100 Best Michael Douglas Quotes

Scott: So, uh, how do we find the lab?
Dr. Hank Pym: After we lost it the first time... I put on a new tracker... of sorts.
Scott: [a swarm of ants in the sky forms a giant directional arrow] That'll work.

Nicholas: So, you've played recently?
New: Oh, about a year ago. I was working in Los Angeles.
Nicholas: I hear the London office is very good, too. It just sounds like a lot of fantasy, role-playing nonsense.
New: [leans in] You wanna know what it is? What it's all about?
[Nicholas leans closer]
New: John 9:25.
Nicholas: I... haven't been to Sunday school in a long time.
New: 'Whereas once I was blind, now I can see.'
[rises]
New: Good night, Nicholas. Best of luck.
Nicholas: Good night.

[while Foster is distracted, his wife grabs his gun and throws it over the side of the pier. Prendergast points his gun at Foster as his wife and daughter flee the scene]
Sergeant: What were you going to do?
Bill: I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do.
Sergeant: Oh, guys like you always say you don't know what you're going to do until you do it. I think you know exactly what you were going to do, you would've killed your wife and child.
Bill: No.
Sergeant: Yeah. And then you knew it would be too late to turn back, it would be real easy to turn the gun around on yourself.

Dan: Why are you trying to hurt me?
Alex: I'm not trying to hurt you, Dan, I love you!
Dan: You what?
Alex: I love you!
Dan: You don't even know me.
Alex: How can you say that?

Dr. Hank Pym: Relax. No one's gonna recognize us.
Scott: What, because of hats and sunglasses? It's not a disguise, Hank. We look like ourselves at a baseball game.

Mr. Lee: You go now. No trouble.
Bill: No. I stay. What do you think of that?

Nick: [has revealed that he's a Nazi] We're the same, you and me. We're the same, don't you see?
Bill: We are not the same. I'm an American, you're a sick asshole.

Bill: Hey. Why are you putting barbed wire on that fence? Is this how you rich people amuse yourselves? You put barbed wire on the fence so innocent people like me can hurt themselves looking in?

Bill: I've passed the point of no return, Beth. Do you know when that is? That's the point in a journey where it's longer to go back to the beginning than it is to continue to the end. It's like... do you remember when those astronauts got in trouble? They were going to the moon and something went wrong. I don't know, somebody screwed up, and they had to get them back to Earth. But they had passed the point of no return. So they had to go all the way around the moon to get back-and they were out of contact for hours. Everybody waited, breathlessly, to see if a bunch of dead guys in a can would pop out the other side. Well, that's me. I'm on the other side of the moon now... out of contact, and everybody is going to have to wait 'til I pop out.
Beth: The police are here.
Bill: Did you know, Beth, that in some South American countries it's still legal to kill your wife if she insults you?

Catherine: Somebody has to die.
Nick: Why?
Catherine: Somebody always does.

Dr. Hank Pym: I'm tracking your signal using subatomic frequencies between .2 and .9.
Scott: I'd narrow it to four and six.
Dr. Hank Pym: That's too tight. We could miss you.
Scott: Look at us squabbling again.
Dr. Hank Pym: Fine. All right, between three and seven.
Scott: Our first fight in decades, and it's over just like that.
[the system locks on]
Scott: Bullseye.
Hope: Source lock.
Dr. Hank Pym: It's you.
Hope: [laughing in triumph] We got it!
Scott: You have to meet me at these exact coordinates. In the wasteland, beyond the quantum void. It's very dangerous, especially on the human mind, so be careful. Time and space work very differently down here. You have two hours. After that, the probability fields will shift, and it'll be another century before they align like this again.
Hope: We'll find you.
Scott: I know you will, Jelly Bean.
[suddenly "waking up"]
Scott: Nope. Nothing. I got nothing. No sign of Janet. Perfect.
[looking around]
Scott: How did we get up here?
[realizing they're holding hands, he looks suspiciously at Hank]

Nick: So where is this going?
Catherine: Ask me "What do you want from me Catherine?"
Nick: What the fuck do you want from Catherine?

Gus: Whatcha doin' hoss?
Nick: I haven't had a drink in three months, that alright with you cowboy?

