50 Best Mars Attacks! Quotes

Jason: [reporting in Pahrump, NV, where the Martians are landing] The teeming masses have gathered from who knows how many states. Waiting and watching. Why have they come? Curiosity? Or is it something more? Or is it simply to say "I was there. I was there when first man met Martian." Jason Stone, GNN. Pahrump.

Billy: Bye-bye, Grandma.
Grandma: Goodbye, Thomas.
Billy: It's Billy Glenn, Grandma.
Grandma: I know, Thomas.

Various: Ack! Ack! Ack!

Martian: Don't run! We are your friends!

Rude: [after running into a Martian] Holy shit!

[President Dale makes one last appeal to the Martians]
President: Why... are you doing this? Why? Isn't the universe big enough... for both of us? What is wrong with you people? We could work together. Why be enemies? Because we're different? Is that why? Think of the things that we could do. Think how *strong* we would be! Earth... and Mars... together. There is nothing that we could not accomplish. Think about it! *Think* about it! Why destroy... when you can create? We can have it all or we can smash it all! Why can't we... work out our differences? Why can't we... work things out? Little people... why can't we all just... get along?
[the Martian Leader sheds a single tear. Dale smiles to himself, impressed. The Martian Leader approaches him and shakes hands with Dale. Then, the Martian Leader's hand detaches from his arm]
President: What's this?
[the hand proceeds to crawl all over Dale's body. At the small of his back,: a Martian flag]

Richie: I want to thank my Grandma for always being so good to me, and, and for helping save the world and everything.

Jason: [to Jerry Ross] When the Martians land, will the press have access? Can we do interviews?

Richie's: Martians. Ha ha. Funny looking little critters, aren't they?

President: I want the people to know that they still have two out of three branches of the government working for them, and that ain't bad.

Professor: We know they're extremely advanced technologically, which suggests - very rightfully so - that they're peaceful. An advanced civilization, by definition, is not barbaric.

Grandma: [after a Martian's head explodes] I think it must be my music!

Billy: Die, you alien shithead!
[prepares to shoot, but a Martian notices him and Billy Glenn Norris looks at it]
Billy: Uh-oh.
[drops his gun and holds up a flag]
Billy: I surrender!
[the Martian disintegrates Billy Glenn Norris with a ray gun]

Taffy: Guess it wasn't the dove.

Grandma: They blew up Congress! Ha ha ha ha!

Rude: You wanna conquer the world, you're going to need lawyers, right?

Sue: I'll tell you one thing, they ain't gettin' the TV.

Richie: [after watching the Martians kill Congress on TV] Why did they do that?
Hispanic woman at donut shop: Maybe they no liking the human being.

Gen. Decker: [in the White House] They don't know what the Hell they're talking about. Liberals! Intellectuals! Peacemongers! IDIOTS!
Taffy: [opening her bedroom door in the background and coming out of her bedroom] Would you please keep it down? People live here!
[goes back inside her bedroom and closes the bedroom door]

Grandma: Richie, I think these guys are very sick.

[looking decidedly androgynous]
Female: Do the Martians have two sexes, like we do?

President: Rest assured that we will soon come out at a very real outcome.

Gen. Decker: [In the White House] They don't know what the hell they're talking about. Liberals, intellectuals... peacemongers, IDIOTS!
Taffy: [coming out of her bedroom] Would you please keep it down? People live here.

Barbara: Know anyone who can fly a plane?
Byron: Yeah, your husband Art.
Barbara: No... he's dead. I told him this was gonna happen.

Art: Even in a time of intergalactic crisis, people still want to roll them bones.

Professor: [as the Martians disintegrate Congress] Mr. Ambassador, please! What are you doing? This doesn't make sense! It's not logical! It's not -
[a Martian knocks Kessler out cold]

[overhearing the Martians' destruction of France via telephone]
President: ...Mon Dieu...

President: What do you think, Marcia?
First: Kick the crap out of 'em!

Grandma: [as Taffy is awarding her the Congressional Medal of Honor] Thank you, honey. But don't you dare let anything like this happen again.

Martian: We come in peace! We come in peace!

