The Best Charles Miner Quotes

Charles: What is a two-way petting zoo?
Jim: You pet the animals, they pet you back.

Dwight: Oh, man! If only Michael had children. That's how you really apply the pressure.
Charles: [sighing] What is wrong with you?

David: [after Scranton scores a point] Nicely done. We're still gonna crush you though.
Charles: Yes we are!
Rolf: You suckers are going down! They're gonna wipe their asses with your serves... and *piss* all over your faces!

Charles: Okay, I'm gonna call you Kapoor, okay, and you Hannon.
Kelly: If we're changing names, can I be Erin? It's my middle name.
Charles: Erin? Okay, that's very pretty.
Kelly: Well, you know what my name is? Rajnigandha. And I hate it. I hate it!
[runs out of Charles' office]
Kevin: I thought Rajnigandha was a boy's name.

Charles: Michael, I want you to stop pestering my salesmen and I want you to leave Dunder Mifflin alone. Do you understand?
Michael: [slowly] I understand *nothing*.

Michael: Surprise!
[unveiling a table full of bagels]
Michael: As you can see, I turned the bagels from O's into C's for Charles.
Charles: Thank you.
Michael: Took me all night.
Pam: This is what you did last night?

Pam: Hey Charles.
Charles: Hey Pam.
Pam: I know you're a very busy man so I'll cut right to the chase. I'd like my old job back.
Charles: I don't know what to tell you. The job's been taken.
Pam: Um, well, I could come back as a salesman. I have experience now.
Charles: Um.
Pam: Or I could come back as your personal assistant. You know? Sort your mail, set your appointments. I know all the people.
Charles: Yeah I know.
Pam: Personal shopper?
Charles: No.
Pam: Well it was great catching up with you. And I'll see you around the building.
Charles: Okay.

- And I really, really need to talk to David.
- Please hold.
Charles: Charles miner.
- Hello? Hello, who is this?
- Who is this?
- I was never given a name.

Michael: All right, let me introduce you to some of the troops. Accounting, front and center. Come on up here. I'd like you to meet somebody. This is the accounting department.
Charles: Hey. I come from accounting, too.
Michael: Nerd alert! This is Oscar Martinez. He is Latino, and he just got out of a long-term relationship with a man, Gil, who broke his heart, but he didn't bring any of that into work, it did not affect his job performance whatsoever, and I'm very proud of him for that.
Charles: [shaking hands with Oscar] Hey, Oscar, it's good to meet you. Good.
Michael: This little hell-raiser is Angela. She has slept with a bunch of different guys in the office. The one over there, in the orange.
[pointing to Andy]
Andy: Heyo!
Michael: [looking around] Heyo. Where's the other...
Charles: You know, Michael, I don't need to know everyone's sexual history.
Michael: Well, perfect, because we have now arrived at Kevin, and he has no sexual history.

- Nothing. Just talking.
- Okay. Michael handed in his two-week notice.
- Did you also hand in your two-week... I didn't.
Charles: No? Okay.
- After you. No, I'm staying.
- Okay.