50 Best Junior Soprano Quotes

Corrado: Cazzata Malanga!

Junior: Ralphie Cifaretto got word to me
Tony: So, what does he want?
Junior: He wants a bump up to captain. The kid's been a top fuckin earner ever since that rat bastard went into the program. You can't deny it. Ralphie whipped Richie's crew into shape over there
Tony: [Referring to Richie Aprile] And three months ago by you the rat bastard was a second fuckin coming why do you do this to me?
Junior: Because I'm the boss of this family you forget
Tony: I forget nothing, don't make me say things to you we'll both regret
Junior: Go ahead I'm fuckin fed up
Tony: I'm on the street, that's the arrangement: stay home, collect your coupons, and be a happy man
Junior: Things are good I'll grant you that but this economy is so robust you get credit for shit you had nothing to do with. Fuckin chinks and housewives are betting foot ball
Tony: You better be finished

Bobby: I brought you some Danish and coffee
Junior: [referring to his cancer treatment] fuckin medication, I can't think, I can't stay awake
Bobby: it don't have that side effect, it'd help your outlook if you take it consistently like you're supposed to. You know who I saw at the bakery?
Junior: how the fuck could I know?
Bobby: Rosalie Aprile, she says their having a surprise party for Carmela's father next week: his gonna be seventy-five, you get an invite?
Junior: no but we go way back to when Moses wore short pants, I better call Hugh, tell him not to expect me
Bobby: [reminding him] it's a surprise party
Junior: [irritated] what are we, children?

Tony: Old man Bacala is ok with this, what'd you give a shit anyway?
Junior: What is it with you? These power trips
Tony: The fuck are you talking about?
Junior: It has to be the old man? There's no other way?
Tony: There's a million other ways but this one will work. It was Gigi's idea. I'm not cutting his balls off. Mustang Sally's MIA. Two days ago he reaches out to old man Bacala for help. Old man Bacala is his godfather, he can get close without arousing suspicion
Junior: It still doesn't sit right
Tony: His done it a thousand times
Junior: His a sick old man
Tony: Good, it'll give him something to live for

Junior: and did my nephew say where I'm "allowed" to move the coke?
Richie: he don't give a shit about nobody but himself: this country is going through "boom times", there's more fuckin garbage than there ever was and he wouldn't let me eat
Junior: you want to cry money problems? I'm facing twenty years, I could die in there
Bobby: your gonna beat it Skip
Junior: [raises his voice to Bobby] you don't fuckin know that
Junior: [to Richie] that coke is my lifeline right now
Richie: break it down: what choice does he leave us?
Junior: [referring to killing Tony] you need allies to do what you're thinking about
Richie: Albert Barese didn't like what he was hearing and by extension, Larry Barese: the biggest fuckin crew in the family
Junior: that doesn't surprise me: Larry has had just as much time as me to think about why his under indictment and some other people "ain't"
Richie: what do you want me to do?
Junior: go talk to Ally boy "feel" him out but his a "slippery" fuck... don't " commit"
Richie: [to Bobby and Junior before leaving] I'll see ya

Corrado: [after looking through the refrigerator] where's that fuckin Manicotti?
Bobby: It's gone
Corrado: Half a fuckin tray in there
Bobby: I was hungry
Corrado: Son of a bitch
Bobby: You know it's not my fault you got your hand caught, why'd you have to be so nasty?

Orderly: [while bringing his meal] there you go Corrado
Junior: How come I don't get no mail?
Orderly: Maybe you need to write some letters? Start a correspondence
Junior: [after the orderly leaves, referring to the orderly, to the others sitting at his table] lying cock sucker

Janice: I've been meaning to get down to the court to show my solidarity but this "thing" with Bobby: he needs help with those kids
Junior: he needs help? I'm on trial for my life here
Janice: his gonna get through this
Junior: when? I'm waiting like patience on a monument
Janice: you really depend on him, don't you?
Junior: [referring to Murf] this one, drives like a little old lady: gas, break, gas, break
Janice: you know, I remember dad saying "Someday Bobby would be your linch pin"
Junior: my brother said that? Bobby was still a head waiter when Johnny died
Janice: Bobby's doing better: we had a very "healing" day yesterday, I helped him go through Karen's things, "psychologically," that's enormous
Junior: yesterday? Bobby was home?
Janice: [nods] why?
Junior: he was supposed to take care of "something" for me, that's why

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You're getting better, that's the important thing. You look better too.
Corrado: If you're gonna lie to me, tell me there's a broad waiting in the car who wants to tongue my balls.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You want that, it's a phone call away.

