The Best Livia Soprano Quotes

[to AJ]
Livia: It's all a big nothing. What what makes you think you're so special?

Livia: [at the dinner table talking about AJ's behavior] Oh, his father was the same way. I practically LIVED in that vice principal's office.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Could we not, please?
Livia: Well, you only remember what you want to remember. Yeah, well, I must have had another son who stole a car when he was ten years old.
[pause]
Livia: Yeah, he could barely see over the steering wheel.

Carmela: You know, Ma, your son loves you very much. He worries all the time. And he felt bad that you didn't come to the open house. I don't care if you think it's disrespectful, but I want you to cut the drama. It's killing Tony.
Livia: What are you talking about?
Carmela: I'm talking about this. This "poor mother, nobody loves me" victim crap. It is textbook manipulation. And I hate seeing Tony so upset over it.
Livia: I know how to talk to people.
Carmela: I am a mother too, don't forget. You know the power that you have. And you use it like a pro.
Livia: Power? What power? I don't have power! I'm a shut-in!
Carmela: You're bigger than life. You are his mother. I don't think for one second that you don't know what you're doing to him.
Livia: Who me? Me? What did I do?

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I brought you some books on tape since you say you can't concentrate to read.
Livia: I wish The Lord would take me now!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well... in the meantime.

Livia: So what's really on your mind, Corrado?
Corrado: This Christopher Moltisanti.
Livia: Christopher! What about him?
Corrado: Him and his little, uh, friend. They're slappin' me in the face and they're hiding behind Tony.
Livia: Well, Tony always loved Christopher like a son. And so do I, Junior. He put up my storm windows for me one year.
Corrado: [frustrated] Good. But what do I do? I just let him and this Filone kid piss on me in public? And how far do I go before I light a friggin' match under that hot-headed son of yours?
Livia: Maybe Christopher could use a little talking to. You know. The other one? Filone?
[shrugs]
Livia: I don't know.
Corrado: You have a lot of sense for an old gal.
Livia: No, I'm a babbling idiot. That's why my son put me in a nursing home.

Larry: Oh, Mama Livia. Come sta, darling?
Livia: Listen to him with that 'my darling'. I am nobody's darling.
Larry: [to Tony] This one here, she never disappoints, I tell ya that.
Livia: Are you still seeing your other women, Lorenzo?
Carmela: [pulls her away] Come on, Ma. Let's mingle.
Tony: Sorry. The older she gets the worse she gets.

Tony: Maybe this was his chance to get out. I know Dad was no choir boy, but maybe with a little bit of support...
Livia: Oh, Mr. Sensitive now. Well, if it bothers you, maybe you better talk to a psychiatrist.
[walks away]
Tony: Whoa, what are you talkin' about, a psychiatrist?
Livia: Well, that's what people do when they're lookin' for somebody to blame for their life, isn't it?
Tony: You're a real stone player, aren't you, Ma? You threatened to smother his children.
Livia: What does that mean?
Tony: You know, everyone thought Dad was the ruthless one. But I gotta hand it to you. If you'd been born after those feminists, you woulda been the real gangster.
Livia: I don't know what you're talking about!
[walks away]

Tony: You listen to me now. Before you do any more serious damage to yourself or your grandchildren's inheritance, you're gonna stop living alone, right now.
Livia: I'm not going to that nursing home.
Tony: Green Grove is a retirement community! And it's more like a hotel at Captain Teeb's!
Livia: Who's he?
Tony: A captain that owns luxury hotels or something, I don't know. That's not the point. The point is, I talked to Mrs. DiCaprio over there and she says she's got a corner suite available with a woods view. It's available now, but it's gonna go fast.
Livia: Of course it's available, somebody died!
Tony: Oh, Ma, you gotta stop! You gotta stop with this black poison cloud all the time! 'Cause I can't take it anymore!
Livia: Oh, poor you!
Tony: You know, I got problems at work, I got problems at home, I got a friend whose been diagnosed with cancer. Most parents would be grateful if their yuppie children put as much thought into this as I did.
Livia: I'm not going to that place.
Tony: Then I will go to court and I will get a durable power of attorney over you and I will place you there.
Livia: Then kill me now. Go on now, go into the ham, and take the carving knife and stab me, here, here, now, please! It would hurt me less than what you just said.
Tony: You know, I know seniors that are inspired!

[repeated line]
Livia: I wish the Lord would take me now.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: She was very high strung, my mother. Very dramatic. Every night to her was a night at the opera.
[cut to a scene of Tony's youth]
Livia: [to Tony] I could stick this fork in your eye!

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [That retirement community is] more like a hotel at Cap d'Antibes.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [later repeating it to his mother] It's more like a hotel at Captain Teeb's!
Livia: Who's he?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: The Captain owns luxury hotels or something. I don't know! That's not the point!

Livia: [appalled at watching Emeril Lagasse at a cooking show] He's not even washing his hands!