Top 50 Quotes From Roman Roy

Kendall: Why is Greg here?
Roman Roy: I always find myself asking that question.

Kendall: Let's give him a drink.
Connor: Yeah, but not your usual stupid places. Somewhere fun and real. Away from the fancy dance. A real bar with chicks. And guys who work with their hands and grease, and sweat from their hands and have blood in their hair.
Roman Roy: I don't like these guys. They sound like a medical experiment gone wrong.

- Bad news about my hymen.
- Yo? It's gone.
- Hi, Kendall.
- Hey, Kenny.
- Woman: Morning, Kendall.
- Good to see ya.
Roman Roy: Morning, Mr. Fuckface.

Roman Roy: I went to the market and I bought a crack pipe...
[everyone groans]
Connor: That's terrible.
Roman Roy: No? All right. I went to the market and I bought a gimp suit.

- You know, did you-- did you keep the receipt?
- Go get-go-Go take it back for a refund.
Roman Roy: He's opening the summer palace to keep the summit out of view.
- It's the full fuckin' number.
Shiv: Okay. Yeah, well, I'll see you at the hellhole, bro.
- See you at the shitpit, sis.

Logan: What interests you in Gerri, exactly?
Roman Roy: Jesus Dad, I'm fucking... I'm just screwing around.
Logan: I don't like things going on I don't know about. She's a million years old. It's fucking disgusting. You're a laughing stock. Oh go on. Oh go on, fuck off.

Shiv: Rome, I think you're a super talented superstar, and I-I love you.
Roman Roy: Oh you're such a fucking bitch.

Shiv: Hey, Rome.
Roman Roy: Yeah.
Shiv: What's happening? Where's Dad? We're supposed to be talking.
Roman Roy: Yeah, yeah, something came in. He's hunkering. He wanted me to tell you, "Sorry, rain check. Maybe in the a.m. Maybe." Are your nips hard? They must be, because you are so out in the cold.

Shiv: What if Dad flutters his eyelids at you, Rome? You gonna melt?
Roman Roy: No. As long as you guys don't go Water Pistols In Bali.
Shiv: Water Pistols In Bali?
Roman Roy: Yeah, Water Pistols In Bali. When we were all gonna go squirt Dad in the canopy. I went in and you two fucks left me for dead?
Shiv: I don't recall.
Roman Roy: That's convenient.

- This is a lockdown.
- We all need advice, man.
- Advice? What? You're gonna give a double vote to a power-hungry maniac who will do fuck-knows-what with it because she's got our dad's dick in some supermax pussy grip and she's juicing him before he croaks?
- Guys? Lunch is coming up.
Roman Roy: Come on.
- Sorry, I don't mean to be strict.

Logan: Romulus, when you laugh, please do it at the same volume as everyone else. We didn't get you from a hyena farm.
Logan: Thanks pop

Shiv: [Shiv has called a meeting of the siblings to decide about Rhea] Not wanting to put a damper on Rhea's celebration or anything but it's time we killed her, dead. Smash her skull with a rock.
Kendall: Okay
Connor: Nice. Way to ease us in, sis.
Roman Roy: We're there nibbles at this event? I was expecting nibbles
Shiv: What I'm thinking is we just-we tell him direct. We just tell him, all of us, we won't have it.
Connor: Should I maybe take the floor? Would Rhea really be the worst thing in the world? Or does a woman from the outside actually make sense right now?
Shiv: All right, well-okay she got to you.
Connor: I'm fighting on two fronts and I may have to make a request to dad. No. Shiv, I'm just...
Shiv: This is bullshit. Ken?
Kendall: Well... I-I just-I think maybe you over played your hand.
Shiv: You're backing her too, rebounder? How'd she get to you? You think you'll be given another shot at some point? Doubt it, Ken. And Roman? You? No. She just thinks your a dipshit, but maybe it's because your too much of a fucking dipshit to realize it.
Roman Roy: Ah, well, I mean... oh fuck you. Dad, Gerry; they all care about me taking management training.
Shiv: It's corporate daycare.
[He mimics in a childish babble then makes a fart noise]
Shiv: [They laugh] Don't laugh, that was not a good comeback. Good to know you're taking this serious.
Roman Roy: [He looks under a lampshade] I do.
Kendall: It's transparent. You know, Rhea's who dad wants. Clearly, so...
Roman Roy: [Roman hands her a card that say the word 'fart' on it] In case you want it in writing.
[She snatches it from him]
Connor: Full disclosure I'm starting to like her.
Shiv: [She throws it back at Roman] Aww, he likes her. Yeah, this is why you don't hatch a plan with Connor, the first fucking pancake.
Connor: First pancake. Okay, thank you.
[He stands]
Connor: You're a brat. And none of you have been through what I've been through, so just...
Roman Roy: Aw, my mommy got sent to the booby hatch and now I'm sad.
Connor: Fuck off.
[He leaves]
Kendall: I think you're being a little too emotional about this whole thing.
[He leaves]
Shiv: Oh, my fucking god. Are you throwing the emotional card on me? Fuck sake.
Roman Roy: I mean I was gonna mansplain it to you but I think he did a very good job.
[Roman leaves]

