The Best Kate Quotes

Kate: PETER!
[they jump out of bed]
Kate: [shouting] We slept in!

Kevin: Everyone in this family *hates* me!
Kate: Then maybe you should ask Santa for a new family.
Kevin: I don't want another family. I don't want any family. Families suck!
Kate: Just stay up there. I don't want to see you again for the rest of the night.
Kevin: *I* don't want to see you again for the rest of my whole life. And I don't want to see anybody else either.
Kate: [softly] I hope you don't mean that. You'd feel pretty sad if you woke up tomorrow morning and you didn't have a family.
Kevin: No, I wouldn't.
Kate: Then say it again. Maybe it will happen.
Kevin: I hope that I never see any of you jerks again!

Kate: How could we do this? We forgot him.
Peter: We didn't forget him, we just miscounted.
Kate: What kind of a mother am I?
Frank: If it makes you feel any better, I forgot my reading glasses.

Kate: [at the Plaza Hotel] What kind of hotel allows a child to check in alone?
Desk: The boy had a very convincing story.
Kate: What kind of idiots do you have working here?
Desk: The finest in New York.

Kate: Why don't you just sit up here for a while and think things over? When you're ready to apologize to Buzz *and* the rest of the family, you can come down.
Kevin: I'm not apologizing to Buzz; I'd rather kiss a toilet seat!
Kate: Then you can stay up here the rest of the night.
Kevin: Fine, I don't wanna be down there, anyway. I can't trust *anybody* in this family. And you know what? If I had my own money, I'd go on my own vacation. *Alone*. Without any of you guys. And I'd have the most fun in my whole life.

Kate: Kevin, get upstairs right now.
Kevin: Why?
Jeff: Kevin, you're such a disease.
Kevin: Shut up.
Peter: Kevin, upstairs.
Kate: Say good night, Kevin.
Kevin: "Good night, Kevin."

Officer: [talking to Peter McCallister, and finding out that Kevin has the credit cards] We'll notify the credit card companies immediately. If you son has the cards, we can get the location on him, *when* and if he uses them.
Kate: No, I don't think Kevin even knows how to use a credit card.
[at the Plaza Hotel, Mrs. Stone puts the credit card into payment]
Kevin: [watching and whispering in bewilderment] Wow, it worked.

Kate: [counting passports] 11, 12, 13... Where's Kevin?
Kevin: [appears in front seat and takes the last passport] Fourteen. It's a good thing I have my own ticket, just in case you guys try to ditch me.

Kate: Heather, did you count heads?
Heather: Eleven, including me. Five boys, six girls, four parents, two drivers, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Brooke: [passing Kevin's bag back down the line] Kevin's not here.
Jeff: Kevin's not here.
Megan: Kevin's not here.
Sondra: Kevin's not here.
Rod: Kevin's not here.
Linnie: Kevin's not here.
Tracy: Kevin's not here.
Aunt: Kevin's not here.
Kate: Kevin's not here.
Peter: WHAT?
Kate: [laughing, then surprised] KEVIN!
[faints]

Kate: [awakening late on morning of travel, again] We did it again! Aaah!

[Kevin has just caused a scene in the kitchen and Buzz has him in a headlock]
Kate: Look, stop, stop! What is the matter with you?
Kevin: He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose! He knows I hate sausage and olives and onions and...
Frank: [wiping dregs of soda off of his pants] Look what you did, you little jerk!
[the rest of the family stare irately at Kevin]

Kate: [to the Scranton ticket agent] This is *Christmas*! The season of perpetual hope! And I don't care if I have to get out on your runway and hitchhike! If it costs me everything I own, if I have to sell my soul to the devil himself, I am going to get home to my son.

Kate: Did I turn off the coffee?
Peter: No... I did.
Kate: Did you lock up?
Peter: Yeah.
Kate: Did we set the timers on the lights?
Peter: Yeah.
Kate: Did you close the garage?
Peter: That's it. I forgot to close the garage, that's it.
[She sits back; after a pause]
Kate: No, that's not it.
Peter: Well, what else could we be forgetting?
[She sits back again; after an even longer pause, she jumps upright]
Kate: KEVIN!

Kate: Have you ever gone on vacation and left your child home?
Gus: No, no. But I did leave one at a funeral parlor once.
[Off Kate's look]
Gus: Yeah, it was awful. The wife was distraught and we left the little tyke there in the funeral parlor all day. All day. You know, we went back at night and apparently he had been alone all day with the corpse. He was okay though, after two, three weeks he came around and started talking again...
Kate: Maybe we shouldn't talk about this.
Gus: Well, you brought it up.
Kate: I'm sorry I did.

Officer: Has the boy ever run away from home?
Peter: No.
Officer: Has he ever been in a situation where's been on his own?
Kate: [Kate shakes her head, but Peter gives her a look] As a matter of fact, this has happened before. It's become sort of a McCallister family travel tradition.
Peter: Funnily enough, we never lose our luggage.
[They both laugh, and knock on the wooden desk]
Kate: [Officer Bennett does not laugh] He was left at home, by accident, last year.
Peter: That's what my wife meant when she said this has become a family travel tradition.

Kevin: [apprehensively] I made my family disappear.
[thinks back to family members saying bad things about him]
Megan: Kevin, you're completely helpless!
Linnie: You know, Kevin, you're what the French call "les incompetents".
Buzz: Kevin, I'm going to feed you to my tarantula.
Jeff: Kevin, you are *such* a *disease*!
Kate: There are fifteen people in this house and you're the only one who has to make trouble.
Frank: Look what you *did*, you little *jerk*.
Kevin: [gleefully] I made my family disappear.