150 Best The Mummy Returns Quotes

- Was there a little something you forgot to mention?
- People?

- He'll leave us a sign.
- Surprised to see me?
- Leaving bread crumbs, huh? Huh?
- Lock-Nah!
- Put the boy down.
- I hope your parents enjoyed their journey.

[after their narrow escape, Izzy cheers wildly, then rounds on O'Connell, furious]
Izzy: O'Connell. You almost got me killed!
Rick: [shrugs weakly] At least you didn't get shot.
Evelyn: Izzy! Thank you!
[kisses Izzy on the cheek]
Evelyn: Thank you!
[kisses Izzy on the cheek again]
Jonathan: [with his diamond] Yes! Yes! Yes!
Izzy: [considerably more mellow] O'Connell, who the hell you been messin' with this time, huh?
Rick: Oh, you know, the usual. Mummies, pygmies, big bugs.

- Let me go!
- Alex!
- Silence!
- Stop!
- Go!
- Stop!

[as Meela walks toward Imhotep]
Baltus: Do not be frightened.
Meela: I am not afraid.
Meela: [in ancient Egyptian to Imhotep] I am Anck-Su-Namun reincarnated.
Imhotep: [in ancient Egyptian] Only in body. But soon, I will bring your soul back from the Underworld and our love shall once again be whole.

- No, no! Not my car!
- Oh, I hate mummies.
- Glad to see me now?
- Just like old times, huh?
- Right.

Evelyn: [about Ahm Shere] Alexander the Great sent troops in search of it.
Rick: Great for him.
Evelyn: So did Caesar.
Rick: Yeah, look what happened to his career.
Evelyn: And Napoleon.
Rick: Yeah, but we're smarter than him. And taller, too.
Evelyn: Exactly. That's why we're the ones who are gonna find it.
Rick: Because we're taller?

- Rick!
- Alex left us his tie, and he made us a little sand castle.
- It's the Temple Island of Philae.
- They've gone to Philae.
- That-a-boy, Alex.
- Come on!

- Anubis gave the Scorpion King command of his army, and like an evil flood, they washed away all that lay before them.

- But... But...
- No, pick up your stuff, and I'll see you up in the temple. Go.
- Go on.
- And... And what shall I do?
- I don't know. Surprise me.
- Build a better mousetrap.
- Okay.
- While your mother goes and desecrates another tomb.

- Look. Roman legionnaires.
- And here. Turn-of-the-century French.
- Napoleon's troops.
- What in the name of Anubis did this?

- What is this?
- Look at the state of this rubbish.
- Those Egyptians never had a clue.
- It's all chintz and stuff.
- Look at that.
- Cheap pottery, this. Ancient rubbish.
- Jacques, something's hit me head!
- Shut up, Spivey. This place is cursed.
- We do not want to wake the gods.

- Sorry. My mistake.
- Wait for me!
- Hurry up, Jonathan!
- Wait for me! What's that for?
- Ah, nothin'. Just a little something in case of an emergency.

- No, don't... No. No!
- Evy? Evy?
- No. No. Evy!
- Come back, Evy.
- Evy, come back.
- Come back.

- No, you guys! You don't understand!
- He told me the bracelet will kill me if I don't get inside the pyramid before the sun hits it!
- Today!
- Oh, my God.
- Time to go!
- I thought you said it was nothing!

- Great driving, Uncle Jon.
- Yeah.
- You all right?
- This was my first bus ride.
- What would I do without you?
- Are all librarians this much trouble?
- Oh, jeez, get a room.

- Evy, no! Get out of here!
- Just get out of here!
- No!
- Mom!

- There you are!
- The time has come, my little friend.
- Let go!

