The Best Connor Roy Quotes

Connor: Roman's a knucklehead, Shiv's a fake, Kenny is screwy. Why can't I get a shot?

Kendall: Let's give him a drink.
Connor: Yeah, but not your usual stupid places. Somewhere fun and real. Away from the fancy dance. A real bar with chicks. And guys who work with their hands and grease, and sweat from their hands and have blood in their hair.
Roman Roy: I don't like these guys. They sound like a medical experiment gone wrong.

- who dives headfirst into the shallow end of the pool!
- And now everyone's fucking off!
Connor: It's okay. I got you.
- Roman is here.
- He's here for the photos, for everything.
- Sure. I give good cheekbone.
Logan: Okay.

Shiv: [Shiv has called a meeting of the siblings to decide what to do about Rhea] Not wanting to put a damper on Rhea's celebration or anything, but it's time we killed her, dead. Smash her skull with a rock.
Kendall: Okay
Connor: Nice. Way to ease us in, sis.
Roman Roy: We're there nibbles at this event? I was expecting nibbles.
Shiv: What I'm thinking is we just-we tell him direct. We just tell him, all of us, we won't have it.
Connor: Should I maybe take the floor? Would Rhea really be the worst thing in the world? Or does a woman from the outside actually make sense right now?
Shiv: All right, well-okay she got to you.
Connor: I'm fighting on two fronts and I may have to make a request to dad. No, okay, I'm just...
Shiv: This is bullshit, Ken?
Kendall: Well... I-I just-I think maybe you over played your hand.
Shiv: You're backing her too, rebounder? How'd she get to you? You think you'll be given another shot at some point? Doubt it, Ken. And Roman? You? No. She just thinks your a dipshit but maybe you can't see because you're too much of a fucking dipshit.
Roman Roy: Ah, well, I mean... oh fuck you. I know more about this company than any of you, dad and Gerry think so; they both care about management training.
Shiv: It's corporate daycare.
[Roman mimics it in a childish babble, then makes a fart noise]
Shiv: [They laugh] Don't laugh at that, that was not a good comeback. Good to know you're taking this serious.
Roman Roy: [He looks under a lampshade] I do.
Kendall: It's transparent. You know, Rhea's who dad wants. Clearly, so...
Roman Roy: [Roman hands her a card that says the word 'fart' on it] In case you want it in writing.
[She snatches it from him]
Connor: Full disclosure I'm starting to like her.
Shiv: [She throws it back at Roman] Aww, he likes her. Yeah, this is why you don't hatch a plan with Connor, the first fucking pancake.
Connor: First pancake. Okay. Thank you.
[He stands]
Connor: You're a brat. And none of you have been through what I've been through, so just...
Roman Roy: Aw, my mommy got send to the booby hatch and now I'm sad.

Shiv: So what happened with the fake therapy? Any pretend breakthroughs? Any good performances?
Connor: Nothing. Our therapist died.
Shiv: What?
Connor: Metaphorically speaking.
Tom: He smashed his teeth out in the pool.
Shiv: Oh, my god...
Tom: Freud would have had a field day.

Connor: It's funny,
- I wanted 'em all here.
- But I feel relieved they're starting to go.
Willa: Hmm.
- It'll be nicer when it's just us.
- How far is it to a Starbucks?
- I have pods.
- Okay. Great.

Roman Roy: Is he... is he... is he in there?
Connor: Yeah.
Shiv: Yeah.
Roman Roy: Can we get him out?

- "I'm not a real person."
- Fuck you.
- All right.
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- Have a good birthday, okay, fuckface?
Connor: Hey, what is this?
- Oh, shit! Oh, fuck!
[LAUGHING] Are you okay?
- Happy birthday.
- Everybody just take it easy, okay?

- Well, I actually do have some calls to make, so--
Shiv: No. Unrelated.
- Take a moment.
- But this stays in here, yeah?
Roman Roy: Absolutely.
Connor: Yeah.
- Okay.

Michelle: Connor? Hi, sorry to interrupt. I'm Michelle Pantsil, I'm working on a study.
Connor: I know who you are.
Michelle: I spoke to Lester a lot toward the end. He always spoke so fondly of you.
Connor: Oh, I see you a mile away, sister. What, you wanna dig through my treasure chest for precious memory jabs?
Michelle: No, I don't wanna make anyone do anything they don't wanna do.
Connor: Hey, if you wanna print something in your little book, you may print the following line: "Connor Roy was interested in politics at a very young age." That's it.
Michelle: [Whispers] Connor, this isn't an interview, we're just two people chatting at a funeral.
Connor: [Whispers] Fine.
Michelle: Its' a good turnout. It's a nice church, don't you think?
Connor: I'll tell you what a nice church it is: Connor Roy was interested in politics at a very young age.
Michelle: Okay, you know, you're not doing yourself any favors by refusing to talk.
Connor: Interesting point. To which I would add... Connor Roy was interested in politics from a very young age.
Michelle: I look forward to hearing what you have to say about Lester.

