The Best Federico Castelluccio Quotes

Tony: [while inside David Scatino's sporting goods store after business hours, referring to the police investigating the murder of Matt Bevilaqua] if they do have something, why aren't they talking to you?
Salvatore: Give them time, they will
Tony: [Referring to the charges they'll face] murder, aiding, and racketeering
Salvatore: [On the possible sentence they'll receive] Twenty to life
Tony: [while Paulie and Furio enter the store, jokingly] there they are: the Flaying Gavone Brothers
Paulie: [to Tony] not good, not good
Tony: [Suddenly stands up and forcefully grabs Paulie by his shirt] on my fuckin kids I will cut you, just tell me
Paulie: Take it easy Tone. It's fixable. First off it's not a rat
Salvatore: Thank God
Paulie: [to Pussy] don't thank Him yet. There's an eyeball witness
Tony: What're you talking about?
Tony: [after kicking a table, to Pussy] Jesus Christ! Shit! Did you see anybody? Did you see another living fuckin soul?
Salvatore: Fuck no
Paulie: Don't worry, it's only a mere bump in the road
Tony: Oh, you're beautiful
Salvatore: Do we know him?
Paulie: My friend at the station only knows is that his a civilian. A flag saluting mother fucker
Furio: [to Tony, unintentionally incorrectly using the Idiom "go on the lamb"] Maybe you should lamb chop it for a while?
Salvatore: I keep a suitcase in my trunk
Paulie: Yeah, tell us about it
Salvatore: Hey, fuck all of you, bygones are never fuckin bygones
Tony: This is a fuckin nightmare. I've got to move some cash around, if I going to lamb it I'm going away with a fuckin "package." I'm not going to be like Mickey Mcsuko. That poor prick had five fuckin minutes to run. He ended up in some rat infested motel down in Elvis country
Furio: [to Paulie] where is that?
Paulie: Anywhere there are no Jews or Italians
Furio: I don't get it
David: [after coming out of his office] it's starting. It's fuckin starting
Salvatore: Get back in your office David
David: I'm opening my mail and it's a lawsuit, there's a fuckin lean on the building they're going to close me down
Tony: Davey, not fuckin now ok?
David: They're going to know after this it's fraud. I'm going to go to jail for this
Tony: [Angrily stomps towards David while shouting] get the fuck back in your fuckin hole now!
Tony: [after calming down, realizing they still David to continue their bust out scheme] Davey, you're doing a good job
Paulie: Don't worry about this witness T
Furio: [In Italian] that's true. We'll find him
Salvatore: Exactly
Paulie: You don't even know what he said
Salvatore: Fuck you. I did too
Paulie: What then?
Salvatore: I understood
Paulie: What does it mean?

Dr. John Kennedy: [Chuckles, accepting Tony's gift] well I guess I could use some extra distance
Tony: Who couldn't?
Tony: [Starts walking closer to him with Furio to intimidate him] you know my uncle, his not doing so well. His got a bad reaction to that Chemo
Dr. John Kennedy: That happens all the time, there's nothing I can really do
Furio: You know there are worst things that can happen to a person than cancer
Tony: [Continues walking closer to him until Kennedy's right foot steps into the pond] my uncle thinks his going to die. His convinced of it. You know how old people are with their superstitions. He thinks it's because he went against you
Dr. John Kennedy: I'm just a surgeon that's all
Tony: Show that man the respect he deserves: answer his phone calls
Dr. John Kennedy: [Takes out a digital recorder to record a message for his secretary, before Tony slaps the recorder out of his hand and into the pond] "Cheryl, make sure Mr. Soprano is scheduled for..."
Tony: [Before driving off in a golf cart] just remember it

Furio: You got a bee on-a you hat.

Tony: [In the car with Furio driving, referring to Carmella turning down the plans he made for them to go on vacation] do you believe that in there? The tickets? For two years a bitch-fest about how we don't get away so I make it happen: top shelf across the board. All of a sudden her mother's psoriasis is like the Bubonic fuckin plague. You know what? Fuck that I don't even know why I bother
Furio: She's probably worried for her mother
Tony: Oh, fuck that. They got her on a Cortisone. I know she's my wife and the mother of my children but let me tell you something, she can be a moody bitch

