The Best The Sopranos, Season 1, Episode 11 Quotes

- You're fucking crazy.
- I'm going home.
- Why don't you want to take your clothes off?
- I got high blood pressure!
- I go in there, I could check out!
- My doctor mentioned steam and sauna specifically as no-noes.
- He said stay the fuck away from heat!
- Thanks for the thought.
- But get out of my fucking face.

- Deb?
- Debbie?

Paulie: [referring to Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero] There isn't even anything wrong with his back
Tony: What'd you mean?
Paulie: Remember that guy hit me in the head with that pool cue and I fucked my neck up?
Tony: Yeah, down at the shore
Paulie: Right, I went to this doctor, this guy works on the Jets frontline when they get hurt. "He's like the fuckin "Jonas Salk" of backs. Anyway, I sent Pussy to this doctor, the guy gives him the "works", MRI's, CAT scans, dog scans, you name it and he says not a fuckin thing wrong with his back
Paulie: [when Tony doesn't respond] Then again, he says "When it comes to backs, nobody knows anything really".

- Those federal pricks robbed me.
- What?
- They grabbed four dimes from me.
- You shouldn't carry that type of cash!
- Never mind, I need a drink.
- Oh, Madonna! Che puzzo!
- Oh, Jesus!

Tony: So your father tells me you're takin' up astronomy in college.
Kevin: No, business.
Tony: Well, how come he keeps sayin' you're takin' up space in school?
Salvatore: [laughs] Madon'. Don't make me laugh. Kills my back.
Tony: He's a good lookin' kid. Sure he's yours?

Christopher: Why the fuck would Pussy run? I mean, the guy's outta breath liftin' his dick up to take a leak.

- We'll see.
- Wait a minute!
- I don't like that kind of talk!
- Now just stop it, it upsets me!
- Or I won't tell you anything anymore.
- If this is true, Livia, you know what I... I mean...
- I'm the boss, for Christ sake!
- If I don't act, blood or no...

- Derek, give him a hand.
- Get him!
- You! You!
- Oh, my goodness.
- Do you know what this is?
- It's a fucking gun!

- Are you sure about this, Tony?
- Ninety percent.
- Not enough to do what needs to be done.
- Jesus!
- I'm fucking dreaming here.
- Well, get used to it.
- I've been walking into walls all week.

- Except that he owed some money.
- But he wasn't worried because you liked him...
- And while he had you in his corner, there was nothing to worry about.
- I won't lie, he's dead. He didn't have a good thing to say about anyone.
- He did feel like he could trust you.
- He said a lot, "at least with Tony soprano, you know where you stand."

Tony: [regarding Makazian] What did he come here for? Therapy?
Debbie: You could say that.
Tony: Instead of a couch you use a bed? It's not a bad idea.
Debbie: Hey, who wouldn't want to sleep with their shrink?
Tony: ...What does that mean?

Mikey: I may be getting bumped up. A notch or two. Tony Soprano's on his way out, and I mean as in forever.
JoJo: Oh my god. He's going to jail?
Mikey: Nah, the other forever.
JoJo: Does Junior know?
Mikey: [chuckles and shakes his head] Oh, jeez.

- But that's where you're wrong.
- You see, out there, it's the 1990s, but in this house...
- It's 1954.
- 19908, 1954.
- So now and forever, I don't want to hear any more sex talk.
- What's with him?

- I have to.
- Oh, god, why?
- What did I say now?
- I suppose I should've just kept my mouth shut, like a mute.
- And then everybody would've been happy.

- Grab the rail, grab the rail.
- That's right.
- Go easy, go easy now. That's it.
- Nice and easy.
- Nice and easy.
- That's it, that's it.
- Come on, that's it.

- Don't fucking lie to me.
- Did you do it?
- No.
- Did you fucking do it?
- No.
- Did you fucking do it?
- I said no! Now get your fucking hands off of me.
- Come on, Tony.

- You think I'd let you eat those cannolis by yourself?
- You beached whale.
- Here.
- What?
- Help me.
- Who'll make the coffee, you?
- One, two, three.
- You look good.

- My responsibility.
- You waited a long time for the stripes.
- This is one of the perks.

- Come on, let's go, let's go!
- Let's go!
- Go ahead, detective.
- Excuse me, move it out, please.
- Got a police officer here.
- Move it out! Let's go! Pull up!
- Police vehicle! Coming through!

- Only you would get pinched with a gun while you're out on bail...
- And still be out in time for dinner.
- You're a lucky guy!
- Speaking of dinner, carmela's got some lasagne upstairs.
- I'll pass. I got a few people to see that are late with payments.
- I gotta show my face or they'll think they're off the hook.

- Follow me.
- Where?
- It's a surprise.
- Come on, you hard-on, before we get a ticket.

- Could you excuse me one moment?
- Yeah, sure. You know, just...
- Tell her her house sold and they accepted the counteroffer.
- Okay. Yeah, I'll be right there.
- I'm leaving, guys.
- See you later, pussy.
- I'll tell you if that horse runs.
- Don't do me any favors.