Kendall: Come on, Dad, what are you sorry for? Sorry for fucking ignoring Connor his whole life?
Connor: Bit strong.
Kendall: Hitting Roman when he was a kid?
Roman Roy: Oh no, I mean everyone hit me. I'm fucking annoying.
Kendall: For having Connor's mother locked up?
Connor: Can we not do a whole show trial here?
Shiv: What about advising Tom on my divorce? Yeah? I mean, that one... that took effort. That was above and beyond.
Logan: Tom asked me for advice and I recommended someone he could speak to. You were not around. If you'd been around, I'd have offered you the same advice but I can't help you if you won't see me.

Roman Roy: Oh, we're not surprising him, are we? Oh, this is- Oh, he's gonna love this. I think the last time I surprised him he took a swing at me.

- Uh, honestly, um,
- I'm not sure I'm willing to give my strategic advice in a public forum when I could be a player in any future moves.
- Um...
Roman Roy: Um... Dad?

Logan: Are you a sicko? What is this? Why did you send it?
Roman Roy: It's just, you know... "Here's my dick".
Logan: Oh what, like "Fuck you"?
Roman Roy: People just... send each other pics of their dicks.
Logan: People send each other pics of their dicks?
Roman Roy: Yeah, have you heard of dick pics, Dad?
Logan: Well, we do publish a number of popular newspapers so yes, son. We probably invented the fucking words.

- Thank you, gentlemen.
- That's really grand.
Roman Roy: Yeah?
- This looks imperial here.
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
- Did he say "imperial"?
- Imperial.
- What the hell does that mean?

Roman Roy: [reading the inscription 'In Veritate Triumpho' above a doorway] 'This wine is triumphant?' No? 'Your vagina trumpets.'
Peter: It's 'I triumph in the truth.'
Roman Roy: Oh yes, the truth. Love it. It's the best, right? Truth...
[turns to Gerri]
Roman Roy: He seems cool.

Roman Roy: It's like a private members club but for everyone. It is like clickbait in a way, but for, like, smart people.
Kendall: Right, and then we have the ethos of a nonprofit, but a path to crazy margins.

Roman Roy: Dad made me COO.
Kendall: I don't think so, dude. Dad wasn't thinking straight.
Roman Roy: I think he was.
Kendall: You? The Chief Operating Officer?
Roman Roy: Yep.
Kendall: I mean if that wasn't a sign he was loco in the coco, I don't know what it is.

- Get right in there.
Photographer: Okay? Is that everyone?
- Uh, Roman, I'll take that one, but can we do a serious one for the parents?
- Yeah.
Photographer: Is that...
- Roman. Roman, do it seriously.
Roman Roy: Yeah.
Photographer: Okay. One, two, three.

Logan: [Logan receiving a gift from Connor] Oh, wonderful. What is it?
Connor: Well...
Roman Roy: Oh yes, yes, it's a goo. It's a fucking goo?
Shiv: It's perfect.
Connor: It's sourdough starter. I thought that you might like to make something.
Logan: Ohh... great.
Connor: Yeah, okay. You shouldn't have opened it. Never mind. Forget it. It was an idea. I thought you might like it.
Logan: I do, I do. I just don't know what the fuck it is!

