The Best Salvatore 'Big Pussy' Bonpensiero Quotes

Tony: [on cloning] I tell my kids, only God can create a life.
Salvatore: I got a list of people as long as my arm I wouldn't want cloned.

Tony: So your father tells me you're takin' up astronomy in college.
Kevin: No, business.
Tony: Well, how come he keeps sayin' you're takin' up space in school?
Salvatore: [laughs] Madon'. Don't make me laugh. Kills my back.
Tony: He's a good lookin' kid. Sure he's yours?

Paulie: You know we should hit a Devils game some night
Salvatore: You still get tickets from the Greek?
Paulie: Right on the fuckin ice
Salvatore: I'll bring my sweater
Paulie: [Greeting Furio as he walks up to their table] hey, "chef of the future", have a seat
Salvatore: [to Furio, intentionally mispronouncing his name, mocking him] how you doing?
Furio: [Correcting him, unaware of the insult] Furio
Salvatore: [while Furio pours wine for him, jokingly then laughing] you didn't stomp those grapes yourself, did you?
Johnny: [Noticing them] look at this group
Paulie: [to Johnny] hey, "Mr. New York." What did you do? Swim across that river?
Johnny: [Before hugging him, referring to his promotion] come over here: congratulations
Johnny: [to Pussy, referring to his impoliteness] hey, don't get up
Salvatore: I wasn't gonna
Johnny: [Jokingly] piece of shit
Paulie: [referring to Italy] Say hello to Furio, "friend of ours" from the "other side"
Johnny: Oh, hey, I heard a lot about you
Furio: Nice to meet you
Johnny: Yeah, me too, my pleasure

[Pussy and Paulie are in a coffee shop franchise]
Paulie: Fuckin' Italian people. How did we miss out on this?
Salvatore: What?
Paulie: Fuckin' expresso, cappuccino. We invented this shit and all these other cocksuckers are gettin' rich off it.
Salvatore: Yeah, isn't it amazing?
Paulie: And it's not just the money. It's a pride thing. All our food: pizza, calzone, buffalo moozarell', olive oil. These fucks had nothin'. They ate pootsie before we gave them the gift of our cuisine. But this, this is the worst. This expresso shit.
Salvatore: Take it easy.

Salvatore: Hey, Sil.
Silvio: What?
Salvatore: What? I've been gone a long time. Let me hear it.
Silvio: [imitates Al Pacino from The Godfather] Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in

Arnaz: We ain't saying shit until there's an attorney present.
Salvatore: Well, go ahead, make a statement.
[sticks a gun in Arnaz's mouth]
Salvatore: I got fuckin' Johnnie Cochran right here for you!

Salvatore: [Repeated line to Tony asking him to promise him if he enters his home alive, his going to come out alive] do I got your word?

[Matt is tied down and has just finished being interrogated by Tony]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: See if we got something to drink. So what can I get you? You want a Fanta, something like that?
[Matt takes a sip]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: How is that? I mean, you sure you want a diet drink? You don't want something with some sugar in it?
Salvatore: There's only diet.
Matthew: It's good.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You finished?
Matthew: Thank you, T.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: 'Cause that sugarless motherfucker, it's the last fucking drink you're ever gonna have!
[shoots him]

Skip: [meeting privately, referring to meeting with Tony] how'd it go?
Skip: [after Pussy hands him an audiotape of the wiretap his been recording] was Sundeep there?
Salvatore: yeah
Salvatore: [before handing him a white envelope full of money] my whole cut
Skip: [handing him a small amount of money from the same envelope] here
Skip: [when Pussy rolls his eyes and shakes his head after looking at the small amount of cash] what's the matter?
Salvatore: what's the matter?
Skip: [irritated] I know, Tony's your best friend
Salvatore: President Franklin is my best friend, and his in there
Skip: look, some cooperators, when they finally get their new identity, they do pretty fuckin good. Some snitch I worked with became garbage commissioner of a good size city in Florida

Salvatore: We got any good tequila? You know that acupuncturist down in Puerto Rico? 26... Tell you, this broad, her ass was the second coming. Never wore panties. Brushed her teeth with this shit. Every night she'd drink me under the fucking table. And I'd eat her out when I was down there.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Hey, Puss. Did she even really exist?

