50 Best Kendall Roy Quotes

Kendall: Why is Greg here?
Roman Roy: I always find myself asking that question.

Kendall: Nice.
- You get wolves here?
- Nope.
- No? Okay.
- Fucking wish.
- I never did meth.
- And I'm technically sober, so this is kind of an experiment.
- There we go.

- but yeah, let me have a little think. Hearts.
Kendall: Are you just looking at golf courses?
- -[CHUCKLES]
- -Like golf porn.
- Am I allowed to take those soaps in the bathroom?
- Yeah. Fuck it, take it all.
- -[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
- -[JENNIFER SIGHS]

Kendall: Or am I?
- I have-I have--
- Are-are you kidding? I...
- I'm not kidding. Am I, or am I?
- What's up?
- Wow.
- Fucking asshole, man.

Alessandro: Do you wanna call your dad?
Kendall: Do I wanna call my dad? No, I don't wanna call my dad. Do you wanna call your dad?

Frank: Ever hear of loyalty?
Kendall: Sure. Wasn't he one of the seven dwarves? No?
Frank: Oh...
Kendall: Oh, he's a rapper. He was in Wu-Tang?

- Bob galpin is selling, and I knocked it out of the park, which is nice.
Kendall: Good for you, bro.
Roman Roy: Yeah.
- Guess I finally broke out of the cage.
- Can't keep a good dog down, right, Ken?
- Abandon all hope ye who enter.

Kendall: Did you bring...?
[about cocaine]
Greg: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Kendall: Great.
Kendall: Did this come from Coach?
Greg: Ah, he's out of town, but that is from another source.
Kendall: Eww, dude... where did you get this?
Greg: It's from a connection. In the park.
Kendall: Park coke? I'm doing parth coke? Are you fucking kidding me? That is just perfect... I'll be lucky if I have any fucking nostrils left after his. If my septum falls out, I'm gonna make you eat my septum.
Greg: This guy's got the good shit. How is it? Is it not...
Kendall: Thats the worst coke I've ever had.
Greg: No, dude... Dude, I'm so sorry. Like, he promised me.
Kendall: He promised you?
Greg: I swear. Do you want me to take it back?
Greg: Yeah, take it back for a refund, Greg. Did you keep the receipt? Go take it back for a refund.

- looking pretty good to the shareholders.
- He's right. Maybe it's time to drop some of our research.
- I'll see what I can do.
Kendall: Jess, will you keep an eye on...
- -You?
- -Okay. Sorry.
- What a shit show.
- What a fucking shit show.

- Um, Ken? Excuse me, can we get a tissue, please?
- He needs a tissue.
- -[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
- -PRODUCER: Just watch the shirt.
Kendall: Karolina,
- I can do this, okay?
- Karolina, I'm okay.
- Karolina, I'm okay.

Tom: So, does that mean we're able to... fuck here?
Roman Roy: Yeah. Hey, Ken, what do you think of the pussycat? On it?
Kendall: No, not me. Business is my fucking.
Roman Roy: Great. I'll find you a Bloomberg terminal to stick your dick in.

Kendall: Thanks, Richard.
- Hey, dad.
- Hey.
Kendall: You shouldn't eat this shit.
- You're not the boss of me.

