The Best The Sopranos, Season 5, Episode 2 Quotes

Jack: So they go through labor, big deal. Try a prostate exam.

Jack: [while giving him a painting of the Rat Pack] I saw this and I thought of you
Tony: [surprised] Oh, look at that
Jack: A little gift to show my gratitude for all our work together
Tony: [shakes his hand, referring to the images of Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin and Sammy Davis, Jr] Thanks. Look at those guys: they had sometime
Jack: You know we're gonna finally cut the ribbon for the museum on the twenty second? Their gonna ask me to make a speech on the challenges of contemporary urban development
Jack: [after placing his order with the waitress] listen, my buddy in City Planning says they pulled the permit to turn the old bus into a mixed use but the thing is Zellman hasn't given me a number, has he said anything to you about another bid?
Tony: We don't talk much, take your hat off: relax
Jack: yeah, I just started Rogaine, do you think you can ask Ron if this falls under the same arrangement?
Tony: [points to his desert] Kind of soggy if you want to know the truth
Jack: [nervously] This is federal redevelopment
Tony: I'll look into it
Tony: [after the waitress brings Jack's order to the table] So, a speech huh?
Jack: Yeah
Tony: [referring to the name of their construction project] The Museum of Science and Trucking
Jack: I just wish my mother could've seen it
Tony: Well, whenever she is, I'm sure she's proud
Jack: Actually, I do know exactly where she is and it's pretty fuckin hot
Tony: You had one of those too huh?

Tony: I tell you, I'm having a time. Stay out late. Come home drunk. Fuck anyone I want.
Silvio: So what's the difference?
Tony: I don't know. It's a mind-set.

- He ain't a bad guy once you get to know him.
- I always liked him.
- I was very touched by that funeral the other day.
- Real heart-grabber.
- That fucking little carmine.
- And after what?
- Five years in Florida fixing wet t-shirt contests.

- But I don't got my driver's license.
- So, why don't you go to my guy at the dmv?
- As far as the union shit,
- I can take care of that.
- Wow, ton, thanks. Thank you.
- Come here. You're the best, you know that?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Tony turned me on to him.
- "Tzu, tzu."
- "Sun tzu," you fucking ass-kiss.
- Hey.
- Feech.
- You know, I missed you by two weeks at allenwood.

Tony: [giving a toast for his cousin Tony B during a welcome dinner] I'll make this fast because I know your all hungry. I remember growing up, I was always asking why I just used to have sisters? I said to my mother "Can't you save up something and get me a baby brother?" And my mother said "What's wrong with your cousin Tony?" She was right because we were brothers except, we had the same name. There were like fifty Tony's in the family. Some of you remember this: my dad's name was "Johnny" and his dad's name was "Alfred", so whenever we were out running around, you'd hear "Tony uncle Johnny", that was for me, and "Tony uncle Al", that was for him and there was "Tony uncle Philly" but he passed away. So with Tony B being away, it's been hard but his back now... for good, so welcome home

Adriana: [after watching Citizen Kane] So, it was the sled, huh? He shoulda told somebody.

- Keep joking. Let me tell you something.
- It's like that game we used to play as kids.
- Crack the whip.
- You run around holding hands as tight as you can...
- And then the line snaps, somebody lets go...
- And you're next.

- Citizen Kane.
- Jesus, it's black and white.
- Oh, come on, that is what film club is all about, trying new things.
- Now, to give us some background, let's see what Leonard maltin has to say.
- "A film that broke all the rules and invented some new ones.
- The cinematography, music and Oscar-winning screenplay...
- By welles and Herman j. Something are all first-rate."

Tony: Listen I got some ideas for you to get you back on your feet unless of course you already know what your going to do
Tony: Well, yeah I got an idea
Tony: Yeah?
Tony: Like four years in I got moved to Springfield you know where they got the big prison hospital. It's mostly stab wounds, detox. Anyway this guy I knew told me I could be an orderly and how it's easy time and all
Tony: So your the guy that hooks everybody up. That's smart
Tony: Yeah but it wasn't business for me. I mean I really got into this shit. Rehab block, guys with broken limbs, muscle diseases. We'd help them back so this might be something I could do. I got my Associates degree already. It took me five years. Now it's only like six months more to get my massage license
Tony: So you want to run a massage parlor?
Tony: No, I'm going to be a licensed therapist. Look I've been away from this for a long time. I mean if I got a shot at staying out, and putting shit together, I should take it
Tony: Oh, I was thinking you know I got this airbag thing but...
Tony: No Tone, thanks it's a really nice offer but I need regular work until I'm certified, just regular work
Tony: I guess I know this guy looking for a delivery man for his linen fleet
Tony: You know I don't got my driver's license
Tony: So you go to my guy at the DMV

- She's been drinking like crazy.
- Where are you going?
- Oh, my god.
- Honey.
- Oh, my god.
- I'm fine, okay? Just leave me alone.
- No, you're bleeding. Let me drive you.

- But Tony says he's gonna hire a detective.
- Look at this.
- Two of you were so cute.
- Well, even then my cannoli was bigger than his.
- Oh, stop.
- Oh, man, there he is.