["Big Pussy" calls FBI Skip Lipari]
Skip: Lipari.
Salvatore: This is Fat Man.
Skip: Who?
Salvatore: You know...
Skip: Sal?
Salvatore: I just heard about they're gonna jack a load of these "Pokieman" cards. Moltisanti and another individual.

Paulie: [Referring to Beansie] Richie broke a chair over his head.
Tony: Are you shitting me?
Paulie: Then he smacked Beansie's head with the coffee pot and broke his cheekbone.
Tony: Prick, I talked to him yesterday, he's all "sweetness and lights." This "big brother" shit is getting old.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Hey, how you've been?
Tony: Can't complain. You look good.
Paulie: Where are your friends going?
Johnny: Yeah, tell them to come back and join us.
Tony: No, they're leaving.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: It's my first time here, the veal is excellent.
Tony: What are we making? Small talk now?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Nice to see you.
Tony: Yeah, you too.
Silvio: Not a bad ass.
Salvatore: [to Tony, referring to Dr. Melfi's breasts] She had nice "pipes" for the lips, no disrespect.
Tony: What do I give a fuck? I hardly know her.
Silvio: [to Pussy] You would take the tits over the lips?
Salvatore: Trust me, my boy, there's two things I'm good at: pulling dents and spotting good blowjobs, and that sweetie has world class blowjob lips, am I right skipper? You ought to know.
Tony: What the fuck do I know? It was a long time ago. Alright, she was good.
Paulie: Good? Or great?
Tony: Why the fuck are you busting my balls? It was a long time ago.
Paulie: [to Tony] Hey, I remember every blowjob I ever got.
Paulie: [to Sil] How about you? You remember your first blowjob?
Silvio: Yeah, of course.
Paulie: [Jokingly] How long did it take for the guy to cum?

Salvatore: President Franklin is my best friend.

["Big Pussy" is spying on Christopher and speaking into a dictaphone]
Salvatore: Searchlight Diner. 5:15 AM. Subject has still not left location. Sun comin' up.

Tony: [while inside David Scatino's sporting goods store after business hours, referring to the police investigating the murder of Matt Bevilaqua] if they do have something, why aren't they talking to you?
Salvatore: Give them time, they will
Tony: [Referring to the charges they'll face] murder, aiding, and racketeering
Salvatore: [On the possible sentence they'll receive] Twenty to life
Tony: [while Paulie and Furio enter the store, jokingly] there they are: the Flaying Gavone Brothers
Paulie: [to Tony] not good, not good
Tony: [Suddenly stands up and forcefully grabs Paulie by his shirt] on my fuckin kids I will cut you, just tell me
Paulie: Take it easy Tone. It's fixable. First off it's not a rat
Salvatore: Thank God
Paulie: [to Pussy] don't thank Him yet. There's an eyeball witness
Tony: What're you talking about?
Tony: [after kicking a table, to Pussy] Jesus Christ! Shit! Did you see anybody? Did you see another living fuckin soul?
Salvatore: Fuck no
Paulie: Don't worry, it's only a mere bump in the road
Tony: Oh, you're beautiful
Salvatore: Do we know him?
Paulie: My friend at the station only knows is that his a civilian. A flag saluting mother fucker
Furio: [to Tony, unintentionally incorrectly using the Idiom "go on the lamb"] Maybe you should lamb chop it for a while?
Salvatore: I keep a suitcase in my trunk
Paulie: Yeah, tell us about it
Salvatore: Hey, fuck all of you, bygones are never fuckin bygones
Tony: This is a fuckin nightmare. I've got to move some cash around, if I going to lamb it I'm going away with a fuckin "package." I'm not going to be like Mickey Mcsuko. That poor prick had five fuckin minutes to run. He ended up in some rat infested motel down in Elvis country
Furio: [to Paulie] where is that?
Paulie: Anywhere there are no Jews or Italians
Furio: I don't get it
David: [after coming out of his office] it's starting. It's fuckin starting
Salvatore: Get back in your office David
David: I'm opening my mail and it's a lawsuit, there's a fuckin lean on the building they're going to close me down
Tony: Davey, not fuckin now ok?
David: They're going to know after this it's fraud. I'm going to go to jail for this
Tony: [Angrily stomps towards David while shouting] get the fuck back in your fuckin hole now!
Tony: [after calming down, realizing they still David to continue their bust out scheme] Davey, you're doing a good job
Paulie: Don't worry about this witness T
Furio: [In Italian] that's true. We'll find him
Salvatore: Exactly
Paulie: You don't even know what he said
Salvatore: Fuck you. I did too
Paulie: What then?
Salvatore: I understood
Paulie: What does it mean?