- I haven't seen him since the schvitz.
- The last thing he said to me was,
- "go fuck yourself!"
- Did he at least take the schvitz?
- He refused to take his clothes off.
- It's fucking Jimmy!
- Fuck it! Let's all have a drink!

Tony: you know, I was on a good run then boom! I don't know it's like I'm walking down the street and I'm looking up because I feel like a safe is going to land on my head
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: A feeling of a pending doom?
Tony: Let me ask you a question: this "mental stuff" could cause physical problems right?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Are you having any physical problems?
Tony: No I'm fine but I got a "friend", a dear dear "friend" and I'm concerned about him
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What's wrong with him?
Tony: It's his back, see his complaining about his back but I think the doctor thinks it's all in his head
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's very possible
Tony: What'd you think?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I think we should just keep this about you
Tony: This is about me
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Every time I offer my opinion on any of your friends it seems to interfere with our therapy and you start cursing and screaming
Tony: What kind of mental stuff would cause a back ache?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: For "conversation" sake?
Tony: Absolutely
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: For some people the pain is caused by more responsibility than they can handle
Tony: [Nods] that makes sense, his got a lot of bills, a lot of problems with his kid's "school fund"
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Secrets
Tony: What'd you mean?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Psychologically a secret is a heavy load, it leads to feelings of guilt which further burdens the mind

- Look, t...
- If my vote counts for anything...
- I cannot believe that pussy would fear the can enough...
- To hurt his friends.
- That's what they said about gravano.
- All right, go back in.
- I gotta think.

- She is an honest lady.
- She'd do anything for you, anything.
- You come in here, you flash your badge, you get free pussy.
- Fuck pussy. I wouldn't fuck one of these broads with your dick.
- They have absolutely no class, and they're always on the hustle.
- That's what they're supposed to do, no?

- Keep moving, please.
- Come on!

Carmela: You know, Ma, your son loves you very much. He worries all the time. And he felt bad that you didn't come to the open house. I don't care if you think it's disrespectful, but I want you to cut the drama. It's killing Tony.
Livia: What are you talking about?
Carmela: I'm talking about this. This "poor mother, nobody loves me" victim crap. It is textbook manipulation. And I hate seeing Tony so upset over it.
Livia: I know how to talk to people.
Carmela: I am a mother too, don't forget. You know the power that you have. And you use it like a pro.
Livia: Power? What power? I don't have power! I'm a shut-in!
Carmela: You're bigger than life. You are his mother. I don't think for one second that you don't know what you're doing to him.
Livia: Who me? Me? What did I do?

Silvio: Look, T, if my vote counts for anything, I cannot believe that Pussy would fear the can enough to hurt his friends.
Tony: That's what they said about Gravano.

- That sneak from Manhattan.
- Johnny sack? Johnny sack was here?
- With his mohair suits and his shoe lifts.
- Suits, pleurisy?
- More than once he was there?
- Why didn't I know about this?
- Maybe it was you they were talking about, who knows?

- Othennise, all bets are off.
- You understand?
- This is our friend we're talking about here.
- You say it.
- You understand?
- I understand.

- Eighty to you.
- Your back still bothering you?
- FBI! Nobody move!
- You believe this shit?
- Come on, it's a friendly card game.
- Relax, Jimmy.
- If I wanted to bust up card games,
- I'd have a doughnut in my mouth.

Mikey: Hey, babe. Look what Chucky brought us.
JoJo: Another kitchen appliance. Whoop-fuckin'-pee.
Mikey: Then slit ya wrists, why don't ya?
Chucky: Truck load fell off the loading dock at Zim's last night.
JoJo: It's not even a Bra-oon.
Mikey: [sighs] That's a Braun, babe.

Meadow: This country's light-years behind the rest of the world. Most civilized countries have legalized prostitution.
Tony: Don't you got somewhere to be?
Meadow: I mean, it's a joke. Look what they're putting the President through.
Carmela: He deserved what he got.
Anthony 'A.J.' Soprano,: He got Monica Lewinsky and the broad with the long nose.
Meadow: I just don't think sex should be a punishable offense.
Tony: You know honey, that's where I agree with you. I don't think sex should be a punishable offense either. But I do think talking about sex at the breakfast table is a punishable offense. So no more sex talk, OK?
Meadow: It's the 90s. Parents are supposed to discuss sex with their children.
Tony: Yeah, but that's where you're wrong. You see out there it's the 1990s but in this house it's 1954.
[points to the window]
Tony: 1990s.
[points to the floor]
Tony: 1954. So now and forever, I don't want to hear any more sex talk, OK?

- Well, that makes sense. I mean...
- He's got a lot of bills, a lot of problems with his kid's school fund.
- Secrets.
- What do you mean?
- Psychologically, a secret is a heavy load.
- It leads to feelings of guilt, which further burden the mind.