Corrado: What else did Comley say?
Mikey: Nothing much, there was some stuff missing from the truck but he didn't give a fuck as long as it brings back, you know? Oh, then he said to tell Tony Thank you and if there's anything Tony needs, we should give him a call
Corrado: [surprised, referring to Christopher and Brendan] Tony? Those fuckin junkie fucks, they work for Tony, they hijack Comley's truck, I get it back and Comley's thanking Tony?
Mikey: I think you should've taken care of this Christopher Moltisanti thing the minute it first happened. You should've sent a clear cut signal so they know you fuck with Junior Soprano...
Corrado: [interrupts him] Take it easy! We're not making a western here
Corrado: Fuckin family, I bought his kid a four hundred dollar surfboard for his birthday

Corrado: [impressed with the photos on Kennedy's wall] you took these yourself?
Dr. John Kennedy: [points to one of the photos] that's a Samoan village I lived in for a month
Corrado: you could send these in to National Geographic
Dr. John Kennedy: so, I got back your complete surgical pathology and OP reports
Corrado: I feel a hundred percent
Dr. John Kennedy: that's good... it's possible there may be some malignant cells we didn't get. See, when we operate, we have to decide how much healthy tissue to cut around the tumor, the margins weren't wide enough. We took a small sampling of the tumor from the frozen section and when we got back the complete results, it showed Nodal Involvement
Corrado: don't blame yourself, so what do we do next?
Dr. John Kennedy: it's called amended surgery
Corrado: oh, Jesus, cut me again?
Corrado: [after a secretary informed Kennedy his next patient arrived] don't let me keep you
Dr. John Kennedy: I am kind of backed up: let's schedule you for Tuesday at 6am, we can admit you and prep you Monday night, any questions?
Bobby: when can he eat regular food again?
Dr. John Kennedy: I'd guess two weeks? Let's fill out the surgical consent forms, that's one less thing you have to deal with in the hospital, take all the time you need to read them
Corrado: no need, you say sign, I sign. You tell me to take a crap on the deck of the Queen Mary, an hour later their hosing her down with disinfectant

Corrado: [Tony walks up to Uncle Junior in the nursing home] Hello
Tony: You don't recognize me?
Corrado: We used to play catch
Tony: You don't remember you shot me? I'm Anthony, Johnny's son
Corrado: The fuck you want? A boot in the rear?
Tony: Uncle Pat came to see me about Janice, about your money
Corrado: People keep asking me, I don't know there's a man from another galaxy that came here
Tony: That's your accountant
Corrado: I'm confused
Tony: Any money should go to Bobby Baccala's kids and Janice might not do that but Bobby was with us, Bobby was a made guy, it wouldn't be right
Corrado: Me? I never had kids
Tony: You remember where your stash is you let uncle Pat know and as head of the family I'll hold onto it as a guardian for Bobby's kids
Tony: You remember Bobby?
Corrado: Sure
Tony: [With teary eyes] You don't know who I am, do you?

Junior: A mole on her ass? What's the joke? I still don't get it
Tony: It's not a joke per se, it's... you had to be there
Junior: A real lack of standards your generation. In my day John would be right, a man would never be expected to stand for a remark like that
Tony: The fucked up thing is I don't even like Ralph, if he was drowning I'd throw him a cinder block, but not protect one of my own captains? Besides its too late now anyway, Carmine gave me the nod
Junior: [While watching Who Wants to Be a Millionaire] On Johnny? That was a slippery fuck huh? Him and those big fish lips of his? Look at this: The fifth question and the poor prick used all of his life lines
Tony: John goes, Carmine's going to put himself in a position of maximum deniability
Junior: So, you make it easy for everybody, take it out of the neighborhood
Tony: Like an accident?
Junior: [Listing the causes that can kill John] accident, stick up, he can choke on a chicken wing. The important thing: Johnny disappears
Tony: Johnny out, Carmine's going to put his son in there, fuckin brain-less the second, who knows? Maybe there's an upside of Johnny going. He goes to Boston a lot to visit his father. It could happen up there
Junior: You want my advice? You'll call Lou DiMaggio, the Atwell Avenue Boys.
Tony: What? Those sick old fucks in Rhode Island?
Junior: They may be old my little nephew but those dogs can still hunt
Tony: My old man used to talk about them, something to do with drugs
Junior: Heroin back in the fifties it was raining cash with that shit. DiMaggio and his crew never saw a dime. A guy they worked for Lenny Caputo, he didn't believe in it. For fifteen years everyone and their mother was getting rich dealing H. Everyone except these guys. Their eking a living doing hits, running swag, anyway low and behold, one day Lenny get pinched for heroin trafficking. Turns out, the cock sucker was making a fortune working with the mulligan and not only that his been selling out his own guys to the Feds so he can keep his ass out on the street. DiMaggio and another guy on his crew did eight years on a murder rap
Tony: So much for loyalty huh?
Junior: You go to Rhode Island whatever you do, don't mention drugs: coke, heroin not even Tylenol
Tony: So, what happened to this Lenny prick?
Junior: [Smiles] Lou 'DiMaggio, his real name's Galina. They started calling him Lou 'DiMaggio, after the cops found Lenny and his wife's with their heads bashed in by a baseball bat. Anyway that was Lou when he still had his health

