
Miranda: You think it's okay to cheat?
Carrie: Well, I think maybe there's a cheating curve. Someone's definition of what constitutes cheating is in direct proportion to how much they themselves want to cheat.
Miranda: That's moral relativism.
Carrie: I prefer to think of it as quantum cheating.
Samantha: The fact is, the act of cheating is defined by the act of getting caught. One doesn't exist without the other.
Carrie: [voiceover] I wondered, was Samantha right? Is cheating like the proverbial tree in the forest? That it doesn't exist if there's no one around to catch you? In a gravity-free world of anything goes, what constitutes cheating?

Willard: Hey, I came with this girl.
Fat: Well it doesn't look like you're leaving with her.
Willard: Hey, I guess you didn't hear me the first time.
Rusty: Willard, no fights, you don't even know this guy.
Fat: Why don't you just flake off, huh?

[after Gilles has slept with Carrie, he leaves her a note and a thousand dollars]
Miranda: [reading the note] "Thanks for the beautiful day." Must've been a hell of a beautiful day.
Carrie: Well, it was. We had such a fantastic connection, then he leaves me money. I don't understand. What exactly about me screams "whore"?
Miranda: Besides the thousand dollars on the end table?
Samantha: I just can't believe you had dinner at Balzac. Wait a minute, I thought I ordered two eggs Benedict and one spinach omelette.
Miranda: It's all right. I'll take the omelette.
Carrie: You know what you guys, this isn't right. We're gonna pay for all this ourselves, all right?
Samantha: He said order anything.
Miranda: The room service is one thing, but the money... - uh-uh.
Samantha: What are you getting so uptight about? I mean, money is power. Sex is power. Therefore, getting money for sex is simply an exchange of power.
Miranda: Don't listen to the dime store Camille Paglia.
Carrie: I don't know whether to take it as an incredible compliment or as an incredible insult?
Samantha: Just take it, period.
Carrie: Well, I wouldn't know how to return it anyway because the one thing he didn't leave me was his phone number.
Miranda: He paid in full, what more is there to talk about? Who is this Amalita Amalfi character anyway? I'm concerned you've been drafted into a ring of high-class hookers.
Carrie: She isn't a hooker. She's like an international party girl.
Miranda: She's a hooker with a passport.

Carrie: Hey, you think it could really be as simple as my father walked out, therefore I'll always be messed up about men?
Miranda: My father came home every night at seven on the dot and I have no clue about men either.

Carrie: [voice over narration] Why is it that putting a tie around a man's neck is sometimes even sexier than taking it off?
Mr. Big: What are you doing for lunch today? I could maybe swing an hour between meetings.
Carrie: No, sorry. I can't. I have to interview someone.
Mr. Big: About what?
Carrie: Threesomes. Ever done one?
Mr. Big: Sure. Who hasn't?
Carrie: Really? With who?
Mr. Big: My ex-wife.
Carrie: [voice over narration] Suddenly my column was the last thing on my mind.

Carrie: New York is a town of renters. Everybody rents.
Samantha: I don't.
Miranda: I don't.
Charlotte: I don't.
Carrie: [to Charlotte] You got yours in a settlement. You did not have to pay for your apartment.
Charlotte: Oh, I paid for that apartment.
Miranda: [Farts twice] I'm pregnant. I can't control it.
Samantha: Well, honey, you better learn because that is unappetizing.
Miranda: I know. I am so swollen and gassy, I'm like a floatation device.

Skipper: I'm a romantic. I just have so much feeling.
Carrie: Are you sure you're not gay?
Skipper: No!

Charlotte: I feel like we don't belong here!
Carrie: That's because we're wearing shirts!
Miranda: Seriously, why don't straight men have bodies like this?
Carrie: Because gay men have the possibility of sex at the gym! If straight men had that they'd be working out all the time too!
Samantha: I've had sex at the gym!
Carrie: See, Samantha's doing her part to motivate the masses!

Winifred: Sisters! Behold!
Sarah: I am beautiful! Boys will love me!
Mary: We're young!
[laughs and claps excitedly]
Winifred: Well, younger. But! It's a start!
Mary: [the sisters dance laughing] Oh my, Winifred, you are the mere sprig of a girl!

Carrie: Yes, we'd love to meet Wesley of Wesley and Leslie. And P.S., does he work at Nestlé?

[first lines]
Carrie: [narrating voice over] Once upon a time... in a kingdom faraway, a certain man and a slightly less certain woman kept bumping into one other. They seemed to meet everywhere. On street corners. At parties. It was almost as if they were dating accidentally. And then, after another chance meeting, at a wealthy lawyer's new son's rbis, they decided to pick a time to bump into each other on purpose.

Carrie: Here. Swear. Swear on Chanel.

Carrie: I've talked to her twice. Once I was in a cowboy hat and once I was in my bra. I'm like friggin' Annie Get Your Clothes On.

Nathalie: Jason, hi. It's me.
Jason: Are you wearing a bra?

Carrie: And then I realised something, twenty-something girls are just fabulous, until you see one with the man who broke your heart.

