The Best The Sopranos, Season 3, Episode 4 Quotes

- Lord fuckpants? Whose moniker is that?
- I'm not sure it is a moniker.

- You should have told me.
- I'm telling you now.
- This is a place to live. I got no intention of sticking my beak in.
- I mean, there's our family and then there's the soprano family.
- Don't I get to see the rest of this?
- You can help me unstick this rain bird.
- I'm a stranger in a strange land out here.

- Anyway this...
- This was a good idea she had, us going out to dinner.
- Not that one conversation ever solved anybody's problems.
- I'm only here so I don't have to hear her bitching and crying.
- The gym, huh?
- Mind if I make a stop first?

- Yes, he was here earlier today.
- Yes, we talked about behavior mod, but...
- Maybe you could.
- Listen, I told you
- I would discharge him...
- And I will, in my own good time.
- I'm going into the garage.
- I'm gonna lose you. See you later.

- A self-perpetuating revenue base.
- The $100 million Newark museum of science and trucking...
- Will serve to make this the attraction of the area and beyond.
- This fucking busted valise, he's worth every cent of his cut.
- Fucking dry wall contracts alone.
- Thank you very much.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [during her therapy session, referring to Tony] Richard was right: I've been "charmed" by a sociopath, why didn't I listen?
Dr. Elliott Kupferberg: Why do you think?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Why did I reject a good man like Richard in the first place? If you think about my life, it's so "textbook." Marry a man ten years my senior, of course Richard's gonna be "protective" and "patriarchal" and then I reject him for exactly that
Dr. Elliott Kupferberg: There's nothing wrong with wanting to be safe: it's a basic human need
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I know Richard's right, I should get Tony Soprano... oh shit
Dr. Elliott Kupferberg: I always thought it was the other guy in the news, Little Augie Aprile
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I can't believe I revealed his name
Dr. Elliott Kupferberg: Why did you? Does Richard know who he is?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I think he saw it in my daytime once. That's why his been so adamant because Soprano is very "high up"
Dr. Elliott Kupferberg: And if he was some "button man", you wouldn't be treating him?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Please with the terminology...
Dr. Elliott Kupferberg: You know psychotherapy is "limited" in the treatment of anxiety disorder, now you've medicated Soprano properly, you've helped him "gain" what "insight" in what his able to absorb... it's time to send him on to a behaviorist

Tony: [while walking down the stairs to greet Tony] look whose here, the guinea welcome wagon
Tony: [Visiting Johnny in his new house in New Jersey, jokingly] this is for you, you piece of shit. Carmella's bringing something nice for the house warming for Ginny
Johnny: [Showing Tony around his home] they call this the great room. I don't know what's so "great" about it. It's mediocre if you ask me. We got a fuckin living room right over there
Tony: I didn't know you were moving to New Jersey
Johnny: Ginny wanted to be close to her sisters and schools out here
Tony: We were sitting with Carmine all night long, you never once mentioned you bought a place in Jersey
Johnny: It's not Carmine's favorite subject me living in Jersey, it's what? Half an hour over the bridge?
Tony: Well, why didn't you tell me you were moving here?
Johnny: Why?
Tony: I've got to find out second hand?
Johnny: What'd you care? Are you working in the toll booth now? Besides I already got the condo in Point Pleasant
Tony: You should have fuckin told me
Johnny: I'm telling you now, this is strictly a place to live. I've got no intention to "stick my beak in." I mean there's our "family" then there's the Soprano "thing."

- Jennifer...
- Civilization...
- Don't worry.
- I'm not going to break the social compact.
- But that's not saying there's not a certain satisfaction in knowing...
- That I could have that asshole squashed like a bug.
- If I wanted.

- Because soprano is very high up.
- If he was some button man you wouldn't treat him?
- Please, with the terminology.
- You know psychotherapy is limited in the treatment of anxiety disorder.
- You've medicated soprano and helped him gain what insight he's able to absorb.
- It's time to send him on to a behaviorist.

- _no!
- Shut up!
- Get the panties off.
- Stop!
- I'm gonna fuck you, bitch!
- No!
- Please! No!
- You fucking bitch!
- Stop it!

