Top 100 Quotes From Kevin Clash

Fran: Earl Sneed Sinclair!
Earl: Oops.
Fran: I thought I told you to turn off that TV.
Baby: Smoo!
Earl: Oh! Fran, how did I know this was gonna be on? You never know what these network guys are gonna do.
Fran: That's right. So until we're sure it's safe, this TV stays off.
[groans and turns off the TV]
Fran: You'll just have to spend some more quality time with your child.

Earl: Good morning, my family who loves me.
Baby: Not the mama.
Earl: All right, that ends right now. I've had it up to here with this "not the mama". I am not "not the nama", I'm your daddy, and you only get one, buster, and that's what you're gonna call me. Daddy. Now say "Daddy".
[Baby refuses]
Earl: Say "Daddy".
[Baby still refuses]
Earl: Okay, all right, all right. Say "da".
Baby: Da.
Earl: Say "dee".
Baby: Dee.
Earl: Da...
Baby: Da...
Earl: Dee.
Baby: Dee.
Earl: Daddy!
Baby: Daddy!
Earl: Frannie!
Baby: Daddy.
Earl: [chuckles] Fran!
Baby: Daddy.
Earl: He loves me, listen to him!
Baby: Daddy, Daddy!
[sings]
Baby: Daddy, Da-Daddy, Da-Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. NOT THE MAMA!

Baby: [Gus Molehill and Fran Sinclair grunt] Ah! Make a wish.
Fran: Earl, help me!
Earl: With you in a minute!
Glenda: Let go of my boy!
Aubrey: My arms have a tendency to dislocate!

Howard: [reading a report] No! No! Dear God in Heaven, say it isn't so! Please, no!
[realizes he's on camera]
Howard: It's nothing, now here's Dwayne with sports.
Fran: [to Earl] What was it? It was something bad, wasn't it? Why won't they tell us what's going on?

Baby: Read me a story, Grandma Smoo.
[laughs at the word]
Grandma: Ah, you really think that's funny, don't you?
Baby: What, smoo? Smoo funny? Smoo. Smoo! Yeah, smoo funny!
[laughs again at the word]
Grandma: Call me when you clean up your act.
[Ethyl leaves]

Baby: [laughs] I wanna explode.
[grunts]
Monica: Honey, you're not going to explode.
Baby: [strains] Wanna bet?
[grunts]
Baby: Whoops! Need a diaper, aisle four.
Charlene: [arrives] Hi, everyone.
Fran: Hi, sweetheart. How's the job hunt going?
Charlene: Terrible. There's nothing out there for females.
Fran: Now don't get discouraged. If you keep plugging away I'm sure you'll find something just wonderful.
Monica: That's right, Charlene. I hear they're hiring now in your mom's imagination.
Fran: What's that supposed to mean?
Monica: She dosen't have a chance. Haven't you ever heard of the old boys' network?
Charlene: No. What's that?
Monica: It's a bunch of old guys who all went to the same school and belonged to the same clubs. And they all get together and smoke cigars and do everything they can to keep females from getting ahead.
Fran: Oh, that's just a myth.

Earl: I'll let you know a little secret. If you take off the mask and cape and the funny costume, sometimes you find a real hero underneath.
Baby: ...Looks like you.
Earl: That's the point. You see daddies are heroes too, and mommies. We may not have heat vision but we go to back breaking, mind numbing jobs, so you can grow up comfortably and have some nice things in your life. It may not be flashy, but it's real.

Baby: Something's funny.
Fran: Nothing's funny!
[turns off the TV]
Fran: Nothing's funny at all!
Charlene: But Mom, they said a dirty word on TV.

Baby: I said something. Was it... .Smoo?
Fran: We don't say that word.
Baby: Why?
Grandma: Because it's a bad word.
Baby: Why?
Grandma: Because it's dirty.
Baby: Why?
Grandma: Ask your mother.
Baby: Why?
Fran: Uh... .it means... .well, it means... . it means the bottom of a dinosaur's feet. And feet touch the ground and get dirty so... . it's a dirty word and nice dinosaurs don't say it.
Baby: Why?
Fran: Because it's not nice. And it certainly doesn't belong on TV.
[both chuckling]
Earl: Oh, Fran, lighten up. You think dinosaurs have so little going on in their lives, that they'd really care about one little word some guy says on TV?