Carrie: [regarding Mr. Big] The thing is, I was dying to sleep with him, but isn't delayed gratification the definition of maturity?

[Charlotte is trying to decide whether to have anal sex with a man she's dating]
Miranda: It all depends . How much do you like him?
Charlotte: A lot.
Miranda: "Dating a few months until somebody better comes along a lot", or "marrying him and moving to the East Hampton" a lot?
Charlotte: I don't know. I'm not sure.
Miranda: Well, you better get sure real quick.
Charlotte: You're scaring me.
Carrie: Don't scare her.
Miranda: It's all about control. If he goes up there, there's gonna be a shift in power. Either he'll have the upper hand or you will. Now there's a certain camp that believes whoever holds the dick, holds the power, but...
[Cab Driver turns around]
Miranda: Hello! You're driving! The question is...

Carrie: Why don't you go over and say hello?
Stanford: Oh, he's gorgeous. The only way I could get a guy like that interested in me, would be to pay him.
Carrie: Stanford, my love, there is no need for you to enter Hookerville.
Stanford: [dejected] Carrie - I *know* what I look like.
Carrie: Then you can't see what I see.
[kisses his cheek]

Carrie: That was the day I came face to face with my freak: The frightening woman whose fear ate her sanity.

Mr. Big: You make me very happy.
Carrie: Yeah, yeah... put it in writing.

Samantha: There's no such thing as bad publicity.
Carrie: Yeah, you would say that, you're a publicist.

Carrie: Some labels are best left in the closet.

Carrie: I thought I'd still be in extreme pain. But I feel nothing. I'd like some more nothing.
[Miranda pours her some more Skyy vodka]

Carrie: Shouldn't we be dating men our own age?
Miranda: Good luck finding one. There are no available men in their thirties in New York. Giuliani had them removed along with the homeless.
Carrie: So, then what's really going on here? I mean, is it younger, younger men feel safer?
Miranda: What's really going on here is sex. Good old-fashioned, eager to please, do what I tell you to, Eagle Scout sex.
Carrie: Yeah, but I'm not having sex. It's a kissing thing.
Miranda: So, what's the big deal? It's just a fling. It's not like we're throwing out our schedules or anything.

[at Carrie's very emotional and weepy goodbye dinner a few hours before Carrie is leaving for Paris - Charlotte in particular is being a total weepy waterworks]
Samantha: Let's pull it up, shall we? I'd like to show my face here again.
Carrie: Yes, the tears have to go. Right. Someone say something not sentimental.
Samantha: Chemo might have kicked me into early menopause.
Miranda: Task accomplished!
Samantha: You would not BELIEVE the hot flashes! I can barely keep my clothes on!
Carrie: Really? What was your excuse before the chemo?
Samantha: [lovingly] Oh, I'm gonna miss you, you cunt.
[Charlotte breaks into tears again]
Miranda: Wow, even "cunt" didn't stop her!

[in the Vogue accessories closet]
Carrie: [shrieks as she picks up a pair of shoes] Oh my God! Do you know what these are? Manolo Blahnik Mary Janes! I thought these were an urban shoe myth!

Samantha: Have I ever had fabulous sex with someone that I didn't want to admit to? Hmm. Did I ever tell you about that jazz musician who lived with his mother in Queens?
Carrie: Yeah, Alex.
Samantha: What about the window washer?
Carrie: The one who doesn't wear any underwear?
Samantha: I met this gorgerous kid in Spy Bar last year. He was...
Carrie: He turned out to be in high school.
[narrating voice over]
Carrie: Evidently, Samantha had had lots of sex, none of which was secret.
Samantha: Fine, it just proves that I'm not ashamed of anyone whom I've slept with.

Miranda: If he goes up your butt, will he respect you more or respect you less? That's the issue.
Taxi: [to Carrie] No smoking in the cab.
Carrie: Sir, we're talking up the butt. A cigarette is in order.
Samantha: Front, back, who cares? A hole is a hole.
Miranda: Can I quote you?
Samantha: Don't be so judgmental. You could use a little back door.
Charlotte: I'm not a hole.
Carrie: Honey, we know.

Carrie: [voice over narration] It was the last straw, she was smart, beautiful, and she got me. I'd have to kill her. Meanwhile, Samantha was about to have her own close encounter with the third kind.

Carrie: I revealed too much too soon. I was emotionally slutty.

Carrie: [Carrie just turned 35] I'm thirty-five.
Samantha: Oh, shut the fuck up, I'm a hundred and forty.

Carrie: He introduced me to his mother as a friend. She never even heard of me. That isn't a good sign.
Miranda: Maybe they're not that close.
Carrie: Come on, don't lie. You're in a church.

Mrs. Adams: [Wade and Carrie have been smoking pot at Wade's house. Wade's parents come home early and Mrs. Adams smells marijuana] Have you been smoking marijuana in my house?
Wade: [looks at Carrie] Carrie brought it.
Mrs. Adams: Is this true Carrie?
Carrie: Yes it is Mrs. Adams. And I'm gonna take it with me when I leave.