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Tony is having a fever dream where Pussy is a fish on ice at a food market] How much you weigh?
Salvatore: Eight pounds.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Lost a lot of weight!
Salvatore: Swimmin'! The best exercise. Works every muscle group.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Get the fuck outta here! You never exercised once in your life!
Salvatore: Anyway, $4 a pound.
[pause]
Salvatore: You know I've been working with the government, right, Ton'?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't say it.
Salvatore: C'mon, Ton'. Sooner or later, you gotta face facts.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I don't want to hear it.
Salvatore: Well you're *gonna* hear it.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [dejectedly] Fuck.
Salvatore: You passed me over for promotion, Ton'. You knew.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: How much shit you give 'em?
Salvatore: A lot.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Jesus, Puss.
[pause]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Fuck of a way for it all to end, huh?
Salvatore: Yeah.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah.
Salvatore: [referring to the fish lying next to him] These guys, on either side of me... they're asleep.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Don't say that! Not fuckin' funny!
[angrily turns over the table and knocks all the fish to the ground]

Tony: [Yelling] Tony!
Tony: Jesus Christ
Salvatore: Can I talk to you?
Salvatore: [Angrily] where the fuck you been?
Salvatore: [Referring to the entrance of Tony's driveway, implying they should talk somewhere more private] we're going to talk here?
Tony: Come into the house
Salvatore: I got your word if I walk in there, I'm walking back out?
Tony: I don't see you for all this time, no word: nothing. And this is the way you come back to me?

Salvatore: There was a fuckin rat, so you finger me? You don't think I didn't realize what was going on? When you come to my house three o'clock in the fuckin afternoon telling me your my "friend". That's when I knew I was in trouble Anthony. When out of blue you start telling me your my "friend."
Tony: Oh, is that right?You owe me an explanation and you know what I'm talking about
Salvatore: Remind me to never get sick again huh? Remind me please to never have a serious illness because with you, Silvio, Paulie, and all you pricks weakness likes to spread around
Tony: You know what? Fuck you! I don't what to hear about your fuckin back anymore. Who's your fuckin boss? Who gets the explanation? What am I suppose to trust you? You "off the reservation" cocksucker?
Salvatore: It was a broad Tony, it was complicated. My back was for shit you knew that
Tony: I don't want to hear anymore about your back
Salvatore: [Referring to the diagnosis of his back] That's how we met, this Spondylosis. That's why I was popping Percocets like freaking JuJubes. Anyway so my doctor prescribes this clinic in Puerto Rico. I didn't exactly object given the fuckin vibes around here. Go ahead, check
Tony: You don't tell your wife your in the hospital?
Salvatore: That twat brought on most of this
Tony: How?
Salvatore: Listen, down there I met this girl, she's twenty-six. An acupuncturist. It was the only thing helping my Sciatic nerve. Anyway, one thing leads to another...
Tony: [Interrupts him] you can't send one word?
Salvatore: I'm going to trust you? Paulie? Take the word of a degenerate cop over me?
Tony: So why'd you come back? What changed?
Salvatore: Nothing changed, that's the problem. I still got two kids in college, one just got married, and needs my help. I've got to start earning again. I've got to get my action back
Tony: Oh, just like that?
Salvatore: I came to you Tony. I'm in your hands
Tony: [Opens his arms, implying to give each other a hug] come here you fat fuck
Salvatore: [Feeling insulted after Tony pats his back and rubs his chest to check for a wire, then referring to his testicles] hey, do you want to pat this down too?
Tony: don't you ever bullshit like this again

