The Best Judge Quotes

John: He's not my property. He's a person. He's way more of a person than lots of other people. I mean, fuckin' Steven Tyler? What the fuck is that, some kinda weird soccer mom looking Goonie monster?
Shep: Your Honor!
Judge: I'll allow it.

Judge: Ms. Jackson please control your client or I will hold you both in contempt of court.
Ted: Oh, piss off! All right? I'm standing up for me, and I'm standing up for the homos! We deserve respect!
Samantha: Ted, shut up!
Ted: Fine!
[Ted begins to play Angry birds on his iPhone]