Carrie: Sunday morning: a time for rest, a time for relaxation, a time for spying.

Stanford: I can only stay a few minutes. I got tickets to the Vagina Monologues.
Carrie: Why?
Stanford: Just because I don't eat at the restaurant doesn't mean I can't hear the specials.

Aidan: I love you, Carrie. There's no one I could love more. I want to live my life with you.
Carrie: [voice over] Maybe there are no right moments, right guys, right answers. Maybe you just have to say what's in your heart.
Carrie: Yes.

Carrie: The fact is, sometimes it's really hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.

Carrie: I miss New York. Take me home.

Charlotte: The thing is... there are some things people don't admit because they just don't like the way it sounds. Like, 'I'm getting divorced.'
Carrie: I'm lonely. I am. The loneliness is palpable.

Mr. Big: Stay.
Carrie: I can't.
Mr. Big: Why not?
Carrie: Because, dear friend, you and I are like that red wall. It's a good idea in theory, but somehow it doesn't quite work.

Samantha: Babies are not my scene. From what I've heard, this one sounds like an asshole.
Carrie: You can't call a baby an asshole!
Samantha: Why not? She called him a meatloaf.

Miranda: Is it just me or is Valentine's Day on steroids this year?
Carrie: No it's the same, we just played for the other team.

Carrie: He doesn't need her money, he was one of the original investors in "A Chorus Line."
Miranda: Just when I thought it couldn't get any gayer than "Mr. Broadway has to tinkle."

Anthony: The invitations are fancier than the dress.
Carrie: I heard that.
Anthony: I meant you to!

[first lines]
Carrie: [narrating] A girl in pigtails once said, "There's no place like home." But then, her home didn't have a toilet that flushed for no reason. And a boyfriend who was moving out for one big reason.

[first lines]
Carrie: [voice over narration] The Island Of Manhattan is a cosy village populated by more than seven million fascinating individuals who all behave like they own the sidewalk. But lately it seemed as if the entire city had been magically reduced to only two people... us. Four-hour conversations flew by in the space of fifteen minutes, and a few days apart felt like weeks. I realised that Einstein's law of relativity would have to be amended to include a special set of rules, those to explain the peculiar effects of infatuation.

Carrie: What's that smell?
Samantha: Sorry. I've learned to control the sound now but not the activity.
Carrie: Well that's just mean. Damn. How are people going to know to scatter without a warning?
Samantha: Although maybe it's not that I've controlled the noise as much as my ass is so big that the sound is now muffled. Look at my fingers. They're like sausages. I can't even get my ring off. I'm telling you, the fat ass, the farting, it's ridiculous. I am unfuckable. And I have never been so horny in my entire life.
Samantha: [Farts while trying to pull her ring off] I pulled my own finger. I'm a walking whoopee cushion.

[last lines]
Carrie: [voice over narration] As I sifted through the rubble of my marriage skirmish, I had a thought. Maybe the fight between marrieds and singles is like the war in Northern Island. We're all basically the same, but somehow we wound up on different sides. Sure, it'd be great to have that one special person to walk home with, but sometimes there's nothing better than meeting your single girlfriends for a night at the movies.

Carrie: [Miranda has just told Carrie that Steve wants to be exclusive, and that she's feeling conflicted about it] Uh-oh. Time for the ol' list.
Miranda: The list?
Carrie: Things you like about Steve, things you don't like about Steve. Then see which list is longer.
Miranda: That seems so judgmental.
Carrie: Miranda, you *are* judgmental. Try putting it to good use.

Carrie: [about therapists] First they want you to come there two times a week, then three times a week, and eventually you're starting every sentence with 'my therapist says... '
Miranda: My therapist says that's a very common fear.

Miranda: [dissatisfied with her new bedsheets] Does everything I bring into this room have to have a flaw?
Carrie: Ha ha.

Miranda: I didn't tell Walker I was pregnant.
Carrie: Miranda!
Miranda: It didn't come up! If Walker had said to me, "Have you given birth recently?", I would have said, "Well, first of all, define recently."

Carrie: [on starting an all-male brothel industry] We should open one in every block, like Starbucks!
Samantha: Starfucks!

Carrie: [to Samantha] What is it about today? I've seen Miranda's boobs and Charlotte's boob. Why don't you show me your boobs too and the circle is full?
[Samantha flashes her boobs]
Carrie: I was kidding.

Miranda: [to Charlotte who is talking about a famous painter who might ask her to hold his brush] If he so much as suggests what she's suggesting, you give me a call and we'll sue the hell out of him. That's the only proper way to trade sex for power.
Samantha: I can't believe what I'm hearing. You're like the Harvard Law Lorena Bobbitt.
[Door bell rings]
Miranda: Ah, it's Skipper, I told him I was here and he insisted on picking me up. But he's not supposed to be here 'till eleven!
Carrie: Oh! He's like a sweet little seal pup.
Miranda: That you sometimes want to club.

Big: You know, I don't live here anymore and the Four Seasons won't check you in until 1.
Carrie: Oh, you wanna come up?
Big: Abso-fucking-lutely.