Shiv: [Shiv has called a meeting of the siblings to decide about Rhea] Not wanting to put a damper on Rhea's celebration or anything but it's time we killed her, dead. Smash her skull with a rock.
Kendall: Okay
Connor: Nice. Way to ease us in, sis.
Roman Roy: We're there nibbles at this event? I was expecting nibbles
Shiv: What I'm thinking is we just-we tell him direct. We just tell him, all of us, we won't have it.
Connor: Should I maybe take the floor? Would Rhea really be the worst thing in the world? Or does a woman from the outside actually make sense right now?
Shiv: All right, well-okay she got to you.
Connor: I'm fighting on two fronts and I may have to make a request to dad. No. Shiv, I'm just...
Shiv: This is bullshit. Ken?
Kendall: Well... I-I just-I think maybe you over played your hand.
Shiv: You're backing her too, rebounder? How'd she get to you? You think you'll be given another shot at some point? Doubt it, Ken. And Roman? You? No. She just thinks your a dipshit, but maybe it's because your too much of a fucking dipshit to realize it.
Roman Roy: Ah, well, I mean... oh fuck you. Dad, Gerry; they all care about me taking management training.
Shiv: It's corporate daycare.
[He mimics in a childish babble then makes a fart noise]
Shiv: [They laugh] Don't laugh, that was not a good comeback. Good to know you're taking this serious.
Roman Roy: [He looks under a lampshade] I do.
Kendall: It's transparent. You know, Rhea's who dad wants. Clearly, so...
Roman Roy: [Roman hands her a card that say the word 'fart' on it] In case you want it in writing.
[She snatches it from him]
Connor: Full disclosure I'm starting to like her.
Shiv: [She throws it back at Roman] Aww, he likes her. Yeah, this is why you don't hatch a plan with Connor, the first fucking pancake.
Connor: First pancake. Okay, thank you.
[He stands]
Connor: You're a brat. And none of you have been through what I've been through, so just...
Roman Roy: Aw, my mommy got sent to the booby hatch and now I'm sad.
Connor: Fuck off.
[He leaves]
Kendall: I think you're being a little too emotional about this whole thing.
[He leaves]
Shiv: Oh, my fucking god. Are you throwing the emotional card on me? Fuck sake.
Roman Roy: I mean I was gonna mansplain it to you but I think he did a very good job.
[Roman leaves]

- I'll take this one.
- ♪ [MUSIC FADES]
- Um, okay, you're-We're good.
Kendall: Just make sure the rabbit has water.
Jess: Yeah.
- ♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYS]

Roman Roy: Dad made me COO.
Kendall: I don't think so, dude. Dad wasn't thinking straight.
Roman Roy: I think he was.
Kendall: You? The Chief Operating Officer?
Roman Roy: Yep.
Kendall: I mean if that wasn't a sign he was loco in the coco, I don't know what it is.

Kendall: My dad wanted me to ask if there's any way through this, an asset swap or something else. An arrangement that leaves you happy and him in control?
Stewy: As you know our position is we're really after the whole thing.
Kendall: Then he wanted me to tell you that obviously our public line will be that we're considering the offer but it doesn't matter what you offer. He will never recommend this to the board. You're gonna bleed cash and he's gonna bleed cash. It will never end. And maybe you'll kill him but if you don't he will aim to kill you. He will go bankrupt or go to jail before he lets you beat him. He will beat you in the business and if that doesn't work he will send people around. He will send men to kill your pets and fuck your wives and it will never be over.
Sandy: Good, well let's move ahead with that process shall we?

Kendall: Hey.
- I-I thought this was gonna be private.
- I'm across a lot of shit and, uh, she's monitoring.
Kendall: Hang out wherever.
- You-You guys can wait inside.

Kendall: Okay, where are we on office two?
- I wanna be operational by tomorrow.
- They're outside right now.
- Let's go.
- -KENDALL: IT's on their way?
- -JESS: Mm-hmm.
- They know where it's going, seventh floor, right?

- REPORTER: Kendall Roy!
- Should I give 'em something?
- Yeah.
- Fuck the patriarchy!
Reece: Whoo!
Kendall: All right, do we have like a safe word?
Naomi: Uh--
Kendall: To get out of here?

Kendall: [to Logan] I hate to say this because I love you. But you're kind of... evil.

Kendall: Stop looking at the fucking doughnuts man

- No, I mean...
- No, I don't want to. Do you?
- No. I don't want to. No.
- Do you?
Kendall: Did you get the bike?
- Yeah, your dad didn't want you to ride all alone, Ken.
- We got a guy.

- I'd be pleased to help you look.
- -KENDALL: Yeah.
- -SHIV: Hey, Ken.
- Listen, is she on the plane?
Kendall: Uh-huh.
- Okay, just...
- I think we've got a problem.
- Just be careful, okay?
- I think I got fucked.

Kendall: Juice is loose, baby!

