The Best The Sopranos, Season 5, Episode 7 Quotes

- By crying to a chunk of marble?
- I can pay my respects from the after-party.
- After-party?
- It's those uptake inhibitors.
- We were skeptical at first.
- Then his mood really improved.
- His memory too.

- They were out of the citrucel.
- Where you going?
- Gotta order some flowers.
- Sal from the dry cleaners, his kid died.
- Drowned in a jacuzzi.
- Seven years old, you believe it?
- Fucking tragedy.

- What happened?
- They think it was a heart attack.
- Uncle zio found her on the couch after meet the press.
- We hereby commend concetta to the lord...
- Embraced in his divine goodness.
- Let us go in peace. Amen.
- Amen.
- Amen.

- I don't know, I didn't see it.
- You're really being a prick, huh?
- I told you, I need more time,
- I don't have the money.
- Then fucking get it.
- Chris, you know me.
- What could you possibly do to me that I haven't already been through?
- I'm positive we'll think of something.
- My god.

- Yeah, I wanted to show you this.
- It's the hat I told you about.
- Jfk's.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Look at this.
- May I?
- Yeah.

- I mean, Jesus Christ, even my mother quit.
- I offered to stop. I mean...
- And he didn't want me to.
- He was fine with it, really.
- All right, whatever. Finish your story.
- It was dumb.
- Your dad got the guy to give us some champagne.

- She never knew my feelings, what could I do?
- For years, I suffered in silence.
- Mario. Did you bring your guitar?
- Not to this.
- Angie, come on, sing us a song.
- You sing, junior.
- Nobody wants to hear me.
- Mario, remember?

- There he is. Philly.
- Phil?
- Phil, where you going?
- I gotta meet John down the restaurant.
- You fucking cocksucker.

- Where you gonna go, huh?
- Where you gonna go, huh?
- You motherfucker.

- I was worried sick.
- Ask Anthony, you don't believe me.
- Where were you last night, Anthony?
- We were at cousin Jimmy's, ma.
- She could have fucking died.
- You know, from her miscarriage.

J.T. Dolan: My new agent, next week he's got me set up to meet Dick Wolf's guy.
Christopher: I seen Dick Wolf at Rao's one night. Guy's got his own limo.
J.T. Dolan: That *Law & Order* money? The guy could have his own battleship.

- I only been up two days, I can still add.
- Good.
- Then add two points every week till I'm paid in fucking full.
- You're charging me vig?
- On top of the principle.
- It's compounded if you're late.
- That's 1200 one week from today.
- Don't give me that look.
- This is your problem.
- I will not fucking enable you.

- Well, actually, we straightened it all out.
- So when the sale goes through, you're looking at a nice piece of change.
- You're kidding?
- No.
- Hey, that's wonderful.
- Yeah.
- I wanted to show you something.
- You were admiring my handkerchief.

- He'll attend the church service...
- Then pay his respects to the family aftennards.
- Thank you, counselor. We appreciate it.
- You're worth every fucking cent.
- They're gonna have Scottish bagpipes at the funeral.
- It should be interesting.

Dr. Harry Winer: It could've been another TIA, it's hard to tell, was any of this accompanied by a lapse in memory?
Janice: [after Janice and Tony shrug] I don't know
Dr. Harry Winer: [to Tony and Janice, referring to Junior] Had you brought him in right away, I'd might have more answers
Junior: That medicine stopped working, I took more and didn't do shit, I feel like the walking dead
Dr. Harry Winer: Medication sometimes is like cooking: we need to adjust the ingredients
Junior: Who gives a shit? I'm so fuckin blue
Tony: Well, what'd you expect? All you do is go to funerals all the time
Junior: I'm trapped, what's the point? God damn house arrest: my life is only death, I'm living in a grave. I beat prison and for what? I have no children, will somebody please explain this to me?

J.T. Dolan: [Telling him about his troubles] I met with the Dick Wolf guy. They hired some kid from Yale. Plus now the money I owe you. My ex fuckin wife
Christopher: How many times have you shot up?
J.T. Dolan: [Shrugs] five, six. I thought I had it under control. I lost it
Christopher: [Shakes his head] stupid fuck you were doing so good now you fucked it all up
J.T. Dolan: Where do you get the right?
Christopher: Your going to use, why didn't you call your sponsor?
J.T. Dolan: I couldn't get him
Christopher: Why the fuck didn't you call me?
J.T. Dolan: [Remains silent]

Fran: I was sorry to hear about your mother.
Tony: Least she didn't suffer.
[pause]
Tony: She made all of us suffer instead.