Winifred: Therefore, it stands to reason, does it not, sisters dear? That we must find the book, brew the potion and suck the lives out of the children of Salem before sunrise. Otherwise it's curtains. We evaporate! We cease to exist! Dost thou comprehend?
Mary: You explained it beautifully, Winnie. They way in which you started out with the adventure part and slowly.
Sarah: Explained what?
Winifred: Come, we fly!

Carrie: [leaving a message for Big] Hey, uh, I think you're still in England but, uh, its midnight here in New York, and its my birthday. I am official old. So um, I felt the need to call someone... older... haha. Uh anyway some friends are giving me a dinner tomorrow night, well actually its tonight and you're a friend so, um, if you are back in town it's going to be at Ilcantanori at 8:30 and if you're still in London... cheerio old chap... so, okay

Carrie: One woman's Titanic is another woman's Love Boat.

[on meeting Big's new girlfriend]
Carrie: [quoting "The Way We Were"] Your girl is lovely, Hubbell.
Mr. Big: I don't get it.
Carrie: And you never did.

[first lines]
Carrie: [narrating voice over] The most powerful woman in New York is not Tina Brown, or Diane Sawyer, or even Rosie O'Donnell. It's the hostess at Balzac, which had overnight become the only restaurant that mattered. And we were there to celebrate the moment.

Carrie: [voiceover narration] I didn't understand. Did all men secretly want their women promiscuous and emotionally detached? And if I was really having sex like a man, why didn't I feel more in control?
Samantha: [pointing to Mr. Big] You see that guy? He's the next Donald Trump. Except he's younger and much better looking.

Carrie: Here we are ladies, Atlantic City! Look around and breathe it all in!
Carrie: [breathes in] Ahhhhhh, I've missed this! Ahhh, yeah!
Samantha: You've been here before?
Carrie: I was referring to the cigarette smoke.

Carrie: That night, Trey successfully screwed his wife for a full minute-and-a-half... before the wind died.

Miranda: If a man is over thirty and single, there's something wrong with him. It's Darwinian. They're being weeded out from propagating the species.
Carrie: Okay, what about us?
Miranda: We're just choosy.

Carrie: [to Mr. Big] I'll see you Sunday night. Don't disappoint us. And by us, I mean you and me.

Carrie: Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free until they find someone just as wild to run with.

Carrie: [voice over narration] I decided, the only way to break free was to move from one addiction, to an even bigger one... shoes. A couple of blocks and way too much money later, I realized I had just entered an interesting chapter in my life. I had out-grown the boys of my past, and not quite grown into the men of my future.

Carrie: [voice over narration] As I hung up, I realized I'd committed the cardinal sin... I'd forsaken my girlfriends for my new boyfriend. That night I faced the tribunal.

Miranda: When someone gets married all bets are off, they become married and we become the enemy.
Carrie: [voice over narration] As the only single lawyer working at her law firm, Miranda had given this topic some thought.
Samantha: You know, married women are threatened because we can have sex anytime, anywhere, and with anyone.
Carrie: We can?
Samantha: And they're afraid we're gonna have it anytime, anywhere with their husbands.
Charlotte: I would never sleep with a married man.
Samantha: What makes you so sure you haven't? Wedding rings come off you know. Face it ladies, if you're still single, you are not to be trusted.

Carrie: [voice over narration] Who knows whether it was her vodka or her vibe, but Charlotte suddenly did feel a little warm.

Samantha: I remember when Danny had more than one thought, and they all involved going up my ass.
Charlotte: You had sex with Danny?
Samantha: Sure, he's cute, straight and we've known him for ten years. Haven't we all had sex with Danny?
Carrie: Oh yeah, that one weekend I was bored.
Charlotte: Just a New Year's Eve kiss.
Miranda: I showed him a boob in a coat checkroom.
Carrie: Just one?
Miranda: I sensed he couldn't commit.

Samantha: I once dated a guy 'cause he had a pool. I'd go over and get all cocoa-buttered up. His mom brought my Kool-Aid
Carrie: Kool-Aid?
Samantha: Yeah, I was thirteen! And honey, you should have seen my tan!

Miranda: I'm gonna ask you an unpleasant question now- why did you ever say yes?
Carrie: The man you love kneels down in the street and offers you a ring, you say yes that's what you do.

Carrie: How does that work? You go to bed one night, wake up the next morning, and poof - you're a lesbian?

Carrie: When will waiting for "the one"... be done?

Carrie: [voice over narration] He was like the flesh and blood equivalent of a DKNY dress. You know it's not your style, but it's right there, so you try it on anyway.

Carrie: [voice over narration] Everywhere I looked, people were standing in two's. It was like Noah's, upper west side rent-controlled ark.

Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

Carrie: [voice over narration] Ken was thirty seven, a wine importer, unhappily married to a woman who designed modular office furniture. This affair was the most exciting thing that happened to him since the ninety-four Montrachet. Five, hours later, Charlotte's night was just beginning. She and Jack had just had another fantastic date, dancing for dyslexia.

