The Best The Office, Season 2, Episode 11 Quotes

Dwight: Don't worry, Michael. I'm taking us to shore.
Michael: It's a fake wheel, dummy.

Michael: I see the sales department as the furnace.
Phyllis: A furnace?
Jim: How old is this ship?
Pam: How about the anchor?
Phyllis: What does the furnace do?
Michael: All right, let's not get hung up on the furnace. It's just... It's the sales... I see the sales department are down there. They're in the engine room, and they're shoveling coal into the furnace. Right? I mean, who saw the movie "Titanic"? They were very important in the movie "Titanic." Who saw it? Show of hands.
Jim: Not really sure what movie you're talking about. Are you sure you got the title right?
Michael: "Titanic."
Pam: I think you're thinking of "The Hunt for Red October."

Jim: [Michael's hands are tied to the rail of the Booze Cruise ship] What happened to you?
Michael: Captain Jack has a problem with authority.
Jim: Right, 'cause you announced that his ship was sinking?
Michael: Yeah. He just totally lost it. If you ask me, he caused the panic.
Jim: What a night.
Michael: Well, it's nice for you. Your friend got engaged.
Jim: She was always engaged.
Michael: Roy said the first one didn't count.
Jim: That's great. You know, to tell you the truth, I used to have a big thing for Pam. So...
Michael: Really? You're kidding me. You and Pam? Wow! I would have never put you two together. You really hid it well. God! I usually have a radar for stuff like that.
[sighs]
Michael: You know, I made out with Jan.
Jim: Yeah, I know.
Michael: Yeah, yeah. Well, Pam is cute.
Jim: Yeah. She's really funny, and she's warm, and she's just... Anyway.
Michael: Well, if you like her so much, don't give up.
Jim: She's engaged.
Michael: BFD. Engaged ain't married.
Jim: Huh.
Michael: [Uncharacteristically serious] Never, ever, ever give up.

- Where's my wallet?
- There it is. J1.
- Here, you know what?
- I don't have any...
- I've got some nickels.
- $0.05, $0.10,
- $0.15, $0.20, $0.25...

Dwight: [thinking he's steering the "Booze Cruise" boat] I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit and fly the plane with him. And I was four and I was great. And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.

Dwight: Okay, fine. Where's my wallet?
Jim: Oh, there it is: "J1."
Dwight: I don't have any...
Jim: Here, have some nickels.
Dwight: [putting nickels into vending machine] 5, 10, 15, 20, 25...

- I'm also captain of anyone who sets foot on this ship.
- Hi, welcome aboard. Okay.
- In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain.
- On a boat, who knows?
- It's nebulous.
- Hey, look!
- I'm king of the world!

- Hit it!
- Yeah! Okay! Dancing!
- It is a primal art form used in ancient times to express yourself with the body!
- And communicate!

- Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things.
- Sometimes you have to just be the boss dancing.

Jim: Michael stands in front of the boat and says he's king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck.

- No, I just gotta wait for Darryl to do his shot. Just a minute.
- Come on. Darryl! Darryl!
- It's getting kind of rowdy down there. Yeah.
- "Darryl, Darryl, Darryl!"
- Sometimes I just don't get Roy.
- I mean, I don't know.

Michael: In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebulous.

- And it's something that each and every one of us have to think about.
- I'm in the brig. See?
- The boat's not as corporate-friendly as advertised.
- What is the deal with the guy jumping overboard? What was...
- If he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now, and not all wet.