- I'll call you tomorrow.
- You wanna work out?
- Sure. Yeah, whatever.
- Four clubs to Joe Hollywood.
- Jack for the car-wash king.
- Ten for Mr. Vito.
- Show Valentina you love her.

Phil: [During a sit-down] six hundred and twenty-five k for the track plus all that land, that's it?
Hesh: That was a zoning restriction: you're lucky we got a buyer at all
Johnny: Here's what I propose: Tony gets one fifty, twenty-five percent comes from you, and the other seventy-five percent of that comes from Hesh
Phil: Jesus Christ that's like forty grand, you've got to be kidding me John
Johnny: Am I smiling?
Phil: You got some balls kid. I'll give you that much
Tony: You'll give me what I tell you to give me
Johnny: Whoa Tony
Silvio: Take it easy, take it easy
Tony: Fuck that. This ain't the 70's, and I'm not a kid
Phil: Relax, it's an expression
Tony: Well, here's another one expression. You got five days to give me my money

Tony: [Referring to his father] I don't fuckin live with my mistress. I mean his fuckin slippers?
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Go on
Tony: When I left there, I started thinking about it: when I was sixteen years old I came home from school and there was this note from my aunt Quinn. My mother became pregnant, another kid after my sister Barbra "change of life" baby they called it. She started bleeding and I was supposed to find my father and get him over there ASAP. I called every number I had. I left messages all over town then finally ten o'clock at night he called me back. He came and got me the next morning. We went to the hospital, walked into her room. She could've fuckin died from a miscarriage, fuck her
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Was there any blame on his part? This man you emulate? The lies? The betrayals with other women?
Tony: [Remains silent]
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Listen to me, this is very important, your mother had her faults but after all this time what should we do with this woman? Burn her at the stake? You need to forgive her and move on
Tony: [Realizes she's right by changing the subject] she made my father give my dog away
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: I thought your father was a big tough guy?
Tony: He probably he didn't want to hear her bullshit anymore, gave my dog away to his girlfriend's kid, big fuckin deal, if it was up to her, she would've had it killed

- My mother made him give the dog away.
- Well, Bruce loved him.
- I mean, he had him for almost 10 years till he moved to Tel Aviv.
- Then I had to put him to sleep.
- Oh, those are the pictures, on the coffee table.
- The slippers were your dad's too.

Christopher: so?
J.T. Dolan: [sarcastically] yeah good morning to you too
Christopher: [referring to the money he owes Christopher] you got it?
J.T. Dolan: [amused] Jesus you are a fuckin trip,
J.T. Dolan: [introducing himself to Little Paulie by extending his hand] JT, by the way
J.T. Dolan: What the fuck is this, fuckin "Pulp Fiction"?Am I supposed to be afraid?
Little: I don't know, I didn't see it.
J.T. Dolan: [Eventually shrugs] You're really being a prick. I told you I need more time. I don't have the money
Christopher: Then fuckin get it
J.T. Dolan: Chris, you know me, what could you possibly do that I haven't already been through?
Christopher: I'm positive we'll think of something

- Called 911, they're on their way.
- He's all right.
- Oh, my god.
- Oh, my baby.
- Take her upstairs, Andy.
- She should probably take one of those tranquilizers her mother gave her.
- We should go, junior.
- Relax. We just got here.
- Chicken's nice and spicy, huh?

- She was a handsome woman, your mother.
- Not sexy, exactly, but, statuesque.
- Little nip?
- What is it?
- It's one for the road, honey.
- And this looks like road to me.
- Rémy Martin, vsop.

Dr. Jennifer Melfi: What was it like sitting sitting there with Fran?
Tony: It was a little weird at first. Here I am comforting my father's mistress, my mother's lyin' there dead.
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Are you attracted to her?
Tony: Come on, she's old enough to be my mother.
[Dr. Melfi shrugs]
Tony: Oh, Jesus Christ, it's an expression. Don't cream yourself. I did not want to fuck my mother! You should have seen her in her housedress with that hairnet. This conversation would be over in two seconds.

- But no slip since then?
- I've been sober and I've been high.
- Sober's better.
- You know you can call me, right?
- What, do you got a date?
- I gotta meet somebody, a friend.
- Go ahead, I'll get this.
- Thanks, bro.
- Listen, call me, I'm serious.

- Are you...? You sure?
- Look...
- Consider this an advance.
- Get your phone turned on and pay your rent.
- Your dad would be so proud.
- He raised a real gentleman.