Furio: [while entering the kitchen] what's the smell is in this house? It's like the smell of heaven
Carmela: Homemade scones, my son loves them. Here try one, they're just out of the oven
Furio: No, thank you
A.J. Soprano: Well, that's all there is for breakfast? Just fat and carbs?
Carmela: Excuse me, we have guest you think you might say hello?
A.J. Soprano: [ignores her, continues to read from his paper about the novel Billy Budd by Herman Melville to his mother] anyway, "when Mr. Claggart gets mad at Billy, it is a surprise because his always saying how handsome Billy is, this does not seem realistic because why would an officer care if a sailor was handsome or not?"
Carmela: [after Tony walks downs the stars and takes a bite from a scone] AJ, your father's living I'll come up in a minute, go over it
Carmela: [Reads from the envelop Tony hands her] what is this? Ocean Club at Paradise Island
Tony: We leave tomorrow for three beautiful days
Carmela: Tomorrow?
Tony: I know its short notice but the deal came through, got a view suite, first class plane tickets, a guy owes me a favor
Tony: [Seeing her worried] what?
Carmela: I don't know, AJ? School?
Tony: His old enough to spoil himself now. I saw how jealous you were when I left for Florida
Carmela: [Giving him reasons why it's not a practical time for them to go on a vacation] my mother with the skin condition, just the time it's going to take to pack
Tony: To pack?
Furio: [Sensing they want to talk privately] I'll wait outside
Tony: All the shit's that's been going on, the horse and all. I know you need a break: deep down it's probably why you got your hair cut

Furio: [while cursing in Italian caused by the pain from Dr. Freid removing the bullet from his right leg]
Christopher: Will you shut the fuck up? Your going to make him hit an artery
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: [Jokingly] you should thank God it didn't anything important
Furio: [to Tony while grabbing his shirt, referring Dr. Freid] this fucking prick is really a doctor?
Dr. Freid: [Noting his a urologist, before removing the bullet] close, I'm a "prick" doctor

Tony: [on the golf course, giving Dr. Kennedy a golf club as a gift] For you. Titanium. I use one! Added ten yards to my drives!
Dr. John Kennedy: Thanks, but I really can't accept it.
Tony: For everything you've done for my uncle. Anyway, what am I gonna do with it? I already got one, and Mr. Williams here
[motioning to Furio]
Tony: , he don't play. Right?
Furio: Stupid-a-fucking game!

Uncle: [In Italian, during Furio's father's funeral] you can't let it get to you. My brother lived a full life. He had lots of women. That's the best you can hope for. Are you going to stay around for a while?
Furio: [In Italian] since I left America all I thought about was coming back here. When I saw Naples from the airplane I got a hard on
Uncle: [In Italian] what do you expect? It's home
Furio: [In Italian] I don't know anymore. Even the San Genaro Cathedral I went to pray for my father. There were hamburger wrappers everywhere
Uncle: [In Italian] I don't think it's litter that's got you turned around
Furio: [In Italian] there's a woman
Uncle: [In Italian] so go home to her. You did the duties of a son
Furio: [In Italian] she's the Don's wife
Uncle: [In Italian] Soprano?
Furio: [In Italian] he doesn't know
Uncle: [In Italian] you fucking her?
Furio: [In Italian] no, I'm not even sure he knows. I never even kissed her
Uncle: [In Italian] good so you stay away. No harm done
Furio: [In Italian] I don't think I can. I love her
Uncle: [In Italian] you fucking crazy? All the shit I pulled in my life I never fucked the boss's life. You know why?
Furio: [In Italian] stop the rhetorical questions
Uncle: [In Italian] because I know he would kill me if he found out, and they always find out everything: these bosses. The only way you can have her is if you killed the man
Furio: [In Italian] I know this
Uncle: [In Italian] So? Don't be an idiot

Carmela: [while bringing him a cup of coffee] here, I made it with a lot of milk and sugar: it's a lot more comforting that way
Carmela: [seeing him upset, rubbing his shoulder] you sure you don't want some eggs or an English muffin, or something? You're coming back?
Furio: I hope so: Immigration, they make problems
Carmela: maybe Tony can help with that?
Furio: yeah
Tony: [after coming down the stairs] the hell you still doing here? I thought you were flying out to Naples?
Furio: I just drop off the shirts from Patsy's guy
Tony: alright, but you should be on your way to see your old man
Furio: Cancer is everywhere in his body: cancer don't respect nothing. You know it started in his lungs...
Tony: [interrupts him, hands him a roll of cash] you need any money?
Furio: I'm good
Carmela: [to Furio] Please call and let us know
Furio: [to Tony] I'm sorry, your gonna have to get someone else to drive you tonight
Tony: Not a problem: go

Paulie: You know we should hit a Devils game some night
Salvatore: You still get tickets from the Greek?
Paulie: Right on the fuckin ice
Salvatore: I'll bring my sweater
Paulie: [Greeting Furio as he walks up to their table] hey, "chef of the future", have a seat
Salvatore: [to Furio, intentionally mispronouncing his name, mocking him] how you doing?
Furio: [Correcting him, unaware of the insult] Furio
Salvatore: [while Furio pours wine for him, jokingly then laughing] you didn't stomp those grapes yourself, did you?
Johnny: [Noticing them] look at this group
Paulie: [to Johnny] hey, "Mr. New York." What did you do? Swim across that river?
Johnny: [Before hugging him, referring to his promotion] come over here: congratulations
Johnny: [to Pussy, referring to his impoliteness] hey, don't get up
Salvatore: I wasn't gonna
Johnny: [Jokingly] piece of shit
Paulie: [referring to Italy] Say hello to Furio, "friend of ours" from the "other side"
Johnny: Oh, hey, I heard a lot about you
Furio: Nice to meet you
Johnny: Yeah, me too, my pleasure

