Top 30 Quotes From Pam De Beaufort

Coby: [to Eric] Can we see your fangs?
Eric: [draws his fangs as Lisa flinches] Don't you like vampires, little girl?
Sam: [chafed] Eric!
Lisa: Our almost step-dad hated vampires, but we don't.
Coby: He went on a vacation with Jesus.
Pam: [miffed] You make me so happy I never had any of you.
Eric: Oh come on, Pam. They're funny. They're like humans, but miniature. Teacup humans.

Pam: I should have told you that lavender is my favorite color.
Sookie: Pam, I'm in no mood for lesbian weirdness.

Pam: To Arlene's children: You make me so happy I never had any of you.
Eric: No, c'mon Pam, they're funny. They're like humans, but miniature. 'Teacup humans'.

Pam: [answering the phone] Fantasia. This better be good.
Jessica: [into the phone] Oh hi, Pam. It's Jessica Hamby. We talked yesterday. I'm the one...
Pam: [cutting in] I remember you perfectly. What is it?
Jessica: I really, desperately need your help. I don't where Bill is and gosh, you're like the only other vampire I know.
Pam: Spit it out, cupcake. I'm in the middle of something.
Jessica: [stammering] Right, um... remember how I was asking how you would, you know... what you would do if you... if you like kill somebody by accident.
Pam: Did you call the hypothetical hardware store and buy a hypothetical chainsaw?
Jessica: Yes and that's just the problem. I went to get the chainsaw and now he's gone!
Pam: What?
Jessica: I left for like 15 minutes and he just disappeared.
Pam: So the problem you have is that there is no dead body in your house?
Jessica: Uh... yeah.
Pam: Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Gotta run.
[Pam hangs up and turns to a semi-nude Yvetta sitting on her desk]
Pam: Babies, they're all the same. Now, where were we? Oh, right. Just lie back sweetheart, and think of Estonia.

Pam: [from behind him] Remember me?
[as he jumps]
Pam: Aww, you do. How's life?
Lafayette: Not so good. Uh, is you real?
Pam: [looking around the freezer] Hmmm. This is nice. I could sleep here in a pinch.
Lafayette: What are you doin' here? I ain't said nothin' to nobody.
Pam: And I knew you wouldn't.
Lafayette: Why then the fuck ya'll just glamour me, huh?
Pam: Oh poor thing. We would have, but then you wouldn't have remembered that you owed us.
Lafayette: Owe you?
Pam: Eric sent me with a request.
[holding up a small bottle of blood]
Pam: You're back in business.
Lafayette: Oh no I ain't. I'm outta that shit.
Pam: So sorry. But you're very much back in this shit.
Lafayette: You locked me up and tortured me for damn near three mother-fuckin' weeks, 'cause you caught me selling V and now...
Pam: Now what?
Lafayette: What the fuck is vampire's doing selling V anyway?
Pam: We're not. You are. Get to work.

Eric: [about Bill missing] The Queen is the last person I need finding out about this.
Pam: You're not the only one whose fate hangs in the balance here.
Eric: And what do you think the Queen will do if I tell her I've lost the one vampire who could link her to the dealing of vampire blood?
Pam: What do you think she'll do if she finds out from someone else? Call the Queen.
Eric: There are times when I seek your counsel, Pam. Now is not one of those times.

Pam: Is there a problem?
Lafayette: No, hooker. Look, I can't sell all this sh1t by tomorrow. I got a cousin in trouble. She needs-...
Pam: [Pins him to the wall] I don't know what it is about me that makes people think I want to hear their problems. Maybe I smile too much. Maybe I wear too much pink. But please remember, I can rip your throat out if I need to. And also know that I am not a hooker. That was a long time, long time ago.

Pam: [to Bill about Jessica] She is extremely annoying.

Jessica: [enters with Eric and Pam] Hi, daddy.
Bill: [furious] What is this?
Eric: There are favors and there are... favors.
Pam: She is extremely annoying.
Bill: You can't do this! We had a deal!
Eric: Yeah, well now the terms have changed. She's yours, unless you wanna give me Sookie?
[laughs as he draws his fangs]
Eric: It's just a suggestion. Though a few nights with this one may change your mind.
Pam: Good luck.
Eric: [in Swedish, as they leave] O du ljuva frihet.
[translation: Oh sweet freedom]
Jessica: [as Bill turns to her] So, who's good to eat around here?

Pam: [to Jessica] Let's go to the ladies room and stare at ourselves in the mirrors.

Pam: [to Lafayette] Such a shame. I was hoping I could convince Eric to let me keep you.
Eric: No, you already have enough pets.
Lafayette: No offense, but you ain't exactly my type, bitch.
Pam: Can I kick him?

Sookie: [watching Eric with the new dancer] What the s...?
Eric: [stops and turns] Sookie... see anything you like?
Pam: I do.
Eric: I take it Sookie couldn't be stopped?
Pam: What can I say? She overpowered me.

Pam: I thought prostitutes were good at keeping secrets.
Lafayette: Oh, don't get it twisted honeycone. I'm a survivor first, capitalist second and a whole bunch of shit after that. But a hooker dead last! So if I've got even a Jew at an Al Qaida pep rally's shot at getting my black ass up out of this motherfucker I'm taking it!