Baby: Tell me a story or no one sleeps!
Earl: Okay.
[sighs]

Baby: [angrily] I want to watch TV!
Babysitter: What time is the child's bedtime?
Fran: Eight o'clock.
Babysitter: It is too late to watch television. It is your bedtime.
Baby: [angrily] No! Don't want to go to sleep! Don't wanna, don't wanna, don't wanna!
Babysitter: You will sleep, for I will read from the bedtime book.
Baby: [angrily] Not that book! Not that book!

Baby: What's Refrigerator Day?
Ethyl: I already told you.
Baby: Oh, was I listening?
Ethyl: Refrigerator Day is the day when dinosaurs celebrate the one invention that made modern civilization possible.
Baby: Diapers?
Ethyl: No, although that was an important one too, especially in summer.

Howard: [In Robbie's thoughts] And, on this unexpected holiday from school, thousands of very cool guys and totally hot babes spent the day frollicking in the ash. Having what many describe as "the MOST FUN EVER."
Robbie: Alright, that's it. I'm going outside.
Fran: [In Robbie's thoughts] I want you to stay in your room, finish that assignment, and have no fun for the rest of your life.
Robbie: Isn't she terrific? My mother, ladies and gentlemen?
Earl: [In Robbie's thoughts] How about a hand for the guy paying these heating bills?
Fran: Earl, get out of Robbie's thoughts and pay those bills.
Earl: Yes, dear. Sheesh.

Baby: Mama. Not the mama. It's my birthday?
Fran: That's right, sweetheart. You're not two anymore. You're three years old. Now blow out your birthday candles.
Baby: Yeah, yeah! Okay.
[blows out his birthday candles, and the family cheers]
Baby: I'm starving. How about some cake?
Earl: Aww. It's great to have you back, son.

Fran: Are you all right, sweetheart?
Baby: No, I broke my monster bat.
Fran: Aww.
Baby: I'm scared again. Don't leave me.
Fran: Don't worry, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere.

Baby: Robbie. Um, tell me a story.
Robbie: Life stinks, The End.

Baby: Robbie!
Robbie: What?
Baby: Need you now!
Robbie: Charlene's there, need her!
Baby: The monster ate her!
Robbie: Well, then I bet Mr. Monster's tired from all that chewing. Now why don't you both just go to sleep?
Baby: I'M SCAAAAARRRREEEED!
Robbie: [sighs] Charlene, can you please deal with this?
Baby: I don't think so!

Earl: Nobody talk about... you know what.
Baby: What can't we talk about?
Earl: Nobody tell him.
Baby: Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!
Earl: [sighs] Okay... nobody can talk about... spoons.

Baby: Yeah.
Charlene: Huh? Yeah?
Baby: Let's play, Fetch Snooky.
Charlene: Oh, okay. Um, how do we play?
Baby: This is Snooky.
Charlene: Oh.
Baby: [throws Snooky on the floor] Fetch him!

Earl: [Baby is straining] And what would you be doing?
Baby: ...nothing.
Earl: You're gonna make a poop, aren't you?
Baby: ...maybe...
[continues straining]
Robbie: He's goin'.
Charlene: Definitely.
Earl: Are you going or not?
Baby: [strains than sighs relieved] Not anymore.
Earl: Alright, that's it! We're going back up to the bathroom and we're not coming out until one of us is potty trained!

Edward R. Hero: [chief elder] I decree that henceforth, this child shall be called... Uh...
Baby: I'm the Baby, gotta love me.
Edward R. Hero: Baby. Baby Sinciar. Yes. It sorta fits.
Fran: Baby? Oh what a beautiful name.
Earl: Baby? I could've done this job!

Baby: Daddy!
Earl: What?
Baby: Play a game?
Earl: Okay.
Baby: Goody!
Earl: Let's play, Where's Daddy.

[repeated line]
Baby: Not the mama!

Pearl: I wish he wasn't so mad at me.
Baby: Get him a toy!
Pearl: Oh, I think it'll take more than that, sugar.
Baby: More than a toy? Wow.

Spike: If you want to hear great music, you gotta come down to the swamp.
Robbie: The swamp? That's on the other side of the tracks, isn't it?
Spike: Yeah, real dangerous. Your dad would never let you go.
Robbie: No problem, we'll just sneak out.
Baby: I'm telling!
Spike: Difficult to do without a tongue.
Earl: [enters kitchen] Telling what?
Baby: They're going to the swamp!
[points to Spike]
Baby: And he's gonna rip my tongue out!
Earl: Yeah?
[to Spike]
Earl: Well I'm with you on the tongue thing.
Baby: Hey!

