The Best Night Court, Season 7, Episode 14 Quotes

Buddy: I think a man should work, so he can get up in the morning and look at himself in the mirror and say... 'Are my ears even?'

Court: [looking at Buddy's resume] What is this, Buddy? It says here you spent 1971 on a meditative sabbatical.
Buddy: Well, Harry dreamed that one up.
Judge Harry T. Stone: Well, Buddy, we couldn't very well tell people that you spent a year trying to figure out ways to get Gilligan off the island.
Buddy: I came up with 10,000 ideas.
Court: Ideas? Like, building a bamboo raft?
Buddy: 10,000 and one!

Judge Harry T. Stone: Surely, murder is not the only answer.
VHK: Alright. We'll give them a choice.
[to Dan and the Montez bros]
VHK: Death or castration?
Dan: [brief pause, but the obvious answer] Death.

Buddy: [about Bull's hiccups] Have you tried holding your breath?
Bull: That works?
Buddy: It always did for me. And it's loads of fun. That's how I had my first hallucination.

Judge Harry T. Stone: Hey Buddy how was the honeymoon?
Buddy: Harry it was Fantasitic. In-fact I didn't leave the hotel room for the first twenty-four hours.
Dan: [Pumping his fist] Yeeesss!
Buddy: And then Amanda finally tracked down a locksmith and they let me out of there.
[Harry an Ah-ha look]

Judge Harry T. Stone: So, listen, V, excuse me for a minute.
VHK: Why?
Judge Harry T. Stone: I gotta go to the bathroom.
Dan: WHAT?
Judge Harry T. Stone: Mac, Roz, don't you feel the urge to go, too?
Court: Uh, yeah, I... I guess we do. Right Roz?
Rosalind: We were hoping you would ask.
Judge Harry T. Stone: Come on.
Christine: Um, do I have to go, too, sir?
Judge Harry T. Stone: No, you don't.
Christine: ou always know before I do.

Judge Harry T. Stone: [trying to resolve the hostage situation in the courtroom from the hallway] Okay, there's no time to spare. Mac, you call...
Court: [way ahead of Harry] Call the SWAT team and see if VHK-937 is a known alias.
[he leaves]
Judge Harry T. Stone: And Roz, you check the local...
Rosalind: [way ahead of Harry] Check the local mental hospitals and see if they're missing any patients with a laser gun.
[she leaves]
Judge Harry T. Stone: [alone, so basically to no one] ... Don't just stand there, guys. Get moving.

Dan: Oh, my God, somebody get me a tailor!

Bull: Anybody know a cure for hiccups?
[hiccups]
Dan: Yes, staple your lips together.
Bull: That didn't work.
[hiccups]

Rosalind: [about the Montez brothers who have taken Dan hostage] I can pick them off clean from here, sir.
Judge Harry T. Stone: Without hitting Dan?
Rosalind: Oh, well, if you're gonna tie my hand!

Christine: Your Honor, my client was merely trying to get in to see the mayor.
Judge Harry T. Stone: Why was that?
VHK: [in a heroic pose] I'm here to save the world from the forces of evil!
Dan: [mocking VHK's pose] Well you can't, so there!

Dan: [running a lint roller along the inside of his suit's pants thigh] Admit it: this arouses you, doesn't it?
Christine: [deadpan] Oh, yes. I can barely restrain myself from leaping out of my chair and ravishing you right here, you Nordic god.