Junior: [showing early stages of dementia] What are you asking him for? He never had what it took to be a varsity athlete.
Angelo: [confused] Your point being, Junior?
Tony: [covering for him] Don't mind him, he's just breakin' balls.

Livia: So what's really on your mind, Corrado?
Corrado: This Christopher Moltisanti.
Livia: Christopher! What about him?
Corrado: Him and his little, uh, friend. They're slappin' me in the face and they're hiding behind Tony.
Livia: Well, Tony always loved Christopher like a son. And so do I, Junior. He put up my storm windows for me one year.
Corrado: [frustrated] Good. But what do I do? I just let him and this Filone kid piss on me in public? And how far do I go before I light a friggin' match under that hot-headed son of yours?
Livia: Maybe Christopher could use a little talking to. You know. The other one? Filone?
[shrugs]
Livia: I don't know.
Corrado: You have a lot of sense for an old gal.
Livia: No, I'm a babbling idiot. That's why my son put me in a nursing home.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Just take your medicine, Uncle Jun'. Make you feel better. Help with your memory.
Corrado: Believe me, there's plenty I'd like to forget.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, you and me both.

Corrado: [not realizing who he is because his suffering from Dementia] hello
Tony: [while his visiting him at a nursing home] you don't recognize me?
Corrado: [mistaken him for Tony's father] we used to play catch
Tony: you don't remember that you shot me?
Corrado: [ignoring him, remains silent, and looks out the window]
Tony: enough with the fucking birds, I'm Anthony, Johnny's son.
Corrado: the fuck do you want,? A boot in your rear?
Tony: alright listen to me, uncle Pat came to see me, about Janice, and about your money
Corrado: People keep asking me, I don't know. There's a man from another "galaxy" that came here.
Tony: [reminding him his accountant's voice is disfigured because he uses a Electrolarynx in order to speak] That's your accountant.
Corrado: I'm confused
Tony: any money should go to Bobby Bacala's kids but Janice may not do that but Bobby was with us, his a "made guy", it wouldn't right
Corrado: Me? I never had kids
Tony: [referring to the money he hid from the authorities] if you remember where your "stash" is, you let uncle Pat know, as head of the family, I'll hold onto it as a guardian for Bobby's kids, you remember Bobby?
Corrado: [insistent] Sure
Tony: You don't know who I am, do ya? You remember Johnny? Johnny Boy, your kid brother? "This thing of ours"?
Corrado: [referring to the Cosa Nostra] I was involved in that?
Tony: Yeah. You and my Dad. You two ran North Jersey.
Corrado: We did?
Tony: Yeah.
Corrado: Hm, that's nice.

Junior: [During a sit down meeting over the speakerphone] Ralph insulted John's wife?
Johnny: That's correct
Junior: What did he do exactly?
Johnny: He made a very hurtful remark that's not worth repeating
Silvio: Let's point out too it's only been "alleged" on what he said
Johnny: He "allegedly" said what he said to a group of people: "friends of ours"
Junior: If you weren't there how do you know it's true?
Johnny: I'm not at liberty to say
Tony: With all due respect but this is bullshit somebody in my family is talking out of school and you don't have the liberty to who? I should be making the beef here
Junior: My nephew's right
Johnny: I want to average her honor, this is my right to do
Tony: Alright fine you bring in here who ever told you, if he collaborates with what you're saying I'll give you ralph on a platter
Johnny: Is nothing scared? What happened to this thing? If this was years ago would I even have to ask? We bend more rules than the Catholic Church
Tony: Let's just say for the of argument ralph said what he said is clipping him going to un-ring that bell?
Carmine: Nobody's getting clipped
Johnny: I want satisfaction
Silvio: Will you accept an apology?
Johnny: That ship that has sailed
Carmine: Your being unreasonable John
Johnny: Ralph's the only one who can handle the Esplanade? Put the other guy in
Carmine: There's millions of dollars are at stake
Johnny: Again with the money?
Carmine: Yeah, again with the money, it's settled name a price or the fuck over it
[John leaves]

