20 Best Leif Tilden Quotes

Fran: [after 2 weeks with no sleep] This monster under the bed thing isn't going away. If we're ever going to get any sleep, we have to take bold, decisive, action.
[cuts to]
Fran: We're going to a motel.
Earl: Far away.
Fran: We have to get one good night's sleep and then we'll be back.
Earl: Maybe
Charlene: Oh, the number's on the fridge?
Fran: No!
Charlene: Oh.

Baby: Robbie!
Robbie: What?
Baby: Need you now!
Robbie: Charlene's there, need her!
Baby: The monster ate her!
Robbie: Well, then I bet Mr. Monster's tired from all that chewing. Now why don't you both just go to sleep?
Baby: I'M SCAAAAARRRREEEED!
Robbie: [sighs] Charlene, can you please deal with this?
Baby: I don't think so!

Robbie: [Ty Warner won't hear the swamp tape] You're making a mistake!
Ty: Oh yeah, I'm making a mistake!
[jerks Robbie to see his gold records]
Ty: I got a wall full of mistakes! Mistakes that bought me THREE houses.

Robbie: [as Robbie picks up a jar with green liquid in it, trying to feed Baby] Open up.
Baby: I don't like that.
[Robbie picks up another jar with brown sugar-like contents in it]
Baby: I don't like that.
[Robbie picks up another jar with chucks of meat in it, opens it, and spoons it out]
Baby: I don't like that.
Robbie: Eat this!
Baby: Okay.
Robbie: Ahhhhhhhh...
Robbie: All right, now look, be a good baby brother and fall asleep or something.
Baby: How come you're the babysitter?
Robbie: Because I got grounded.
Baby: I'm your punishment?
Robbie: Yep.
Baby: I like that.
Robbie: I'm happy *you're* happy.
Baby: Why'd you get grounded?
Robbie: Because of this girl, Caroline.
Baby: She nice?
Robbie: Yeah, she's pretty hot.
Baby: Hot, don't touch!
Robbie: No, no, no, this is the kind of hot you *want* to touch.
Baby: I don't get it.
Robbie: Neither do I.

Robbie: That's what I was about to tel you, Warner gave all the songs to Perry Llewellyn, he ripped us off.
Sonny: You mean he ripped *us* off. Oh Pop, you were right, you can't get a fair shake from the Lizard. I'm never leaving the swamp again.
Howlin': Hush up, I want to hear this.
TV: Order your copy of Swamp Music today, due to excessive demand, estimated delivery is 6-8 weeks.
Howlin': That guy's making a fortune with our music.
Sonny: Yeah, we got shafted!
Howlin': I know that, but you're missing the big picture. If he can get famous doing *that* to our music, just think what we could do by giving folks the real thing.
Sonny: But you *can't* trust the Lizard, Pop.
Howlin': Oh hush up about the Lizard. I spent my life moaning about what the Lizard done to me, and now I'm starting to hear the same things coming out of your mouth, and I don't like it.
Sonny: But how're we gonna release our music? The Lizard will never give us a break.
Howlin': Then we make our own breaks. There's no reason we can't cut our own records, and release them ourselves, a mammal owned record company!

Robbie: So what am I supposed to do, Dad?
Earl: In a word... sports.
Robbie: Sports?
Earl: Yeah, get yourself a racket, a ball, some pads, and run around the track until you're so exhausted you can't think of anything. Believe me, it works.

Robbie: Well, he's a superhero, so he was probably born on a distant planet to a race of highly intelligent creatures.
Charlene: Well I heard he lives at the bottom of the sea in a dome kingdom made entirely of diamonds and big pearls.
Fran: Charlene, where'd you hear that?
Charlene: I have sources.

Robbie: [Baby breaks the wooden train set that Robbie spent a year making] Um... I guess that clear varnish doesn't protect like it's supposed to.

Pearl: I'm your Aunt Pearl.
[Robbie and Charlene show no recognition]
Pearl: Your dad's sister. He DID tell you about me, didn't he?
Charlene: Aunt Pearl... Aunt Pearl... oh! When did you get out of prison?
Pearl: He told you I was in jail?
Charlene: Well he said you were either dead or in prison so...
Pearl: Oh that daddy of yours has got some sense of humor.
Charlene: Not really.

Pearl: Now wouldn't that be a hoot? If I got married and settled down here. Wouldn't that put a knot in Earl's britches?
Charlene: Yep, all the more reason to do it.
Robbie: Dad's been a real jerk lately.
Baby: He's no fun. I want YOU to be my daddy.
Pearl: Oh, I know you mean that in a sweet way.
Baby: No I don't.