Baby: [to Wendy] You have a bad reputation.

Baby: [angrily] I wanna go to Swamp Cabin! Swamp Cabin! Swamp Cabin! Swamp Cabin! Swamp Cabin!

Earl: I discover a whole new world and nobody even cares!
Baby: Yaaaaayyy!
Earl: There, you see? He knows how to show me some respect.
Baby: Mama discovered new world!
Earl: No, not Mama, Daddy, Daddy discovered new world.
Baby: What did Mama do?
Earl: Nothing.
Baby: Nothing, yaaaayyy! Mama did nothing! Mama did nothing! Ha ha ha!

Baby: I'm gonna bite you now.
[bites Earl on the head]

Earl: And we were gonna ask to jump out of the cake.
Fran: Terrible twos. That's an old wives' tale.
Ethyl: So what do I look like, a debutante? Think back, Fran. You've gone through this twice before. Robbie, and then Charlene.
Fran: Well, let me see. I remember making little decorative twos for the birthday cakes.................. . and then they were three years old. That's funny. I've no recollection of that entire year.
Earl: Fran, let me try. Uh, I was sneaking a taste of the icing from Robbie's second birthday cake............... . and then it was this morning. Did I miss anything, Fran?
Ethyl: Oh, jeez.
Fran: That's odd. Neither of us has any recollection of the children being two.
Ethyl: It's was so traumatic and horrible you blocked it out, and now it's gonna happen again. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Earl: [singing] Happy Birthday dear Baby Happy Birthday to you
Baby: [singing] Happy birthday to me
[the whole family laugh and electricity crackles]
Baby: [cackles]
Earl: Okay, son, time to blow out the candles.
[Baby Sinclair breathes smoke at the family]
Charlene: Baby!
Earl: [Baby Sinclair laughs]
[puts icing in his mouth and smacks his lips]
Earl: Yum. Devil's food.

Fran: What on earth are you doing?
Earl: [angrily] Morning, noon and night it's Georgie, Georgie, Georgie! Georgie on the farm, Georgie at the zoo, Georgie at the beach!
Baby: That's my favourite!
Earl: [angrily] Oh, yeah? Well, this is my favourite. Georgie in a million pieces!
[growls angrily]
Fran: Oh!
Earl: [grunts] Die!
[growls and destroys the tape]
Earl: Die, die, die!
[Baby Sinclair wails]
Fran: That was horrible! Look how you've upset him.
Baby: I miss Georgie! I want Georgie!

Ethyl: [wrapping up If You Were a Tree] Good story, eh?
Baby: Stupid!
Ethyl: Why do you say that?
Baby: The tree pusher, he didn't learn anything, stupid!
Ethyl: But did YOU learn something?
Baby: [realization] ... Yeah.

Baby: Hi Captain Impressive! Will you autograph the trachea plug for me?
Earl: Baby, why would you want something so dangerous?
Baby: Because it's got YOUR name on it, and you're my HERO!
Earl: I WANTED to be your hero, but not to sell you things.
Baby: You got sneakers with a pump?

Charlene: [Ethyl's unconscious] Grandma, can you say something?
Robbie: Hey look, look, I think she's coming around.
Earl: No no no no no, no the hole's already dug, let's get on with it.
Ethyl: Not so fast fat boy.
[takes Earl's shovel and hits him in the face with it]
Earl: [groans] I knew I should've had her cremated.
[falls down unconscious]
Ethyl: .Where am I?
Robbie: Grandma, we brought you home from the station. We were worried.
Charlene: Yeah, we better call your producer, I mean he thought you were dead.
Ethyl: Let him think whatever he wants, I'm not going back.
Fran: But why, Mom? I thought you loved talking about the afterlife.
Ethyl: I do, Fran, but if I'm ever gonna go back, I can't just sit around watching the grass grow. What I'm going to do is enjoy life and love each and every one of you... starting tomorrow.
Fran: Why not today?
Ethyl: Because today, there's a perfectly good hole in the backyard and we're gonna bury fat boy in it.
Earl: [comes around] What?
[Ethyl hits him with the shovel again and he's knocked unconscious]
Baby: Again!
[hits his toy dinosaur on the head with a toy shovel and laughs]

Baby: Okay, Georgie. Can I have my hug now?
Earl: [as Georgie] Oh, sure, special little guy.
[chuckles as Georgie]
Earl: Assuming my head doesn't fall off.
Charlene: Yay.
[Earl kisses Baby Sinclair as Georgie]
Robbie: Aw, isn't that special?
Baby: Yay!