Junior: Fran Felstein? That was classy
Tony: She had great legs for an old broad
Junior: I was in love with that woman: she was the reason I never married, I wanted to propose, I had the ring all picked out
Tony: So, what, she turned you down?
Junior: I hesitated, how could I bring this life we live on a woman? Anyway, she took it as a sign I wasn't interested and then one night we were all at the 500 club to see Enzo Stuarti, your father shows up, with size four suit with a two-inch lapel, and that was that. She never knew my feelings, what could I do? For years, I suffered in silence

Corrado: He was my younger brother. He was between me and your father in age. His name was Eckley. Actually, Ercoli. Hercules. Named after my grandfather.
Tony: What are you saying? I got another uncle?
Corrado: Sharp as a fucking cue ball. Yeah, I'm saying. Your father and me had a brother you didn't know about. It was different in those days. Mother and father didn't even speak the language. They couldn't take care of a kid like that. God bless your grandmother. She went to every charity home in this fucking state till she found one that she felt would take good care of him.
Tony: What are you saying, he was retarded?
Corrado: Why don't you go fuck yourself. He was slow! He was strong as a fucking bull, handsome like George Raft. If it was today, they might have trained him. Get him a job. They didn't understand these things back then.
Tony: I remember my mother and father arguing about - something. I don't know. She kept talking about my father's feeble-minded brother, but I always thought she meant you.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Referring to Bobby Baccala] if I'd known you were going to get out so fast for this medical shit, I never would've talked to that calzone with legs
Junior: He gave me the message
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after Junior remains silent] don't fuckin pout, be grateful I'm letting you earn
Junior: What's on your mind?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after looking around in the doctor's office] how'd you "swing" this?
Junior: This Dr. Schreck is Mani Schreck's kid
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Mani the bookie's son? His cardiologist. It's not bad
Junior: The law says the Feds can't bug your doctor's office. He lets me use this place whenever I need to conduct business
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So you heard about Massarone construction?
Junior: Bacala's taken care of it. The joint fitters know he speaks for me
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: It's got to go sixty forty my way
Junior: Did you do what I asked?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: What'd you ask me to do?
Junior: You know, make peace
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Now you listen: enough with that shit, that woman's dead to me. You let it go
Junior: Why the fuck should I? She's my brother's wife. She doesn't realize what she says half the time
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Let's put our cards on the table here. I heard your radio debut on those tapes the Feds made at Green Grove so doesn't know what she's saying half the time, well which half did you listen to? The half that doesn't make any sense? Or the half that we know that played you like a fuckin child?
Junior: Nobody played me. She didn't know that she was setting you up to get popped. That's right, your uncle isn't as dumb you think. You, that miserable fuck Altieri the rat bastard all my capos meeting behind my back
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You let sleeping dogs lie ok? I have my reasons
Junior: I'll tell you one dog you left still barking: that fuckin Freddie Capuano that mother-less money grubbing little son of a bitch
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: The guy that owns Green Grove retirement community?
Junior: His like an old fuckin lady and has been going around telling Soprano business to anybody that'll listen. His the one that's been saying shit about you trying to whack your mother.

Junior: What's with you? All day "gloomy Gus"
Bobby: I'm sorry, it's my father
Junior: [Referring to his lung cancer] his a tough man he'll beat the fuckin thing
Bobby: It's not the cancer, it's Tony
Junior: Tony? What about him? Stop speaking in nanograms
Bobby: He Okayed my dad to do the hit on Mustang Sally
Junior: The prick put the Spatafore kid in a coma
Bobby: Fuck Sally. I'm worried about it's my father he can't do this, his been retired for seven years
Junior: What's this? We're in the navy?
Bobby: It's not that, this was a proud man. His over the other night I had to help him off the toilet because his so weak
Junior: [while Bobby cries] will you shut the fuck up with toilets? All this morbidity. I'm sorry, your right, at this point in a man's life to have him do something like this?
Bobby: You know I've never asked you for anything, you can tell him I'll do it myself if he wants
Junior: Fuck what he wants. I'm still the boss of this family
Bobby: Your right. I'm sorry
Junior: Stop your crying I'll tell him. Your making me fuckin depressed now

