The Best Madeline Wuntch Quotes

Chief: Hello, Raymond. How do you like my new office? Twentieth floor.
Captain: Yes, I never thought I'd see you this high without a broom under you.

Chief: [On video] Hello, Raymond. Surprised to see me?
Raymond: Well, I didn't say Bloody Mary three times, so yes.
Amy: When did she record this?
Rosa: Judging by the flames around her, it could be a livestream.

Adam: [to Holt, about Wuntch] You were not her greatest rival, and the proof is right here.
Chief: [On video] Hello, Adam. I may be dying but I burned down your cabin in Maine. You were my one true rival.

Captain: Wuntch.
Chief: Hello, Raymond. You're looking old and sickly.
Captain: So nice of you to greet us, Madeline. I thought surely you'd still be crushed under that house in Munchkinland.
Chief: Sticks and stones, Raymond.
Captain: Describing your breakfast?

Chief: You don't trust me, I don't trust you. The mission is off. Here's your bug back. It's not an actual bug, so don't eat it, you lizard.
Captain: Ha! You didn't specify the subspecies of lizard. I won that round!

Raymond: You don't feel sad when a monster dies in a monster movie. In "E.T.," do you feel sad when E.T. dies?
Chief: Yes.
Terry: He wasn't a monster.
Raymond: He caused a real commotion.

Deputy: If you were planning on sneezing, you should've brought your own.

Jake: The point is, without any good leads, Kelly will give the order to use the stingray an order that we will record thanks to our very own Madeline Wuntch.
Chief: Not possible. Kelly won't tell me anything. He won't even meet with me.
Captain: Perhaps you can sneak in disguised as an old leather chair.
Jake: Will you calm down? She works at One Police Plaza. All you have to do is run into him.
Chief: [fantasy scene] Commissioner Kelly.
John: Oh, Madeline. I didn't see you there. I thought you were an old leather chair.
Jake: [reality] He's not gonna say that.
Captain: He might.

Chief: Oh, Raymond, that you came to me to ask for help shows how much you've matured. You know what else shows how much you've matured? Your withered face.
Captain: Now I know why you refer to this as a Suicide Squad, Peralta, because I already want to kill myself.
Chief: Why don't you wait a week? You'll probably die of old age.
Captain: The only way I'm going to die is if you touch me with one of your bony fingers and drag me across the River Styx, you reaper.

Deputy: Hello, Raymond.
Captain: Captain Wuntch. Good to see you. But if you're here, who's guarding Hades?

Captain: Care to sit? I'm sure you'd like to take some weight off your cloven hooves.
Deputy: Calling me the devil? How original, Raymond.
Captain: Actually, I was calling you a goat. You goat.