The Best The Office, Season 9, Episode 3 Quotes

Andy: Meredith is a blood relative of Lizzie Borden!
Meredith: Cool!

Pam: Oh, can I help? We could say someone is related to um, Tonya Harding.
Nellie: Pam, I'm related to Tonya Harding.
Pam: Oh, gee, I'm...
Nellie: No, I'm just practicing my lying.

Dwight: Who are you?
Asian: Who am I? I'm Jim. We've been working together for 12 years. Weird joke, Dwight.
Dwight: You're not Jim. Jim's not Asian.
Asian: You seriously never noticed?

Dwight: [about Game of Thrones] It has a lot of nudity, which I fast-forward through to get to the chopped-off heads.

Andy: Nellie! Get your wrinkly old balls in here.

Oscar: [about Andy being related to Michelle Obama] You know, if there's another explanation I don't really see what it could possibly be.
Andy: What's going on here? I'm related to the First Lady, ok? Get over it. I still need weekly status reports from most of you, so... can we get back to work, please? Get back to work
[Makes whipping sounds at everyone]
Andy: .
Oscar: Andy, no! I would be very polite today.
Andy: Why, is it employee's day or something? I *cannot* keep track of these BS holidays.
Oscar: Your connection to Michelle Obama has certain negative connotations. Most likely, your family were slave owners.
Andy: Does anyone else think it's possible that I come from slave owners?
[Almost everyone raises their hands]

- Hey, he deserves this, and he said I could get in on it, too.
- Yeah.
- Oh, Pam, no! Oh,
- I can't bear to watch this.
- I don't know what
- I was so worried about.
- I have the best wife in the world.
- I still can't believe he didn't tell me.

- Since Andy promoted me to assistant regional manager,
- I've been trying to step my game up, you know, be more productive.
- In fact, you know what?
- Let's knock out a few more of these sound bites while we're here.
- Whoa. That person has really gotten him or herself into quite a predicament.

- People laughed at klingon at first, and now you can major in it.
- Hi, guys.
- Hey, boss, I am so thirsty.
- Can I have a scoop of water?
- Yeah, you don't have to ask me. [Chuckles]
- Okay, great.
- Very funny, I get it.
- Just because my ancestors happen to be...

Erin: I was intimidated by Andy's family before, and now I have to see the First Lady at holidays? She's gonna be like 'what's your stands on politics?' or 'what is the best war to do?' and I will just be like, duh!

- assistant regional manager stuff here, and I feel like
- I'm doing all the heavy lifting.
- I'm coming up with all the ideas here.
- I'm going for a walk.
- Okay.
Pam: Good, good, and...

- Jim, I got us that dinner reservation. Grico's, 7:30.
- Oh! Great. Can't wait.
- Jim's at the dentist this morning, and Steve is an actor friend of ours.
- I don't know who you are, but you are not Jim! This is Jim!
- Oh, dear. How did... [Sighs]

Pam: Here is the mural I did for Angela's baby.
Nellie: That is amazing! Oh, I love the lion in the tuxedo.
Pam: Angela insisted that all the animals be fully clothed.