Lord: You have gotta be Hank. I've heard so much about you and your ants. I gotta ask, do we have any here?
Dr. Hank Pym: No, I don't think so
Lord: Oh well that's too bad.

Construction: Where do you think you're going? You can't come this way.
Bill: What are you doing to the street?
Construction: We're fixing it! What the hell does it look like?
Bill: Two days ago, it was fine. You're telling me the street fell apart in two days?
Construction: [sarcastically] Well, I guess so.
Bill: Pardon me, but that's bullshit. I want to know what's wrong with the street. See, I don't think anything's wrong with the street. I think you're just trying to justify your inflated budgets.
Construction: What are you, nuts?
Bill: No, I know how it works. If you don't spend the money you have projected this year, they won't give you the same amount next year. Now I want you to admit there's nothing wrong with the street!
Construction: Fuck you, pal! Hah?
Bill: [pulls up his shirt revealing a pistol tucked under his belt] You're not going to hold us hostage here with these yellow lights and all these big trucks.
Construction: Look, I'm just here to keep people from falling in, that's all.
Bill: I want to hear it from you. What's wrong with the street?
Construction: I don't know, I really don't know. I mean, I think it's a sewer job.
Bill: You're lying. What's wrong with the street?
Construction: Nothing.
Bill: I knew it. See, I knew it was fine. But I'll give you something to fix.
[he pulls a rocket launcher out of his bag]
Bill: Here!

Nick: How's your new book coming along?
Catherine: It's practically writing itself.

Seedy: Hello, sir, how are you today?
Bill: I'm doing alright. How about you?
Seedy: Me, I'm terrible.
Bill: Sorry to hear that.
Seedy: Yeah, I came down from Santa Barbara yesterday and this friend of mine wasn't home like I thought he was gonna be and he owes me some money so I thought I would have some money to get back home with. I'm almost out of gas, I had to sleep in my car last night. I don't suppose you have a couple of bucks you could give me? It would really help me out. If you give me your address, I'll mail it back, honest.
Bill: Let me see your driver's license.
Seedy: What do you wanna see my driver's license for?
Bill: Look, you're from Santa Barbara, it'll have your address on it, won't it?
Seedy: I don't have a driver's license.
Bill: You drove all the way from Santa Barbara without a license?
Seedy: Are you a cop?
Bill: Let's see your car registration. Matter of fact, let's see your car.
Seedy: All right! Forget it! OK, just forget it! That's a hell of a way to treat a vet, man.
Bill: You're an animal doctor?
Seedy: No, a vet, a veteran. I was in 'Nam, man.
Bill: What were you, a drummer boy? You must've been 10 years old!
Seedy: I meant the Gulf, I meant to say the Gulf. Jesus! Come on, all I'm asking for is a little change, I haven't eaten in 3 days.
[has been holding a half-eaten sandwich the whole time]
Seedy: Well, I mean, except for this. Oh, fuck it! Come on, give me money, man! Just give me some money!
Bill: No.
Seedy: How about the change in your pocket? I don't care if it's a dime, give it to me.
Bill: I'm not giving you any money.
Seedy: You got a cigarette?
Bill: I don't smoke.
Seedy: Oh, come on, man, you gotta give me something.
Bill: Why don't you try to get a job?
Seedy: Hey, this is my park, I live here! Who the fuck are you, walking through my park, carrying two bags? You got two bags, I don't got any, is that fair? What's in those bags anyway, huh? Give me one of those bags. I could sell those bags and eat for a week with the money. Come on, you got two of them, what do you need two of them for?
Bill: You're right. Here.
[he gives him his briefcase]
Seedy: Are you serious?
Bill: [walks away] I don't need it anymore.
Seedy: All right!
[he opens the briefcase. The only thing inside is a sandwich and an apple. Disappointed, he throws the apple in Foster's direction]
Seedy: Son of a bitch!