Salvatore: [instructing his son how to hit baseballs] Elbow up Matt, keep it straight
Matt: [referring to his coach] He'll just have me "pull" more
Salvatore: Fuck him, my son don't hit sacrifice flies
Salvatore: [to AJ] you're up next
A.J. Soprano: Nah, I just want to watch
Salvatore: You gotta snap out of this Anthony
Matt: Come on AJ, it's fun
A.J. Soprano: Yeah, I just don't feel like it
Salvatore: Sometimes you gotta do things you don't want to
A.J. Soprano: Why?
Salvatore: Because your parents said so and it's part of your tradition
A.J. Soprano: baseball's not part of my tradition
Salvatore: no, it ain't, your dad in high school was almost all county left field, but I'm not talking about that, I'm talking about your confirmation
A.J. Soprano: I don't want to get confirmed
Matt: [while exiting the batting cage] Why not?
Salvatore: It don't matter why not. If you're looking for a purpose in life, doing what's right is a purpose
A.J. Soprano: yeah, that's not what Nitch says
Salvatore: who?
Matt: [correcting AJ's pronunciation of the surname of the German philosopher] Nietzsche. Let me tell you something: Nietzsche wound up talking to his horse and I know what you're going to tell me, Chaucer right? Well, Chaucer was a fuckin fraud. He copied off Husserl and Heidegger. Hey, you should start at the beginning: take a look at Kierkegaard

Salvatore: Hey, Sil.
Silvio: What?
Salvatore: "What". I've been gone a long time. Let me hear it.
Silvio: [imitates Al Pacino] Just when I thought I was out, THEY PULL ME BACK IN!

Salvatore: [to Christopher] You know who had an arc? Noah.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [telling a joke, while eating in an Irish pub] A rich man and a poor man got the same wedding anniversary. Every year, they'd meet on Madison Avenue shopping for their wives, so the poor man says to the rich man What'd you buy your wife this year? He says, I got her a huge diamond ring and a brand-new Mercedes, poor man says, What'd you get her both for? Rich man says, If she doesn't like the diamond ring, she can bring back the Mercedes and still be happy. Rich man says to the poor man What'd you get your wife this year? He says, I got her a pair of slippers and a dildo, rich man says, What'd you get her a pair of slippers and a dildo for? Poor man says If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go fuck herself
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after Pussy laughs] You remember the first time you brought me here?
Salvatore: Yeah, I remember
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [referring to the first time he killed someone for the mob] I popped my cherry that night
Salvatore: Yeah, seems like old times
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You believe in God?
Salvatore: Yeah, I absolutely do, works in very mysterious ways, it's a wonder how He performs, no doubt. His been good to me

Joe: Hey, maybe caught a break here, boss. Shop on Watchung Avenue said some guys brought in a Saturn, these plates, tryin' to unload it for parts.
Salvatore: Are you tellin' everybody this fuckin' car's for Tony Soprano and leave it all in one piece?
Joe: Yeah, sure. It's for the kid's teacher. My guy said that one of those goofballs had a uniform on from, um, Buttfucks.
Salvatore: [looks confused]
Joe: Whatever, the coffee shop. I guess the guy works there.
Salvatore: Watchung Avenue and what?
Joe: [hands him the address]
Salvatore: I'm fuckin' Rockford over here.

