The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 3, Episode 11 Quotes

Laura: Do you guys know any good brunch places around here?
Lily: We love brunch!

Barney: My Own Bar. I can't hit on women in my own bar. Remember the old Barney? He was a lion. The king of the jungle. Stalking whatever prey he chose. Going in for the kill.
Ted: You've got a whole meat locker at home full of corpses, don't you?
Barney: Now look at me. Declawed, neutered. What was once my jungle is now my zoo and I am forced to mate with the same old lioness... again and again while families pay to watch.
Ted: Yeah this metaphors really falling apart
Barney: Put a bell around my neck and scratch my belly kids... for I am just a docile house cat now. Meow

Robin: He's a hockey player and I'm Canadian. I can't help it. If he was missing some teeth I probably would've already hit that.

- And it was a huge mistake.
- Yeah, well, I think it'll be okay.
- And it was a huge mistake.
- Yeah, well...
- I think it'll be okay.
- And it was a huge mistake.
- Yeah, well...
- I think it'll be okay.

Barney: You've heard of the Golden Rule, "Love Thy Neighbor"?
Ted: Actually, the Golden Rule is "Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Done To You" It's from a little thing called The Bible?
Barney: Ted, dude! I had this whole thing where the Golden Rule is "Love Thy Neighbor", so bear with me, okay? You know the Golden Rule, but what you don't know is that there's a rule above it, The Platinum Rule: You can love your neighbor, but under no circumstances do you ever, ever, ever, ever *love* thy neighbor.

Barney: Step Four is Purg - wait for it... wait for it... keep waiting until you realize there's no escape - atory.

Robin: So, you wanna do something later?
Curt: Oh, so you're talking to me now?
Robin: What are you talking about?
Curt: I'm talking about last night, you said you'd call and you didn't. I missed you and I waited up but you didn't call. That really hurt.
Robin: Oh, I-I'm sorry. I guess I just forgot.
Curt: I'm sorry sweetie. I don't wanna fight tonight. It's our first weeky-versary.

- Are they ghosts?
- Can only we see them?
- "Hey, neighbor."
- "Hey, neighbor."
- "Hey, neighbor."
- Hmm, I remember that.
- How could you guys let me date
- Wendy the Waitress?
- Oh, you are kidding me.
- What?!
- Don't kill the bar, dude.
- We said, "Don't do it."

Ted: [Year 2005] If you screw up Wendy the Waitress, you're going to kill the bar.
Robin: Bar killer.
Marshall: Don't kill the bar, dude.
Barney: Yeah, well, I think it'll be ok.
Barney: [Back at 2006] And it was a huge mistake.
Marshall: Yeah, well, I think it'll be ok.
Lily: [Back at 2007] And it was a huge mistake.
Robin: Yeah, well, I think it'll be ok.
Robin: [Present day] And it was a huge mistake.
Ted: Yeah, well, I think it'll be ok.

Barney: Club soda can get anything off.

Ted: Well, I'm sick of all the rules! There are too many of them. The Hot-Crazy Scale, The Lemon Law, The Platinum Rule. If everyone in the world followed every one of your rules, human race would cease to exist. Yes, chances are Stella and I are not gonna live happily ever after. The overwhelming odds have it ending badly. And when that happens, it'd be from a million possible reasons. But that doesn't mean I'm not gonna try. And when it does fail, so help me God, it's not gonna be because of some "rule". P.S., you just made my hair look awesome. Good night.

- We just go across the hall.
- And say we want to have a dinner party exploring the wine and cuisine of France's
- Loire Valley?
- We just go across the hall.
- Say we want to play a game of charades...

Robin: And now, here's Curt 'The Ironman' Irons with sports.
[Curt doesn't pay attention, just looks depressed]
Robin: Curt. Curt?
[after a few seconds, Curt finally looks up]
Curt: Well, the Knicks lost. It's sad, really. They had a real shot. Then out of nowhere, game over. And why? Why, Robin?
Robin: Well, their preliminary shooting has been a little off this season...
Curt: The Knicks lost because they were afraid of getting hurt. So they didn't even try. Well, you know what I think? I think the Knicks didn't deserve my love to begin with. The Knicks suck!
[gets up and storms out of the studio]

- Center ice.
- Want to go?
- And then we discover the movers lost all our kitchen boxes.
- We don't have a single pot or pan.
- Guess we're ordering take-out.
- Want to have dinner with us tonight?

Lily: This is New York, we don't talk to the neighbors. We say hello as we pass them in the hall, we call the police when we haven't seen them for a while and there's a weird smell coming from their apartment, and that's it.

Ted: [about his butterfly tattoo] Take a good look, guys. Get ready to kiss it goodbye.
Lily: Oh, Ted. Now how will we know you're a stripper from Vegas with daddy issues?

- Dude, actually, we made other plans, so...
- Okay. One word.
- Two syllables.
- Sounds like...
- ..."parade."
- Charades.
- Charades.
- What do you say?

- the Knicks didn't deserve my love to begin with.
- The Knicks suck.
- And that's sports.
Lily: Do you see anything?
Marshall: I think we're clear.
- Okay, go, go, go!

Robin: We can split a cab to work together, we always have a standing lunch date, and last night, at the hockey game, Curt got us into the locker room and I met Mason Raymond.
[gang looks clueless]
Robin: Left wing for the Vancouver Canucks!
Barney: What's the opposite of name-dropping?