Christopher: [while Christopher pounds on his door] I know you're in there. You're casting a shadow over the peep hole
J.T. Dolan: [after letting him in, casually] hey
Christopher: What're you "ducking" me?
J.T. Dolan: No, I thought you this girl. She's a pain in the ass
Christopher: What the fuck? Where you been?
J.T. Dolan: Working, I told you I got those TV pitch meetings. I was going to call you
Christopher: Yeah so why didn't you?
J.T. Dolan: [Referring to Atlantic City] alright you want the truth? I was away. I went to AC
Christopher: Where's my money?
J.T. Dolan: I don't have it yet
Christopher: But you went to AC?
J.T. Dolan: I have a meeting next week with René Bulsay. Dick Wolf's right hand guy. He likes my stuff, he told my agent. I'm going to be on staff
Christopher: I got out of that business because people fuck you over. Jon Favreau fagot cock sucker tried to steal my ideas
J.T. Dolan: Bro listen, I swear on everything holy I'll have your money next week
Christopher: [while leaving JT's apartment] that wasn't the deal. I'll be back tomorrow, don't make me a jerk off

Tony: [referring to his father's former mistress] So I talked to her for like an hour, turns out her and my old man had a "thing", right up until he died. He got from her what he couldn't get at home, support, love, a smile when you walk through the fuckin door
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: Do you think that justifies his infidelity?
Tony: She drove him into that woman's arms, my mother, to all his women. I'll tell you one thing: all the years he was rotten in that grave, I can't remember once my mother visiting him but this lady Fran...
Dr. Jennifer Melfi: [interrupts him] It's possible your mother found it very painful?
Tony: [sarcastically] Oh, poor her

Tony: So, I saw my uncle Jun, he says hello
Fran: [surprised] Junior? Jesus, how's he doing?
Tony: I don't know if you know it, he was always a little hot for you
Fran: He was practically a stalker
Tony: He said he suffered in silence
Fran: [doubtful] Suffered in silence? He used to sulk outside my building at all hours: weird phone calls. I always had a hunch he'd tell Livia about me and Johnny
Tony: Jesus Christ
Fran: She was a handsome woman, your mother, not sexy exactly but statuesque

Junior: Fran Felstein? That was classy
Tony: She had great legs for an old broad
Junior: I was in love with that woman: she was the reason I never married, I wanted to propose, I had the ring all picked out
Tony: So, what, she turned you down?
Junior: I hesitated, how could I bring this life we live on a woman? Anyway, she took it as a sign I wasn't interested and then one night we were all at the 500 club to see Enzo Stuarti, your father shows up, with size four suit with a two-inch lapel, and that was that. She never knew my feelings, what could I do? For years, I suffered in silence

- Look, I told you $15.
- Oh, fuck, man, come on.
- This is, like, huge, this shit.
- If you had an Oscar, maybe I could give you a little something.
- An academy award. But TV?
- What else you got?
- I don't know.
- I got a laptop in my car.
- Yeah, okay. Cool. I'll check that out.

- I fucking love this car.
- So you'll get another one.
- Is that your sponsor?
- I'll see you when you get out of rehab.
- We'll figure out the rest of the payments.
- You can do this, man.
- I have faith in you.
- There's no chemical solution to a spiritual problem.

- So...
- Turns out my uncle zio's going downhill.
- The day we met, I told you, we were there at the cemetery to Bury his wife.
- My aunt concetta.
- Seventy years they were together.
- Poor guy's taking it very hard.

- She made my father give my dog away.
- I thought your father was a big tough guy.
- He probably didn't wanna hear her bullshit anymore.
- He gave my dog away to his girlfriend's kid. Big fucking deal.
- If it was up to her...
- She would have had it killed.

Christopher: [Referring to the gambling debt JT incurred while playing in the high stakes poker] what're you fuckin crazy?
J.T. Dolan: Define crazy. I'm good for it. I'm up for this Dick Wolf thing if I get on staff its like month's salary
Christopher: Well, how about this fuckin month?
J.T. Dolan: You think you could spot me for a while? I got some child support too
Christopher: I'll cover this and give you three grand for incidentals. That's sixty thousand all together
J.T. Dolan: I've been up only for two days, I still can add
Christopher: Good, then add two points every week until I'm paid in fuckin full
J.T. Dolan: [Referring to the interest Christopher is including in the loan] your charging me vig?
Christopher: On top of the principle is compounded if your late. That's twelve hundred one week from today. Don't give me that look. This is your problem. I will not fuckin enable you