Rick: Okay, you're here, the bad guys are here, Evy's been kidnapped. Let me guess.
Ardeth: Yes, they once again removed the creature from his grave.
Jonathan: I don't mean to point fingers, but isn't it your job to make sure that *doesn't* happen?
Ardeth: That woman who was with him, she knows things; things that no living person could possibly know. She knew exactly where the creature was buried. We were hoping she would lead us to the bracelet. She obviously did. And now they have it.
Alex: [revealing the bracelet on his wrist] I wouldn't get too nervous just yet.

- Jacques's gonna make a nice fillet out of you, my son.
- Oh, please. Please.
- Spivey! Jacques!
- Let's get the hell out of here!
- Come on!
- Come on!

- I want him in my arms.
- I know.
- We taught him well.
- He's smarter than you and he's tougher than me.
- I love him so much. I just can't...
- I know. We both do, and Alex knows that.
- I'll get him back, Evy. I promise.
- I know you will.

Izzy: This thing was filled with gas. Not hot air. Gas. I need gas to get this thing off the ground. Where am I gonna get gas from around here? Huh? Bananas? Mangos? What, Tarzan's ass? Well, maybe I could finagle it to take hot air. But do you know how many cubic meters I'd need? It's too big!
Rick: If anybody can fill this thing up with hot air, Izzy... it's you.

Ardeth: I am sorry if I alarmed your son, but you must understand, now that the bracelet is on his wrist, we have only seven days before the Scorpion King awakens.
Rick: We? What we?
Ardeth: If he is not killed, he will raise the Army of Anubis.
Jonathan: I take it that's not a good thing?
Rick: Oh, he'll wipe out the world.
Jonathan: Ah, the old "wipe out the world" ploy.

- The Underworld awaits you.
- You wait! I'll put you in your grave again!
- Our thinking was, not if we put you in your grave first.
- Burn her!
- You bast...
- Rick!

- Make it quick.
- Hurry up.
- Hey, reading material.
- Now!
- I can't go when someone's watching.
- I don't trust you. You'll look.

- The black book!
- Let's go!

Alex: Hey! The Book of the Dead!
Meela: What a bright little child. Your mother must be missing you terribly. If you wish to see her again, you'd better behave.
Alex: Lady, I don't behave for my parents. What makes you think I'm going to do it for you?
Lock: Silence!
Meela: Because your parents wouldn't slip poisonous snakes into your bed...
[kisses Alex on the cheek]
Meela: ...while you were sleeping.

- ...and of who we are together.
- For our love is true love, an eternal love, our souls mated... together as one...
- ...forever.

- Rick!
- Evelyn!
- Look out, Rick!

Alex: Are we there yet?
Lock: No.
Alex: Are we there yet?
Lock: No.
[question and response repeated many times with Lock-Nah getting angrier]
Alex: Are we there...
[Lock-Nah stabs his knife right between Alex's fingers]
Alex: Whoa! That was amazing! Perfect aim.
Lock: What are you talking about? I missed.

- Ardeth Bay.
- Lock-Nah.
- Knowing my brother-in-law, he probably deserves whatever you're about to do to him, but this is my house, I have certain rules about snakes and dismemberment.
- Shoot him!

Rick: [Rick opens up his trunk] You want the shotgun?
Ardeth: No, I prefer the Thompson.

- The Book of the Dead gives life.
- And The Book of the Living takes life away.
- I thought that was my job.
- We're getting close.
- Did you acquire it?

- Only in body.
- But soon...
- I shall bring your soul back from the Underworld...
- ...and our love shall once again be whole.
- You know, a couple of years ago this would've seemed really strange to me.
- Lord Imhotep will be much pleased.

- Whoa, Mom! When did you learn to do that?
- I have no idea.
- That I learned from your father.
- I'll take that.
- Whoa!
- Not bad for a Medjai.
- Let go!

- When his task was done,
- Anubis forced the Scorpion King to serve him for all time.
- His army was returned to the sands from whence they came, where they wait, silently, to be awakened once again.

- Whomever can kill the Scorpion King can send his army back to the Underworld or use it to destroy mankind and rule the Earth.
- That's why they dug up Imhotep.
- He's the only guy tough enough to take out the Scorpion King.
- That is their plan.