Frank: Hey, you there! What are you doing there?
Bill: Just passing through.
Frank: Nobody said you could play through! Get off my hole!
Jim: Frank, Frank, he said he was passing through. Passing through.
Frank: He's not even a member, look at the way he's dressed, for Christ's sake! Would you get off my golf course?
Bill: I am!
Frank: Go back the way you came!
Jim: Frank, Frank, listen, I don't like the looks of this guy. Leave him alone, will you?
Frank: [getting worked up] Listen, what am I paying my fucking dues for? This is my golf course! If I want to play here, I will play here, you understand? If he gets hit with my Titleist, that's his fucking problem!
Jim: Don't yell at me, I'm just here playing with you.
Frank: FORE!
[Foster ignores him and keeps walking]
Frank: FORE!
[Frank hits his ball, Foster ducks and falls to the ground to avoid getting hit by it. He pulls out a shotgun out of his bag]
Bill: FINE! What the hell are you trying to do? Kill me with a golf ball? It's not enough you got all these beautiful acres fenced in for your little game, but you gotta kill me with a golf ball? You should have children playing here! You should have families having picnics, you should have a goddamn petting zoo! Instead you've got these stupid electric carts for you old men with nothing better to do!
[he shoots their golf cart, it rolls down the hill. Frank clutches his chest and falls to the ground]
Jim: Frank? Frank? What's wrong, Frank? Frank? Frank, are you OK?
Bill: Aren't you ashamed of yourself?
Jim: Oh my God! I gotta get some help!
[Jim runs off. Foster walks up to Frank, who is writhing on the ground, having a heart attack]
Bill: What's wrong with you?
Frank: [gasping] Heart...
Bill: Your heart? Something's wrong with your heart? Well, what can I do?
Frank: Pills... pills...
Bill: Pills? Where are your pills?
[Frank tries to say "cart" and points down the hill, Foster turns and sees the golf cart plunging into a water hazard]
Bill: [smirking] Well, I guess you're out of luck, aren't you? Your little cart's going to drown. Now aren't you sorry you didn't let me pass through your golf course?
Frank: [wheezing, barely able to speak] My... golf... course...
Bill: Yeah. And now you're going to die, wearing that stupid little hat. How does it feel?

Alex: You must have to be discreet.
Dan: Oh, god yeah.
Alex: Are you?
Dan: Am I what?
Alex: Discreet?
Dan: Yes, I'm discreet.
Alex: Me too.

Dan: [to Jimmy] She keeps calling the apartment. Every time Beth answers the phone, she hangs up. I'm scared, Jimmy, and I don't want to lose my family.

Nick: Arh, I love it, she's got a 100 million bucks, she fucks fighters and rock and roll stars and she's got a degree in screwing with peoples' heads.

Daniel: [on TV] There's a tiny camera looking at you right now.
Nicholas: That's impossible.
Daniel: You're right, impossible. You're having a conversation with your television.

Nick: [after Foster calls him "a sick asshole" for being a Nazi] Fuck you! Who the fuck are you? Are you fucking with me?
Bill: I AM JUST DISAGREEING WITH YOU! In America, we have the freedom of speech! The right to disagree!
Nick: Fuck you and your freedom!

Catherine: You could get in trouble. You're not really a cop anymore.
Nick: I'll risk it.
Catherine: Why take the risk?
Nick: To see if I can get away with it.

Nick: So was she ever a suspect?
Sheriff: Nope! There was some talk, but it never panned out.
Nick: What kind of talk?
Sheriff: Girlfriend!
Nick: What he had a girlfriend?
Sheriff: No! She did! But like I said, it never panned out.

Conrad: I just found myself laying naked on a beach near Ibiza and all of a sudden it clicked: October 12th, Nicky's birthday.
Nicholas: October 11th.
Conrad: Whatever.

Dr. Hank Pym: Well, as a great writer once said, "There's always room to grow".
Scott: [realizing he's quoting from his book] You read my book?
Dr. Hank Pym: Every Goddamn Word!

Nicholas: I got this key out of a mouth of this... wooden clown.
Christine: ...Never mind.

Catherine: Got some coke?
Nick: I've got a Pepsi in the fridge.

Hope: Oh, my God. You *didn't* destroy the suit?
Dr. Hank Pym: WHAT?
Scott: Well, it was your life's work, Hank. I couldn't destroy that. Before I turned myself in, I shrunk it down and mailed it to Luis.
Dr. Hank Pym: You sent my suit through the MAIL?
Scott: Hey, the postal service is very reliable, you know? They do tracking numbers now. Like UPS.