Chow: How much blood do you think he's lost?
Pam: Oh, I still think he has something to offer.
Chow: I hate to let it all go to waste like this. Seems a shame we have to wait for Eric.
Pam: Maybe one day you'll be sheriff and you can make the rules.
Chow: I doubt that.
Pam: Me too.

Jessica: Pam, when you're feeding on someone, how do you not kill them?
Pam: Bill didn't teach you that?
Jessica: Bill doesn't want me to feed on people and now he's gone. And...
Pam: [applying lipgloss] It's in the heart beat. You feel it in the blood.
Jessica: Yeah?
Pam: And when it slows, you stop.
Jessica: Yeah, but how do you stop?
Pam: I think about crying children with soggy diapers. Also maggots.
Jessica: Well... let's say you did kill someone by accident. What would you do with the body?

Pam: Go on in... good luck gettin' out.

Pam: [as he walks up to Fangtasia with Sookie] Bill. Haven't seen you in a while.
Bill: I'm mainstreamin'.
Pam: Good for you. Who's the doll?
Bill: Pam, this is Sookie. Sookie, this is Pam.
Sookie: [smiling, extending her hand to Pam] Pleased to meet you.
Pam: [just looks at her] Can I see your ID?
Sookie: Oh. Sure. How funny. Who'd have thought? Getting carded at a vampire bar.
Pam: I can no longer tell human ages. We must be careful we serve no minors... in any capacity.
[looking at her id]
Pam: Twenty-five, huh? How sweet it is.

[Pam walks in and interrupts Eric and Sookie]
Eric: What?
Pam: Blah blah vampire emergency, blah

Bill: [about Eric] Tell me, do you enjoy living halfway up his backside the way you do?
Pam: Yes, it's nice. You should try it.

Pam: [after she is freed] You can dish it out but you sure can't take it, can you Magister?
Eric: Let's see how this plays out, Pam. You can always taunt later.

Eric: I have no knowledge of this maenad creature, although I suspect it's the bullheaded beast that passed through recently. Right Pam?
Pam: That thing owes me a pair of shoes!

Eric: [watching Ginger clean up what's left of LongShadow] When Ginger is finished, glamour her for me.
Pam: Are you sure? She's been glamoured one too many times already. Who's knows how much of her is left.
Eric: It's either that or turn her. You want her?
Pam: Please! I'm not that desperate. Glamour it is.
Eric: [satisfied] Excellent.

Pam: You're a maker, you're a hero.
Bill: I find myself doubting whether you were ever truly human.
Pam: Thank you.

Bill: [while he is digging a grave for Jessica, to Pam] Would you leave her alone!
Pam: It's your own fault. You and your insane affection for stupid cows.
Bill: Just go away!
Pam: I wouldn't be here if the magister could trust you.
Bill: I fulfilled the conditions of my sentence! I murdered this innocent girl.
Pam: There was no murder. You drained her blood and gave her yours.
Bill: I've proven my loyalty!
Pam: Yes. But you're romantic, you're sentimental. You just might do something to keep the little blood bag from joinin' our ranks. I'll follow my orders. I won't let you stake her before she goes to ground.
Bill: I'm not gonna stake her. I'm gonna set her free.
Pam: You've already set her free. The same as Eric freed me.
Bill: Everyone she's ever known will recoil from her. Everything she's ever loved has been stolen from her.
Pam: Oh, please! There's no comparison. You've given that pathetic lump of temporary flesh...
Bill: Jessica!
Pam: The ultimate gift. You're a maker. You're a hero.
Bill: I find myself doubting whether you were ever truly human.
Pam: [smiling] Thank you.

Pam: [handing Sookie a leather outfit] Put these on.
Sookie: Oh, thank you. But I-I'm fine really. I'm just gonna dry out my hair and be on my way.
Pam: You're not going anywhere. Eric and your boyfriend aren't nearly done talking just yet.
Sookie: Is... Bill is some kind of trouble?
Pam: That's for the boys to figure out. Right now, what you need to do is change out of your clothes. There's vampire in your clevage.
Sookie: [looks down and gasps] Okay. Eeww!
Pam: Allow me.
[takes the bloody piece out]
Sookie: Thank you.
Pam: I'm beginnin' to understand the fuss everyone's makin' over you.

Yvetta: You're giving her everything? You promised to take care of me!
Eric: I promised you a job and good sex. That is all.
Yvetta: So I mean nothing to you?
Eric: Less than nothing, you gold-digging whore!
[Yvetta storms out]
Pam: You can be a cold-hearted bastard.

Pam: [looking on as Sookie and Bill kiss] If I had any feelings, I'd have the chills right about now.
Eric: Not me.

Pam: [to an hysterical Ginger] Ginger, enough!
Eric: Thank you.

Pam: [to the Magister about the earrings] How'd you know I was a Tiffany's girl?
Magister: Hm. Most women are. And those who aren't just think they're not.
Pam: They're beautiful.
Magister: Mm. They're sterling silver.
Pam: Excellent. They'll match my chains.

Pam: [over the phone] We're being raided.
Eric: So? Call the American Vampire League. They'll get their lawyers on it. I'm busy.
Pam: [in Swedish] It's not the police. It's the Magister.
Eric: I'm coming there now.
Pam: Don't be stupid. Leave while you still can. They're looking for the V, Eric. The Queen set you up.