Tony: [to Janice after she and Bobby arrived late] let me ask you something: is your time more valuable than mine?
Junior: Where's the baby?
Bobby: Sorry Tone, the car seat, the other stuff, packing it in there takes forever, you probably remember that?
Tony: No I don't. I didn't do that crap
Janice: How you feeling uncle Jun?
Tony: His late enough, come on
Janice: A hello to your niece maybe?
Tony: [to his niece Nica while she sits in the stroller, then to Bobby] hi sweetie how are ya? Help him get ready will ya?
Janice: [Referring to uncle Jun, after he and Bobby left the room] so, how's he doing?
Tony: His Knucklehead Smiff, that's how his doing. His fuckin paranoid, he doesn't remember if he ate or not
Janice: The man is not competent
Tony: Not again with that come on
Janice: And he has the money for assisted living
Tony: His got legal bills up the ass
Janice: So, he can sell this museum and move to Green Grove
Tony: Fuck assisted living, you remember what they did to ma?
Janice: She was thriving there
Tony: He stays where he is. His our uncle it's the least we could do

Corrado: Anthony is a cunt hair away from owning all Northern Jersey - and I am that cunt hair.

Corrado: Did you hear the one about the Chinese Godfather? He makes you an offer you can't understand.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while visiting him in prison, talking through telephone intercom] three fuckin weeks it took you to put me on your visitor's list?
Junior: I was being careful: these motherless fucks listen to everything
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: A nephew is visiting his uncle... who loves him
Junior: I got nothing to say to you
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So many tragedies and near tragedies close to you huh?
Junior: Don't be so smart: things could've gone the other way my little nephew
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah but they didn't. So what's all this shit I'm hearing about your heart?
Junior: This problem between you and me had, I want you to know your mother had nothing to do with it
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: She's dead to me
Junior: She's a sick woman, she don't have all her marbles
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who the fuck you kiddin? It's killing you that people are talkin and an old woman made an asshole out of you
Junior: That's half as bad are the rumors floating around this place is about you: how Tony Soprano likes to fluff up his mother's pillows so she can get a nice long sleep
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Who said that?
Junior: You want to make all this nonsense disappear? Make peace with her: make it look like there's no bad blood, it'll be good for all of us
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No fuckin way. You tell that fat fuck Bacala, to come out from his mouse hole, I want to see him tomorrow
Junior: [Before Tony angrily hangs up the phone and leaves] what for?

[Christopher hijacked a truck full of DVD players]
Junior: For 21 fuckin' years Comley's been putting food on my table, protection money.
Tony: Hey, Chris didn't know going in.
Junior: Bullshit.
Tony: You want my DVD player? You can watch "Grumpy Old Men".
Junior: You gonna be a fuckin' funny boy too now, huh?

Corrado: Federal marshals are so far up my ass I can taste Brylcreem.

Nurse: [Informing him the doctor's ready to see him] Mr. Soprano
Junior: [Smiles, stands up from his chair in the waiting room] There she is
Nurse: [Knowing he is going to flirt with her] You be good now, don't start
Junior: You ought to see my finish
Nurse: You know, you can get sued for talk like that nowadays
Junior: then cancel my appointment: Let me die down now if a man can't voice his love to a beautiful woman
Nurse: [after showing him to his observation room] My God, will you listen to him today? Go in there now and strip down to your shorts
Junior: You see now? I'm not gonna touch that line: too much class and as for that lovely laugh line...
Nurse: Come on handsome, we're busy
Junior: [Asking to kiss her] Give me that cheek, right here, I surrender, do with me what you will

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Sad day.
Junior: Mm hmm. Kid was always a dumb fuck though, wasn't he? Didn't he almost drown in three inches of water?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: The penguin exhibit. Jack always tried to lay off all Jackie's problems on a learning disorder, but...
[thinks for a moment]
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Well, stupidity would be a learning disorder, wouldn't it?

Corrado: Livia, what you don't know could fill a book.

Corrado: [to Warren] I saw your girl today at pet therapy. How she keep her coat so shiny?