- Now there is no need for the boy.
- Yes, but we need the bracelet.
- It will unlock the Army of Anubis.
- The bracelet?
- The bracelet is the key?!
- Retrieve that bracelet.
- With pleasure.

Rick: And let me guess. It was commanded by, uh, the Scorpion King guy?
Evelyn: Yes, but he only awakens once every 5,000 years.
Rick: Right. And if someone doesn't kill him, then he's gonna wipe out the world.
Evelyn: How did you know?
Rick: I didn't. But that's always the story.
Evelyn: The last known expedition to actually reach Ahm Shere was sent by Ramses the Fourth over 3,000 years ago. He sent over a thousand men.
Rick: And none of them was ever seen again.
Evelyn: How did you know?
Rick: I didn't. But that's always the story.

- Why?
- Makes me feel like agreeing to anything.
- Anything?
- Those knickers are not mine.
- Jonathan.
- Hey, Alex, behave yourself for five minutes.
- You betcha.

- Open it! Open it!
- I'm trying, I'm trying!
- Meela!
- Hurry up!
- Come on, come on,
- You broke it, you broke it, you broke it!
- Be quiet, Alex!
- If there's gonna be hysterics, they'll come from me!
- YOU!!

- You know, if you move that fast enough, you can almost write your name.
- I just had a vision.
- It was...
- It was like my dream, but it was real.
- It was like I was actually here in ancient times.
- Well, if you actually were here, could you show me how to open this thing?
- Hold this.

- She's gone to a better place.
- You know, like it says in the good book.
- The book.
- What?
- That's it.
- That's it. Come on, Uncle Jon!
- That's what?
- Come on! Come on! That's it! The book!
- What?

- Jonathan?
- Yes?
- That's my husband and my son down there.
- Make me proud.
- Today's that day, Evy.
- Do not fear. They cannot harm me.
- Where's the boy?

- I'll remember that.
- Evy, try to remember to...
- Just keep it tight in the shoulder and lead the target a little bit, and then...
- And squeeze the trigger. Don't pull it.
- I won't miss.

- They made it. Thank God.
- Oh, yes. Great.
- Fabulous.
- No!

- This place is cursed.
- What is it with you and curses?
- He ain't happy without a curse.
- This is cursed. That is cursed.
- Give it a rest, will you!
- Christ!
- He wants you to open the chest!
- Open the chest!
- No!

- Imhotep.
- What year is it?
- My Lord, it is the Year of the Scorpion.
- Truly?!
- Yes!

Jonathan: I say, chaps, look at this. Shrunken heads. I'd *love* to know how they do that.
[Everybody looks strangely at Jonathan]
Jonathan: Just curious.

- Karnak.
- Huh?

- My lord!
- Save me! Save me!
- Why?

- After a vicious campaign which lasted seven long years, the Scorpion King and his army were defeated and driven deep into the sacred desert of Ahm Shere.

- Oh, my God.
- It's a bit late for that!
- Put it in your rucksack.
- I got a better idea. Let's leave it here.
- I think it's a bit late for that!
- What's it say?
- "He who disturbs this bracelet shall drink from the Nile."
- That doesn't sound too bad.

- Rick.
- Let's go, Alex!
- Run! Come on, Alex, faster! Come on!
- Come on!
- Dad! The bracelet!
- Run! Come on!

- Horus!
- I must go.
- Where?
- I must let the commanders know where we are.
- You can't go.
- If the Army of Anubis arises...
- I need you to help me find my son.
- Then first, I shall help you.
- Thank you.

- It's a spear!
- The gold stick thing... It's a...
- It's a spear!
- Really? Doesn't look like a spear!
- No! That's because it opens up into one!
- Yes? And?
- Jonathan!
- It opens up into a spear!

- This whole damn place is gonna get sucked up!
- Let's move up! Go!

