The Best How I Met Your Mother, Season 8, Episode 18 Quotes

Barney: [Ted just announced that he's bringing Jeanette to the wedding] You're bringing a plus one?
Robin: If you count the voices in her head it's plus five!

- One true thing that can support the weight of all the lies in the world, and... and that's the fact that I love you.
- And you know that when I say that...
- I am not lying.

Robin: [Barney tries to explain to Robin why the Playbook still exists] You really think this is just about a book Barney? You lied to me, and if we're gonna be in a marriage and trust each other, you can't lie to me. Ever.
Barney: Really, well that's just great, because in case you haven't noticed, these last eight years, lying is what I do best.
[Begins pulling out various magic tricks]
Barney: I'm a magician, Robin. Misdirection and deceit are my stock and trade. You don't want me to lie to you? Lies are the reason that we're together. Every single thing I did to you to get you to say "Yes" to me on that rooftop - Patrice, the false engagement, everything - it was all utter malarkey, but underneath... all of those lies is one true thing - one true thing that can support the weight of all the lies in the world and that's the fact that I love you, and you know that when I say that, I'm not lying.

Lily: So, there's this big gallery opening tonight...
Robin: Oh, we'd love to, but we've got this, hum...
Barney: Genesis reunion. Madison Square Garden. Front row. It's gonna be legen...
Lily: I wasn't inviting you guys.
Barney: Oh, thank God! There is no concert.

Barney: Ted what is my one rule?
Ted: You can tell how old a girl is by her elbows?
Barney: My other one rule
Ted: Flax seed relieves upset stomach?
Barney: My other one rule
Ted: Always have a fake pair of concert tickets in your pocket in case Lily invites you to something stupid?
Barney: My other one rule
Ted: Lebanese girls sprint to third base and then stay there?
Barney: My other one rule
Ted: New is always better?
Barney: New is always better!

- Perfectly invisible.
- And so I dedicate this show to my grandmother's memory.
- Now... please join me in honoring her with 60 seconds of absolute silence.

Ted: Jeannette, this is great. We're back together, you're coming to Barney and Robin's wedding. I found two wine glasses you didn't smash. Call me crazy, but I got a feeling that from hereon out it will be blue skies and...
Jeanette: What THE HELL...
[shows Playbook]
Jeanette: IS THIS?

- Blow it up, Jeanette.
- Put a candle in the window
- 'Cause I feel
- I've got to move
- Though I'm going, going
- I'll be coming home soon
- Long as I can see the light...

- You're right.
- I'm done with all these plays.
- Besides, there's no way
- I'll ever come up with anything that tops
- "Weekend at Barney's."
- "Weekend at Barney's Two!"
- Damn it, Barney!

- I can explain.
- Don't bother.
- I can ex...
- Uh, Ted? Uh...
- I got to step away from mission control for a sec.
- Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone.
- Robin...

Lily: There is Strickland Stevens.
Marshall: Wow. Even his scarf is up-and-coming.

Ted: Your wedding response card as promised.
Robin: Why didn't you just mail it like everybody else?
Ted: Oh, see, that's sad, Robin. You should be touched that I hand-delivered it. Has social media so eroded our interpersonal relationships that we no longer wish to experience the...
Robin: You wanted to keep the stamp?
Ted: They're 46 cents now! It's getting out of hand!