The Best The Office, Season 7, Episode 17 Quotes

Dwight: All right, picture this. Snowy ash drizzles from the sky. A rabid pack of dogs surrounds you as the flame at the end of your stick dies out. There's only one hope for you: the door to my shelter. You pound. You beg. "Dwight, please let me in." But I ignore your cries and do not let you in. You want to know why?
Jim: Because of the sign that says, "No pounding, no begging."

- Clean up on aisle five.
- After three years of writing, one year of shooting, four years of re-shooting, and two years of editing,
- I have finally completed my movie, threat level midnight.

[Plays backwards] The hostages are under the stadium
- Check, please.
- You have to let us go, goldenface. We have families.
- Ha! This is gonna show them that I mean business.
- See ya.

Michael: You've been on the road a long time. And you've been an outdoor cat. And now you have to be an indoor cat, so you can't be peeing all over the walls.

Kevin: I have very little patience for stupidity.

- Each year, the national hockey league accepts one civilian amateur to play in the all-star game.
- It's down to the three of you.
- The final test is speed skating.
- On your marks, get set...
- Die.

- He cut the part where my circuit board malfunctioned?
- Then what was the point of spilling the drink on me?
- They call me Jasmine windsong bingo.
- He finished his movie? No kidding. Wow, that's great.
- Yeah, good for him.

- Oh, by the way...
- Yeah?
- How's your wife doing?
- Congratulations.
- Hey, you came in second.
- Not bad either, champ.
- I am so sorry I have to do this.

[deliberating how to get back at Todd]
Jim: All right, well, this isn't my best, but call Froggy 101, say that we're the tour manager for Justin Bieber, and we're giving away free tickets. We give them a number to call for the tickets, and it's his number.
Dwight: Who is Justice Beaver?
Jim: He... It's a crime-fighting beaver.

- Heads.
- Tails.
- Heads.
- Tails.
- Heads.
- Tails.

- Oh, god!
- So good.
- Nurse: You're lucky to be alive.
- It'll take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, lungs, heart, back and balls to kill Michael scarn.
- Let's just make sure that everything's working properly.

- Michael, you have to get to that puck before halftime or the whole stadium will explode.
- I know. It's a good thing my trainer and mentor is here to cheer me on.
- Cherokee Jack?
- Michael, he died.
- This one's for you, cherokee Jack.

Holly: [about Todd Packer] Okay, look, we can't fire someone because we don't like him.
Ryan: Right. This isn't the U.S. government.
Kelly: What are you referencing?
Ryan: Everything. Everything.

- I got a delivery for you.
- Leave it at reception.
- I'm supposed to deliver this one in person.

Andy: Please make sure no one is humping me.

[as Kevin, Holly, and Dwight are eating in the kitchen]
Todd: Hey, what's going on, you guys? Yeah. Three muske-queers.
Kevin: Mean, but good.

- Scarn didn't know a hockey stick from a slim Jim.
- So, he went to meet with the famed trainer, cherokee Jack.
- Mop the ice.
- I'm not here to learn how to mop.
- I'm here to learn how to play hockey.
- Mop it.

- We've searched the... okay.
- He said, "where is the bomb?"
- In the puck.
- Scarn: But why are you telling me this?
- Because I'm going to kill you, unless you forgive me for murdering your wife.

- Both: Yes.
- Is that where you hid the bomb, goldenface?
- But why would you blow up the stadium?
- You own the stadium.
- For the insurance money.
- I knew it all along.
- You will never get away with this.

[first lines]
Dwight: I have the best survival stock shelter in north eastern Pennsylvania. But everything has a shelf-life. So I must eat and replace everything that's about to expire. It's nice not to have to plan my meals.

Kevin: [to Todd] Your life is so insane. You should write a book.
Todd: Since when did you learn how to read?
Kevin: [still smiling] I do know how to read, though.
Todd: Yeah. You know how to read a menu. This guy...
[Todd chuckles and leaves]
Kevin: [to Holly and Dwight] I... He's right. I mean, I could lose some weight.
Dwight: Kevin, in sumo culture, you'd be considered a promising up-and-comer.

- Male hostage: Please, goldenface, let us go!
- Cherokee Jack.
- I want you to take all your frustrations with women, the system, with everything, take it out on the puck.
- All on the puck.

Todd: Gonna put the "ass" in Tallahassee.