Baby: Brother! Sister! I'm all alone!
Baby: [He turns to the audience, his eyes widen] Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Monster: Ah, you want to negotiate?
Robbie: Yeah.
Monster: Fine, I'll negotiate. I'll negotiate after I eat you!
[all crying]
Monster: Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Robbie: Well, at least we have a dialogue going. Ha.

Baby: She's too controlling, I wanna wear a dress!

Baby: Yoo-hoo, table monster.

Fran: It's too loud!
[turns off the TV]
Fran: And I don't like the values they portray.
Robbie: Mom, you're overreacting.
Baby: Beer! Cigarettes! Chicks!
Robbie: He could've heard that anywhere.
Earl: [arrives] Where is he? Where is he? Ah, there's the birthday boy! Tomorrow's the big day! Yay.
Baby: [chuckles] Yay! Presents! Presents!
Earl: Hey! You betcha! Presents, hats, streamers, the works for your first birthday. Even a pony!
Baby: Pony?
Earl: That's right! A big, juicy one, grilled to perfection.

Baby: [watching TV with Earl] Ha ha ha ha ha! Puppets! Ha ha ha ha!
Purple: To which Lord Bellington replied "Madam, that is not my wife, that is the arch-bishop."
Green: Toh! That would explain his reluctance to dance with me! Yes, yes...
Purple: That, and his dreadful taste in hats!
[both laugh]
Earl: [laughs] Hey, hey, Frannie - you gotta see this puppet show. It's terrific!
Baby: Uh-huh!
Fran: Earl, that's for kids.
Earl: Yeah, you'd think that because they're puppets - so the show seems to have a children's asthetic.
[turns to camera]
Earl: Yet the dialouge is unquestionably sharp-edged, witty and thematically skewed to adults.
Purple: Here comes our neighbor, Mr. Argyle.
Green: Dah!
Mr. Argyle: Ah! Good day to you, lassie and laddie! And where is that athletic son of yours?
Purple: Well he's...
Son: Hello, Mummy and Daddy!
Purple: He's here.
Son: Look who I brought home for dinner!
[two decorated female sock puppets come in]
Purple: Oh! Don't you bring that pair of hos into this house!
[they gasp]
Earl: [laughs] I'm telling you Fran, this show works on two levels!
Fran: [questioning and incredulous] They look like puppets. I'm not watching.

TV: The Friendly Bunny will not be seen tonight so that we may bring you the following brand new program quickly thrown together in a shameless grab for ratings.
Earl: Oh this should be good.
TV: It's the Smoo Show!
Baby: *Smoo*!

Baby: [On TV] This pan is pretty good.

Baby: [about a picture he drew] Where're you gonna put it?
Fran: Gee, I don't know, the refrigerator's all full.
Baby: Oh...buy another refrigerator, problem solved, back to work.

Charlene: [arrives] Hi. Sorry I'm late.
Fran: Charlene. I didn't know you were out.
Charlene: Yeah, all day. Wow, dinner looks great. Shame. Too bad I already ate.
[grabs a chicken drumstick]
Charlene: Bye. La, la.
[Charlene leaves]
Fran: [Earl groans] I swear this family is falling apart. We might as well just be strangers who live in the same house. Dinner used to be the one hour when we all got together to share the events of the day.
Earl: Not true, Fran. It never took us a whole hour to eat dinner.
[Fran groans]
Fran: Well, at least you're here to have dinner with Mommy, aren't you?
Baby: Already ate.
Fran: You already ate? What did you eat?
Baby: You aren't gonna like it.

[Baby Sinclair pretends he's snoring]
Fran: I don't believe you.
Baby: I don't blame you.

Robbie: These are my schoolbooks.
Charlene: [gasps] My diary!
Earl: Oh, come on now. We all have to make sacrifices if we want to remain a Fernhill family.
Fran: Ugh, that mug! That awful mug is the root of this whole mess. You're lucky you put in that security system or else I'd walk in there right now and smash it to pieces!
Earl: Fran! that mug, as you call it, has made us happier than we've ever been! If you weren't so angry you'd see that! Fran! Fran!
Baby: Bad mug.

Baby: [after hatching] Whoa, I'm on the floor. Whuh-oh, lots of feet; can't get up.

Earl: Who do you love?
Baby: Mama.
Earl: Who do you love second best?
Baby: Mama.
Earl: Alright, let's try this again. Who is talking to you right now?
Baby: Not the mama!