Artie: Any word from your Ivy Leaguer? And how's Carmella with the "empty nest"?
Tony: What "empty"? every five minutes Meadow's home with a laundry bag but she's hauling food out, why'd she talk about Berkeley when she could barely make it over the George Washington Bridge?
Artie: We created too nice of a home life for them, they don't want to go out to the world. But hey, they're closer to us than we were with our parents, that's not such a bad thing
Tony: [to Jackie Jr. implying that his late] what time is it?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I'm here aren't I? Out of respect to my father
Furio: [Sensing Tony wants to talk to Jackie Jr. in private and leaves the table] I have to make a phone call
Tony: [Gestures to an empty seat] sit down
Tony: You want something to eat?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Not hungry
Tony: [Jokingly] that's too bad. I said "lunch meat"
Tony: Want a drink?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [Shakes his head]
Tony: Lose the glasses
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [Moves the sunglasses to the top of his head]
Tony: Now I'm going to say a few things: I'm going to say some bad words, and your just going to have to deal with it. Now I know what your thinking. Your thinking I clipped your uncle. On the one hand you'd be a shit head to believe me if I told you I didn't do it. But I didn't. I got some news for you. Your uncle was a rat
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [Suddenly stands up in anger] no fuckin way
Tony: Sit down, sit the fuck down
Tony: Your uncle was a rat and now his in the witness protection program
Jackie Aprile Jr.: That's my father's brother your talking about
Tony: Jackie, I'm a member of your family almost, you think I'm the only one that knows this about Richie? You ask anybody. This hurt all of us
Jackie Aprile Jr.: [Beginning to be convinced by Tony] Jesus Christ
Tony: Your dad and me, you know how close we were? He never wanted this for you. He wanted you to be a doctor
Jackie Aprile Jr.: Give me a fuckin break
Tony: Let me tell you something: besides the money which is a shit load of, a doctor is a very powerful position
Jackie Aprile Jr.: I'm no doctor. Do you know how hard you have to work to get your MD? How many years it takes? I was even thinking maybe Osteopathy, but I don't think I have the grades for that even
Tony: But your not going to drop out of Rutgers are you?
Jackie Aprile Jr.: No, but those fuckin Pre-med courses almost killed me. I only did it because my dad was sick
Tony: But you should know he never wanted this life for you. And I'll tell you something: I don't want it for my son either

Silvio: Ginny told Gabriella she needed a bigger house.
Paulie: Ginny Sacrimoni, what she needs is her own zip code.
Gigi: Jersey's a small state. She moves in, she could tip it over.
Furio: I like a woman you can grab onto something.
Paulie: You grab onto Ginny Sacrimoni, your fuckin' hands will disappear!
Silvio: She's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.
Paulie: She's so fat, she goes campin', the bears have to hide their food.
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: When Ginny hauls ass, she's gotta make two trips.
Gigi: Two guys could fuck her at the same time, and still never meet!
Johnny: [John walks in] Fuck who?
Anthony 'Tony' Soprano Sr.: Nobody, we're just talking about one of the girls
Johnny: Is that all you dead beats talk about?, Pussy?

Tony: [during lunch, after noticing Patsy isn't eating] not hungry? Have some bragiole
Patsy: no, thanks, I got no appetite: today would've "our" birthday
Tony: [eventually realize who Patsy is referring to] "our" birthday? Oh, yeah..."Spoons"
Gigi: [to Patsy] hey, happy birthday: how old are you?
Patsy: fifty-one
Christopher: who was born first? You or "Spoons?"
Patsy: Philip was my kid brother... by eleven minutes
Tony: hey, it was a fuckin tragedy. What're you gonna do?
Gigi: it's the life we chose, am I right Pat?
Patsy: my brother was never a "heavy" guy with anybody. I mean he was a sweet gentle man
Furio: [before Patsy nods] your brother was your twin brother?
Tony: Philly, "friends" like us, called him "Spoons." Somebody "whacked" the kid couple months before you came home
Furio: so, your identical twins... or the other "kind?"
Patsy: identical
Tony: [before passing salad to him] have something to eat
Patsy: there's a twin "bond", unless you "experienced it", you can't "understand it"
Tony: [to Patsy] you're ok with onions, right?
Patsy: it might sound fuckin crazy to you?
Christopher: hey, nothing sounds "crazy" anymore the older I get
Gigi: well, it's over, right?
Christopher: don't it happen, that identical twins a lot of times, they'll die within a couple days of each other?
Patsy: [before everybody chastises him for talking about not wanting to live] that would've been ok with me, believe me... I miss him so much
Tony: [before everybody raises their drinks to toast his birthday] yeah, well that's natural but you're with us now so why don't you leave the morbid shit back to Junior's crew and have a happy birthday?