Tony: [Referring to trying to determine if Jack Massarone is an FBI informant] I couldn't tell shit, what the fuck am I? A mind reader?
Christopher: So, what's the next step here Tone?
Silvio: [after Tony gives him a stern look] what?
Tony: [Referring to Jack Massarone] He said I look like I lost some weight
Christopher: Tony B wants to pick up some scratch, he can do this Massarone thing, if it goes
Tony: [to Christopher] The fuck is wrong with you? The man is trying to go straight, don't you give a fuck about your cousin?
Christopher: I'm sorry T, your right. That was a great party the other night
Tony: [Angered that Tony B doesn't want to rejoin the crime family and opting to pursue a legitimate lifestyle] fuck him, the guy's useless to me
Christopher: [to Silvio after Tony leaves] was that a yes on Massarone?
Silvio: Tony's got his own process

- All right, we arrange a meet.
- I'll feel him out a little bit.
- I gotta do it. I know the guy.
- I know the way he thinks.
- I know the way he acts.
- My old man was good at vibing people out too.
- If massarone's up to something,
- I'll pick it up.
- You piece of shit. I don't believe this.

- Actually, I think I know exactly where she is, and it's pretty fucking hot.
- You had one of those too, huh?
- Gentlemen.
- Is everything okay here?
- Yeah, sure. Just talking.
- Okay, then. Have a good night.

- What the fuck is wrong with you?
- The man is trying to go straight!
- Don't you give a fuck about your cousin?
- I'm sorry, t, you're right.
- That was a great party the other night.
- Fuck him.
- The guy's fucking useless to me.

- I wanted to thank you for taking components out of the home theater.
- Hey, I bought that for us to watch movies as a family, okay?
- Not to entertain your girlfriends.
- I talked to my lawyer about filing a separation agreement.
- I'm not paying a lawyer! We should be able to settle this thing like adults!
- Then stop taking shit out of the house!

- Eating that last supper with Jesus...
- And the whole time he knows they're gonna crucify him.
- I mean, at least Judas didn't go into any apostle protection program.
- He hung himself. He knew what he did.
- Oh, look at you. You're shivering.
- I didn't know it was that cold, sweetie.

- Ray, you said you were gonna get us a making ceremony, which you didn't do...
- And here you are, asking for a raise.
- Can't you talk to the higher-ups?
- Okay. We make vito spatafore...
- As running Ralph cifaretto's construction business.
- Has Chris ever confirmed that?

Christopher: [referring to his sobriety] every place I go, I have substances I can't enjoy shoved in my face but I guess asking you for a little "support system" in my own home is way the fuck outta line, you gotta have some more wine
Adriana: you seem to have a good time tonight
Christopher: [irritated] fuck you talkin about? What? Tina?
Christopher: come on, that cunt's too full of herself anyway
Adriana: cunt? She's my maid of honor
Christopher: she's no fuckin "maid", I'm telling you
Christopher: [after she gets into bed with him] see? Now I'm upset, you see what I'm talkin about? But I guess it's all my problem?
Adriana: [while kissing him] I'm sorry, baby

Johnny: So, are you in on the bus station project?
Tony: Massarone is waiting on a number
Johnny: How's he doing?
Tony: Good, we had coffee. He used to bore me Jack, he ain't a bad guy once you get to know him
Johnny: I always liked him
Tony: I was very touched by that funeral the other day: a real heart grabber
Johnny: That fuckin Little Carmine and after what? Five years in Florida fixing wet t-shirt contests

Tony: So what do I find at the Pork store? A bunch of guys beating the meat.

- Yes, daddy.
- See, with my family now, you know, in separation...
- You gotta make an appointment to see each other.
- I should go see uncle zio.
- Yeah.
- All right.
- Show him the phone.
- Yeah.

- Been sliding this stupid bill in and out of the cigarette machine for like an hour.
- An hour? I bet you can go longer than that.
- Listen to you. Why do you always talk like a whore?
- Because men like it.
- Yeah?
- I think you're right about that.

- What's the matter?
- I'm... I'm not what you think.
- I don't know what to do.
- I need... I want to tell you all something.
- It's driving me crazy.
- Well, you know you can tell us anything.

- You wanna show her those?
- Oh, my god.
- Was this man with him?
- Yeah, I saw him.
- You're sure?
- Tuesday night.

Tony: [to Paulie] You let that dry before you put on the second coat? Grandpa Munster over here.

- Things have changed around here.
- I'm the boss of this fucking family.
- You're crowding me.
- You don't make fun of me, got it?
- Got it.
- And knock off the massage shit.
- It's a place of business, not a Jack lalanne.

- Listen, ton, I gotta be up in two hours.
- So go to sleep.
- But you're my cousin and my best friend.
- You gotta know we could always talk.
- Yeah, well, I'll buy a fucking lunch box.
- All right, go to sleep, go to sleep.

Christopher: [to Adriana] Hey, you got change? I'm fucking sliding this stupid bill in and out of the cigarette machine for like an hour.
Tina: [suggestively] An hour? I bet you can go longer than that!
Christopher: Listen to you! Why do you always talk like a whore?
Tina: 'Cause men like it!
Christopher: Yeah?
[pauses, looks her over]
Christopher: Think you're right about that.

- Hey, legit dealers, body shops, they reinstall undeployed bags as new.
- Top dollar.
- Brave, new world.
- Jesus Christ, they didn't even have shoulder belts when I went away.
- You'll let me know when the kid gets out?
- Yeah, we'll have a party for him.
- All right.
- I love you, okay.