The Best Gary Quotes

Gary: In spite of all her success, my mother was just a greedy, hateful, wretched, old, shriveled up bitch! I hope you're in hell, Mother, because that's what you made my life!

Mitch: "Thou Shall Not Covet My Neighbor's Wife"
Devlin: She's not your wife
Mitch: She will be
Devlin: what about "Thou Shall Not Kill"?
Mitch: [thinks about it then shrugs] Fuck It

Mitch: [shoots Devlin in the shoulder] Was that the shoulder she cried on?
[shoots him in the other shoulder]
Mitch: Or that one?
Mitch: [frantically shooting at a now undead Devlin Cates to no effect] I Killed You Goddamit I FUCKING KILLED YOU
[flees as a grinning Cates follows hot on his heels]
Mitch: [last lines]
Mitch: [as he is buried alive] No I'm Not Dead... What Are You Doing?
[voice becomes muffled by all the dirt in his mouth]
Mitch: Don't... Don't
[as he is pushed down into the ground]
Mitch: NNNOOOOAAAA

Gary: [struggling to revive his radio ratings, Shock Jock Gary improvises on a topic suggested by his new assistant] Let's talk about authority figures, shall we? I just can't stand anyone in this world who has authority over me, and abuses it. It gives some loser - a *loser* - a uniform or a suit, and all of a sudden they think they are God, making our lives miserable. Why? Because they can!