- -Dad! Dad! Dadl -dad! I
Roman Roy: Just, yeah. A hospital.
- Take us to a hospital.
- Okay, yeah, now!
Shiv: Has he fainted?
- He fainted? He's hot.
Connor: He's really hot. I don't know.

Kendall: Come on, Dad, what are you sorry for? Sorry for fucking ignoring Connor his whole life?
Connor: Bit strong.
Kendall: Hitting Roman when he was a kid?
Roman Roy: Oh no, I mean everyone hit me. I'm fucking annoying.
Kendall: For having Connor's mother locked up?
Connor: Can we not do a whole show trial here?
Shiv: What about advising Tom on my divorce? Yeah? I mean, that one... that took effort. That was above and beyond.
Logan: Tom asked me for advice and I recommended someone he could speak to. You were not around. If you'd been around, I'd have offered you the same advice but I can't help you if you won't see me.

Shiv: [Shiv has called a meeting of the siblings to decide about Rhea] Not wanting to put a damper on Rhea's celebration or anything but it's time we killed her, dead. Smash her skull with a rock.
Kendall: Okay
Connor: Nice. Way to ease us in, sis.
Roman Roy: We're there nibbles at this event? I was expecting nibbles
Shiv: What I'm thinking is we just-we tell him direct. We just tell him, all of us, we won't have it.
Connor: Should I maybe take the floor? Would Rhea really be the worst thing in the world? Or does a woman from the outside actually make sense right now?
Shiv: All right, well-okay she got to you.
Connor: I'm fighting on two fronts and I may have to make a request to dad. No. Shiv, I'm just...
Shiv: This is bullshit. Ken?
Kendall: Well... I-I just-I think maybe you over played your hand.
Shiv: You're backing her too, rebounder? How'd she get to you? You think you'll be given another shot at some point? Doubt it, Ken. And Roman? You? No. She just thinks your a dipshit, but maybe it's because your too much of a fucking dipshit to realize it.
Roman Roy: Ah, well, I mean... oh fuck you. Dad, Gerry; they all care about me taking management training.
Shiv: It's corporate daycare.
[He mimics in a childish babble then makes a fart noise]
Shiv: [They laugh] Don't laugh, that was not a good comeback. Good to know you're taking this serious.
Roman Roy: [He looks under a lampshade] I do.
Kendall: It's transparent. You know, Rhea's who dad wants. Clearly, so...
Roman Roy: [Roman hands her a card that say the word 'fart' on it] In case you want it in writing.
[She snatches it from him]
Connor: Full disclosure I'm starting to like her.
Shiv: [She throws it back at Roman] Aww, he likes her. Yeah, this is why you don't hatch a plan with Connor, the first fucking pancake.
Connor: First pancake. Okay, thank you.
[He stands]
Connor: You're a brat. And none of you have been through what I've been through, so just...
Roman Roy: Aw, my mommy got sent to the booby hatch and now I'm sad.
Connor: Fuck off.
[He leaves]
Kendall: I think you're being a little too emotional about this whole thing.
[He leaves]
Shiv: Oh, my fucking god. Are you throwing the emotional card on me? Fuck sake.
Roman Roy: I mean I was gonna mansplain it to you but I think he did a very good job.
[Roman leaves]

Connor: He never even liked me.

- Fuck it!
- ASSISTANT: Mr. Roy?
Connor: Fuck it, huh?
Willa: Fuck it!
[SHOUTS] Fuck it forever!
Connor: [SHOUTS] Fuck it!
- ♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Connor: This family's broken. And that has consequences. A missed phone call today, a couple dozen kids lose their jobs in China. Butterfly wings, but bigger, huge wings. Like a pterodactyl, or the Smithsonian. So...
[raises glass in toast]
Connor: ... let's fix our wings.
Roman Roy: Barely comprehensible.

Roman Roy: I went to the market and I bought a crack pipe...
[everyone groans]
Connor: That's terrible.
Roman Roy: No? All right. I went to the market and I bought a gimp suit.

Connor: Connor Roy was interested in politics at a very young age.

Logan: [Logan receiving a gift from Connor] Oh, wonderful. What is it?
Connor: Well...
Roman Roy: Oh yes, yes, it's a goo. It's a fucking goo?
Shiv: It's perfect.
Connor: It's sourdough starter. I thought that you might like to make something.
Logan: Ohh... great.
Connor: Yeah, okay. You shouldn't have opened it. Never mind. Forget it. It was an idea. I thought you might like it.
Logan: I do, I do. I just don't know what the fuck it is!

Connor: I'm here for my mom's wedding. And I proposed to my fiancée. And no one... has said congratulations. No one. But I am... the eldest son of our father. I am. Me.

Connor: The good thing about having a family that doesn't love you is you learn to live without it.