The Best The Office, Season 9, Episode 16 Quotes

Andy: Last week Erin told me that our relationship will be proceeding without me.

Angela: What is it?
Dwight: It's my Aunt Shirley. She's on her last legs.
Angela: Dwight, that's awful.
Dwight: You have no idea. I mean her hair, her clothes, its all falling off in great, big clumps. And we need someone to go out there and clean her up. We had a nurse, but she quit, because she was "poisoned" by Aunt Shirley.
Angela: What do you mean by poisoned?
Dwight: Probably nothing. Or Strychnine. Or Lemonade and Strychnine, which is actually what it was.

Phyllis: I can't be around sad people, it just makes me sad.
Stanley: I'm the same around horny people.

Andy: Where are you going?
Pam: Uh, not on a three month boat trip.
Andy: Wha? Oh, burn.
[laughs, Angela and Dwight move to leave]
Andy: Uh, excuse me. What, everyone can just leave whenever they want now?
Dwight: How dare you?
Andy: I'm still the boss!

- Good morning. Good morning.
- And how are you on this fine...

- We are even now. Understand?
- Got it? Crystal.
- And you are on very...
- Hey. Very thin ice.
- Vanilla.
- Vanilla ice. He was a band.

- and I'm just gonna come out and say it.
- I just got off the phone with my doctor, and turns out I contracted chlamydia from Erin.
- And it's incurable.
- Pretty lame, huh?
- Yeah.

- and I ate it over the sink like a rat.
- There you go. Good for you.
- You're just letting it all hang out. That's what...
- It may not seem like it, but this really helped.
- Sothankyou.
Pete: Cool
- I'll give you $100 to wear that sweater to work tomorrow.

- If I want to...
- I don't know if I want this.
- Huh.
- This is a little out of left field.
- Is it?
- I just...
- I liked our life in Scranton.
- And I have started a business in
- Philadelphia. [Chuckles nervously]

- Dwight, I'm not gonna hose your aunt down like some animal.
- Stop your bellyaching and hose me.
- I need you to hose my aunt.
- No, Dwight.
- Okay, you are useless.
- No, no. Give me the hose.
- Dwight, I won't do it.

- Kids in the hall.
- Uh, just...
- It's not high pressure.
- It's just a little coffee talk.
- Okay? Like butter.
- Come on in here. Mike Myers.
- Oh, my god.

Dwight: There's parts of her I don't even recognize. There's this one hanging part in particular that's some sort of flap. It's like a prehensile wing or something.

Pete: It just occurred to me that Andy has been calling me "Plop" for so long, he forgot my real name.

Mark: Hi, I'm Mark. I'm the horrible boss around here but please don't hire
Mark: to kill me. Django!

Aunt: So when's the wedding?
Angela: Actually we are just friends.
Aunt: That's what Mose said about his lady scarecrow, and look what he did to that poor thing.

- Step on it.
- Why doesn't Erin seem sad?
- Has she found someone new or something?
- And, if so, why hasn't she told me?
- Is she trying to spare my feelings?
- During breakups, the mind goes to some crazy dark places.

Alice: How's that P.E. degree coming? That's what he wanted to be. His dream in college was to be a gym teacher.
Erin: Well guess what, he could still be a gym teacher. In fact, we could all still be gym teachers, so...
Gabe: I technically cannot. I don't have the lung capacity to blow the whistle.

Dwight: No, don't just let her eat the grass, she'll puke it right up. Okay, just put out two bowls and see which feed she prefers. I'm sorry to be taking up so much of your precious time, Mose, but she's your aunt too,

- Well, I'm not signing away my rights.
- I already signed it.
- I was just showing you.
- Okay, well, we'll see about that.
- Andy, that's not the original.
- And destroying it will not stop them from dating.
- Andy.

Andy: You guys are supposed to have my back, okay? Instead, you let a guy named Plop steal my girlfriend.
Meredith: Hey boss, I did everything I could. I invited Pete out for drinks. I emailed him shots of my junk.

- I remember you. Funny.
- All right. So...
- Tell me all about it.
- Okay. Well, gosh, thank you for your help today.
- Your perspective was very useful. Thank you.
- It was not an unpleasant way to spend an afternoon.

Kevin: Pete. Hmm.
- Pete what?
- It just occurred to me that Andy has been calling me plop for so long he forgot my real name.
- Which is Pete.

- Where are you going?
- Noton a three-month boat trip.
- Oh, burn.
- Uh, excuse me, what, everyone can just leave whenever they want now?
- How dare you?
- I'm still the boss.