Martian: All green of skin... 800 centuries ago, their bodily fluids include the birth of half-breeds. For the fundamental truth self-determination of the cosmos, for dark is the suede that mows like a harvest.
General: What the Hell does that mean?

Art: I'm not a crook, I'm ambitious. There's a difference.

Art: I'd been thinkin' about Mars when there wasn't no Mars.

[Louise, on the Metro bus, notices her two sons, Cedric and Neville, playing Flesh Eaters at the video game arcade]
Louise: Excuse me, folks. We've got to make an unscheduled STOP!
[she stops the bus at the video game arcade; Cedric and Neville look at their mother]
Neville: Oh, man! It's Mama!
[Louise gets out of the bus and walks to her two sons, angry]
Louise: What are you doing here, huh? If you ain't gonna come home, why aren't you in class? Huh?
[grabs Cedric]
Cedric: Mama, because class was cancelled!
Louise: Class was NOT cancelled!
Cedric: Yes, it was!
Louise: [to Neville] Will you come here!
Neville: For what?
Louise: Come here, I'm not gonna hurt you now, come here.
Neville: Let go of him.
Louise: [lets go of Cedric] Okay. Now, just come here. Come here.
[Neville comes to her; she grabs Cedric and Neville, angry]
Louise: Do you think you're smart to cut school, huh? Do you?
Neville: What are you doing?
Louise: Do you? Huh? Huh?
Cedric: No!
Louise: No, Mama, because it's dumb! You're gonna flunk and you all go to jail!
Neville: No!
Cedric: Mama, no! We haven't!
Louise: [pushes her two sons into the bus] Get your own place! Get your butt on that place! Get on that bus, boy!
[Cedric and Neville get on the bus, angry]
Louise: Yeah, I'll be tripping all over you! You get back there and I don't want to hear another word out of you, do you hear me?
[all the people on the bus cheer]
Cedric: I hate school!
Louise: I heard that!
[Neville and Cedric sit in the back of the bus; she starts the bus, leaving]

Nathalie: Jason, hi. It's me.
Jason: Are you wearing a bra?

Richie: Wow, he just made the international sign of the donut.

[watching a Martian on TV]
First: [after seeing the Martians for the first time] I'm not allowing that thing in my house.
President: Sweetie, we may have to. The people expect me to meet with them.
First: Well, they're not going to eat off the Van Buren china.

Billy: [about to get on the bus to leave for the Army, to his brother, Richie] So long, retard.

Barbara: Do you have to drink in front of me?
Art: You're an adult. Cope.

[pitching a hotel/casino idea]
Art: If the Martians land, they're gonna need a place to stay. Just like everybody else.

General: [talking on the phone] Hello? This is General Casey. I get to meet the Martian Ambassador! Ain't that great? Oh, it's a hell of an honor. But didn't I always tell you, honey, if I just stayed in place and never spoke up, good things are bound to happen. Yeah... Okay.
[makes kissing noises and hangs up the phone]

First: [as a chandelier is falling on top of her] The Nancy Reagan chandelier!

President: General Decker, if you do not shut up, I am going to relieve you of your command.
Gen. Decker: We have to strike now, sir! Annihilate! Kill! Kill! Kill!
President: SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

Barbara: Hello, my name is Barbara.
AA: Hello, Barbara.
Barbara: I am an alcoholic, but I haven't had a drink in three months!

[last lines]
Richie: Is that OK?
Taffy: Yeah. You got a girlfriend?
Richie: No.

Press: My finger!

[challenging a Martian to a fistfight]
Byron: No weapons! No tricks! Just you and me! Byron Williams! The heavyweight champion of the world!

Rude: Hey! You're Tom Jones, right? "It ain't unusual"? Hey Tom, Tom! Can I have an autograph? Anyone got a pen?

Richie: The Martians just blew up the donut shop!
Richie's: Well, if they come around here, we'll blast them back into space!
Sue: They sure ain't gettin' the TV!
Richie: Should I go get Grandma?
Richie's: Oh, forget Grandma! She's halfway into space already!

Richie: I bet you're psyched about the Martians coming, Grandma? I mean, you've seen a lot of crazy stuff already. Everyone must have been real scared when they invented the train!
Grandma: Come on, kid, I'm not that old!