[Rick, Ardeth and the others are being pursued by Imhotep's soldier-mummies]
Ardeth: Glad to see me now?
Rick: Just like old times, huh?

- Damn!
- Oh, my God! Doesn't anyone around here know how to flush a toilet?

[as Evy fights Imhotep's followers skillfuly with a sword]
Alex: Whoa, Mom! When did you learn to do that?
Evelyn: [surprised look on her face] I have no idea.
[a thug grabs her by the throat and pushes her against the wall. She knees him in the groin and decks him with a right hook]
Evelyn: *That* I learned from your father.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- She's faster than she looks.
- And she's quiet. Real quiet.
- Perfect for sneaking up on people, which is a very good thing.
- Unless, of course, we go with your approach barging in face-first, guns blazing, and getting your friends shot in the ass!
- Why can't you people ever keep your feet on the ground?

- I shall truly enjoy killing you.
- But until that time, you better be a little nicer to me.
- Now, where's my water?
- No ice?
- Make sure he doesn't move!

- What is it?
- Something is coming.

Ardeth: [on seeing Rick's tattoo] If I were to say to you, "I am a stranger traveling from the East, seeking that which is lost"...
Rick: Then I would reply that, "I am a stranger traveling from the West. It is I whom you seek." How...
Ardeth: Then it is true. You have the sacred mark.
Rick: What, that? No, that got slapped on me when I was in an orphanage in Cairo.
Ardeth: That mark means you're a protector of man, a warrior for God, a Medjai.
Rick: I'm sorry. You've got the wrong guy.

Rick: [to Ardeth Bay on seeing Imhotep's resurrection] You know, a couple of years ago this would have seemed really strange to me.

[as Jonathan picks up his rifle]
Ardeth: You any good with that?
Jonathan: Three times Fox and Hound's grand champion, I'll have you know.
[nods at Ardeth's scimitar]
Jonathan: You any good with that?
Ardeth: You'll know soon enough.
[in a flash, the scimitar is in his hand and the blade rests against Jonathan's neck]
Ardeth: Because the only way to kill an Anubis warrior is by taking off its head.
Jonathan: [swallows] I'll remember that.

- Knock, knock. Anybody home?
- You two check out that stuff, see if it's there.
- I'll sort out the O'Connells.

- If you embrace it, if you accept it, you can do anything.
- Sounds great. Listen.
- What can we expect from our old friend Imhotep?
- His powers are returning.
- By the time he reaches Ahm Shere, even the Scorpion King won't be able to stop him.

- Mr. Hafez.
- They found him.

Rick: Who the hell are those guys? Where are they taking my wife?
Ardeth: My friend, I'm not sure, but wherever this man is, your wife will surely be.
Alex: [Alex rips the picture out of Ardeth's hands] Hey, I know him. He's the curator. He works at the British Museum.
Ardeth: Are you sure?
Rick: You better believe him. He spends more time there then he does at home.

- Hang on, Rick!
- Anck-su-namun!
- HELP ME!
- No!
- Anck-su-namun!
- Anck-su-namun.

- You know, it's not easy being a dad.
- Yeah, but you do it really good.
- Thanks.

Izzy: [to Rick] Whatever it is, whatever you need, I don't care. Forget it, O'Connell. Every time I hook up with you, I get shot! Last time, I got shot in the ass! I'm in mourning for my ass!

- I am your servant!
- We shall see.
- But he was sent to kill you!

[after crashing through London and fighting off the Mummy soldiers]
Rick: You all right?
Ardeth: This was my first bus ride.

- Thank you!
- Yes!
- O'Connell, who the hell you been messin' with this time?
- Huh? Oh, you know, the usual.
- Mummies, pygmies, big bugs.

- The great god Anubis...
- ...has taken my powers.
- It seems he wishes me to fight...
- ...as a mortal.
- Stay here.

- Remember how that went?
- We can't stop now.
- Just remember,
- I was the voice of reason here.
- For once.
- Rubbish. Rubbish. Dreck. Chintz.
- Only half of this...
- God, that hurt!

