The Best Damon Wayans Jr. Quotes

Hiro: [meeting Tadashi's friends] Honey Lemon? Go Go? Wasabi?
Wasabi: [frustrated] I spilled wasabi on my shirt one time, people. ONE TIME!
Tadashi: [chuckles] Fred's the one who comes up with the nicknames.
Hiro: Uh, who's Fred?
Fred: [appears behind Hiro in his mascot costume] This guy! Right here!
[Hiro yelps and jumps back in alarm]
Fred: Uh-uh! Don't be alarmed.
[opens up the costume's mouth to reveal his face]
Fred: It's just a suit. This is not my real face and body.
[shakes Hiro's hand]
Fred: The name's Fred. School mascot by day. But by night...
[Fred does several impressive moves with the sign he's carrying]
Fred: I am also the school mascot.
Hiro: So what's your major?
Fred: No, no, no. I'm not a student. But I am a MAJOR science enthusiast.
[He sits down and picks up a comic book with a shapeshifter on the cover]
Fred: I've been trying to get Honey to develop a formula that can turn me into a fire-breathing lizard at will. But she says that's, "not science."
Honey: It's-it's really not.
Fred: Yeah. And I guess the shrink ray I asked Wasabi for isn't "science" either, is it?
Wasabi: Nope.
Fred: Well then, what about, invisible sandwich? Imagine eating a sandwich, but everyone just thinks you're crazy!
Wasabi: Just stop.

Fred: [singing] Six intrepid friends, led by Fred, their leader, Freeeeed! Fred's Angels, mm-mm-mm! Fred's Angels, mm-mm-mm! Harnessing the power of the sun with the ancient amulet they found in the attic! Mmm-m-mm! The amulet is green! Mmm-m-mm! It's prob'ly an emerald...
Wasabi: Fred? I will LASER-HAND you in the face!

Tadashi: Wow, a lot of sweet tech here today. How are you feeling?
Hiro: You're talking to an ex-bot fighter. Takes a lot more than this to rattle me.
Go: Yep, he's nervous.
Fred: Oh, you have nothing to fear, little fella.
Honey: He's so tense.
Hiro: No, I'm not!
Honey: Relax, Hiro. Your tech is amazing. Tell him, Go Go.
Go: Stop whining. Woman up.
Hiro: I'm fine!
Wasabi: What do you need, little man? Deodorant, breath mint, fresh pair of underpants?
Go: Underpants? You need serious help.
Wasabi: Hey, I come prepared.
Fred: I haven't done laundry in six months. One pair lasts me four days. I go front, I go back, I go inside out, then I go front and back.
[Wasabi dry-heaves]
Tadashi: Wow, that is both disgusting and awesome.
Go: Don't encourage him.
Fred: It's called recycling.

Wasabi: [During the car chase] Why is he trying to kill us?
[He sticks his head out the window]
Wasabi: Um, why are you trying to kill us?
Fred: It's classic villain. We've seen too much!
Honey: Let's not jump to conclusions. We don't KNOW he's trying to kill us.
Fred: [spots a car flying towards them] CAR!
Honey: HE'S TRYING TO KILL US!

Go: [riding on Baymax with the rest of the team] Killer view!
Wasabi: Yeah, if I wasn't terrified of heights, I'd probably love this. But I'm terrified of heights, so I don't love it!

Fosse: Hope you like prison food... and penis.

Fosse: At the crime scene, LOL
Martin: Good tweet, good tweet.

Hiro: Actually, if we're going to catch this guy, I need to upgrade all of you.
Wasabi: Upgrade who now?
Baymax: Those that suffer a loss require support from friends and loved ones.
Fred: [laughs excitedly] Oh-ho yeah, I like where this is heading...
Wasabi: We can't go up against that guy! We're nerds!
Honey: Hiro, we want to help, but we're just... us.
Hiro: No. You can be WAY more!

Martin: Look at these two jamokes, would ya? One shot Jeter and the other shot an office.
[Fosse guffaws]
Fosse: Have some decorum, we're at a funeral. Shhh.
Fosse: You wanna dance Brolio? Huh? I will rock your body with big nasty hooks, you'll be pissin' blood outta your ass.
Allen: That's horrible.
Terry: Why don't you step back, man. You touch him, I swear to god I'm gonna beat the shit out of you with Allen's head.
Allen: He's not gonna do that, that's hyperbole, but that's a weird example.

Coach: I'm gonna make a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, "Ew. Why do you say moist? I hate that word." I'm gonna be like, "Just taste the cake." And they're gonna be like, "Damn, it's moist!"

Wasabi: [seeing 'quarantine' sign on fencepost] Quarantine? Do you guys know what quarantine means?
Baymax: [defining] Quarantine: Enforced isolation to prevent contamination that could lead to injury, or in some cases, death.
Wasabi: Oh, and uh, this one has a skull face on it. A SKULL FACE!

Coach: Good morning! I, uh, I believe you all know May. If you'd like to exchange pleasantries, please do so now, as she is on her way out.
Nick: Why are you talking like you're high and I'm your dad?

Go: Why have we stopped?
Wasabi: The light's red!
Go: There are no red lights in a car chase!

Wasabi: My brain hates my eyes for seeing this.

Winston: Oh, hey. How do I look?
Jess: Terrible.
Schmidt: N-Not for me.
Nick: Not great.
Coach: Like crap.
Jess: Go change.
Schmidt: I don't like any of it.
Winston: Wow. You guys are like rubbing alcohol. You sting me in the now, but you save me in the later.

Fosse: Got a couple of tips... help you guys stay out of jail. One: try your hardest to not be Black or Hispanic.