30 Best Russell Edgington Quotes

Talbot: The Celtic tapestry was a gift from the lord of Glyndyfrdwy in 1387!
Russell: We'll find a way to clean it up. : Or we'll put a planter or two in front of it and we'll hide the burn marks.

Lorena: [to Tara about Bill] You know him?
Tara: I thought I did.
Bill: [to Russell] Why is she here?
Russell: [to Franklin] Why is she here?
Franklin: She wants to be with me.
Talbot: Hence the restraints.
Franklin: She's mine!
Lorena: Relax. Nobody wants her.

Bill: I am not the vampire you are looking for. I am not privied to the queen's secrets. Nor do I have any interest being your sheriff. I'm sorry to waist your time.
[rises to leave]
Russell: [musing] Poor Sookie. Such a shame she has to pay the price for your stubbornness.
Bill: [drawing his fangs] You leave Sookie out of this!
Russell: You are in my house, Mr. Compton. Put your fangs away!

Russell: What exactly is your Relationship with Miss Stackhouse?
Eric: Well, her lover, Bill Compton, is, um... Was a constituent of mine. I'd keep an eye on that because I knew she was of interest to my queen.
Russell: So no personal attachments?
Eric: I do not get attached to humans.

Debbie: They killed my Cooter!
Russell: Oh, he died a hero.
Debbie: He weren't no hero. He just wanted to do some V and have a little fun.

Russell: "A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke." Rudyard Kipling. No Shakespeare, but less impetuous. And he never stole spoons.

Talbot: [as the King and Bill enter] You're late.
Russell: Talbot, William Compton.
Talbot: Welcome to Mississippi, Bill. Sorry I'm not dressed. We were expecting you last night.
Russell: There were complications with his escort.

Russell: What are you besides a telepath? And what on Earth makes that light come out of your hands? Oh. Don't make me force it out of you.
Sookie: [Starts crying] I don't know. I never even knew I could do it until recently, and I don't know what I am. Maybe I'm an alien. All I know is it's something big, so if I were you I wouldn't hurt me or anyone I care about.

Bill: Sookie has nothing to do with this. She's innocent.
Russell: We know that you love her, that you've killed for her. And from the look in your eye, I can see you'd do it again if you thought that would save her.
Russell: So romantic.
Lorena: [Enters] It's not romantic, it's delusional.
Russell: Lorena.
Lorena: Oh, goodie. I'm just in time for dessert.

Russell: [to Eric about Fangtaisa] Love the place, love the vibe. We must talk franchising later.

Russell: I want you to accept my proposal of marriage.
Sophie: I've turned you down countless times. Why would I accept now?
Russell: Because in addition to never touching you, I will settle all your debts. Oh, come on. The Magister will eventually determine it was you who was selling our blood.
Russell: I've already pinned it on Eric Northman. Is that really all you've got?
Russell: Well, uh, ooh, there's the IRS. The American Vampire League will let them put you in prison, make an example of you, assuage the right wing's fears about vampires running Wall Street.
Sophie: They have no dominion over me. I'm a queen.
Russell: Please. I have known some of the finest queens who've ever lived. You, my dear girl, are no queen.

Russell: It's time for you to answer my questions, Miss Stackhouse.
Sookie: Fine. I have some questions for you too.
Russell: Heh. Oh, honey. There's a fine line between feisty and delusional. You're not really in any position to bargain.
Sookie: You don't know that.
Russell: Oh, now it's getting interesting.
Sookie: So I'll answer one of your questions and you'll answer one of mine?
Russell: [Chuckles] Who goes first?
Sookie: Are you the king of all vampires?
Russell: Heavens no, my dear girl. I am merely the king of Mississippi.
Sookie: Do you have a crown?
Russell: I have several.

Talbot: [about Bill] He's a challenge.
Russell: I think I'm gonna have to bring in the girl.

Russell: [to Cooter about Bill] I said escort him. Not hunt him like an animal.
Cooter: [transforming] He is a god-damned animal! He killed three of us. Ripped off Louie's ear.
[to Bill]
Cooter: You're about to get deader, dead-ass motherfucker!
Russell: Cooter. Back off.
Bill: Cooter? Seriously?
[laughs]
Cooter: Call me that again. I fucking dare you!
Russell: Coot can be a little sensitive about his name... and the evisceration of his friends.

Talbot: You never said she was going to live with us.
Russell: She's my wife, Talbot. We just acquired the state of Louisiana. I thought you would've been excited.
Talbot: *Excited*? Franklin's brains won't wash off the guest linens. I had to bury werewolves under the gazebo. And that Sookie bitch staked Lorena. I've had enough excitement, thank you.

Russell: There's a lot of natural gas to be had in Louisiana. I enjoy the music. Frankly, I've outgrown my sandbox. Sophie Anne is a delightful eccentric.
Talbot: Please, she's as mad as a monkey on a trike, and she has been for centuries.
Russell: Talbot. We don't need to say everything we think.

Russell: I'll tell you what. I'll trade you the red one for the blond one.
Bill: How about you and I settle this among men?
Russell: Oh, how very sexist of you, Bill. When it comes to killing, I have always been an equal opportunist.
Bill: You are 3000 years old and a king, yet you hide behind guards, wolves, a baby vampire. You a coward... or are you just lazy?
Russell: [Throws Jessica to the werewolves] Here you go, Hillbilly Rip her to shreds.
[Attacks Bill]
Russell: Northman was right about you. You are a waste of the blood.