[Jonathan and Shafek are being chased by pygmies and are running into the burial ground]
Jonathan: Look! There's a burial ground! We're safe! We're safe! See those sacred stones? They'll never cross those.
Shafek: You are sure?
Jonathan: Yes, of course I'm sure!
[a pygmy runs past and stabs Shafek. Jonathan screams]
Jonathan: Sorry. My mistake.

Izzy: Isn't she beautiful?
Rick: It's a balloon.
Izzy: Ah! It's a dirigible.
Rick: Where's your airplane?
Izzy: Hah, airplanes are a thing of the past.
Rick: Izzy, you were right.
Izzy: I was?
Rick: Yeah.
[draws pistol]
Rick: You're gonna get shot.

Ardeth: Whomever can kill the Scorpion King can send his army back to the Underworld or use it to destroy mankind and rule the Earth.
Rick: So, that's why they dug up Imhotep. 'Cause he's the only guy tough enough to take out the Scorpion King.
Ardeth: That is their plan.

[after the Scorpion King grabs Hafez]
Baltus: My lord! Save me! Save me!
Imhotep: [in Ancient Arabic] Why?

- Near death, the Scorpion King made a pact with the dark god Anubis that if Anubis would spare his life and let him conquer his enemies, he would give him his soul.
- Anubis accepted his offer and spared his life.

- The Pharaoh!
- Anck-su-namun!

- Are we there yet?
- No.
- Are we there yet?
- No.
- Whoa! That was amazing!
- Perfect aim.
- What are you talking about?
- I missed.
- I have to go to the bathroom.

Ardeth: [to Alex] By putting this on, you have started a chain reaction that could bring about the next apocalypse.
[Alex gasps]
Rick: [to Ardeth] You, lighten up.
Rick: [to Alex] You, big trouble.
Rick: [to Jonathan] You, get in the car.

- My dad is going to kick your ass.
- I do not think so.
- In here, gentlemen, you shall receive your just rewards.
- No tricks now, woman.
- We're not giving up this chest till we're satisfied.
- Oh, don't worry.
- There is much satisfaction to be had.

Ardeth: [to Rick] My friend, there is a fine line between coincidence and fate.

- the kid gets more and more like you every day.
- What, you mean more attractive, sweet and devilishly charming?
- No, he's driving me crazy.
- Now, where were we?
- Hammer and chisel.
- All right, all right! Let's do it your way.
- Thank you.

Rick: [sees hieroglyphic of warrior with a tattoo like his] Okay, now I'm a believer.

Ardeth: If a man does not embrace his past, he has no future.

- It's time someone taught you a lesson, wench. Come on.
- This is for my sister.

- Evelyn!
- Mom!
- Jonathan!
- What'd you do this time?
- I haven't done anything to anybody!
- Lately.
- Come on!

Lock: When the time comes, I shall truly enjoy killing you.
Alex: But until that time, you better be a *little* nicer to me. Now, where's my water?
[Lock-Nah shoves a container of water into Alex's hands]
Alex: No ice?

[trying to console Alex about his moms death]
Jonathan: Try to think of it like this, Alex. She's gone to a better place. You know, like it says in the Good Book.
Alex: The book.
Jonathan: What?
Alex: That's it. That's it!
Jonathan: That's what?
Alex: Come on, Uncle Jon! Come on, come on!
Jonathan: What?
Alex: That's it! The book!

[Evelyn has just kicked a poisonous snake towards Rick]
Rick: Those are poisonous, you know.
Evelyn: Only if they bite you.

- Let's go.
- Thank God for that.
- The two of you must sacrifice yourselves for me.
- You shall be rewarded in heaven!

- Ever since I had that dream, this place is all I can think about.
- Ever since you had that dream,
- I haven't had a decent night of sleep.
- I feel like I've been here before.
- I know I've been here before.
- Evy, nobody's been here before.
- Not in at least 3,000 years.
- Except for these guys.
- Then how do I seem to know exactly where I'm going?

