The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 5, Episode 19 Quotes

Ted: Monkeys are mugging people now? It really is a jungle out there.
Lily: Oh my God, that monkey has our address. What if he's in a gang? I hope he doesn't do a swing-by.

Barney: I think Marshall doesn't want people to think he was mugged by a monkey, because it would make him look like a big joke.
Marshall: Would it?
Barney: The biggest, because it's so funny.

Ted: No way! You did not tell her that you were the first man to walk on the moon! That was seven years before you were born!
Barney: Ted. Baby doll. Minor hurdle.

Robin: Are you acting out the last scene of "Sleepless In Seattle" with dolls?
Ted: How long have you been there?
Robin: Ten seconds.
Ted: Then yeah, just the last scene.

Sarah: I thought you were supposed to be on a shuttle mission.
Lisa: I thought you just got mugged.
Barney: Okay, I can do this... I was on my way to the launch pad, when I was mugged... and the mugger took my space shuttle keys! Nailed it, who's up for a threeway?
[girls throw drinks in his face]

Robin: Hey, guys. What's up?
Barney: Oh, some new information has come to light on Marshall's mugging.
Robin: [seriously] Oh, really? Did they catch the guy?
Ted: Well, he's behind bars.
Robin: Where did they find him?
Lily: I'm guessing naked in the trees, throwing his own feces.
Robin: Oh, I've seen that guy. See, that's why I take cabs.
Ted: You know how they caught him, right?
Marshall: [reluctantly] There was a tail on him...
Ted: There was a tail on him!
[he, Lily and Barney laugh]

- is because
- I got mugged.
- You what?
- Can somebody please pay
- Arthur, all right?
- I'm starving.
- How's your dad, by the way?
- Better.
- Good.

Lisa: You poor thing...
Sarah: Neil... Neil... Neil!
Barney: Lady my name's not Neil its Barr-gaaaaagaa
Lisa: Why are you calling him Neil?
Sarah: Because he's Neil Armstrong.
Lisa: The cyclist?

- Watch it.
- Don't get any closer.
- Oh! It's cool. It's cool.
- You're telling us...
- That you got mugged...
- By a monkey.
- I got mugged by a monkey.

- Okay, what is going on?
- All right, Robin, here's what happened.
- No, no, no, no, no.
- Let me tell it.
- It's my story.
- You see, young
- Marshall was at the zoo, eating a banana.
- No, I wasn't eating a banana.
- If you're gonna tell it, tell it right.
- You're right.
- The banana was on the ground.

- By the way, our new credit card works.
- You don't need a gun.
- Every statistic in the world points to the fact that it's safer not to have a gun in the home than to have one.
- Especially in our home.
- You know how I'm always accidentally injuring you.
- Pretty easy, right?