The Best Talbot Quotes

Talbot: [to Russell about Franklin] Why is he here?
Franklin: [to Russell] Because I have a present for you, sir.
Talbot: You're not supposed to bring work home.
Franklin: Please.
Talbot: You're not supposed to bring work home.
Russell: Darling
[Points to himself]
Russell: King.

Eric: I humbly request permission to hunt your territory for the vampire missing from my area.
Russell: I appreciate your courtesy, Eric. It's very old-world.
Talbot: Nobody has manners anymore. It was all so beautiful once.
Russell: Your fugitive, what's his name again?
Russell: Bill Compton. I'm responsible for him, and, uh, I'm ashamed to admit it, but he's wanted for selling vampire blood.
Russell: Oh, no, no. That's heinous. Are you sure?
[Eric nods]
Russell: Let's ask him.
Talbot: [Bill walks in] Voilà. He's not missing, and he's way too square to deal V.

Eric: How long have you been together?
Talbot: Uh, just shy of 700 years. Although sometimes it feels like 7 million.

Talbot: I'm bored. Take off your clothes.

Talbot: [to Bill] I'll show you to your room.
Bill: My room? Your Majesty, you promised me an explaination.
Russell: And I have no intention of letting you leave without one.

Cooter: Johnson's my best goddam man.
Talbot: They're all dumber than a box of rocks.
Cooter: Sir, that's unfair.
Talbot: To boxes... maybe... or rocks...
Russell: Talbot, dear, we forgot to offer Cooter refreshment. Could you?
Talbot: Of course.
[Gets up off the couch, looks at Cooter]
Talbot: Zima, correct?

Talbot: I just redecorated the guest room. Wait till you see the bed, Bill. It's marvellous. It once belonged to Countess Elizabeth Bathory, Hungary's legendary serial killer. Rumour has it that she loved to torture virgins and bathe in their blood.

Russell: Mr. Compton has accepted a position in my court and therefore keeps nothing from me.
Eric: [Looks at Bill] Oh... You're here of your own accord. Which means...
Bill: Sookie is no longer mine.
Eric: Huh.
Russell: A king in front of them, a queen behind them, and they're talking about a human girl.
Talbot: Men.

Talbot: You never said she was going to live with us.
Russell: She's my wife, Talbot. We just acquired the state of Louisiana. I thought you would've been excited.
Talbot: *Excited*? Franklin's brains won't wash off the guest linens. I had to bury werewolves under the gazebo. And that Sookie bitch staked Lorena. I've had enough excitement, thank you.

Talbot: [about Bill] He's a challenge.
Russell: I think I'm gonna have to bring in the girl.

Talbot: The Celtic tapestry was a gift from the lord of Glyndyfrdwy in 1387!
Russell: We'll find a way to clean it up. : Or we'll put a planter or two in front of it and we'll hide the burn marks.

Eric: Ooh... And what is this?
Talbot: Japanese vampire erotica from the 16th century. Exquisite detail.
Eric: You learn any tricks?
Talbot: Eric, you know as well as I there's nothing new except someone new.

Talbot: [as the King and Bill enter] You're late.
Russell: Talbot, William Compton.
Talbot: Welcome to Mississippi, Bill. Sorry I'm not dressed. We were expecting you last night.
Russell: There were complications with his escort.

Talbot: [to Russell, in a heated argument] You can't buy your way out of everything!
Russell: Of course I can. This is America!

Tara: [scared to Talbot] I'm awful sorry.
Franklin: [to Tara] No, you're not!
Talbot: Good girl.
Franklin: Just ignore him. He's just the cleaning lady.

Russell: There's a lot of natural gas to be had in Louisiana. I enjoy the music. Frankly, I've outgrown my sandbox. Sophie Anne is a delightful eccentric.
Talbot: Please, she's as mad as a monkey on a trike, and she has been for centuries.
Russell: Talbot. We don't need to say everything we think.

Talbot: [serving Bill Compton] Chilled, carbonated blood. It's cruelty-free. All willingly donated. Note the citrusy finish. This one only ate tangerines for a week.

Talbot: [Smells Tara] Mm, spicy. Who's a pretty girl? Huh? You're a pretty girl. You're pretty. Yes, you are.
Franklin: Piss off.
Talbot: I know it's not too good to be all matchy-matchy. But you and your dusky little blood beast are totally at odds with my decor.
Franklin: Nobody cares what you think about anything.

Lorena: [to Tara about Bill] You know him?
Tara: I thought I did.
Bill: [to Russell] Why is she here?
Russell: [to Franklin] Why is she here?
Franklin: She wants to be with me.
Talbot: Hence the restraints.
Franklin: She's mine!
Lorena: Relax. Nobody wants her.