Tony: [while talking privately in Junior's doctor's clinic] so you ok with this?
Corrado: Do I got a "choice"?
Tony: [jokingly] Yeah, you got a "choice", you can continue running the game
Corrado: You know I'm under fuckin house arrest you "cute" fuck
Tony: Well, then take the "bite" I give you and be happy: either way, I'm having the Executive Game
Corrado: You know, your father and me started that game over thirty years ago, we were talking one day on how credit card companies you know, how they worked their "angle?" They didn't care what the fuck you bought: as long as you didn't pay all at once. They'd "juice" your debt and you'd thank them for letting you have one of their cards. There's a certain kind of player: that's why we call it the "Executive Game", my brother Johnny was one keen motherfucker
Tony: [Sarcastically] oh yeah, that's why he left us with Chee Chee Beans
Corrado: [Amused] you don't know what you're talking about. Your father left Livia with a "package" that could choke a fuckin elephant. I gotta tell you? She's like a woman with a Virginia ham under her arm and crying the blues because she has no bread. Please, they don't make them like Johnny

Corrado: How much White Castle did you have?
Bobby: I had none. I swear.
Corrado: I can SMELL it.

Dr. Harry Winer: It could've been another TIA, it's hard to tell, was any of this accompanied by a lapse in memory?
Janice: [after Janice and Tony shrug] I don't know
Dr. Harry Winer: [to Tony and Janice, referring to Junior] Had you brought him in right away, I'd might have more answers
Junior: That medicine stopped working, I took more and didn't do shit, I feel like the walking dead
Dr. Harry Winer: Medication sometimes is like cooking: we need to adjust the ingredients
Junior: Who gives a shit? I'm so fuckin blue
Tony: Well, what'd you expect? All you do is go to funerals all the time
Junior: I'm trapped, what's the point? God damn house arrest: my life is only death, I'm living in a grave. I beat prison and for what? I have no children, will somebody please explain this to me?

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after Junior hung up the phone, referring to Donnie K] oh, your sending a fruit basket to the kid, he'll appreciate it
Junior: [Referring to his lawyer] It's for Mel, the poor guy had a stroke, can you believe it? His younger than me
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Melvoin? Jesus Christ that's terrible
Junior: [Referring to the Italian-American slang for stupid or crazy] That's why I asked you to come over. His speech, he'll sound a little" stunad", probably forever, but get this: nine months maybe a year before he could work a full schedule, they'll have to postpone my retrial
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No shit
Junior: The question is should I use this to stall, then get a lawyer who's more with it?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: So, you heard about this thing with Phil and John?
Junior: Bobby said something about this
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You're losing money apparently
Junior: Yeah? How much?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I don't know, you got to talk to him
Junior: John?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Bobby, does John do your collections?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Look, what'd you think? Phil's just beat one of our guys to an inch of his life, next time his going to kill somebody. What can I do? His my cousin
Junior: [Confused, distracted] did I give him the office address or the home?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [while Junior looks through his phone book] I'm talking to you
Junior: The man had a stroke, do you want it to go to the wrong place? Its fruit, it'll rot
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Hey, I pinned myself into a corner here and I don't see a way out
Junior: But he wasn't made right? The kid? Phil's son
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [after realizing Junior is developing dementia] it's ok, forget it
Junior: [When seeing Tony shaking his head] I'm sorry Anthony but I'm fuckin all nonplussed with all this news
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Frankly I don't know, it's got a "squirrelly" in this house
Junior: Tell Phil
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Tell Phil what?
Junior: [as Tony stands up to leave] where you going? You wanted to confer with me?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: No, it's not important. Make sure you eat a little lunch today

Arlene: [while in the judge's chambers, referring to Junior Soprano] your honor, this man should not be removed from custody for "medical reasons." Every time we get these elder Mafioso's incarcerated, we get the same "bag of tricks"
Attorney: Your honor, I take offense to the "characterization" of my client as a "Mafioso." Mr. Soprano has not been found guilty of anything: his awaiting trial for "alleged offenses"
Judge Greenspan: Noted
Attorney: With all due respect to the state's medical facilities, in his condition, Mr. Soprano has every right to pursue the best possible medical care he can afford
Arlene: Mr. Soprano is suffering from a very benign illness: a few clogged arteries, your honor
Judge Greenspan: I'm leaning towards on releasing this from lock up, unless you can demonstrate a "serious flight risk"?
Judge Greenspan: Mr. Soprano, if I approve this, you will be under what is called "house arrest", do you understand this concept?
Junior: Not really
Judge Greenspan: It means you must remain in your primary residence, you cannot leave... except for doctor's appointments and food shopping
Ralph: Your honor, the government asks for an electronic bracelet
Attorney: Your honor, while we certainly agree to house arrest, we are "asking" that Mr. Soprano not to "persecuted" for yet to be proven allegations. He shows no prior arrest since 1968, he pays his taxes and he's a veteran of the Second World War
Judge Greenspan: Mr. Soprano, do you have any "problem" wearing an electric bracelet?
Junior: It sounds like Nazi Germany to me
Judge Greenspan: Obviously, you need a history lesson... sir
Attorney: I don't think that "we", you and I should let our "shared sorrows" or "biases" enter into this judge
Judge Greenspan: [Ignoring his comment] his wearing a bracelet... to avoid any "risk of flight"

Corrado: What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? "Good morning, ladies."