Nicholas: What's that?
Conrad: [signs document] This... is... the bill.
Nicholas: Do you want to split it?
Conrad: [exhales] Oh God yes! I'll take some of that...
[shows Nicholas enormous number at bottom of receipt]
Nicholas: [shocked look] Oh my God...

Beth: [knocks on the door at Nick's apartment] Nick! Nick, are you there?
Nick: Go away, Beth! I don't want to see you.
Beth: [unlocks the door and enters the apartment, finding Nick drinking] I still have my keys.
Nick: Put 'em on the table and leave.
[pause]
Nick: [shouts] Put 'em on the goddamn table and leave!
Beth: [throws the keys on the floor] Damn it! Don't shut me out, you owe me more than that!
Nick: I don't owe you anything! And you don't owe me anything. We went to bed 10, maybe 15 times. That's miserable enough to carry an obligation.
Beth: Sometimes I really hate you.
Nick: Oh, then why don't you get yourself some friendly little therapist and try to work out all that hostility. Then maybe you can get off once in a while.

Dan: Do you remember the girl who came to the apartment? The one I met in the Japanese restaurant?
Beth: The one with the blond hair.

Bill: I'm rolling back prices to 1965. What do you think of that? Donuts, package of 6, how much?
Mr. Lee: Dollar, 12.
[Foster hits them with his bat]
Mr. Lee: No!
Bill: Too much. Aspirin. Price?
Mr. Lee: 3.40.
Bill: Oh, please...
[he smashes them]
Bill: Double A batteries, package of 4.
Mr. Lee: Fi... FOUR 29.
Bill: Nice try. I think this whole shelf looks suspect.
[he smashes it up. Then he picks up the can of coke that Mr. Lee was originally going to charge him 85 cents for]
Bill: One soda. 12 ounces.
Mr. Lee: 50 cent.
Bill: Sold.
[he opens the cash register, puts a dollar bill into it and takes out the change he wanted for the payphone]
Bill: It's been a pleasure frequenting your establishment.
[he walks out of the store]

Nick: Let me ask you something, Rocky, man to man. I think she's the fuck of the century, what do you think?

Dr. Myron: Do you believe Lieutenant Nilsen deserved to die?
Nick: I didn't know him well enough. I won't miss him.

Gang: Whatcha doin', Mister?
Bill: Nothing.
Gang: Yes, you are, you're trespassing on private property.
Bill: Trespassing?
Gang: You're loitering too, man.
Gang: That's right, you're loitering too.
Bill: I didn't see any signs.
Gang: [pointing at a piece of graffiti] Whatcha call that?
Bill: Graffiti?
Gang: No, man. That's not fucking graffiti, that's a sign.
Gang: He can't read it, man.
Gang: I'll read it for you. It says this is fucking private property. No fucking trespassing. This means fucking you.
Bill: It says all that?
Gang: Yeah!
Bill: Well, maybe if you wrote it in fucking English, I could fucking understand it.

Nick: You wanna play hard, come on!

Bill: [after fighting off two gang members] I'm going home! CLEAR A PATH, YOU MOTHERFUCKER! CLEAR A PATH! I'M GOING HOME!

[Nick just had rough sex with Beth]
Beth: You've never been like that before. Why?
Nick: You tell me, you're the shrink.
Beth: You weren't making love to me!
Nick: Well, who was I making love to?
Beth: You weren't making love at all.

Dr. McElwaine: Nick, when you recollect your childhood, are your recollections pleasing to you?
Nick: Number 1, I don't remember how often I used to jerk off, but it was a lot. Number 2, I wasn't pissed off at my dad, even when I was old enough to know what he and mom were doing in the bedroom. Number 3, I don't look in the toilet before I flush it. Number 4, I haven't wet my bed for a long time. Number 5, why don't the two of you go fuck yourselves; I'm outta here.

Hope: We think she might have put some kind of a message in your head. Hopefully, a location. And opening the tunnel triggered it.
Scott: Your mom put a message in my head? Come on. That's insane.
Dr. Hank Pym: No, Scott. Insane is going to Germany without telling us and fighting the Avengers.

Nicholas: Did I have a choice? Did I have a choice?