- I was his best friend.
- Don't bust my balls.
- I gotta go make a stop in nutley.
- Come here.
- I love you.
- You're a good boy.

Richard: [while they prepare dinner, jokingly, referring to Tony] Didn't you see my favorite patient today?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Tomorrow
Richard: How's that going?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [not wanting to talk about Tony] Let's not
Richard: [referring to stopping Tony's treatment then continuing his therapy sessions] I still wished to Christ you hadn't taken him back
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [referring to their divorce and reconciling] I took you back
Richard: You think the synergy escapes me? You start treating him, we start seeing each other again. No, seriously...
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [interrupts him] If you really wanna know, he had a real breakthrough last week
Richard: [amused] Breakthrough what? Somebody's jaw?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [sarcastically] Your right, I'm wasting my time: better I should boycott with the National Italian American Foundation and save the world from... oh what is it this week?
Richard: The very idea ABC would even think of producing that stereotypical goombah fest
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: We're the advertisement for the American experiment. We did great
Richard: I'm so fed up with people assuming I'm a thug because my name ends in a vowel: undershirts, yelling, Hollywood tries to give these sociopaths a tragic grandeur of Al Pacino
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Condescend to me, it gets me so hot
Richard: Tell me a little more about this breakthrough then. You yourself said this guy's an alexithymic: he said Nothing's gonna get through, not if it threatens that straw house his built inside his head to shelter his base criminality. It really concerns me you don't see this, I mean pink slip this guy: his dangerous
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I'm gonna pink slip you if you don't get that chicken in the oven

- Ah!
- Oh, my god! Help me, please!
- Ah!

- To keep up this lawn...
- Property taxes. Gotta pay those.
Paulie 'Walnuts' Gualtieri: Taxes.
- Use the money to fix air traffic control?
- We should fight terrorism.
- How about that stampede in
- Zimbabwe? Soccer game.
- No assigned seating. Always a problem.

Silvio: Ginny told Gabriella she needed a bigger house.
Paulie: Ginny Sacrimoni, what she needs is her own zip code.
Gigi: Jersey's a small state. She moves in, she could tip it over.
Furio: I like a woman you can grab onto something.
Paulie: You grab onto Ginny Sacrimoni, your fuckin' hands will disappear!
Silvio: She's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Paulie: She's so fat, she goes campin', the bears have to hide their food.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: When Ginny hauls ass, she's gotta make two trips.
Gigi: Two guys could fuck her at the same time, and still never meet!
Johnny: [John walks in] Fuck who?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Nobody, we're just talking about one of the girls
Johnny: Is that all you dead beats talk about?, Pussy?

- Now, what did I do? What's the matter?
- Tell me. What's the matter?
- Go sit over there.
- We'll do this.
- Go.
- It's just my knee.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after entering their mother's home] When'd you change the locks?
Janice: [referring to Svetlana] The minute the Ukrainian dye job was out the door
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't mess with the Russians: it's all I'm gonna say
Janice: She can have her leg back when she returns ma's record collection and don't say you wouldn't have done the same thing
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated] I'm getting calls at my house from her cousin, I can't have it, don't fuck with me on this: give back the leg
Janice: Those records are yours too. It's sad you don't care: those records, their a window into ma's soul. In fact, I'm making a documentary The World War Two generation and their music exemplified by ma
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who the fuck are you kidding? Your gonna sell them on the internet
Janice: I have work to do
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while making the hand gesture for male masturbation, implying he doesn't believe her] yeah right, cleaning up the cellar. Good luck finding the lost dutchman goldmine, you'd make more money working a real job
Janice: Right, like the minute I'm out of here, you're not gonna have contractors downstairs tearing apart the walls

- World war ii generation's music, exemplified by ma.
- Who are you kidding?
- You're gonna sell them on the Internet!
- I have work to do.
- Cleaning the cellar.
- Good luck finding gold. You'd make more money working a real job.
- Like the minute I'm out you won't have contractors tearing apart the walls.
- Oh, Janice.