Salvatore: [Before picking up a long dart] it means "sit on this cocksucker."
Tony: [Amused, while they all laugh] five minutes from the can for the rest of my fuckin life and I'm laughing
Paulie: You got it skip

Skip: [Meeting privately] what'd you got for me?
Salvatore: [Hands him a piece of paper of Tony's pump and dump stock market scheme] partial list of the major investors of Webistics, other than that I haven't seen Tony in a while
Skip: You mean besides the night Tony "capped" the Bevilaqua kid?
Salvatore: What are you talking about?
Skip: [Suddenly raising his voice in anger] did you fuck me? DID YOU FUCK ME?
Salvatore: Take it easy
Skip: Take it easy? How about I put a bullet into that stupid bald head of yours? He was spotted Sal, so don't go pulling my "taffy" because of this fuckin second if you lie to me, you will never see the streets where you live for fifty fuckin years! Did you know about this?
Salvatore: No
Skip: If you knew Soprano was planning something, didn't tell me, and didn't wear a wire...
Salvatore: [Interrupts him] I told you no
Skip: Well, there was someone else the night he shot the kid up, a "husky" accomplice
Salvatore: Yeah?
Skip: Yeah, but the witness couldn't ID him
Salvatore: Oh
Skip: Salvatore, were you the perp the witness couldn't make?
Salvatore: What the fuck are you talking about? Are you crazy?
Skip: What'd I fuckin tell you huh? No fuckin violence. I ought to burn you right now and let the judge throw away the fuckin key. I'm willing to decide to believe you ok? But here's what your going to do for me: I want to hear Tony's voice on tape saying "I killed Matthew Bevilaqua", no distortions no faulty recording, and no fuckin nose blowing
Salvatore: Ok I get it but let me asking you something: if I did ride with Tony on something like that, don't you think that would get me tighter with him? Raise my "coinage" with him? Make Tony forget all his suspicions?
Skip: You're a cute prick, Puss, I'll give you that. Get me Tony on tape, talking about this murder
Salvatore: So who's the witness?
Skip: No joke Sal, you don't want to see my darker side

[while playing hearts]
Salvatore: I've eaten more queens than Lancelot.

Silvio: [to Bobby Baccalieri after he walks in] you're late
Tony: [Meeting privately with Bobby after business hours in the back of Satriale's Pork Store with Pussy, Paulie, and Silvio,present, referring to Bobby as the last member of Junior's crew that's still alive] Bobby Baccalieri: "the last man standing"
Bobby: I don't want to say nothing
Salvatore: You don't want to get yourself in trouble
Tony: A lot of funerals in your corner of the world huh Bobby? Don't look at the floor, look at me. I want you to talk to that bald cock sucker who calls himself "my brother's father." Tell him we're going to let him keep on earning: "subsistence level." He'll be able to pay his defense lawyers
Bobby: Alright, let me say for him: thank you
Tony: Now you're going to hear some "high end" shit and A, I hope you can understand it and B I hope you keep it between this room and Junior because if you don't I promise you they're going to find you in eight different dumpsters
Bobby: I inherited Junior. I don't think you got the reasons to talk to me this way. I always liked you
Tony: Bullshit, but we'll assume you do now. You tell my uncle he gets to keep five percent of his shy, the sports betting, same with the coke, the joint union is all his ok?
Tony: Now bobby listen, this is very important: he also gets to keep his "stripes", as far as the Feds are concerned they got the boss of this family in jail awaiting trial and if they hear different it creates confusion
Bobby: Got it
Tony: As far as the rest of Junior owns, it's all mine
Bobby: I'll get this to him Tony
Tony: That's it
Bobby: Unintentionally misquotes the words of Senator William L. Marcy. "To the victor, belongs the spoils"
Tony: Why don't you get the fuck out of here before I shove your quotations book up your fat fuckin ass?

Tony: [Standing in his kitchen while leaning on the island counter] Coffee?
Salvatore: No
Tony: You look good, tan
Salvatore: Yeah, right
Tony: The "tan ghost"
Salvatore: You're a good guy Tony but you abuse that joking shit
Tony: What'd got to say to me?
Salvatore: Yeah I'm back. I'm in a fuckin "tan" nightmare. What'd you think I'm stupid? I don't know it when everyone of my friends turns their hearts to stones against me
Tony: Take it easy ok? I don't think your stupid