Carter: [while entering his room] I brought you your tea
Corrado: [before giving him plastic buttons, they use as poker chips] You did a good job tonight kid, here's a taste
Carter: [waves them off, refusing them] It's alright
Corrado: [insistently] Take it: you earned it
Corrado: There was a time once I was a kid, my old man was a stonemason, took me to work, a job, building a wall a rich lady's garden. She comes home, I help carry her groceries, she goes to give me quarter, which was a lot in those days but I say No. She goes in, no sooner than she closes the door, my old man gave me a crack right across the mouth
Corrado: [impersonating his father with an Italian accent] What're you a millionaire? You don't need money? You don't like to eat?
Carter: Wow
Corrado: Even still, he was right: he made me walk home that night, eleven fuckin miles from Essex Fells back to Newark
Carter: [surprised] I'm from Essex Fells
Corrado: A rich kid, huh?
Carter: Once in third grade, I got a ninety-six on my spelling test: highest mark in the class, I was so proud, I brought it home to show my dad, he says What happened to the other four points?
Carter: [suddenly angry, shouting and cursing at the memory of his father] Fuck you, fuck you

Bobbi: Why the big secret?
Corrado: About what?
Bobbi: Oral sex. What's so terrible about pleasing a woman?
Corrado: You always have to talk about everything.
Bobbi: Well, I wanna know why.
Corrado: It's complicated.
Bobbi: Yeah, but why?
Corrado: Why? Because they think if you suck pussy you'll suck anything.
Bobbi: Oh, you're kidding.
Corrado: It's a sign of weakness and possibly a sign that you're a finook.
Bobbi: [chuckles] A fag? That's ridiculous. How would the two even translate?
Corrado: What are ya gonna do? I mean, I don't make the rules.

Janice: Uncle Jun, I'm afraid I have bad news... Bobby's dead.
Corrado: Ambassador Hotel.

Junior: Must be different in the can now Not like the old days. Fuckin' animals.
Feech: It's all about setting a precedent.

Psychologist: Repeat the following sentence: No ifs, ands or buts.
Corrado: I'll do it if I fuckin' feel like it. Take your ultimatums and stick it in your ass!

Junior: [after a knife falls out from under A.J.'s jacket] That's not my knife!

Corrado: [to Tony] You may run North Jersey but you don't run your Uncle Junior! How many fuckin' hours did I spend playing catch with you?

Tony: [after seeing Junior spilled a nutrition drink from a blender onto himself and the kitchen counter] what the hell you doing?
Junior: Those marshals see you coming in here? Because I need be remanded to a jailhouse right now like I need a taste of crabs
Tony: There's no car out there today and I came up through the cellar like always. Where the fuck is Bacala'? His suppose to be doing this shit for you
Junior: I sent him to the drug store for some more Pepto
Tony: You're getting better, that's the important thing. You look better too.
Junior: If you're going to lie to me, tell me there's a broad waiting in the car that's going to tongue my balls.
Tony: Hey, if you want that, it's a phone call away.
Tony: [after looking at the mess on the counter] still want this?
Junior: I've got to get nutrition somehow. Kennedy says only eat what I can sip through a straw
Junior: [after Tony brings over a glass of the nutrition drink and sits next to him] what's going on with you and Ralphie Cifaretto? Bacala said there's bad blood now?
Tony: What? You don't got enough on your plate? You need a new blender? Worry about your own problems. When did they say you can eat real food?
Junior: Who knows? Kennedy's putting me under the knife again
Tony: [Confused] back up. More surgery? Don't you think you should talk to somebody else? Get a second opinion?
Junior: Chemo? Forget it, with Kennedy its "cut, zip, over and out". He has the hands of an angel, and don't forget his name
Tony: What? I'm supposed to be impressed because the name is "John Kennedy"? All the micks named their kids that after the guy got killed
Junior: I loved that man, his older than me and now look
Junior: [to Bobby after returns] you were gone a long time, how many White Castles did you have?
Bobby: I didn't, I swear
Junior: I can smell them
Tony: Let me call Cusamano, he knows doctors in the city it can't hurt to make a call
Junior: People come from the city to see Kennedy
Tony: Good, then we won't be fighting traffic. Come on uncle Jun you know I'm right
Junior: [Eventually referring to Bobby didn't ask any productive questions at the last doctor's visit] alright you set it up,you come with me to listen and ask questions
Tony: [Before leaving and giving Junior a kiss on the head] good, good, I'll let you know alright?
Junior: My nephew thinks I need a "second opinion." he doesn't like it that I'm going back under the knife
Bobby: Maybe there's something to that?