Carrie: [voice over narration] That night at the attention deficit disorder masquerade ball, Charlotte felt free to indulge her fantasy. It's amazing what some sequins on a stick can do to free up inhibitions.
Jack: So... who here is your type?
Charlotte: Do you like peacocks?
Jack: Do you?
Carrie: [voice over narration] Then Charlotte did the unthinkable.

Charlotte: I always knew she'd marry Big.
Samantha: You thought that after the second break up?
Charlotte: Yep.
Miranda: After the fifteenth?
Carrie: Ha ha, we broke up a lot.

Rusty: What is wrong about getting a little psyched over Ren? He's *cute*! He's from out of town, and *don't* tell me that doesn't curl your toes, Ariel, I know you too well. You want out of here so bad you probably memorize bus schedules.

Samantha: I can't color enough, I would color all day every day If I had my way, I would use every crayon in my box
Carrie: We get it! You like to color...

Carrie: I just left "silent Y" in the bathroom. Oh and P.S., apparently the eighties are back.

Carrie: I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.

Samantha: Women have the right to use every means at their disposal to achieve power.
Miranda: Short of sleeping their way to the top
Samantha: Not if that's what it takes to compete.
Charlotte: But that's exploitation!
Samantha: Of men, - which is perfectly legal.
Carrie: [voice over narration] Saturday night, in an effort to save money, and maybe even pick up a few extra bucks, I invited the girls over for poker.
Charlotte: I'll buy two.
Carrie: I'm in for three. So, you advocate a double standard. Women can use their sexuality to get ahead whenever possible, but men should not be allowed to take advantage of it?
Samantha: No, I'm just saying that men and women are equal-opportunity exploiters.

Carrie: Do you have a light?
Barkley: Yeah, sure.

Samantha: Relationships aren't just about being happy. I mean, how often are you happy in your relationship?
Carrie: [to Charlotte] I'm pretty sure that's to you.
Charlotte: Every day.
Samantha: You feel happy every day?
Charlotte: Not all day every day, but yes, every day.

Carrie: It's the end of an era.

[after hearing Big is moving to Napa, California]
Carrie: If you're tired you take a nap-a, you don't move to Napa.

Carrie: The universe may not always play fair, but at least it's got a hell of a sense of humor.

Carrie: I will never be the woman with the perfect hair, who can wear white and not spill on it.

Carrie: Some love stories aren't epic novels, some are short stories
Carrie: But, that doesn't make them any less filled with love.

Carrie: [voice over narration] Forty five minutes later, I realised I was alone in a park at three a.m. And that it was time to call it a night.

Carrie: It's good to know that the ones you love will always be in your heart. And if you're very lucky, only a plane ride away.

Charlotte: This is gay porn.
Miranda: What was your first clue?
Charlotte: You said we were watching an independent film. I brought biscotti.
Carrie: Relax. I've watched it already, and I'm telling you, this is really funny.
Samantha: See? That's the way to do it. No "I love you", just good old fashioned fucking.

[Sarah is pushed onto the "black river", but lands straight up]
Sarah: 'Tis firm! 'Tis firm as stone!
Winifred: Why, it's a road!

Carrie: Oh, oh. Do you smell that?
Samantha: Pot!
Carrie: Let's get high.

Samantha: [about Barkely] Is he dating any one model in particular?
Carrie: Actually, he's sleeping with all of them in general.

Carrie: [repeated line while narrating her column] I couldn't help but wonder...

Carrie: He's my boyfriend.
Mr. Big: Aren't I a little old to be introduced as your boyfriend?
Carrie: Point taken. From now on you'll be my man-friend.
Mr. Big: That sounds like a dog.
Carrie: Well if the shoe fits.

Carrie: I have a style and jeweled panties aren't it.

Kurt: It's so funny how a new image can change everything.
Isabelle: Oh, I sure hope you never lose that.
Kurt: What?
Isabelle: Oh, just your unbridled, wide-eyed Lima, Ohio optimism.

Carrie: [aside to the camera] I was striving for noncommittal, but I was worried I had just bordered on shrill.

Stanford: [eyeing an attractive man at a club] Do you think he's a model?
Carrie: A model what? A model citizen? A model home? A model airplane?
Stanford: I think he's the dirty-haired Gucci guy - with clean hair.

Carrie: Sweetie, you shit your pants this year. I think you're done.

Carrie: The only thing I've ever successfully made in the kitchen is a mess. And several little fires.

Samantha: You dated Mr. Big. I'm dating Mr. Too Big.
Carrie: You know what, you're unbelievable. You, you broke up with James because he was too small, this guy's too big. Who are you, Goldicocks?
Samantha: Yep. I'm looking for one that's just right.

Elizabeth: He never did call, of course. Bastard! I don't understand.
Carrie: [voiceover narration] She told me one day over coffee.
Elizabeth: I don't understand. In England, looking at houses together, would have meant something.
Carrie: [voiceover narration] Then I realized, no one had told her about the end of love in Manhattan. Welcome to the age of un-innocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany's, and no one has affairs to remember. Instead, we have breakfast at seven a.m., and affairs we try to forget as quickly as possible. Self-protection and closing the deal are paramount. Cupid has flown the co-op!