- This is so misdirected.
- The whole fucking world's about your self-esteem.
- Or maybe you don't have enough.
- Jennifer, come on.
- Fuck you, Richard.
- Jen!

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I was wondering who's Z24 was sitting in the driveway, what? You get a new car?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: yeah
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You want anything? A coke?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: No, I'm set. I heard about Ralph Cifaretto... that he got passed over
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [surprised] you heard about what? Who?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I'm just saying Ralph, it's probably a smart move. I mean the more I get to know him, his kind of a cool guy but...
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [interrupts him] it's none of your fuckin concern, you told me you were gonna go to college then I gotta hear Christopher's shit about you?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [realizes Christopher told Tony that Jackie Jr. drove the getaway car for the robbery on his college campus] oh, you talked to Chris, oh shit
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: That's right. I promised your dad: don't make this hard on me. I already got him once to bust my balls
Meadow: [after arriving home carrying her laundry bag] hey Jackie, what're you doing here?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: waiting for you
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What? I don't get a hello?
Meadow: I need two hundred dollars for November to put in my student account
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [irritated] You don't talk to me for weeks but my money's still green
Meadow: [sarcastically] I'm looking forward to total independence, believe me. African Americans go to Columbia dad, some of them are my friends
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to Noah Tannenbaum] friend, my ass, under a blanket, on my couch, watching television with his shoes off, with you

- Seriously. I gotta get out of here.
- I give myself up utterly and totally to god.
- If this is the bottom.
- If not...
- You can go now.
- Billing needs to see you.
- Follow the blue line.

- I've been thinking about your behavior therapy idea. You got a point.
- I could use some help with a few things. If they can help me there...
- I should go there.
- No.
- You sure about that?
- Because the last couple of times...
- I've been getting the feeling that you're giving me the boot.

- We don't wanna continue. Give us leg.
- What leg?
- Don't do this to me.
- Don't push me to edge. Repent!
- Motherfucker, do you know who my brother is?
- Mother, what did you say?
- Mother...
- Those records were all I had of my mother. What could they mean to her?
- Are you people really so callous...?
- Fuck you. You are callous.

Dr. Elliott Kupferberg: Jennifer, civilization...
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Oh, don't worry, I won't break the social compact. But that's not saying... there isn't a certain satisfaction in knowing that I could have that asshole squashed like a bug... if I wanted!

Ralph: I oughta stick a shiskabbab up your ass!

- Good, kid. Introduce him to his desk.
- Take an anger management course.
- Fucking racial slurs.
- Why you doing this to me?
- That's what you get for using a baseball bat.
- Let's go, kid.

- Come into the city, we'll do Sushi.
- I won't say anything.
- You just remember what we talked about.
- I'll have a chicken avocado wrap, no dressing. And a coke.
- One number three, dressing on the side.
- Thanks.

Tony: [Referring to her blouse] is that new? Looks good
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Did you bring your log?
Tony: My log?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You remember last week, you were going to keep a record. I asked you to write any feelings of anxiety or memories of past anxiety attacks
Tony: [Remembering what they discussed at their previous session] yeah, my parents, the pork store, it was interesting
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Have you thought at all about that?
Tony: How do people find the time?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: To get well
Tony: My mother's dead, I haven't had a panic attack since
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You've gone months without them before, the conflicts that caused them and your depression are buried deep inside you. Are you happy?
Tony: Am I happy? Look, I'm sorry I didn't bring the list. I'll bring it next week
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [sighs] we ought to think about bringing your wife into this
Tony: In here? Carmela?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: You're the one who wanted to take a more proactive approach
Tony: [Disagreeing with her suggestion] that's not in the future
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Let's talk frankly. You've demanded more of me. Fine but you're not trying
Tony: Yeah I know, the past, but shit happens in my daily life that needs attention now. I got some genuine concerns, like my son, he shies away from anything that requires effort and I think that he picks that up from me. I mean his in football now right? But Carmela is guilty about this as I am.

- Hi. Come on in.
- Jesus. What's the other guy look like?

Ralph: Look kid I'm trying real hard here and I know I'm the guy who's dating your mom,
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Dating?
Ralph: Don't get fuckin' filthy about it.