Tom: And I'm thankful that I am going to be marrying into one of the most vital and interesting and kind and loving families in the world.
Roman Roy: Are you not going to be marrying Shiv anymore?

- I should take off. Fuck it.
- Hey, congrats, man.
- Thanks for coming by.
Roman Roy: Mmm-hmm. Mmm!
- Look at all this fucking bullshit!
[Mockingly] Mmm.
- Yes. Very serious. Mmm.
- Love you, brother.

Roman Roy: Hey, We are bullshit.
Kendall: We are not bullshit.
Roman Roy: We are bullshit. You are bullshit. You're fucking bullshit, man. I'm fucking bullshit. She's bullshit. It's all fucking nothing. Man, I'm telling you this because I know it, okay? We're nothing. Okay... Okay.

- Mm-hmm.
Roman Roy: What the fuck?
- Yeah.
- ♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES]
- Um...
Shiv: Rome.
Roman Roy: Okay.

- I don't want her hanging around like frozen fucking piss.
Roman Roy: Gerri?
- Uh-I'm not a radical feminist,
- Dad, but I think perhaps we should not fire her for receiving pictures of my dick.
- Are you gonna come back?

Roman Roy: We are bullshit.

- -Dad! Dad! Dadl -dad! I
Roman Roy: Just, yeah. A hospital.
- Take us to a hospital.
- Okay, yeah, now!
Shiv: Has he fainted?
- He fainted? He's hot.
Connor: He's really hot. I don't know.

Roman Roy: [to Kerry] And stop trying to have a baby with my dad. It'll be born old!

- See, it's clearly three digits.
Hugo: Hmm.
Roman Roy: I can make out the "R" here.
- But I don't really see--
- Like, does that look like a "K" to you?
Hugo: No, no. We should-No.
- Okay, um...

- Uh-Laird has called me, so what's that?
Kendall: Oh.
Roman Roy: Shit.
- Ken? [SIGHS] Can we talk?
- Shiv, I'm not here.
- Hey, buddy.
- Hey. You okay?

- Bob galpin is selling, and I knocked it out of the park, which is nice.
Kendall: Good for you, bro.
Roman Roy: Yeah.
- Guess I finally broke out of the cage.
- Can't keep a good dog down, right, Ken?
- Abandon all hope ye who enter.

Frank: You sure it was him?
Kendall: You think a lot of people come in here and take a piss?
Gerri: Maybe someone spilled something.
Kendall: Yeah, maybe the massive fucking ice sculpture I forgot about melted. It's urine.
Roman Roy: This isn't a false flag, is it? Did you piss on your own floor?
Kendall: Why are you looking like that? W-what if people knew? Gerri, you gotta talk to him.
Gerri: What do you want me to say?
Roman Roy: Well, first tell him where to go pee pee and poo poo.
Kendall: He came in, he was talking to Stewy. What's he gonna do next, start jizzing in my coffee? Take a dump on my iPad?

- I'm gonna put you in the office next to mine, and you're gonna be my sexy secretary.
Shiv: The fuck is wrong with you?
Roman Roy: I dunno.
- We're working on it.
- Ongoing process.
- ♪ [CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]

Shiv: Fuck you. This is about the future of the country.
Roman Roy: No, I think it's because you broke up with your boyfriend.

- But, you know?
- No hard feelings, so, um...
- Uh yeah, no, anyway, I'm just...
- So, uh, uh yeah, love you, Dad.
- Uh-huh,
Roman Roy: [ON PHONE] Bye.
- Roman's out.
- He's out. Okay?

Shiv: See, you can't be CEO. You can't, because you killed someone.
Kendall: W-which?
Shiv: What?
Roman Roy: What do you mean, which? You mean you've killed so many people, you forgot which one?

Logan: What have you got in your fucking hand?
Roman Roy: I don't know. Fucking... love?
Logan: Love? You come for me, with love? You bust in here, guns in hand, and now you've seen they've turned to fucking sausages. You talk about... love? You should have trusted me.
Roman Roy: [broken] Dad why?
Logan: Why? Because it works. I fucking win. Oh go on, go on, fuck off. You nosey fucking pedestrians.