Earl: Daddy-got-a-new-job!
Baby: Can't'-see-the-T-V!
Robbie: Forget it, Dad, his favorite show's on.
Earl: Not anymore.
[shuts TV off]
Baby: [cries] Wanna see Captain Action Figure!
Earl: What's so special about this Captain Action Guy?
Baby: He's my hero!
Earl: What's he got that I don't?
Baby: A TV show! Turn it back on!

Thighs: Please, forgive me, many eggs hatch since I last speak to another of my kind.
Robbie: You're a dinosaur!
Thighs: Yes. I am called Wahachi Muchacha, it means Thighs of Thunder. They ask me speak with you now, how are you called?
Robbie: I'm Robbie Sinclair, Robbie.
Baby: I'm the Baby, uh, gotta love me?
Thighs: Cute.

Robbie: This is great, I don't understand why dinosaurs don't come down here in herds.
Spike: Well as I recall, I practically had to drag *you* in by your tail.

Fran: I was just at the market talking to some of the other mothers, and they said their kids are suddenly doing badly in school, they're like, zombies.
[sees Robbie, Baby and Ethyl staring blankly at the TV]
Fran: Oh this has gone on far enough, if we're going to watch something, we're going to watch the news channel, Robbie, turn on channel 8.
Robbie: Huh? Oh.
[raises the remote above his head]
Robbie: Which one's 8?
Fran: What? Oh give me that!

Earl: I once saw this film in the navy...
Robbie: Saw it.
Earl: Oh, did it help?
Robbie: No.
Earl: Me either. Boy thinks were better in the old days, by the time your son was old enough to ask difficult questions, you were dead, mercilessly killed by something much bigger than you.
Robbie: What happened to their sons?
Earl: Didn't much matter, they'd be dead soon too.
Robbie: So what am I supposed to do *now*, Dad? I keep wanting to dance and everybody keeps saying not to.
Earl: That's because modern society has decided there's an appropriate time and place to...
Robbie: I know. 'The mating dance is most appropriate within the confines of a loving, monogamous relationship, preferably marriage'.
Earl: And sometimes not even then.

Fran: Earl, all they were doing is listening to a little music.
Pearl: Yeah.
Earl: Tonight! But next they'll want to join a band and live on the road like gypsies. Traveling from town to town, always staying one step ahead of the law. Meeting colorful rogues and scallywags and getting into all kinds of scrapes.
Robbie: Gee, I was thinking about college but this sounds better.
Charlene: Would any of those scallywags be like, cute boys?
[Fran and Pearl laugh]
Earl: See what you've done? You've corrupted them!
Pearl: Oh why don't you hush up?

Spike: If you want to hear great music, you gotta come down to the swamp.
Robbie: The swamp? That's on the other side of the tracks, isn't it?
Spike: Yeah, real dangerous. Your dad would never let you go.
Robbie: No problem, we'll just sneak out.
Baby: I'm telling!
Spike: Difficult to do without a tongue.
Earl: [enters kitchen] Telling what?
Baby: They're going to the swamp!
[points to Spike]
Baby: And he's gonna rip my tongue out!
Earl: Yeah?
[to Spike]
Earl: Well I'm with you on the tongue thing.
Baby: Hey!

Robbie: Why are you living with the cavemen?
Thighs: When I was small like uh, Baby Gotta Love Me...
Baby: Huh?
Thighs: My parents, eh... da weak?
Caveman: Da weak!
Thighs: Dinosaur, bring me to forest for picnic, but soon, I am alone, parents no more.
Robbie: Oh, they died, huh?
Thighs: No, two career couple, no time for kid, they leave me, drive away fast!
Baby: That stinks!
Thighs: Oh no, cave people find me, raise as one of them. Live here many years, very happy, until dinosaur come! Rape and denude our land! Make cave people angry! That is why they bring YOU here.

Fran: Robbie, quit poking your sister.
Robbie: Not until she supports her hypothesis that truth is knowable.
Charlene: I wasn't talking about imperical evidence, buttface!
Fran: Cut it out or I won't let you go to school tomorrow! I mean it!
Robbie: Whoa, we'll be good, we'll be good.
Charlene: Yeah, promise.
Robbie: Promise.

Robbie: [about Blarney] He's terrible, Mom. I can't imagine a worse role model for a child.
Earl: [from other room] Ouch! Darn it. I hate you, you stupid toy!