The Best Friends, Season 1, Episode 21 Quotes

Phoebe: This is madness. It's madness, I tell you! For the love of God, Monica, don't do it!

Chandler: [Chandler is helping Joey to come up with a new, more professional stage name] Joe... Joe... Joe... Stalin?
Joey: Stalin... Do I know that name? That sounds familiar.
Chandler: Well, it doesn't ring a bell with me...
Joey: Joe Stalin... you know, that's pretty good.
Chandler: You might want to try Joseph.
Joey: Joseph Stalin. I think you'd remember that!
Chandler: Oh yes! "Bye Bye Birdie" starring Joseph Stalin! Joseph Stalin is "Fiddler on the Roof"!
Joey: [Later] You know, there already IS a Joseph Stalin?
Chandler: You're kidding!
Joey: Apparently he was this Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people! You'd think *you* would have known that!
Chandler: You know, you'd think I would have.

- You by the door, in or out?
- In!
- You in the back, you're getting it wrong!
- At least I'm doing it!

Rachel: [offers her Curious George doll to ornery monkey] Marcel, this is for you. Just something to... do on the plane.

Fake: Monica, I started my day by peeing in front of 25 other women and you're worried about who's gonna take you to the Big Apple circus?

- He's in!
- He's in? Ah!
- Did you hear that, Marcel?
- San Diego! San Diego! Yeah!
- You're making a mistake.
- San Diego's well and good...
- But if you give him to me,
- I'll start him against a blind rabbit...
- And give you 20 percent of the gate.

- She says Marcel's humping thing is not a phase.
- Apparently, he's reached sexual maturity.
- Hey, he beat you!
- She says, as time goes on, he'll start getting aggressive and violent.
- What does this mean?
- I have to give him up.

- Oh, it's so late for "shall we?"
- Do I go horseback riding in the park, hmm?
- Do I take classes at the new school?
- -No.
- This is so unfair.
- She's got everything I want, and she doesn't have my mother.

- What? It's just a phase.
- Well, that's what we said about Joey.
- Hey, would you all relax?
- It's not that big a deal.
Rachel: Marcel, stop it! Marcel! Bad monkey!
- What?
Rachel: Ugh!
- Let's just say my curious George doll is no longer curious.

- There's nothing to wonder about.
- You'll go back to being who you were because that's who you are.
- Not necessarily.
- Yes, necessarily.
- I don't know what it is.
- Maybe it's the amish thing.
- Um, I'm not actually amish.
- Really? Then why are you like that?

- Monana?
- Yeah.
- It's Dutch.
- You're kidding.
- I spent three years in Amsterdam.
- Um, Pennsylvania Dutch.
- And we're dancing!
- Five, six, seven, eight.

Joey: I'll be reading for Mercutio.
Director: Name.
Joey: I'm Holden McGroin.

Ross: I just got back from the vet.
Chandler: He's not going to make you wear a cone, is he?
Ross: Apparently, Marcel's humping is not a phase. Apparently he's reached sexual maturity.
Joey: [to Chandler] Hey, he beat ya!

Joey: How do you get a monkey into a zoo?
Chandler: I know this one. No, wait. That was popes into a Volkswagen.

Monica: It's so unfair. She's got everything I want and she doesn't have my mother.

Ross: [Looking at zoos to send Marcel] I have a friend who can get him into Miami.
Chandler: 'Course it's just two blocks from the beach, it's like a total party zoo.

- The credit card people.
- Hello?
- Yes?
- Oh, my god!
- What?
- They've arrested Monica.

- You've been more than just a pet to me.
- You've been more like a...
- Okay. Marcel, would you...?
- Marcel, would you leave my leg alone?
- Would you just stop humping me for two seconds? Marc... would you...?
- Okay, would you just take him away?
- Just take him.

Rachel: [ornery monkey getting frisky in Rachel's room] Marcel! Stop it, Marcel! Bad monkey!
Ross: What?
Rachel: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.