The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 8, Episode 17 Quotes

Robin: [about the Captain] He's looking for Lily. Should I give him her number?
Marshall: Yeah we've already discussed it. It's four million dollars cash.

Ted: Oh boy that was a crazy story.
Barney: Oh boy, yeah I remember.
Ted: You weren't there.
Barney: Ted, bubala, if you have a crazy story, I was there. It's just the law of the universe

- Who was this new lady in his life?
- I-I had this weird sinking feeling.
- We both did.
- I had to see that picture.
- So I waited until everyone was out of the room, and then...

- That's weird.
- I have a message.
- That's weird.
- You still have an answering machine.
- Ted, this is the Captain.
- Please call me back at your earliest convenience.
- Oh, crap.

Ted: [Ted looks at his answering machine] That's weird. I have a message.
Marshall: That's weird. You still have an answering machine.

Barney: Aww, great! What if he asks you out? What does that mean for our relationship? What, are we planning to be in some, super-enlightened forward-thinking marriage? Where we don't get hung up on the suffocating and outdated principles of monogamy? And instead, enjoy the company of multiple partners? Sometimes bringing said partners into our marital bed? But just girls, not dudes - except maybe one time just to see what that's like - I mean, is that what you want?
Robin: ...No.
Barney: Gehh- Ookayy! Me neither!

Barney: [Ted asks Barney why he always inserts himself into any historical situations] Because crazy stories are my thing. You have architecture, Marshall has the law, Lily has art, Robin has pleasing me sexually, you all have a passion that drives you! Well, I have a passion, it's taking life and turning it into a series of crazy stories. If you can do that without me, then I don't even know who I am anymore.