- You're not exactly catching me at my best.
- Oh, I'm sure I am.
- I knew it. I'm gonna get shot.
- These are the commanders of the 12 tribes of the Medjai.
- Horus!
- Pet bird.
- My best and most clever friend.
- He will let the commanders know of our progress so that they may follow.

- Then I would reply that I am a stranger traveling from the west.
- It is I whom you seek. How...
- Then it is true.
- You have the sacred mark.
- What, that?
- No, that got slapped on me in an orphanage in Cairo.
- That mark means you're a protector of man, a warrior for God, a Medjai.
- Sorry. You've got the wrong guy.

- Only you can resurrect me!
- I won't leave you!
- Get away from me!
- Anck-su-namun!
- Imhotep!
- My body is no longer his temple!

Evelyn: Jonathan?
Jonathan: Yes?
Evelyn: That's my husband and my son down there. Make me proud.
Jonathan: Today's that day, Evy.

[Evie is trying to bribe Rick into checking out the Oasis of Ahm Shere]
Evelyn: I think the bracelet is some sort of guide to the lost oasis of Ahm Shere.
Rick: Evy, I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no. We just got home.
Evelyn: That's the beauty of it. We're already packed.
Rick: Why don't you just give me one good reason?
Evelyn: It's just an oasis... darling. A beautiful... exciting... romantic... oasis.
Rick: Hmm. The kind with the white, sandy beach and the palm trees and the cool, clear, blue water and... We could have some of those big drinks with the little umbrellas.
Evelyn: Sounds good.
Rick: Sounds too good. What's the catch?
Evelyn: Supposedly it's the resting place of Anubis's army.
Rick: Ah, ya see? I knew there's a catch. There's *always* a catch.

Rick: Right. She's a reincarnated princess, and I'm a warrior for God.
Ardeth: And your son leads the way to Ahm Shere. Three sides of the pyramid. This was all preordained thousands of years ago.
Evelyn: But how does the story end?
Ardeth: Ah, only the journey is written, not the destination.
Rick: Convenient.

- Now where?
- We go right.
- How do you know?
- "Kasheesh Osirian Nye."
- Basically, "This way to the Scorpion King."
- Mum taught me.
- This just might work.

Rick: Where the hell's Jonathon?
[Jonathon drives up in a double-decker bus with Alex]
Evelyn: Alex!
Rick: What's the matter with my car?
Jonathan: Well, I was forced to find an alternative means of transportation.
Rick: [shouting] A double-decker bus?
Jonathan: [pointing to Alex] It was his idea!
Alex: Was not!
Jonathan: Was too!
Rick: Just go!
Jonathan: Was too!
Alex: Was not!

- And how does the story end?
- Only the journey's written, not the destination.
- Convenient.
- How else do you explain Evy's visions?
- That it is your son who wears the bracelet?
- How do you explain your mark?
- Coincidence.
- My friend, there is a fine line between coincidence and fate.

- That's half mine, you know.
- What?
- That's half mine.
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
- What? You took my gold stick!
- I know you took my gold stick!
- I swear on the head of my wife,
- I have no idea what you're talking about.
- You haven't... You ain't got a wife!
- I don't have your gold stick either!

- Alexander the Great sent troops in search of it.
- Hooray for him.
- So did Caesar.
- Yeah, look what happened to his career.
- And Napoleon.
- But we're smarter than him.
- And taller, too.
- Exactly. That's why we're gonna find it.
- Because we're taller?
- That's why I love you.
- Nice try.

- Where's Jonathan?
- Look! There's a burial ground!
- We're safe! We're safe!
- See those sacred stones?
- They'll never cross those.
- You are sure?
- Yes, of course I'm sure!

- Well, that's not good.
- Hang on!
- Mom?
- Dad?