Carrie: It was a force bigger than me. Like, Niagara Falls, or something, you know?
Charlotte: No, I don't know. He's married.
Carrie: I know he's married.
Charlotte: That makes you the other woman. You're the other woman!
Carrie: I am not the other woman! I'm not! I mean, I know I am, but I am not that woman. Please, Charlotte. I feel bad enough already.
Charlotte: Good. You should feel bad. Do you ever think about how she'd feel if she found out?
Carrie: Yes, I think it about all the time.
Charlotte: No, you don't! You think about what would happen to YOU if she found out. You don't think about her. She's just the idiot wife. You don't know anything about her.
Carrie: Okay, in a minute I'm going to suffocate myself in this bubble wrap.
Charlotte: This isn't a joke, Carrie. They took vows, vows he broke. I'm getting married in three weeks. How would you feel if someone did this to me?
Carrie: I would kill them.
Charlotte: How could you do this? I mean, you're my maid of honor.
Carrie: I'm getting out. I am. Can I please help you pack now?
[voiceover narration]
Carrie: So we stood and bubble wrapped. The bride to be, and her maid of dishonor.

Carrie: Somewhere out there is another little freak who will love us and understand us and kiss our three heads and make it all better.

Carrie: So what are you doing later?
Kurt: I thought you weren't talking to me for the rest of your life?
Carrie: Who said anything about talking?

Carrie: When Big colors... he rarely stays within the lines.

[a fat jerk wants Miranda to leave a blackjack table when they're in Atlantic City]
Jerk: Hey red, move your fat ass!
Carrie: [after a stunned pause] What did you just say to her?
Samantha: Who the hell do you think you are?
Jerk: Get in the game or get out!
Miranda: [to the girls] Guys, let's just go. It's okay.
Carrie: No, it is most certainly *not* okay!
Charlotte: Listen, you big jerk, her "ass" isn't normally this big!
Miranda: [after a pause] Yes... thank you, I almost forgot! My ass is fat because I just had a baby, you asshole!
Samantha: What's your excuse?
Carrie: Yeah, ya havin' triplets?

Carrie: One woman's pornographer is another woman's spiritual leader.

Resort: Very good, Mrs. Preston.
[walks away from table]
Carrie: [gives blank look] That was like taking a bullet.

Carrie: [Picking up beads from her broken necklace, Carrie looks up and sees Big smiling down at her] Hi.
[Bursts into tears]
Big: Hey! Hey! Why the tears?
Carrie: Paris is a mess. I never should have come here. Everything fell apart, we had a big fight and then I got slapped.
Big: [shocked] You got what?
Carrie: No, he didn't mean it. It was just an accident.
Big: [enraged] He slapped you? I'll kick his ass.
Carrie: What? No!
Big: Ok, what room were you in?
Carrie: I'm not telling you that.
Night: I see you were in room 625.
Big: Room 625? Thank you.
[storms off]
Carrie: Wait! What do you think you're doing?
Big: I think I'm kicking some Russian ass.

Carrie: [voice over narration] Michael was upset, but Butterscotch seemed pleased. She was finally back in her monogamous relationship. Half past midnight. In a city that never sleeps, neither did the real estate market.

Carrie: I better find Big.
Miranda: I'm coming with you.
Carrie: Can you leave the guest book unattended?
Miranda: It's a bullshit job Carrie, people know what to do with the guest book!

Carrie: [squeals] I'm gonna get laid! I'M GONNA GET LAID!

Carrie: [voice over narration] That night Miranda finally got her validation. Her shrink has suggested she comes three times a week. I didn't see Mr. Big for eight days.

Carrie: [to Carrie] I'm determined to make partner in this firm, even if I have to be a lesbian partner.

Winifred: Twist the bones and bend the back
Sarah,75874: Itch-it-a-cop-it-a-Mel-a-ka-mys-ti-ca
Winifred: Trim him of his baby fat
Sarah,75874: Itch-it-a-cop-it-a-Mel-a-ka-mys-ti-ca
Winifred: Give him fur black as black, just
Mary: Like
Sarah: This!

Charlotte: Doesn't that waiter look familiar?
Samantha: I fucked him.
Carrie: Oh. *That* guy.