[last lines]
Catherine: What do we do now, Nick?
Nick: Fuck like minks, raise rugrats and live happily ever after.
Catherine: Hate rugrats.
Nick: Fuck like minks, forget the rugrats, and live happily ever after.

Mr. Lee: [lying on the floor after fighting with Foster] Take the money.
Bill: You think I'm a thief? Oh, you see, I'm not the thief. I'm not the one charging 85 cents FOR A STINKING SODA! You're the thief! I'm just standing up for my rights as a consumer.

Dr. Hank Pym: So I'm a terrible partner? Foster, he hasn't had one good idea in his unremarkable career.
Hope: But his idea about the diffractors could work, right?
Dr. Hank Pym: Fine, one decent idea. Except I eliminated the diffractors when I upgraded the suits.
Scott: So, if we had an old suit, we might be able to track down the lab?
Dr. Hank Pym: Yes, but we don't.
Scott: What if we did?
Hope: What do you mean?
Scott: I mean... life's funny.

Nicholas: You can't smoke here.
Conrad: I'm with you.
Nicholas: It's illegal to smoke in restaurants in California.
Conrad: Fuck California!

Scott: [shrunk down to a child's size; runs into Pym's car after going undercover in a school]
Dr. Hank Pym: Hiya, champ, how was school today?
Scott: Aw, ha ha ha! Alright, get your jokes out now, can you fix the suit?
Hope: So cranky.
Dr. Hank Pym: You want a juice box and some string cheese?
Scott: Do you really have that?

Conrad: This is for you.
Nicholas: You shouldn't have.
Conrad: What do you get for the man who has... everything?
Nicholas: [reading card] "Consumer Recreation Services." Well, I do have golf clubs.
Conrad: Call that number.
Nicholas: Why?
Conrad: Make your life... fun.
Nicholas: Fun.
Conrad: You know what that is... uh, you've seen other people have it.

Nicholas: I don't care about the money. I'm pulling back the curtain. I want to meet the wizard.

Nick: [looks through Foster's bag full of guns and takes out the snowglobe he bought for his daughter] What is this doing in there? Faggot shit!
[he throws it]
Bill: NOOOOO!
[it smashes to pieces]

Bill: I lost my job. Well, actually I didn't lose it, it lost me. I am over-educated, under-skilled. Maybe it's the other way around, I forget. But I'm obsolete. I'm not economically viable.

Mr. Lee: Drink, eighty fi' cent. You pay or go!
Bill: What's a "fi'"? I don't understand a "fi'". There's a v in the word, it's "fi-ve". You don't got v's in China?
Mr. Lee: Not Chinese. I'm Korean.
Bill: Ah, whatever, you come to my country, you take my money, you don't even have the grace to learn how to speak my language?

Dr. Hank Pym: Holy shit! That guy looks like broccoli!

[Bill Foster leaves his car in the middle of a traffic jam]
Guy: Hey! Where do you think you're going?
Bill: I'm going home.

Bill: [walking around a fast food restaurant holding a TEC-9 automatic pistol] And you, ma'am? How's the food?
[she vomits]
Bill: I think we have a critic.
[to the manager]
Bill: I don't think she likes the special sauce, Rick. That's a joke.

Nick: I'm in love with you already, but I'll nail you anyway.

Nicholas: No, what is this? What are you... selling?
Jim: Oh. It's a game.

Gus: Forgive me for asking, and I don't mean to belabor the obvious, but why've you got your head so far up your ass
Nick: She wants to play. Fine, I can play.
Gus: Everybody she plays with dies.

Bill: You have a choice. I can kill you. Or you can kill me, and my daughter will get the insurance.

Bill: You're Korean? Do you have any idea how much money my country has given your country?
Mr. Lee: How much?
Bill: I don't know. But it's got to be a lot, you can bet on that.

Nicholas: [when he and Christine wind up in composters] Dinner for two, please.

Nicholas: [leveling gun at carjacker] I am extremely fragile right now.

Lord: Hope, you have to be Hope. Your mother talked about you every day.
Hope: Funny, she never said anything about you.
Lord: Yeah well I don't think I would've told my kid either. Wild stuff.
Dr. Hank Pym: How wild?
Lord: Very wild, Henry.