- You and Alex are the only thing that matter to me.
- Well, the Bembridge scholars have been begging me to run the British Museum.

- The Army of Anubis shall now be MINE!
- Rick!
- No!
- Niy!
- Go to hell, and take your friends with you!

- Put your mask on!
- Let's not scar that pretty face.

Jonathan: What are we gonna do? *What are we gonna do*?
Alex: You're asking me? I'm only 8 years old, for Christ's sake!

Jonathan: Pull me up! Pull me up! Pull me up!
[he sees the huge diamond on top of the pyramid]
Jonathan: Wait! Wait! Let me down! Let me down!
Rick: It's not worth your life, you idiot!
Jonathan: Yes, it is! Yes, it is!

[Jonathan trying to start the car as he hears gunfire break out]
Alex: Hurry up!
Jonathan: Come on, come on, come on!
[Johnathan turns the key and breaks it off]
Alex: You broke it, you broke it, you broke it!
Jonathan: Be quiet Alex! If there's going to be any hysterics, they'll come from me!

[while Jonathan is fighting Anch Su Namun]
Alex: Efday Shokran... Efday Shokran... Uncle Jon, I don't know what this last symbol is!
Jonathan: What's it look like?
Alex: It's a bird! A stork!
Jonathan: [ecstatic] I know that one! I know that one!
Alex: Then what is it?
Jonathan: [struggling with Anch Su Namun] Ah... Ah...!
[throws her off]
Jonathan: [triumphantly] Ahmenophus!

- Whoa.
- This is bad, Evy!
- We've had bad before!
- This is worse!

- Nefertiti.
- Anck-su-namun.
- Good.
- You have remembered the old ways.
- That's a little something new!

[O'Connell sees mummified soldiers starting to crush his car]
Rick: No, no! Not my car!
[Mummies continue to run over and destroy his car]
Rick: Oh, I hate mummies.

Ardeth: Why can't you people ever keep your feet on the ground?

- I think so, yes.
- But what's that got to do with anything?
- It just happens to coincide with Egyptian New Year.
- Oh. That's right. What a coincidence.
- Maybe. All I'm saying is, let's be cautious.
- Oh!
- If anything happened to you,
- I would never forgive myself.

- Rick!
- Evy?
- Twist it!
- Pull! I tried it! Push!
- The Spear of Osiris!
- Jonathan, quick!

- I was forced to find an alternative means of transportation.
- A double-decker bus?
- It was his idea!
- Was not!
- Was too!
- Just go!
- It was too!
- Was not!
- Oh, jeez.

[on seeing Izzy's dirigible, Rick draws his gun]
Izzy: Whoa, whoa, whoa! She's faster than she looks. And she's quiet. Real quiet. Perfect for sneaking up on people, which is a very good thing.
Izzy: [lowers voice] Unless, of course, we go with your approach, barging in face-first, guns blazing, and getting your friends shot in the ass!

- ...there is something you must know.
- They have the Scepter of Osiris.
- I have seen it.
- By the time we reach Ahm Shere, my powers will have regenerated.
- And I will have no need for the Scepter.

Izzy: Remember that bank job in Marrakesh?
Evelyn: Bank job?
Rick: It's not like it sounds.
Izzy: Ah, it's exactly how it sounds. I'm flying high, *hiding* in the sun. The white boy here flags me down, so I fly in low for the pickup. The next thing I know, I get shot! I'm lying in the middle of the road with my spleen hanging out and I see him waltzing up with some belly dancer girl.
Evelyn: Belly dancer girl? Izzy, I think you and I should talk.
Izzy: As long as I don't get shot.

- Jonathan, throw it! Kill the Scorpion King!
- Send his army back to the Underworld!
- Step aside, Alex. I'm a professional.

- This chest must never be opened.
- The agreement was for five.
- Yeah, well, we want ten, or we'll take it elsewhere.
- If you...
- Ten will be just fine.
- Follow me, gentlemen.
- Get in.

