The Best Lucifer, Season 4, Episode 3 Quotes

Chloe: Have you ever considered donating any of your vast fortune to charity?
Lucifer: I've put many a nubile law student through college, thank you very much, several of which were named Charity, so...

Father: I know the divine is real. And I also know that evil walks the earth. And that you, Mr. Morningstar...
Lucifer: Oh, brother, here we go.
Father: ...Are not it.

Eve: [Last lines] So many options. I'll have... an appletini.

Lucifer: [First lines] Forgive me, Father... for not offering you a drink. I have an aversion to the cloth. Daddy issues.

- Go on.
- Well, I thought that maybe we could meet up later and, um... you know, not exactly a date, but, uh, maybe something better.
- Well, it sounds like you have something very particular in mind.

Lucifer: Vatican investigator? Sounds like a soon-to-be-canceled TV show.

Father: I'm trying to save lives. To stop the prophecy. When the devil walks the earth and finds his first love, evil shall be released.

- Finally, something we can agree on.
- But whatever she went through, whatever drove her to Rome, it shook her to her very core.
- She is the reason that I'm here.
- You need to be careful,
- Mr. Morningstar.
- God knows what she has planned for you.

- Well, receipts track to the credit card of tech-genius-cum-billionaire owner of Brody aerospace,
- Anders Brody.
- Susan ochoa's boss.
- Um, i-I'll tell Chloe.
- Okay.

- And we're just...
- We're sitting on our asses.
- Why?
- Because we got to wait for a judge to give us a stupid warrant.
- Says who?

- No, it's not. It's... [sighs]
- Dan, can I call you back?
- I'm right in the middle of something.
Dan: I know who the killer is.
- What?
- And he's about to skip town.

- me being the devil...
[Chuckles] That is, if you haven't already...
- Then just know that it is totally fine with me.
- Okay. I-I don't think that's necessary.
- Right. So you haven't told anyone about me?
- Not a soul.

Lucifer: A celestial impregnating a human... How is it even possible?
Amenadiel: And, if it is, how has this not already happened to you?
Lucifer: True.

Father: I got word from a colleague of mine in Rome that she'd met with a priest who was hell-bent on banishing the devil from Earth.
Lucifer: And you all get paid to do this? I'm genuinely asking.

- I wish you could just see a little bit of what
- I see, Chloe.
- He's... he's a bad guy.
- He's...
- He's trying to be better.
- H-He... in his own way...
- He...
- Whatever.

- I mean...
- Every story of good and bad from throughout history, throughout time, says that you are the embodiment of evil.
- And-and how am I,
- Chloe Decker, a nobody, supposed to deal with that?

Mazikeen: Is it true that human spawn erupt from their mothers' bodies in a ceremony of blood and pain?
Linda: What? No.
Mazikeen: In hell... torture via birth was a favorite. If half of what we did is accurate... your sex holes are never going back to normal.

Chloe: She was a drug addict?
Oscar: Don't judge her. A lot of us were.
Lucifer: Oh, I'm not judging. I love drugs. In fact, do you think she might have any lying around?

Amenadiel: This one shows the baby that all animals poop. I'm not really sure why the baby would need to know that. This one is good... because it tells you what to do when a baby is crying. Although maybe you don't need this one. I overheard at least three people crying in here today and you handled it like a pro...

Sally: She's a monster. Demanding, complains all the time. It's like nothing is ever good enough.
Linda: And how old is Brooklyn now?
Sally: Three. You know, sometimes I catch her looking at me like she knows she's won.

- Is that the man?
- Not a man, your excellency.
- The prophecy is real.
- And now that the trap is set, everything will come together soon.

- What? What?
[Exhales] Cutting it a little close there, don't you think?
- My timing is perfect.

Ella: [Regarding skewered victim] Well, that does it. I'll never be able to eat beef kebabs ever again.

Amenadiel: I'm pretty sure that my issues are much bigger than yours. Trust me.
Lucifer: I think we all know nothing is bigger than mine.

- Well, then there's gonna be a problem.
- You a crazy pig, homes.
- Respeto.
- But the only problem we got is figuring out what we're going to do with your body.
- Métalo.

- Why?
- That's the million-dollar question.
Chloe: Lucifer.
- Lucifer, wait!
- Wait!
- Let me in!

- It's not what I need right now.
- Then what do you need?
- I think I just need someone to hold my hand and tell me everything's gonna be okay.
- I promise you, Linda, everything is gonna be okay.
[Whispers] Okay.

Lucifer: What do you do when someone has betrayed you? Normally I'd go straight to punishment, fire, brimstone, public humiliation via YouTube.

Lucifer: But you are here on Earth, so, if it's any consolation, you couldn't do worse than our father.
Amenadiel: How do you know that?
Lucifer: Because ours was literally never there.

- you need to be careful.
- Well, consider me warned.
- You may absolve yourself of any further responsibility in this matter.
- Now, if you'll excuse me,
- I have plans.

- I do. I'm... I'm trying.
- But could you?
[Sniffles] I...
- I don't know.
- Then I have my answer.
- ♪ in a world on fire I