Baby: I wanna go to the afterlife. So much better than the now life.

Earl: Fran, I'm home, I'm hungry and I hate everything.
Baby: Not the mama!
Earl: Ah neither are you!

Earl: [singsong] Look who's home!
[Baby turns his head and glares at Earl]
Baby: [demonic voice] Not the Mama!
[Baby rotates his head back as he growls]

Fran: [They are driving to the doctor's office] How about a cupcake?
Baby: Ooh, cupcake.
Earl: [driving] You're giving a kid a cupcake in a new car? What are you thinking about?
Fran: Him. He gets a little nervous whenever I take him to the pediatrician so I'm trying to make the whole experience a little more positive. It's called parenting, Earl.
Earl: Oh, please. I've been parenting for 15 years, nobody has to tell me how to be a good dad.
[to Baby]
Earl: You get one crumb on that seat, and you're crawling home, buster.

Earl: Roy borrowed my mug?
Fran: Yes, he said he wanted to impress a date.
Earl: You loaned it to Roy? He's riff raff! Oh, Mr. Richfield was right.
[Roy enters from behind; Earl doesn't notice]
Earl: Now Cap'n Willy's stranded in Roy's crummy little low-rent dump, while Roy and some sleazy cookie slobber over it and paw it with their greasy little fingers!
Baby: Hi, Uncle Roy.

Earl: I'm sorry I ruined your first Refrigerator Day. Go ahead, Junior. Bang my head real hard with this pot.
Baby: That's gettin' old.

Earl: [presenting the toy car wrapped in paper] Son, this present is only for good little boys. You can have it, if you promise to be good.
Baby: [Faking Innocence] I'll be good... I promise.
[a golden halo appears on top of baby's head and a twinkle happens in his eye]
Fran: It's not right, Earl, bribing a child to behave!
Earl: ...and if it works?
Fran: It's a short sighted, stop gap, quick fix solution...
Earl: You don't have to sell me on it.
[Fran grunts irritably]
Earl: Here, son, look! A car!
Baby: [excited] A car! Oh, boy!
Earl: [giggles] Come on.
[grabs the Baby and puts him in the kiddie car]
Robbie: Gee Dad, you never bribed me with anything neat like that.
Earl: You were never rotten enough to deserve it.

Baby: I want to watch the movie, I'm a bi-i-i-ig boy!
Fran: Of course you are. You want your snuggle bear?
Baby: Yes.

Baby: Gimme cake! Ice CREEEEEEAM!

Earl: [about the baby's drawing] That's just a shapeless green blob.
Baby: I call it Daddy!
[Earl glares at him]
Fran: We're going to put this picture of Daddy up on the refrigerator.
Baby: Okay!

Baby: Then what happened?
Earl: I went to work.
Baby: Why?
Earl: Because your mother makes me.
Baby: Am I at work?
Earl: No.
Baby: Am I at work?
Earl: No.
Baby: Am I at work?
Earl: Yes, yes.
Baby: No, I'm not.

Baby: I'm a *big* boy!

Baby: This is your Brain.
[Raises frying pan]
Baby: This is your brain on the plant.
[Hits Earl over head with frying pan]
Baby: Any questions?

Baby: You got spit up?
Earl: Yep.
Baby: You got spit up too?
Robbie: Yeah.
Baby: Did you bring me a present?

Fran: Wendy.
Wendy: Yes?
Fran: You should know that your fellow students have been circulating a rumor that you have... an eating disorder.
Wendy: What?
Charlene: [accusingly] You ate your last four boyfriends and now you're gonna eat Robbie!
Wendy: [shouts] That's not true!
[Earl, Charlene, and Baby go startled]
Wendy: [now calm] I - I never ate anybody.
Fran: I believe you, dear, but you have to admit four boyfriends all disappeared, never to be seen again
Wendy: I know, it's so strange, but it's not me. It's like there's something out there devouring my boyfriends! Someone's trying to stop me from having any kind of relationship; trying to keep me from growing up. I mean, what kind of horrible monster would...
[sighs in exasperation]
Wendy: Daddy!
Earl: Daddy?
[Charlene and Fran gasp in horror]
Earl: [finally gets it] Daddy!
Baby: Uh-oh!