Roman Roy: Everyone treats me like I am a piece of shit.
Gerri: You ARE a piece of shit, Roman.
Roman Roy: Fuck you Gerri.

Roman Roy: Is he... is he... is he in there?
Connor: Yeah.
Shiv: Yeah.
Roman Roy: Can we get him out?

Roman Roy: I'm not a radical feminist, Dad, but I think perhaps we should not fire her for receiving pictures of my dick.

Shiv: [Shiv has called a meeting of the siblings to decide what to do about Rhea] Not wanting to put a damper on Rhea's celebration or anything, but it's time we killed her, dead. Smash her skull with a rock.
Kendall: Okay
Connor: Nice. Way to ease us in, sis.
Roman Roy: We're there nibbles at this event? I was expecting nibbles.
Shiv: What I'm thinking is we just-we tell him direct. We just tell him, all of us, we won't have it.
Connor: Should I maybe take the floor? Would Rhea really be the worst thing in the world? Or does a woman from the outside actually make sense right now?
Shiv: All right, well-okay she got to you.
Connor: I'm fighting on two fronts and I may have to make a request to dad. No, okay, I'm just...
Shiv: This is bullshit, Ken?
Kendall: Well... I-I just-I think maybe you over played your hand.
Shiv: You're backing her too, rebounder? How'd she get to you? You think you'll be given another shot at some point? Doubt it, Ken. And Roman? You? No. She just thinks your a dipshit but maybe you can't see because you're too much of a fucking dipshit.
Roman Roy: Ah, well, I mean... oh fuck you. I know more about this company than any of you, dad and Gerry think so; they both care about management training.
Shiv: It's corporate daycare.
[Roman mimics it in a childish babble, then makes a fart noise]
Shiv: [They laugh] Don't laugh at that, that was not a good comeback. Good to know you're taking this serious.
Roman Roy: [He looks under a lampshade] I do.
Kendall: It's transparent. You know, Rhea's who dad wants. Clearly, so...
Roman Roy: [Roman hands her a card that says the word 'fart' on it] In case you want it in writing.
[She snatches it from him]
Connor: Full disclosure I'm starting to like her.
Shiv: [She throws it back at Roman] Aww, he likes her. Yeah, this is why you don't hatch a plan with Connor, the first fucking pancake.
Connor: First pancake. Okay. Thank you.
[He stands]
Connor: You're a brat. And none of you have been through what I've been through, so just...
Roman Roy: Aw, my mommy got send to the booby hatch and now I'm sad.

- Well, I actually do have some calls to make, so--
Shiv: No. Unrelated.
- Take a moment.
- But this stays in here, yeah?
Roman Roy: Absolutely.
Connor: Yeah.
- Okay.

Logan: Everybody smile.
Roman Roy: I am smiling.
Shiv: Yeah, not like a pervert.

Tabitha: [as Kendall prepares for his rap song] Is he about to strip?
Roman Roy: I think he's going to masturbate on stage to a photo of Dad.

Connor: This family's broken. And that has consequences. A missed phone call today, a couple dozen kids lose their jobs in China. Butterfly wings, but bigger, huge wings. Like a pterodactyl, or the Smithsonian. So...
[raises glass in toast]
Connor: ... let's fix our wings.
Roman Roy: Barely comprehensible.

Roman Roy: Roman Roy : We Just made a Good night of T.V. That's what we've done. Nothing Happens.
Shiv: Shiv Roy : Things do happen, Rome.

- This is faster.
- Okay, wind is blowing.
- And I'm talking louder.
- "No, I don't remember, Greg.
- No, I don't remember." Okay.
- ...criminal conspiracy.
- "Oh, oh, really?"
Roman Roy: Thank you, sir.

Tom: So, does that mean we're able to... fuck here?
Roman Roy: Yeah. Hey, Ken, what do you think of the pussycat? On it?
Kendall: No, not me. Business is my fucking.
Roman Roy: Great. I'll find you a Bloomberg terminal to stick your dick in.