Bill: You're only making matters worse for yourselves by holding me captive.
Russell: Oh, no one's holding anyone captive. We're uh, we're conducting business. You're a guest in my house.
Bill: Guests are invited. Guests can leave at their own accord.
Russell: Once you've heard my proposal, so can you if you chose.

Bill: These wolves do your bidding?
Russell: Well, unfortunately not as well as I hoped. I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Compton.
Bill: [incredulous] You're *sorry*? Your Majesty. You had me abducted by werewolves!... Dragged across state lines. They took silver to me; fed on my blood!

Russell: Tell me what you are.
Sookie: I'm a waitress.
Russell: Yes, and I am Marie of Romania. I'm a very patient man, Miss Stackhouse. One can afford to be when one is immortal. But my patience is not without limits.

Russell: [looking through the file] Bill Compton is lyin' to me.
Franklin: Yes, sir.
Russell: Who keeps a dossier on his human? Why would he care about her family tree? Sophie-Anne's overstated perfume is all over this.
Franklin: That's what I thought.
Russell: [about Sookie] She's already escaped me one, this barmaid.
Franklin: Send a wolf. What do you expect?

Russell: This could be so much less painful if you just said the fucking words!
Magister: [Chain] I am bound by duty to uphold the sacred laws of...
Russell: [Pulls a stake on him] Ah, ah, ah. Your call.
Magister: I hereby pronounce you... husband and wife.
Russell: Thank you.
Queen: Yes, thanks. I'm so happy I could bleed.

Debbie: Let me go after them. I'll rip their fucking heads off!
Russell: I like your energy. What do you think, Northman?
Eric: Well, I enjoy a good head-ripping as much as the next vampire. But in this case, it might be wise to consider the value of the heads in question.
Russell: You mean the Stackhouse girl? Yeah, she's something special, isn't she?
Debbie: She fucked my ex-boyfriend and made him shoot my fiance. She's a cunt.
Russell: But she's a special cunt.

Russell: In exchange for the money she owes the IRS, Queen Sophie Anne has kindly accepted my marriage proposal.
Queen: I had no choice.
Magister: Your Majesty...
Russell: Yes, my loyal subject? Oh, we would be delighted if you would officiate the wedding for us.
Magister: I am forbidden to conduct any rights of alignment unless specifically-...
Russell: Unless specifically authorized to do so by the Authority. Yes, well, perhaps you have not quite grasped the subtext of our earlier exchange, but there's a new fucking authority in town!

Eric: I humbly request permission to hunt your territory for the vampire missing from my area.
Russell: I appreciate your courtesy, Eric. It's very old-world.
Talbot: Nobody has manners anymore. It was all so beautiful once.
Russell: Your fugitive, what's his name again?
Russell: Bill Compton. I'm responsible for him, and, uh, I'm ashamed to admit it, but he's wanted for selling vampire blood.
Russell: Oh, no, no. That's heinous. Are you sure?
[Eric nods]
Russell: Let's ask him.
Talbot: [Bill walks in] Voilà. He's not missing, and he's way too square to deal V.

Russell: As always the deposit will go to your trust account.
Franklin: I want cash.
Russell: The last time you had any real money, you ended up at the slots in Biloxi, slaughtering a church group of elderly women.
Franklin: They wouldn't let me have a turn!
Russell: Why are you dragging another girl around? So sloppy! I'm tired of cleaning up after you!
Franklin: This one is spectacularly different.
Russell: [considering] Hmm.
Franklin: She's a disaster! We could be twins. The attraction is eeeelectric.
Russell: Franklin, you're a huge freak, but I like your work.

Magister: I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you. By the powers vested in me by The Authority...
Russell: The Authority? Are you serious?
[laughs wickedly]
Russell: Who are the authority? What gave them the authority? Nothing. No one. They took it, as I am taking it today. I no longer recognize The Authority.

Russell: Mr. Compton has accepted a position in my court and therefore keeps nothing from me.
Eric: [Looks at Bill] Oh... You're here of your own accord. Which means...
Bill: Sookie is no longer mine.
Eric: Huh.
Russell: A king in front of them, a queen behind them, and they're talking about a human girl.
Talbot: Men.

Sophie: Go fuck yourself.
Russell: Mm.
Eric: [Attacks Sophie-Anne, pins her to the ground] No, sweetheart. You go fuck yourself. Oh, I am older and stronger than you. I only submitted to you in the past because of respect. But you framed me. So I renounce any and all allegiance to you. I am his now.
Sophie: I refuse to grant you...
Eric: I will rip your head off and throw it in the pool. And I will have fun doing it.

Magister: You realize, of course, the Authority will never recognize-...
Russell: Its own irrelevancy? That's where you and I differ, Magister. I truly believe they will, and soon.
[Smells his blood]
Russell: Andalusia, the Iberian Peninsula. Mm. Later 9th century, no? Well, whatever. It's a long enough time for you to have outgrown your blind allegiance to the Authority and their rule of law. There is only one law: The law of nature, the survival of the fittest. And we need to take this world back from the humans, not placate them with billboards and PR campaigns while they destroy it. That is not authority. That is abdicating authority!