Earl: Hey, hey! Calm down, Junior. It's only Moola the Cash Cow, Wesaysoland's whimsical and highly-copyrighted park mascot.
Baby: No, no! Get him away from me!
[cries]
Moola the Cash Cow: Step right up to the ticket booth, Dad, and pay for admission, so we can start the family fun!
[chuckles]

Fran: [the guys are watching a movie about a killer squash monster] I don't want Baby staying up watching these scary movies, he'll have nightmares.
Baby: I'm not scared of vegetables!

Baby: I want to watch TV.
Fran: No TV until after you play with your educational game.
Baby: [grumbles] Educational game stinks!

Baby: Smoo.
B.P. Richfield: What did he call me?
Earl: Uh... He said Lou. You see he thinks of you as his sweet Uncle Lou.
B.P. Richfield: My name is not Lou.
Earl: I know but don't you find the uncle part endearing?

[after hearing a swear word on TV]
Fran: I will not have that kind of gutter language in this house!
Baby: Smoo!
[the whole family gasp in shock]
Baby: What'd I say?

Earl: We're gonna need another Timmy!

Mr. Myman: [opens the brief case] And here it is! Our research boys just came up with it, The P-2000. The dawn of a new pan age.
[Earl groans]
Mr. Myman: Go ahead, little fella, give it a whack.
Earl: Get the ice pack, Fran.
Baby: Come on. Closer.
[Earl whimpers]
Baby: Not... the... mama!
[Baby hits Earl with the P-2000]
Fran: [Earl falls down] I can't believe it! It didn't break!
Baby: This pan is pretty good.

Baby: I've got a present.
Francois: [curiously] Oh, I where would I find it?
Baby: In my diaper.
Francois: [furiously] Ugh! You are disgusting! Ha!
Baby: Shut up!
Francois: Awk!
Baby: Shut up!
Francois: Awk!
Baby: Shut up!!
Francois: Awk!
Baby: Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up!
[Baby and Francois scream at each other in argument]

Mr. Myman: [trying to keep Fran and Baby in showbusiness] You could have your own show, talk about anything you want, cooking, household cleaning... how you raise everybody's favorite baby.
Baby: Mama?
Fran: Hmm?
Baby: WHERE'S MY LIMO?
Fran: [to Mr. Myman] You want to know how I'm going to raise my baby? Well it is NOT going to be on some movie lot surrounded by a bunch of manipulative, two faced cellular phonies. He's going to be raised here by a family that loves him and knows what's best for him.
Mr. Myman: I see,
[to Baby]
Mr. Myman: Your mama's trying to flush your career down the toilet. We're not going to let her get away with that, are we?
Baby: [looks at Fran and back to Myman] Yes!
[hits Myman with a frying pan]

Earl: Maybe we went a little overboard with the poison.
Charlene: A little? Your stupid spray killed all plant life!
Earl: Hey, what are you complaining about? You never liked salads anyway.
Robbie: You've destroyed the global food chain! No plants means no food at all!
Earl: Nonsense! There's a wide variety of commercial snack foods which have virtually no natural ingredients.
Fran: Earl, we can't live on Ho-Ho's!
Baby: I can!

Baby: [watching Baby Cuddlebunny] Not the pajamas, not the pajamas.
Grandma: It's amazing the way a phrase like that can catch on.

Robbie: Why are you living with the cavemen?
Thighs: When I was small like uh, Baby Gotta Love Me...
Baby: Huh?
Thighs: My parents, eh... da weak?
Caveman: Da weak!
Thighs: Dinosaur, bring me to forest for picnic, but soon, I am alone, parents no more.
Robbie: Oh, they died, huh?
Thighs: No, two career couple, no time for kid, they leave me, drive away fast!
Baby: That stinks!
Thighs: Oh no, cave people find me, raise as one of them. Live here many years, very happy, until dinosaur come! Rape and denude our land! Make cave people angry! That is why they bring YOU here.

