The Best Helen Thompson Quotes

Helen: [defiantly] One word from me to Mr. Clampett and your goose is cooked!
Milburn: That's blackmail! You know, you have a very unscrupulous side to you. I like that. We could work very well together.

Helen: Who's Jed Clampett?
Miss: He's a funny old geezer with a torn hat and raunchy clothes who talks with a hillbilly drawl.
Jane: He has $90 million.
Milburn: Right.
Miss: He's that distinguished looking gentleman with the casual wardrobe and darling rural accent.

Lance: [Lance is selecting a secretary] Alright girls, attention! As I point to you, take one pace forward and state your name and qualifications. The choice will be made on individual merit.
Janet: Janet Butterfield, 2, 80, 100.
Jane: That means she's been here 2 years, can type 80 words per minute, and take dictation at the rate of one hundred.
Susan: Susan Graham, 2, 85, 110.
Helen: Helen Thompson, 3, 90, 115.
Patricia: Patricia Switzer, 38, 23, 36, and that means just what you think it does.
Lance: You're hired.

Helen: We demand women's liberation.
Milburn: Okay, you're liberated. You can have your next meeting at the unemployment office.