Samantha: [on the phone] I am so fucked.
Carrie: What's wrong?
Samantha: No, I mean, literally. I have been fucked every way you can be fucked.
Carrie: If you keep talking like that, I'm gonna have to charge you by the minute.
[goes to a voiceover]
Carrie: As I searched for my morning Marlboro Light, Samantha proceed to give me a rundown of her night with Jon - no "H", no inhibitions.
[voiceover ends]
Samantha: We did with him on top. Me on top. Me on my side.
Carrie: Him on his side?
Samantha: Oh, God, yes. On his back, on his side, on his face. Have you ever done that?
Carrie: It's too early to remember.
Samantha: Well, do it immediately. It is fabulous. These guys in their twenties, they are up for anything. How did it go with uh, you and Sam?
Carrie: We kissed.
Samantha: Just kissed?
Carrie: No. We just kissed for five hours, - at the club, in front of the club, on the corner of the club. I forgot how much fun it is to just kiss, you know, even if I did only get two hours of sleep.
Samantha: I didn't sleep at all.
Carrie: [narrating voiceover] As Samantha went on about her sexual escapades, I glanced down at my arm. There it was in Bic blue. Twenty-something Sam's phone number. I had this sudden urge to call but I'd just left him. Hell, my lips were still swollen. Why this sudden craving? Are men in their twenties the new designer drug? Yes, Samantha, Miranda and I were all recreational users, but were we getting into something w couldn't handle? Okay, we were attracted to younger men for various reasons. But I couldn't help but wonder, what do they see in us?

Carrie: Is he gay?
Stanford: He denies it. How can anyone that gorgeous be straight?

Carrie: You know what the craziest thing is? I actually thought after everything I've been through, I might end up with my high school boyfriend. Yeah, I don't think my story's gonna get tied up like that.
Stanford: Your boyfriend might get tied up.
Carrie: ...and taken away! Okay, no more jokes. I might be dating him in eight to ten months.

[first lines]
Carrie: [narrating voice over] Two weeks ago I had my picture taken...

Carrie: [voice over narration] In a room where everyone was gorgeous, cool, and under thirty, monogamy suddenly became to seem like a quaint notion.

Charlotte: How did you manage to get a new boyfriend in a week?
Carrie: He's not my boyfriend. He's just somebody I'm trying on.

Carrie: Balls are to men what purses are to women. It's just a little bag, but we'd feel naked in public without it.

Winifred: Why? Why was I cursed with such idiot sisters?
Sarah: Just lucky, I guess.

Samantha: If we could perpetually do blowjobs to every guy on earth, we would own the world.
Carrie: And at least our hands would be free to greet dignitaries and everything.

Carrie: Ooh, hear that? It's midnight, the official end to what will now be known as the day I got arrested for smokin' a doobie.
[giggling uncontrollably]
Carrie: I said "doobie".

Mr. Big: Listen. I know what you're really pissed off about. But it's just something I've gotta do in my own time! Okay? Well, I fucking love you! All right? You know I do.... It's just a tough thing for me to say, because it always seems to get me in trouble ... when I say it. Okay?
Carrie: Okay.

Carrie: Maybe you're only alloted a certain amount of tears per man; and I've used mine up.

[Miranda's new "Weight Watchers" boyfriend is a messy lover to which Carrie quips]
Carrie: Miranda's dating an over-eater, and he over-ate her.

[the girls are having lunch]
Carrie: Big's leaving his wife!
[all girls gasp]
Carrie: He got drunk and told me at the furniture show
Miranda: What was he doing at a furniture show?
Carrie: Drinkin' and leaving his wife!

Carrie: I was told there'd be no clowns - nothing scarier than a clown.

Carrie: I'm thinking balls are to men, what purses are to women. It's just a little bag but we'd feel naked in public without it.

Carrie: [voice over narration] There were so many questions I wanted him to answer, but would not ask. Not tonight at least. No, tonight I would ask Miranda.
[to Miranda]
Carrie: He said, "I miss you, baby." Do you think that was meant to be some kind of coded mea culpa?
Miranda: You mean like what he really meant was, "I've been a complete idiot. Please forgive me for having dinner with that other woman."?
Carrie: Exactly.
Miranda: Could be.
Carrie: Well no, because that would mean that everything he ever said that I interpreted as sincere is subject to interpretation, and in that case, what I perceive as his feelings for me may only really be reflected projections of my feelings for him.
Miranda: What?
Carrie: Oh God, I'm freaking. I've gotta stop. Stop.

Carrie: You do this every time! *Every* time! What? Do you have some sort of radar? Carrie might be happy - it's time to sweep in and shit all over it?
Big: What? No, no, I came here to tell you something. I made a mistake. You and I...
Carrie: You and I - *nothing*! You can not do this to me again! You can not jerk me around!
Big: Carrie, listen to me. It is different this time...
Carrie: Oh, it's never different! It's six years of *never* being different! This is it! I am done! Don't call me ever again! Forget you know my number! In fact, forget you know my name! And you can drive up this street all you want - because I don't live here any more!

[last lines]
Carrie: Have you ever been in love?
Mr. Big: Abso-fucking-lutely!

Carrie: I've done the merry go round I've been through the revolving door I feel like I met somebody I can stand still with for a minute and... don't you wanna stand still with me?
Big: You dragged me out to a park at three in the morning to ask me if I wanna stand still with you?
Carrie: ...Yes.

