The Best Rick and Morty, Season 5, Episode 4 Quotes

Morty: [on Rick getting horse semen] Did you ask Mom?
Rick: Morty, if I wanted horse semen, I'd... Yes, I asked your mother.

Morty: Rick, I'm sorry! I just thought I could have repeated sex with the horse machine without it becoming Armageddon! I realize that's on me!
Rick: [frozen in DNA] Yeah, not exactly accepting your apology while I'm stuck here as Handjob Solo!

Beth: Okay, let's go see this latest piece of Marvel shit you kids are jizzing over.

- Unless there was something about the sperm I didn't know.
- Are you saying that to mess with me?
- -What? Mess with you how?
- -Like, trying to get me to say something?
- Morty, I have no idea what you're talking about!
- -For real?
- -Yes!
- Okay. Good. Then. Then it's your fault!

Morty: [satisfied] Morty, you dirty little doggy.

Rick: Morty, you nasty, lying, little world-ending pervert!
Morty: [bursts into tears] I'm sorry!
Rick: What was it like?
Morty: Fantastic!

The: [to Morty] My God, man, we were all fourteen once, but it's called self-control!

Rick: I always knew your hormones would cause a world war between humans and cannibalistic horse people. I just didn't know it would be like this!
Morty: I can't change my nature.
Rick: What are you, a scorpion in a Navajo fable? Everyone can change their nature, Morty. That's what defines our species! Look at Iron Man! That actor was an animal in the '90s, literally waking up in bushes! His agent had to catch him with a butterfly net!

- The stupid horse hospital puts dinner on your table.
- It wouldn't kill you to take an interest.
- What's this thing?
- In the middle of the room with the hole in the end?
Beth: That's a breeding mount.
- The nurses use it to collect.
- Reproductive material.

- Um, should we be concerned about that scary bomb-laden one?
- Honey, let the men handle this.
- I think we know a thing or two about--
- Ugh! Ready for all the responsibility with none of the credit?
- Let's Nancy Reagan this bitch.
- Ah!

- That sonofamare Rick has ended our centuries-long war with the CHUDs.
- -[man] We made peace with the CHUDs!
- -[man 2] The CHUDs are our buds!
- -Rícko! The hoof less, they need us!
- -Let's do this.
- -CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!
- -[CHUDs] CHUDily dudily, ho, ho, ho!
- Mom, I promise to use condoms, even when it's butt stuff.
- Okay, we have a lot to talk about tonight.

- Oh, wow. So we don't have to, you know, raise it?
- Nah. They're ready to go right out of the box.
- Cool, cool. So, bye?
- Yep. Take care of yourself, Rick.
- -Yep. Same.
- -[whinnies]
[male voice] That was easy.