Roman Roy: It's like a private members club but for everyone. It is like clickbait in a way, but for, like, smart people.
Kendall: Right, and then we have the ethos of a nonprofit, but a path to crazy margins.

Logan: Tell Sandy you're out. Tell Stewy the thing looks like shitshow. Go to the desert, dry yourself out. You have not been yourself.
Kendall: [tearfully] There's nothing... I don't, I don't think, um... I wasn't there, so...
Logan: This could be the defining moment of your life. It'd eat everything. A rich kid kills a boy, you'd never be anything else. Or, y'know, it could be what it should be: nothing at all. A sad, little detail at a lovely wedding where father and son are reconciled.
[Logan opens up his arms and Kendall breaks down sobbing]
Logan: [hugging Kendall] You're my boy. You're number one boy.

Kendall: Kendal Roy : Some People just can't cut a deal, Fikret.

- Okay, let's go.
Kendall: Hey, Dad.
- Do you think I should maybe say something to them?
- No.

Kendall: Come on, Dad, what are you sorry for? Sorry for fucking ignoring Connor his whole life?
Connor: Bit strong.
Kendall: Hitting Roman when he was a kid?
Roman Roy: Oh no, I mean everyone hit me. I'm fucking annoying.
Kendall: For having Connor's mother locked up?
Connor: Can we not do a whole show trial here?
Shiv: What about advising Tom on my divorce? Yeah? I mean, that one... that took effort. That was above and beyond.
Logan: Tom asked me for advice and I recommended someone he could speak to. You were not around. If you'd been around, I'd have offered you the same advice but I can't help you if you won't see me.

- Yeah?
- I just wanted to tell you that your dad actually already left, so...
Kendall: Oh, he did?
- Okay.
- Okay, um, I'll call the car.
- ♪ [SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

Kendall: I wasn't about to get into a fucking big dick competition, okay?
Logan: I hear you bent for him.
Kendall: Wha... I what?
Logan: I hear you bent for him, and he fucked you.
Kendall: Well, no, actually.
Logan: You know, I know that you've read a lot of books about business management and this and that, but you know what?
Kendall: What?
Logan: Sometimes, it is a big dick competition.

Kendall: But maybe you wouldn't stay his favorite if you gave away the firm.
- Look, we need a statement by 6:30.
- So you just have to think, like, bullshit aside, who do you think, really, dad would prefer?

- Uh-Laird has called me, so what's that?
Kendall: Oh.
Roman Roy: Shit.
- Ken? [SIGHS] Can we talk?
- Shiv, I'm not here.
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey. You okay?

Kendall: Get your fuckin' hands off me.
- And what the fuck am I gonna do with you?
- I don't know, dad.
Logan: Jesus.
Kendall: Can I just get some stuff?
- No. No.
- Thank you.
- Okay.

Kendall: What is it?
- We were asked-There's, um, a gentleman here for you.
- For me? W--
- W-What is this?
- What do you mean?
- This came as an instruction to me, so could you just come with me please?

- I have been incredibly unwell.
- Hmm.
Marcia: All right, everyone.
- Food is ready.
- Please.
Kendall: Mmm.

Kendall: Is it real, Frank?
Frank: I don't know.
Kendall: My dad wanted me to take over?
Frank: Well, sometimes.
[Chuckles]
Frank: You know that, he did. Sometimes.
Kendall: He made me hate him, then he died. I feel like he didn't like me.
Frank: Oh.
Kendall: I disappointed him.
Frank: No. No. Come on. We think these grand horror things at times like these, these ice shelves are gonna come at us in the night and take our heads off. It's not true. He was an old bastard. And he loved you. He loved you.
Kendall: You think?
Frank: I think so.

Shiv: It's not my fault he's got a sex thing.
- Was I too harsh?
Kendall: Are you kidding?
- He loves it. He-- he'll be out there, jerking off wearing my ex-wife's panties.
- ♪ [VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING]
- Welcome to Sarajevo.
Marcia: Thank you.