Dr. Hank Pym: Are you going to keep staring at each other until they start shooting at us?

Dan: [TV Version] Why don't you just cut the cake?

Elizabeth: Have you had a nice birthday?
Nicholas: Does Rose Kennedy have a black dress?

Gus: I thought you said he was a rock and roll star.
Lt. Walker: He was a retired rock and roll star.
Capt. Talcott: A civic-minded, very respectable rock and roll star.
Gus: What's that over there?
Nick: It looks like some civic-minded, very respectable cocaine to me, Gus.

[Nicholas van Orten loses a shoe when climbing a fire-escape ladder]
Nicholas: There goes a thousand dollars.
Christine: Your shoes cost a thousand dollars?
Nicholas: That one did.

Shelley: Well, it can get pretty salty backstage at the debates.
Kirk: So that's why they call them Bloopers and Bleeps! Heh.
Shelley: Aaah, can we say 'bleep' anymore on TV, Kirk?
Kirk: Oh, yes.

Gus: Everyone she plays with dies.
Nick: I know what that's like.

Nick: What's your new book about?
Catherine: A detective. He falls for the wrong woman.
Nick: What happens to him?
Catherine: She kills him.

[In a fancy restaurant]
Conrad: I've been here before.
Nicholas: I took you here for your birthday.
Conrad: No, I used to buy crystal meth from the Maitre D.

Nick: Give me your other hand.
Bill: I can't.
Nick: Why not?
Bill: Gravity.
Nick: Gravity? What the fuck does that mean?
Bill: I'll fall down.
[Nick kick's Bill's knee, making him fall down]

Nicholas: Seymour Butts. Never get tired of that one.

Nicholas: [In the stopped elevator] I'll give you a boost.
Christine: You first.
Nicholas: This isn't an attempt to be gallant. If I don't lift you, how are you going to get there?
Christine: You pull me up.
Nicholas: It's much easier this way. Come on, step up...
Christine: No.
Nicholas: Please...
Christine: I'm not wearing underwear. Okay? There, I said it. Satisfied?
Nicholas: [Looks at her skirt] Oh. Fine.

Dr. Hank Pym: Last night we powered up the tunnel for the first time. It overloaded, and it shut down. But for a split second, the doorway to the Quantum Realm was opened.
Scott: And?
Hope: And five minutes later, you called. Talking about Mom.
Dr. Hank Pym: We think when you went down there, you may have entangled with her.
Scott: Hank, I would never do that. I respect you too much.
Dr. Hank Pym: *Quantum* entanglement, Scott.

Nicholas: I'm being toyed with by a bunch of depraved children

Nick: How did you feel when I told you Johnny Boz had died, that day at the beach?
Catherine: I felt somebody had read my book and was playing a game.
Nick: But you didn't hurt.
Catherine: No.
Nick: Because you didn't love him.
Catherine: That's right.
Nick: Even though you were fucking him.
Catherine: You still get the pleasure. Didn't you ever fuck anybody else while you were married, Nick?

Scott: Hold on, you gave her wings?
Dr. Hank Pym: And blasters.
Scott: Wings and blasters. So I take it you didn't have that tech available for me.
Dr. Hank Pym: No, I did.

Sergeant: [trying to arrest Foster] Now, let's go meet some nice policemen. They're good guys. Come on, let's go.
Bill: I'm the bad guy?
Sergeant: Yeah.
Bill: How'd that happen? I did everything they told me to. Did you know I build missiles? I helped to protect America. You should be rewarded for that. Instead they give it to the plastic surgeons, y'know, they lied to me.
Sergeant: Is that what this is about? You're angry because you got lied to? Is that why my chicken dinner is drying out in the oven? Hey, they lie to everyone. They lie to the fish. But that doesn't give you any special right to do what you did today. The only that makes you special is that little girl.

Bill: [disappointed with the burger he's been served] See, this is what I'm talking about. Turn around, look at that.
[he points at the picture of a much nicer burger on the menu board above the counter]
Bill: You see what I mean? It's plump, it's juicy, it's three inches thick. Now, look at this sorry, miserable, squashed thing. Can anybody tell me what's wrong with this picture?

Nick: How did you find out?
Catherine: I have friends, I have attorneys. Money buys alot of Attorneys and friends.

