The Best Sex Education, Season 3, Episode 1 Quotes

- And we're not done. We're over!
- "Over" and "done" mean the same thing!

- Whoo!
- -[moaning]
- -[woman in video moaning]

- You are good at sex, Otis, but that doesn't mean
- I want to be seen in public with you.
- Well, I don't wanna be seen in public with someone who is mean and uses people for their good sex skills!
- I have more self-respect than that.
- We're done.

[splutters] No, Adam. Sorry, Adam.
- What are you doing?
- They… they were talking about me.
- But that doesn't mean you can hurt people, Adam.
- No, I… I can't do this again.
- What are you all looking at?

- Well, I think you should try.
- Ya pussy!
- Can we do the punching pillow thing first?
- Absolutely. Bring it here.
- So what you have do is just take a deep breath in.
- -Mm-hmm.
- -Get yourself all pumped up.

- Strange.
[grunts] I guess it's lost property for you.
- Fuck.
- Dude, why are you naked?
- Don't look at my dick!

- I would say I'm here to try and bring back a sense of community and family values that--
- Is that a dog?
Journalist: It's a fucking goat.
- Film it, for Christ's sake!
- What were you saying about family values,
- Headmistress?
- Would you just excuse me just one moment? Thank you.

- -Cal, it's PE. Are you coming?
- -Yeah, I'll be right there.
- -Whoa! [chuckles]
- -Hey.
- -Oh. Oops.
- -Whoa!
- I'm… Okay, I'm in your way, obviously.
- It's okay.
- After you, good human.

- Okay, okay, okay.
- So, it was Olivia's party.
- You were supposed to come but decided to watch movies with Adam.
- Anyway, I was there on my own.
- At first, Ruby ignored me.
- But then…

- You're a poofter now, Groff?
- Yeah, I am a bit of a poofter now.
- Is that all right with you?
- Yeah, mate. I think it's cool.
- Yeah, congrats, dude.
- You don't need to congratulate someone on being gay.

[girl 1] What's Adam Groff doing back?
- I heard his mum bribed the school to let him back.
- And you know he's gay now, right?
- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Hey, Otis. Is it true that you and Ruby are a thing now?
- No. No. Why did you say that?
- Everyone's talking about it.
- Sex King.

- You're looking well.
- Oh, this?
- Funny story.
- You impregnated me.
- Surprise!
- Oh shit.

- See, this is exactly why you shouldn't be bringing livestock into school.
- -My mum's looking after her tomorrow.
- -Good.
- Okay, this is the only goat you should be seeing in school.
- Uh, it's a goatee.
- It's my new look. Hands up who likes it.
- Oh God. Oh God.

- We didn't think about who was gonna look after her when we're at school, so…
- -[Aimee] Yeah. Right!
- -[car engine starting]
- Sorry, love!
- -Aimes?
- -[Aimee] You okay?
- -[woman] No!
- -Yeah.
- Let's try that again, shall we?

- No.
- I'm sorry. The controversy surrounding
- Moordale Secondary is too fresh.
- You're also far too experienced for this role.
- This is the fifth teaching position that I've applied for, and frankly, I'm running out of options.
- It's still a no.

- I don't like it when I hurt people.
- -Then don't.
- -Yeah.
- I don't know why I do it. I just get so angry, but…
- I wanna change.
- Okay.

- What's going on?
- Can we talk?
- -If you stop being scary.
- -[sighs]
Jakob: Yes.
- -Are you stepping out?
- -Mm-hmm.
- Good.

- Mm.
- Do you like it when I touch you?
- Would you like it if I were to suddenly stop touching you forever?
- No.
- -Then you will keep your mouth shut.
- -Mm.
- Remember, five feet behind me at all times.

- Well, this is quite a surprise.
- Who gave you these orgasms, then?
- Tom Baker, Joe Fuchart, Ryan Bailey--
- Okay, I get it. I get it.
- -What did they do different?
- -I don't know. Maybe do some research.
[whispers] Am I bad at sex?

- Ah!
- -Get it.
- -[grunts]
- That's a good effort, Michaela!
- Quick shower, then, uh, Quorn Bolognese.
- Fucking love Quorn!
- Oh God.

- -I told Lily.
- -And I told everyone.
- This was supposed to stay between me and you!
- What are you doing here?
- I sold my first painting, so no beans on toast for us tonight.
- We are going out for pizza!
- Oh, well done.
- Always knew you would, genius.

[exhales] Shit. It's not very big, is it?
- Come on. Let's get you hard.
Dex: Yeah!
- Come on!
- For the love of God! Come on!
Dex: Come on!
- -[door opens]
- -[gasps]

- So now everyone knows anyway,
- I was thinking we could keep seeing each other?
- You know, because I like having sex with you.
- No more cars or toilets?
- No, no more cars or toilets.

- -I'm so proud of you!
- -And there's no strings.
- -So nobody gets hurt.
- -Mm.
- Wahey! Whoa!
- What you gonna do about Kyle?
- I guess it's not my responsibility anymore?
Kyle: Ow! Oh!

- Apparently, you're secretly sleeping with Otis Milburn. [scoffs]
- Ugh! As if.
- It's true.

- Oh my God!
- -The fuck is that?
- -[both scream]
- -[Eric] Adam, you fucking idiot!
- -[Otis] Fuck!
- Whoo! Ha ha!
- All right, New Kid?
- What is that on your face?

- but a small dick and no girth will never please a woman.
- I've, uh, never measured.
[deep voice] Come back to me when you do.
- I'll need measurements for width, length, erect, and flaccid.
- That'll be 30 pounds, please.
- -But you haven't helped.
- -[deep voice] Half now, half later?

Maeve: No, it's really not.
- It's really not.
Maeve: Mum?
- Hi, how are you?
- Stop calling me.
- -We have a friendly relationship.
- -Yeah, but not that friendly.
- I didn't come, but that was so much better!

- If that's what you wanna call it.
- Bye, Otis.
- Maeve?
- Yeah?
- It's called a mustache.
- Yeah, no shit.

- -Wow!
- -[crowd cheering]
- -[Hope] Thank you all!
- -Come on.
- To a great start and a great week. And oh!
- Can Otis Milburn and Maeve Wiley come to my office, please?
- You get to meet her in the flesh.
- Maeve!

- -Hello. Nice to meet you.
- -And you.
- We were thinking, I don't know…
- Shit!