Solomon: Then, in my divine wisdom, there is only one equitable solution. To divide the child in two.
[thunderclap]
Baby: Huh?
Fran: Earl, we can't let him do this!
Solomon: Silence! Do not question the wisdom of Solomon The Great. My powers are beyond the comprehension of mere mortals. And now I shall perform the miracle of divine justice with the help of my assistant Ramona!
[Ramona appears and Baby's parents and Aubrey's parents exclaim]
Earl: Oh!
Gus: Hey! Yes! Good!
[Baby Sinclair exclaims]
Gus: Hey, nice, nice!
Solomon: Ha!
Earl: Nice box.
[applause]
Solomon: Mr. Sinclair, if you would, bring me the pink baby.
Earl: Oh, yeah.
[Baby Sinclair laughs and Earl Sinclair brings Solomon The Great the pink baby]
Solomon: Now, place the child completely in the box, head there, feet here.
Earl: Head there, feet there. Oh! Oh! Watch your nose.
Solomon: Now, Mr. Sinclair, we've never met before. Is that correct, sir?
Earl: Yes, that is correct, sir.
Solomon: And no money has changed hands between us?
Earl: None whatsoever.
Solomon: Well, then how do I have your wallet? Ha-ha!
Earl: Whoa! Hey! That's wonderful!
Baby: Yay! Yay!
Solomon: Mr. Sinclair, as you can see, this is an ordinary box.
Baby: Careful! Careful!
Solomon: There are no hidden panels. No secret compartments. Just a simple, wooden box.
Earl: Yes, it looks okay to me.
Solomon: You may step back now. Thank you. Now, how about a hand for Mr. Sinclair?
Earl: Oh, thank you, thank you.
[applause]
Solomon: And thank you.

Fran: The great judge.
Robbie: Yeah. He could settle this once and for all.
Gus: He's the wisest dinosaur of them all.
Aubrey: Capital idea.
Baby: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Officer: [the police officers kick in the door] Ha! You! You're under arrest!
[all gasp]
Earl: What for?
Officer: Copyright infringement. You messed with the wrong hippo, pal.
Earl: Wait, wait...
Officer: That's right.
[indistinct shouting]
Officer: Don't make this any harder on yourself.
[the police officers arrest Earl]
Baby: Hey, don't touch him! That's Georgie!

Neighbor: You Sinclair kids come over here at the middle of the night on the 31st of October and expect me to give you candy? GET LOST.
Robbie: Hmm, next time maybe we should wear costumes.
Robbie: Naw.

Earl: [happily] Good morning, my family who loves me!
Baby: [pointing] Not the Mama!
Earl: All right, that ends right now! I have had it up to here with this "Not the Mama". I am not "Not the Mama", I'm your daddy. And you only get one, buster, and that is what you're gonna call me. Daddy. Now say "Daddy".
[Baby refuses]
Earl: Say "Daddy"!
[Baby still refuses]
Earl: Okay. All right, all right, say "da".
Baby: Da.
Earl: Say "dee".
Baby: Dee.
Earl: Da.
Baby: Da.
Earl: Dee.
Baby: Dee.
Earl: Daddy!
Baby: Daddy!
Earl: Frannie!
Baby: Daddy!
Earl: [chuckles] Fran!
Baby: Daddy!
Earl: He loves me, listen to him!
Baby: [sings] Daddy, Daddy!
[sings]
Baby: Daddy, Da-daddy, D-Daddy, Daddy, Daddy. Not the Mama!
[Earl glares at Baby]

Robbie: So, where's Charlene?
Baby: I told you. Monster pulled her under the bed!
Robbie: [groans] Oh, look. I'm gonna show you once and for all that there is no monster under the bed! What?
[sees a scary hole]
Robbie: Just this big scary hole leading into a cavernous netherworld.
Baby: Charlene's down there. We gotta save her!
[the monster roars]
Robbie: [cries out] Well, look, uh, just because you saw Charlene get sucked into that hole, don't necessarily mean that she's down there.
Charlene: Robbie! Help! Help me, Robbie! Can you hear me?
Robbie: Bummer.

Pearl: Now wouldn't that be a hoot? If I got married and settled down here. Wouldn't that put a knot in Earl's britches?
Charlene: Yep, all the more reason to do it.
Robbie: Dad's been a real jerk lately.
Baby: He's no fun. I want YOU to be my daddy.
Pearl: Oh, I know you mean that in a sweet way.
Baby: No I don't.

Robbie: Hey, birthday boy, help is on the way.
[laughs]
Robbie: Here you go, bro, a little something I made for you in shop class.
Baby: Gimme, gimme, gimme!
Robbie: Ow! I think I lost my finger.
[Baby Sinclair unwraps a present]
Fran: Oh, a toy train.
Robbie: Yeah, I worked on it all year. I even whittled little forks and spoons for the dining cart.
[laughs]
Fran: Wasn't that thoughtful?
Baby: [gets angry and smashes the toy train with a hammer] Want something from the store!
Fran: Oh!
[Baby Sinclair cries]
Robbie: Gee, that clear varnish doesn't protect like it's supposed to.
Charlene: Oh, I'm sorry.
Baby: [angrily] I'm not happy! I'm not happy! I'M NOT HAPPY!