Brenda: Morty! Well, look at you. You look prosperous.
Morty: Brenda, don't embarrass me.
Brenda: [Mocking Morty] Don't embarrass you.
Morty: Don't make a scene.
Brenda: Don't make a scene.
Morty: Do not make a scene.
Brenda: Don't embarrass you! You've got a *nerve*! I'll tell you what's embarrassing!
Morty: Keep your voice down.
Brenda: Being hassled by Mr. Zaworsky... because I'm behind in the rent, *that's* embarrassing. Worrying about how I'm gonna get my kid through college, *that's* embarrassing!
Morty: You know something? You *never* listen. For twenty years you never ever listened. Here,
[grabs a yellow blouse]
Morty: honey why don't you try this one in a fitting room, looks very nice on you.
Brenda: You know, I could use this. It's very beautiful and I love the color. But what am I gonna to use for money? HOW AM I GONNA PAY FOR IT?
Morty: It's the *company* that is expanding. Don't you understand that? The *company*, not *me*! I'm a mere laborer!
Brenda: You're a liar and a FRAUD!
Morty: I have no money.
Brenda: Really? Why don't you look in your purse?
Morty: Oh you're very funny.
Shelly: There stunning Morton, I need all of them.
Brenda: Morton?
Shelly: [covers her face with a dress] Oh God, make it go away.
Brenda: Shelly! Look at you! My my, the bulimia certainly has paid off.
Morty: Don't start.
Brenda: What's a matter Morty? Can't you buy her a whole dress?
Shelly: Brenda, why don't you try these on in
[holds out her arms]
Shelly: *your size*!
Morty: It's really a delight running into you today Brenda.

Charlotte: How can you forget a guy you've slept with?
Carrie: Toto, I don't think we're in single digits anymore.

Sarah: I am alive!
Winifred: Damn that boy, he's tricked us again.
Mary: Oh, you're right, you're always right.
Winifred: [Interjects] It's my curse, that and you two! Get off me you thundering oafs!

Carrie: [narrating voice over, after having sex on the first date with Mr. Big] I will not be the first one to speak. And if he never calls me again, I'll always think of him fondly, as an asshole.

Carrie: New York Magazine says Brooklyn is the new Manhattan.
Miranda: Yes, but whoever wrote that lives in Brooklyn.

Carrie: Dreams are a really good way to experiment. It's like a... it's like buying a dress and keeping the tags on.
Charlotte: Do you think it means I should do it? Have a threesome? Jack says that I have a fire inside me.
Carrie: You tell him they make a cream for that.
Charlotte: I'm serious!
Carrie: I know, but it's your call. Don't do it just to make Jack happy.
Charlotte: But maybe it would bring us closer.
Carrie: Sweetie, don't you think it's weird that you're thinking of sleeping with someone you don't know, to get closer to Jack?
Charlotte: But how well do we ever know the people we sleep with?
Carrie: [voice over narration] That was the thing about Charlotte. Just when you were about to write her off as a Park Avenue Pollyanna, she'd say something so right on, you'd think she was the Dalai Lama.
Charlotte: Do you think my hair is too shiny today?
Carrie: [voice over narration] And then she'd say something else.
Charlotte: Do you?
Carrie: [voice over narration] But the bigger question remained: if Charlotte was actually considering a threesome, who wasn't? The Village Voice had more ads for looking for threesomes than it did for small rat-infested studios renting at a thousand a month. But who actually answered these ads?

Carrie: [voice over narration] That night, I thought I could put the whole Barbara thing out of my mind. After all, Mr. Big was with me now.
Barbara,: Nibbling his ear lobes? How sweet. Let me show you how it's really done.
Carrie: [voice over narration] So I guess you couldn't avoid a threesome. Because even if you're the only person in the bed, someone has always been there before you.
Mr. Big: Hey, what just happened? Where'd you go?
Carrie: Preoccupied.
Mr. Big: No kidding. About what?
Carrie: [voice over narration] Your ex-wife's breasts, your ex-wife's lips, your ex-wife's long legs.
[Spoken]
Carrie: ... My column.
Mr. Big: You know, I didn't tell you I was married because it was a long time ago.
Carrie: What happened?
Mr. Big: Alienation of affection, followed by divorce. Let's not talk about the past, please.
Carrie: [voice over narration] What Mr. Big didn't realise was the past was sleeping right next to me. The next day the flesh and blood Barbara asked me to lunch.

Carrie: [voice over narration] Samantha didn't believe in monogamy, especially when it came to real estate agents.
Rick: This is a pre-war six. Notice the classic lines. Very solidly built.
Carrie: [voice over narration] Although Pamela had the hottest contacts in town, Rick did have a slight competitive edge. He gave Samantha the opportunity to combine her two greatest loves: sex and real estate. That afternoon I dragged my poor tortured soul out to lunch with Stanford Blatch, and attempted to stun it senseless with cosmopolitans.
Stanford: Monogamy is on its way out again. It had a brief comeback in the nineties, but as the millennium approaches, everyone's leaving their options open.
Carrie: Come on, you wouldn't commit to a nice guy, given the option?
Stanford: I can't even commit to a long distance carrier.
Carrie: Yeah, you know what you are? You're a whore!
Stanford: I wish that were true.

Mr. Big: Interesting dress.
Carrie: Meaning?
Mr. Big: Interesting dress.

Sarah: What is this place?
Mary: It reeks of children!
Winifred: It is a prison for children.