Kendall: Sure.
- Uh-huh. Let's--
- Let's do it over an egg.
- Yeah. We'll feel better in the morning, and we can do it tomorrow.
- Okay.
- Sleep tight, sweet boy.

Roman Roy: Hey, We are bullshit.
Kendall: We are not bullshit.
Roman Roy: We are bullshit. You are bullshit. You're fucking bullshit, man. I'm fucking bullshit. She's bullshit. It's all fucking nothing. Man, I'm telling you this because I know it, okay? We're nothing. Okay... Okay.

Kendall: Right.
- Well, no, we can't do that, because that'll trigger the disclosure...

- It's the launch in Japan thing. Um...
- Is that cool?
Kendall: It's okay.
- Yeah?
- You do your call.
- Okay.

- Eggy pegs?
- She doin' eggy pegs?
Kendall: She's, um...
- She's sorry if she misses our departure.
- -She's got quite a lot to do.
- -Mm-hmm.
- Sure. Can happen.
- Yeah. Yeah, it can. Right.

Peter: You don't know where, um--
Kendall: Sorry. that Logan is not gonna make it.
- You might have to just make do with me. Sorry.
- How about that?
- Darling.
- ♪ [HARMONIUM PLAYS]

Kendall: [to Roman] You're not a real person. OK? You're not a real person. You're not real.

- Hey, Ken. [CLEARS THROAT] Ken?
Kendall: Yeah.
- Oh, fuck yeah! Okay.
- Uh, uh, uh...
- Can-can you figure this out?
- Oh, uh...
- Hi, everyone.
- Sorry to interrupt.
- We-we just need the room for a little bit, so, um... take a five, take a ten.
Kendall: Thank you, thank you, mental giants.

Shiv: [Shiv has called a meeting of the siblings to decide what to do about Rhea] Not wanting to put a damper on Rhea's celebration or anything, but it's time we killed her, dead. Smash her skull with a rock.
Kendall: Okay
Connor: Nice. Way to ease us in, sis.
Roman Roy: We're there nibbles at this event? I was expecting nibbles.
Shiv: What I'm thinking is we just-we tell him direct. We just tell him, all of us, we won't have it.
Connor: Should I maybe take the floor? Would Rhea really be the worst thing in the world? Or does a woman from the outside actually make sense right now?
Shiv: All right, well-okay she got to you.
Connor: I'm fighting on two fronts and I may have to make a request to dad. No, okay, I'm just...
Shiv: This is bullshit, Ken?
Kendall: Well... I-I just-I think maybe you over played your hand.
Shiv: You're backing her too, rebounder? How'd she get to you? You think you'll be given another shot at some point? Doubt it, Ken. And Roman? You? No. She just thinks your a dipshit but maybe you can't see because you're too much of a fucking dipshit.
Roman Roy: Ah, well, I mean... oh fuck you. I know more about this company than any of you, dad and Gerry think so; they both care about management training.
Shiv: It's corporate daycare.
[Roman mimics it in a childish babble, then makes a fart noise]
Shiv: [They laugh] Don't laugh at that, that was not a good comeback. Good to know you're taking this serious.
Roman Roy: [He looks under a lampshade] I do.
Kendall: It's transparent. You know, Rhea's who dad wants. Clearly, so...
Roman Roy: [Roman hands her a card that says the word 'fart' on it] In case you want it in writing.
[She snatches it from him]
Connor: Full disclosure I'm starting to like her.
Shiv: [She throws it back at Roman] Aww, he likes her. Yeah, this is why you don't hatch a plan with Connor, the first fucking pancake.
Connor: First pancake. Okay. Thank you.
[He stands]
Connor: You're a brat. And none of you have been through what I've been through, so just...
Roman Roy: Aw, my mommy got send to the booby hatch and now I'm sad.

Kendall: I'M THE ELDEST BOY!

Shiv: I mean, we have options.
Kendall: Sure... You could all ask for morphine, so you can stay in your painless fucking fantasy world where the orchids dance and the company is run by a magical fucking unicorn!

Shiv: Man, you fucked my wedding in so many ways.
Kendall: Sorry. I'm sorry.