- Alex is wearing the bracelet?
- When he put it on, he said he saw the pyramids at Giza, the temple at Karnak.
- And when they reach Karnak, the bracelet will show him the next step of the journey.
- Well, if we don't get to Karnak before them, we won't have any idea where to look for him next.
- Seems to me like we need a magic carpet.

Rick: Alex I've got a big job for you. I want you to stay here and protect the car.
Jonathan: I can do that.
Alex: Protect the car? Come on, Dad. Just because I'm a kid doesn't mean I'm stupid.
Rick: I know.
Alex: [ruffles his hair] Dad!
Rick: Ehh...
Jonathan: If you see anyone come running out screaming, it's just me.
Rick: [to Jonathan about Alex] Maybe you should stay here and watch him.
Jonathan: Yes, now you're talking.

- Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn! Turn!
- No! Get out of the way!
- Look out!
- Whoa!

- Imhotep!
- Medjai!
- My father needs you!
- Evy!

- Ahm Shere.
- Right.
- He's back!
- Hang on!

- Go and help Rick.
- But Mom...
- No "buts," Alex.
- Come on, Alex.
- But... But...
- I'll be just fine.
- We did it, Uncle Jon! We did it!
- Right, partner. Now, let's go help your dad.

Alex: Mom! What do I do with this chest? This sucker weighs a goddang ton.
Evelyn: Alex, watch your language!
Alex: Rather weighty, this.

- Well, maybe I could finagle it to take hot air.
- But do you know how many cubic meters
- I'd need? It's too big!
- If anybody can fill this thing up with hot air, Izzy, it's you.
- Come to Daddy.
- Horus!
- So, Rick, what's the plan?
- Let's find some higher ground.

- Five thousand years ago, a fierce warrior known as the Scorpion King led a great army on a campaign to conquer the known world.

- I did not want your past history to cloud the issue.
- We know where it is. We'll take care of it.
- No, we'll take care of it.
- I have a different chore for you now.
- Where is the bracelet?
- It's on its way to merry old London.
- Then London is where we must go.

- You're too late, O'Connell.
- I have released the Army of Anubis.
- Lord Imhotep shall soon kill the Scorpion King and take command.
- Not after I get through with him.

- Jonathan! Hold on!
- Pull him up! Pull him up!
- Pull up! Pull me up!
- Wait! Wait! Let me down! Let me down!
- It's not worth your life, you idiot!
- Yes, it is! Yes, it is!
- Right.
- Pull me up! Pull me up!

- We're getting very close.
- We've found him.
- We've found him! We've found him!

Rick: [talking about Alex] I swear, the kid gets more and more like you every day.
Evelyn: What, you mean more attractive, sweet and... devilishly charming?
Rick: No, he's driving me crazy.

- We're in trouble!
- Whoa!
- Horus, fly!
- Izzy, come hard right! Starboard!
- Starboard!

- Where'd he go? Where'd he go?
- Spivey!

[last lines]
Izzy: Uh, that's half mine, you know.
Jonathan: What?
Izzy: [indicating the diamond] That's half mine.
Jonathan: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: What? You took my gold stick! I know you took my gold stick!
Jonathan: No, I have no id... I swear on the head of my wife, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Izzy: You haven't... you a... you ain't got a wife!
Jonathan: I don't got your gold stick either!
[they keep arguing and their voices fade as the ship sails off into the sunset]

Jacques: This place... is cursed.
Red: What is it with you and curses?
Spivey: He ain't happy without a good curse.
Spivey: [mockingly] This is cursed. That is cursed.
Red: Give it rest, will ya!

[as Evelyn stops to drag a bench to block the museum's entrance]
Rick: Honey, whatcha doing? These guys don't use doors.

- Bravo! Bravo!
- Who better to protect the Bracelet of Anubis... than my lovely daughter, Nefertiti.
- And who better to protect me, than my future wife, Anck-su-namun.
- Well done, daughter.