Corrado: You heard about the Chinese Godfather? He made them an offer they couldn't understand.

Junior: Where's your father?
Bobby: He called, stopped by the bakery to pick up a short cake
Junior: He never comes empty handed
Bobby: Did you talk to Tony?
Junior: [Referring to his request to Junior to have someone else kill Mustang Sally because of his father's health and old age] no, I decided against it. I didn't even call him. You choose this life it comes with responsibility, no one knows that better than your old man
Bobby: I was asking for me
Junior: Teddy Roosevelt once gave an entire speech with a bullet lodged in his chest. Some things are a matter of duty
Junior: [while Bobby Sr. enters the kitchen coughing] are you alright?
Bobby 'Bacala' Sr.: I'm fine, fuckin steps
Junior: Here, sit down
Junior: [after seeing blood Bobby Sr. coughed into his handkerchief] fuck, is that blood? Jesus Christ, call a fuckin doctor
Bobby: It's the nodules in his lungs, it happens when his out of breath
Junior: Is this what it comes down to?
Junior: [to Bobby Jr] Get him some water for Christ's Sake. These doctors what're doing for him?
Bobby: I don't know, whatever they do
Junior: [to Bobby Sr] I want you to call John Kennedy, his the head of Oncology at St. Barnabas
Bobby 'Bacala' Sr.: I'm happy with my guy
Junior: What the fuck is he doing? Are you taking the chemo? Is he giving you oxygen therapy?
Bobby 'Bacala' Sr.: The cure is worse than the fuckin illness
Junior: [Referring to Tony giving the order to kill Mustang Sally] Cocksucker! This is an outrage! He can't have you clip someone in this condition
Bobby 'Bacala' Sr.: I want to do it. Eight years sitting on my ass, it'll feel good being useful for a change
Junior: This Sally's a tough kid, what if things don't go your way?
Bobby 'Bacala' Sr.: They don't? They don't, what the fuck? I'm dead anyway

[Tony, Junior, Silvio and Mikey are playing golf]
Tony: Uncle Jun's into muff.
Corrado: What?
Tony: Oh, did I say "muff"? I meant "rough".
[sniffs]
Tony: What's that smell? Did you guys go to a sushi bar?
Corrado: [to Mikey] The fuck's he talkin' about?
Tony: I thought you were a baccalà man, Uncle Jun. What are you doin' eatin' sushi?
Corrado: You fuckin' run off at the mouth, you know that?
Tony: [sings] South of the border, down Mexico Way.
Corrado: Hey listen, my friend. At least I can deal with my own problems. Unlike some I know.
Tony: What's that supposed to mean?
Corrado: Take it however you want. Don't bullshit with me.
Silvio: Hey guys, guys. We're here to play golf or what? C'mon.
Tony: [sings] South of the border where the tuna fish play.

Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [meeting privately in Junior's doctor's clinic] What'd you want to talk to me about?
Junior: My trial starts a week from Tuesday
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: You'll beat it: Melvoin's good
Junior: We need to change our arrangement
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Which arrangement is that?
Junior: These fuckin lawyers are taking my internal organs: a million bucks for this trial Melvoin and Hershwin are charging and if that was bad enough, now they put this Harvard kid on, this lackey. I don't know what the fuck he does and then they just decided we need audibility experts to testify you can't determine what the defendant is saying on these government tapes, I could fuckin tell them that
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Yeah, well, those guys got sound graphs and shit
Junior: Fifty grand the cocksuckers are charging. Plus, the minimization expert, plus the monthly expenses, fuckin Lexis fees, the Xeroxing, an entire forest in the north west must've given its life in Xerox papers for this one fuckin trial. I said to Mel Can't we have one fuckin meeting and use the same sheet of paper and pass it around?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Our split stays the same
Junior: You kept me in place as boss, to take the heat off you: my legal problems have you strutting around for two fuckin years now
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: There you go
Junior: Ten points, I got medical bills too
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I got cash flow problems of my own
Junior: A one time hit, fifty, sixty grand to cover the audibility expert
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: I got two kids in private schools
Junior: God damn it!
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Get your shy running right: that's what you should be focused on