Earl: Daddy-got-a-new-job!
Baby: Can't'-see-the-T-V!
Robbie: Forget it, Dad, his favorite show's on.
Earl: Not anymore.
[shuts TV off]
Baby: [cries] Wanna see Captain Action Figure!
Earl: What's so special about this Captain Action Guy?
Baby: He's my hero!
Earl: What's he got that I don't?
Baby: A TV show! Turn it back on!

Baby: [after drinking a bottle of juice] I'm gonna blow up, I'm gonna blow up, WHOA I'm gonna blow, CLEEEAR!
[lets out a small burp]
Fran: Aw...
[Baby laughs and then lets out a burp that shakes the house]

[first lines]
Baby: [after Baby finishes his bottle] More.
Fran: You've finished your bottle, dear, you're full now.
Baby: Not full, empty; fill me up.
Fran: Honey, that was dinner. Next bottle's at bedtime.
Baby: [yawns] Tired, sleepy, night-night.
Fran: No night-night.
Baby: Night-night!
Fran: No night-night.
Baby: Bottle!
Fran: Not till night-night.
Baby: This stinks.

[repeated line]
Baby: Again!

Earl: You think I'm not gonna come after you? You're playing with fire here, you're playing with fire!
Baby: No, I'm playing with fire.
[sticks his tail in the fire, Earl rushes over and pulls him away from the stove]
Baby: Daddy!
Earl: What?
Baby: [points to his flaming tail] Hot!
[Earl rushes to the sink]
Baby: Where we going?
[Earl soaks his tail in the water]
Baby: Ahhhhh, again!

Baby: I got leeches. Can I keep them?
Fran: No, hon, those are for dinner.

Baby: [hitting Earl with a bottle] Not the mama, not the mama, not the mama.
Earl: I really wish you'd grow out of this.

Baby: I wanna go to school.
Charlene: Why?
Baby: So I can stay home.
Charlene: You are home.
Baby: Then I got my way.

Robbie: That's what I was about to tel you, Warner gave all the songs to Perry Llewellyn, he ripped us off.
Sonny: You mean he ripped *us* off. Oh Pop, you were right, you can't get a fair shake from the Lizard. I'm never leaving the swamp again.
Howlin': Hush up, I want to hear this.
TV: Order your copy of Swamp Music today, due to excessive demand, estimated delivery is 6-8 weeks.
Howlin': That guy's making a fortune with our music.
Sonny: Yeah, we got shafted!
Howlin': I know that, but you're missing the big picture. If he can get famous doing *that* to our music, just think what we could do by giving folks the real thing.
Sonny: But you *can't* trust the Lizard, Pop.
Howlin': Oh hush up about the Lizard. I spent my life moaning about what the Lizard done to me, and now I'm starting to hear the same things coming out of your mouth, and I don't like it.
Sonny: But how're we gonna release our music? The Lizard will never give us a break.
Howlin': Then we make our own breaks. There's no reason we can't cut our own records, and release them ourselves, a mammal owned record company!

Baby: [straining] Gotta go.
Earl: No, no.
Elder: And from his mouth shall ring out only the purest truth.
Baby: Gotta go.
Earl: Junior, hold it in.
Elder: Behold the king of the dinosaurs. Behold his brow is knit with wisdom.
Earl: Hey, are you guys serious?
Elder: Behold! He is about to speak!
Baby: I made a big poop.

Baby: Are we dead?
Fran: No, sweetheart.
Baby: You promised.

Baby: Wait a minute! Lightning struck twice in the same place?

Fran: I've changed every diaper in this house for the past 15 years and now, it's YOUR turn.
Earl: Well, we're skipping my turn.
Baby: I'm not getting any fresher over here.
Robbie: You know, Dad, Mom's got a point. It is kinda sexist to expect her to change all the diapers because she's a female.
Earl: Well, we don't wanna be sexist, now do we, son? Here,
[hands him diaper]
Earl: Knock yourself out.

Baby: [squirming in his high chair] My diaper's itching. I think I'll... take it off.
Earl: [looking up from his parent's manual] Don't you dare!

Robbie: Gee, Dad, I thought you loved the dome. You said it was going to make us rich.
Earl: Yeah well now it's going to make us need plastic surgery and a relocation program.
Robbie: You can't possibly believe that.
Baby: [wearing a disguise] Not the baby!

[repeated line]
Baby: Not the mama!