Dr. Bill Foster: I was partners with Hank on a project called Goliath.
Dr. Hank Pym: Excuse me? You were my partner?
Dr. Bill Foster: The only thing more tiring than going big was putting up with Hank's bullshit.
Scott: Right... I don't know. How big did you get?
Dr. Bill Foster: My record? 21 feet.
Scott: Not bad.
Dr. Bill Foster: You?
Scott: I don't...
Dr. Bill Foster: No, really. I'm curious.
Scott: 65 feet. Yeah.
Dr. Bill Foster: Whoa! Huge.
Scott: 65.
Hope: If you two are finished comparing sizes... we need to figure a way to track down the lab.

[the gang members try to get revenge on Foster with a drive-by shooting. It fails and they crash their car. Foster calmly walks up to the wreckage and kneels down by one of them who is lying injured on the ground]
Bill: You missed.
[he picks up the gang member's Uzi and fires a shot]
Bill: I missed too.
[he aims the Uzi at the head of the gang member, who begs him not to shoot. He shoots him in the leg]
Bill: There. You see? That's the concept. Take some shooting lessons, asshole.

Lieutenant: Well, whatever resentment she's feeling, she probably got it out of her system. And any action we take could provoke her.
Dan: What if she didn't get it out of her system? What then?

Internal: There's no smoking in this building, Detective.
Nick: [repeating Catherine] What are you going to do? Charge me with smoking?

Gus: Where in the fuck you've been? I went over to your place.
Nick: Easy, cowboy, easy. I wasn't there.
Gus: I went over last night, too.
Nick: No, I wasn't there either.
Gus: You fucked her? Goddamn dumb son of a bitch, you fucked her! Goddamn, you are one dumb son of a bitch!
Nick: Next time I'll use the rubber.

Bill: This is a gangland thing, isn't it? We're having a, uh, a territorial dispute, hm? I mean, um, I've wandered into your pissing ground or whatever the damn thing is and you've taken offence at my presence and I can understand that. I mean, I wouldn't want you people in my back yard either.

Dr. Hank Pym: Just tell me you weren't lying about the suit you took. Tell me you really destroyed it.
Scott: I did. I destroyed it. I swear.
Dr. Hank Pym: I can't believe you destroyed my suit! That was my life's work.

Hope: Really? Him?
Janet: He used to be charming.
Dr. Hank Pym: With that guy?
Janet: I was down here for thirty years Henry. I had needs.
Hope: [discusted] Oh my god!
Dr. Hank Pym: Look, I get it. I've got needs too.
Hope: [discusted] OH MY GOD!
Dr. Hank Pym: I had dinner with someone a few times. Her name was Linda. It didn't work out.
Janet: What went wrong?
Dr. Hank Pym: She wasn't you, baby.

Capt. Talcott: Hey Nick!
Nick: What?
Capt. Talcott: Keep your three o'clock!
Nick: You want me to work the case!
Capt. Talcott: I SAID KEEP IT!
Nick: ALRIGHT! I'll keep it.

Dan: [to Alex] This has got to stop.

Nick: Writing a book about it gives you an alibi for not killing him.
Catherine: Yes it does, doesn't it?

Nick: I'm working my ass off, I'm off the sauce, I even stopped smoking.
Beth: How's not smoking?
Nick: It sucks.

Alex: I had a wonderful time last night. I'd like to see you again. Is that so terrible?
Dan: No. I just don't think it's possible.

Dan: Look, Alex... I like you. And maybe if I wasn't with somebody else, I'd be with you. But I am.
Alex: Please don't justify yourself, it's pathetic. If you'd tell me to fuck off, I'd have more respect for you.
Dan: All right, then. Fuck off.

Nicholas: You don't know anything about society, Marie; you don't have the satisfaction of avoiding it.

Detective: [interrogating Catherine regarding the murder of John Boz] Let me ask you something, Ms. Tramell. Are you sorry he's dead?
Catherine: Yes. I liked fucking him.

Nicholas: And you really believe that just because you publish children's books, people are going to care about my reputation? You can have pictures of me wearing nipple rings, butt-fucking Captain Kangaroo. The only thing they care about is the stock and whether that stock is up or down!